Can't wait to change my surname, but notice many women keeping theirs, is there a reason for this trend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s very provincial.

Changing your name after marriage is not a common practice world wide. In a lot of instances, a husband and wife sharing a surname signals an incestuous relationship.

However, if you’ve never travelled out of the United Stares, I can see how one could assume this practice is universal. This is no different than a villager from a remote village assuming everyone practices female genital mutilation because it’s all they know.

How is a woman choosing to change her name provincial? If she doesn't know that she has a choice to keep/change her name or if she is forced to change her name that would be one thing. I knew that I didn't have to change my name, my husband didn't care one way or the other if I changed my name, his family didn't care, my family didn't care. I chose to change my name because I wanted to. That is not "provincial" or unsophisticated. It is my preference. My choice. I like my husband's name better than the name I was given at birth. Simple as that.

[Anonymous]

My sister didn't change her name when she married in her early 30s. She married a nice, successful guy who seemed to check all of the boxes. On paper. But it was so obvious to all of us she never genuinely loved him.

She justified not taking his name with gobbledygook about her career. We didn't buy it.

We were all convinced she subconsciously knew the marriage would not last.

And we were right. They divorced four years later. She remarried a year later...and took her current husband's name!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What problems could it possibly cause “down the road”? I’m genuinely asking you.

I didn’t change my name, partly because I have an established professional license and publications in my maiden name, partly because I didn’t want to give up part of my identity while he kept his. Seems an unfair way to start things out. I suggested that both of us change our names (to his mom’s maiden name) and he didn’t want to do that. He also didn’t pressure me to change to his name. I might have changed it at least for personal use if his surname was an easy one, but it’s not (neither is my maiden name). Oh well.

PS - 15 years in, three kids with his surname, and no problems because of it.

No one cares about your profession maiden name, Hillary Clinton took the last name and she's as lib and professional as they get.

don't.

People don't care about your professional name, especially in the digital age. Hillary Clinton is from a different time - apples and oranges. I don't compare myself to those of a different era - it's weird.

[Anonymous]

I had an ugly surname and a bad relationship with my parents, and so did my brothers. I used to think that I would change my name during marriage, but then I realized I could change it any time I wanted and so I did.

When I married I kept my new name. None of my brothers changed their name to that of their wife even though they had the same issues as I did. In fact, I've never seen a man taking his wife's name no matter how ugly his is or how bad the relationship with his parents is.

The only pattern I see with name changing is that it's almost always the woman making the change. If marriage was seen as an equal institution with both parties making a joint decision to mesh their lives, both men and women would be keeping their names, combining their names or both genders would be changing their nanes at similar rates, but that's not what's happening here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister didn't change her name when she married in her early 30s. She married a nice, successful guy who seemed to check all of the boxes. On paper. But it was so obvious to all of us she never genuinely loved him.

She justified not taking his name with gobbledygook about her career. We didn't buy it.

We were all convinced she subconsciously knew the marriage would not last.

And we were right. They divorced four years later. She remarried a year later...and took her current husband's name!

This is only true for women who see the nane change as a sign of love. Those that see it for what it is: a sexist practice based on the idea that a woman's place is in the shadow of her husband, can keep our names and still have a long lasting marriage.

[Anonymous]

My family is Middle Eastern and everyone keeps their own (paternal) names and everyone has generally stayed married until death. In most of the world keeping your name is not some sort of feminist stance. I had a coworker who was incredibly rude when she realised I kept my name and it made me think less of her.

[Anonymous]

I'm not a feminist and even I can't understand why I should change my name.

[Anonymous]

I changed my name because my birthname had horrid connotations in the profession of my training. It was a variant of hemlock, and I was getting a medical degree.

Nope, nope, nope. But otherwise, I would have kept it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister didn't change her name when she married in her early 30s. She married a nice, successful guy who seemed to check all of the boxes. On paper. But it was so obvious to all of us she never genuinely loved him.

She justified not taking his name with gobbledygook about her career. We didn't buy it.

We were all convinced she subconsciously knew the marriage would not last.

