Can't wait to change my surname, but notice many women keeping theirs, is there a reason for this trend?

[Anonymous]

So many dumb divorced women out there, carrying around the name of a man they now hate.

If that doesn't show you how ridiculous changing your name is, nothing will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s very provincial.

Changing your name after marriage is not a common practice world wide. In a lot of instances, a husband and wife sharing a surname signals an incestuous relationship.

However, if you’ve never travelled out of the United Stares, I can see how one could assume this practice is universal. This is no different than a villager from a remote village assuming everyone practices female genital mutilation because it’s all they know.

lol. You sound like a fool.

And you sound like you’ve never owned a passport.

There’s a big world out there outside of your tiny Americana bubble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should be independent and make decisions for themselves. Their choices are their own. Unless they choose something I disagree with, like taking their husband’s surname, and then they’re antiquated, stupid, and succumbing the patriarchy.

Being a feminist doesn't mean agreeing with every choice women make. I wouldn't lecture a friend for changing her name, butthe reality is that this is something tgat's only expected from women, never from men, and unlike many other choices, a name change after marriage is only a thing because of a sexist tradition, not because it's practical.

Maybe a woman just wants to do it. Not only should you not lecture a friend, you also shouldn’t think you’re entitled to an explanation or that there is an explanation. Some people just want to do it, others don’t. MYOB.

Friend, have you ever interrogated why so many women "just want to do it," and why virtually no men ever want to? The idea that everyone is making this decision in a vacuum, just "choosing their choice" is quite...naive.

+1
Yes, it's your choice, influenced by hundreds (thousands?) of years of patriarchy. Why people can't acknowledge that is beyond me.

Duh, and so what? Acknowledged. And still people can make that choice. Do you want to take away the choice because you don't like it now?

DP here, and thank you! I’m quite aware that my decision to take my husband’s name is born out of patriarchy. I did it anyway and I haven’t looked back.

I hope the feminists on this board can support my autonomy here. I should get to choose what’s best for me, right?

How are feminists supposed to support you? By giving you a cookie and a pat in the head? Feminists don't have to agree with every decision just because a woman made it.

I expect feminists to respect choice. I find this whole thread kind of silly. So much for respecting women and the choices they make in their own best interests, huh?

[Anonymous]

Feminism has brainwashed gullible young women to value their totally pointless soul-sucking careers more than becoming one with their husband and children. Dovetailing on the careerism, most young women these days are marrying late, so they end up in a desperate clock-ticking wedding, marrying a man they don’t truly love. No wonder they don’t want the shmuck’s name. Sad times.

[Anonymous]

A woman had a ONS, maybe she was horny.
A woman stayed home, maybe it was financially more convenient for her than for him to stay home.
A woman pursued a female oriented career, maybe that was the career that she loved.

I disagree with feminists that every choice a woman makes is influenced by the patriarchy as there are many reasons why we do things that have very little do do with gender.
When it comes to changing names after marriage, however, I can't see a non-patriarchal reason for the custom, especially in countries like US, Canada and the UK which are pretty liberal when it comes to laws regarding naming conventions:

Your name is ugly and you father was a d!ck? You can change it as soon as you turn 18!
You want to have the same name as your children? You can give them your name or both yours and your partner!
You want to start your own family unit? You can always start a new surname for both of you!

The fact that it's almost always women doing the change (less than 5% of men change theirs) is a clear testament to marriage as an institution with the man as it's head. None of these women changing their names whose partner "didn't care either way" offered their partner to take theirs, and if they did the partner most likely said "hell no".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Feminism has brainwashed gullible young women to value their totally pointless soul-sucking careers more than becoming one with their husband and children. Dovetailing on the careerism, most young women these days are marrying late, so they end up in a desperate clock-ticking wedding, marrying a man they don’t truly love. No wonder they don’t want the shmuck’s name. Sad times.

I wanted to become one with my husband so badly that I demanded that he not only takes my surname, but also tattoos my first name on his left butt-cheek. He said no,
which left me questioning his commitment to our marriage and family unit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A woman had a ONS, maybe she was horny.
A woman stayed home, maybe it was financially more convenient for her than for him to stay home.
A woman pursued a female oriented career, maybe that was the career that she loved.

I disagree with feminists that every choice a woman makes is influenced by the patriarchy as there are many reasons why we do things that have very little do do with gender.
When it comes to changing names after marriage, however, I can't see a non-patriarchal reason for the custom, especially in countries like US, Canada and the UK which are pretty liberal when it comes to laws regarding naming conventions:

Your name is ugly and you father was a d!ck? You can change it as soon as you turn 18!
You want to have the same name as your children? You can give them your name or both yours and your partner!
You want to start your own family unit? You can always start a new surname for both of you!

The fact that it's almost always women doing the change (less than 5% of men change theirs) is a clear testament to marriage as an institution with the man as its head. None of these women changing their names whose partner "didn't care either way" offered their partner to take theirs, and if they did the partner most likely said "hell no".

You’ve over-analyzed this. Here’s my reason for taking his name: I liked it. I wasn’t bowing down to patriarchal tradition, etc.