And we were right. They divorced four years later. She remarried a year later...and took her current husband's name!

People are allowed to change their minds and make different choices.

My sister didn't change her last name upon marriage. She changed it to her DH's name 20 years later because she wanted to. They don't have kids so it's not like she 'wanted everyone to have the same last name'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s very provincial.

Changing your name after marriage is not a common practice world wide. In a lot of instances, a husband and wife sharing a surname signals an incestuous relationship.

However, if you’ve never travelled out of the United Stares, I can see how one could assume this practice is universal. This is no different than a villager from a remote village assuming everyone practices female genital mutilation because it’s all they know.

lol. You sound like a fool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should be independent and make decisions for themselves. Their choices are their own. Unless they choose something I disagree with, like taking their husband’s surname, and then they’re antiquated, stupid, and succumbing the patriarchy.

Being a feminist doesn't mean agreeing with every choice women make. I wouldn't lecture a friend for changing her name, butthe reality is that this is something tgat's only expected from women, never from men, and unlike many other choices, a name change after marriage is only a thing because of a sexist tradition, not because it's practical.

Maybe a woman just wants to do it. Not only should you not lecture a friend, you also shouldn’t think you’re entitled to an explanation or that there is an explanation. Some people just want to do it, others don’t. MYOB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What problems could it possibly cause “down the road”? I’m genuinely asking you.

I didn’t change my name, partly because I have an established professional license and publications in my maiden name, partly because I didn’t want to give up part of my identity while he kept his. Seems an unfair way to start things out. I suggested that both of us change our names (to his mom’s maiden name) and he didn’t want to do that. He also didn’t pressure me to change to his name. I might have changed it at least for personal use if his surname was an easy one, but it’s not (neither is my maiden name). Oh well.

PS - 15 years in, three kids with his surname, and no problems because of it.

No one cares about your profession maiden name, Hillary Clinton took the last name and she's as lib and professional as they get.

don't.

People don't care about your professional name, especially in the digital age. Hillary Clinton is from a different time - apples and oranges. I don't compare myself to those of a different era - it's weird.

lol yea your maiden name is so key to your laptop job at some consulting shop or fed agency. You brainwashed girl bosses are a real hoot.

[Anonymous]

In an era of social media and LinkedIn it’s not like it’s possible to disappear without your old surname. This is just the outcome of illogical feminist brainwashing. Valuing your disposable career over becoming one with your husband. Sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What problems could it possibly cause “down the road”? I’m genuinely asking you.

I didn’t change my name, partly because I have an established professional license and publications in my maiden name, partly because I didn’t want to give up part of my identity while he kept his. Seems an unfair way to start things out. I suggested that both of us change our names (to his mom’s maiden name) and he didn’t want to do that. He also didn’t pressure me to change to his name. I might have changed it at least for personal use if his surname was an easy one, but it’s not (neither is my maiden name). Oh well.

PS - 15 years in, three kids with his surname, and no problems because of it.

No one cares about your profession maiden name, Hillary Clinton took the last name and she's as lib and professional as they get.

don't.

People don't care about your professional name, especially in the digital age. Hillary Clinton is from a different time - apples and oranges. I don't compare myself to those of a different era - it's weird.

lol yea your maiden name is so key to your laptop job at some consulting shop or fed agency. You brainwashed girl bosses are a real hoot.

NP. Imagine being this mad about a woman keeping her name in 2024

[Anonymous]

I have no opinion about keeping vs. not, everyone should do what feels right to them. I did change my name (23 years ago) because 1) I just like us having the same name, I'm basically a pretty traditional person 2) My parents didn't give me a middle name so I just moved the maiden name to middle, wasn't giving up something

DH would have been fine with me keeping my name. We also named our 1st child after me (a derivation of my maiden name). And, most women among my friends/acquaintances have changed their names, following the general US trend. I don't care if DD or future DILs change their names, again, everyone should just do what they are comfortable with.

FWIW, in social media I list my full name FN - Maiden name - Last name. I would guess some people assume I use both as in a hyphenate but I don't.