It hasn’t affected my family, my career, or anything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should be independent and make decisions for themselves. Their choices are their own. Unless they choose something I disagree with, like taking their husband’s surname, and then they’re antiquated, stupid, and succumbing the patriarchy.

Being a feminist doesn't mean agreeing with every choice women make. I wouldn't lecture a friend for changing her name, butthe reality is that this is something tgat's only expected from women, never from men, and unlike many other choices, a name change after marriage is only a thing because of a sexist tradition, not because it's practical.

Maybe a woman just wants to do it. Not only should you not lecture a friend, you also shouldn’t think you’re entitled to an explanation or that there is an explanation. Some people just want to do it, others don’t. MYOB.

Friend, have you ever interrogated why so many women "just want to do it," and why virtually no men ever want to? The idea that everyone is making this decision in a vacuum, just "choosing their choice" is quite...naive.

+1
Yes, it's your choice, influenced by hundreds (thousands?) of years of patriarchy. Why people can't acknowledge that is beyond me.

Duh, and so what? Acknowledged. And still people can make that choice. Do you want to take away the choice because you don't like it now?

DP. Nobody wants to take your choice away, but this is a public board discussing name change after marriage. Some people people have a less than favorable opinion on this and they're expressing.

Women who have a strong opinion about this “issue” have a very shallow understanding of both feminism and patriarchy.

Keeping your last name is to fighting the patriarchy as banning plastic straws is to saving the environment.

(i.e. it’s a zero effort way to pretend you give a sh!t, but it’s ultimately a meaningless gesture)

[Anonymous]

I would only change it if my paternal line was say less than the line I married into.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t change my name and I never would. It’s my name. And women do t have to justify it with a “big fancy career” either. I love my name. My husband doesn’t care. OP tell why women should change their name? It’s a relic of a time when women were property of their husbands.

Whose last name do your kids have? Their Dad’s? Just like you?

Newsflash: unless last names start being passed down the maternal side, your last name is STILL just the name of a man who has “owned” you.

DP. Please stop with this sad excuse of an "argument". Yes, most people in the US have their father's name, which they were given at birth with no input of their own, so why do women, but not men, are expected to make yet another name change to that of their father in law's?

By the way, I have my mom's and my dad's and if I have children I will give them my husband's and one of mine.

It’s not a sad excuse for an argument, it’s reality. If you’re really a feminist you’ll give your kids YOUR last name. Go on, smash the patriarchy!

Or continue to take the path of least resistance (keep your name) while not making any meaningful change (because that would actually be difficult to get your kids’ father/society onboard) and pat yourself on the back for being such a dutiful little “feminist”.

Please

Did you read my comment? I would give my children BOTH surnames like they do in Spanish speaking countries. Feminism is about equality, not about substituting the man's name for the woman's.

And guess what? The last surname is still the last name in this country. Which surname will that be?

Also, LOL to your super strong opinion on this when you don’t even have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would only change it if my paternal line was say less than the line I married into.

…what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s very provincial.

Changing your name after marriage is not a common practice world wide. In a lot of instances, a husband and wife sharing a surname signals an incestuous relationship.

However, if you’ve never travelled out of the United Stares, I can see how one could assume this practice is universal. This is no different than a villager from a remote village assuming everyone practices female genital mutilation because it’s all they know.

lol. You sound like a fool.

And you sound like you’ve never owned a passport.

There’s a big world out there outside of your tiny Americana bubble.

Doubling down on sounding like a fool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should be independent and make decisions for themselves. Their choices are their own. Unless they choose something I disagree with, like taking their husband’s surname, and then they’re antiquated, stupid, and succumbing the patriarchy.

Being a feminist doesn't mean agreeing with every choice women make. I wouldn't lecture a friend for changing her name, butthe reality is that this is something tgat's only expected from women, never from men, and unlike many other choices, a name change after marriage is only a thing because of a sexist tradition, not because it's practical.

Maybe a woman just wants to do it. Not only should you not lecture a friend, you also shouldn’t think you’re entitled to an explanation or that there is an explanation. Some people just want to do it, others don’t. MYOB.

Friend, have you ever interrogated why so many women "just want to do it," and why virtually no men ever want to? The idea that everyone is making this decision in a vacuum, just "choosing their choice" is quite...naive.

+1
Yes, it's your choice, influenced by hundreds (thousands?) of years of patriarchy. Why people can't acknowledge that is beyond me.

Duh, and so what? Acknowledged. And still people can make that choice. Do you want to take away the choice because you don't like it now?

DP. Nobody wants to take your choice away, but this is a public board discussing name change after marriage. Some people people have a less than favorable opinion on this and they're expressing.

Women who have a strong opinion about this “issue” have a very shallow understanding of both feminism and patriarchy.

Keeping your last name is to fighting the patriarchy as banning plastic straws is to saving the environment.

(i.e. it’s a zero effort way to pretend you give a sh!t, but it’s ultimately a meaningless gesture)

There are many things I don't engage in because I find them sexist, not just name changing. Not doing anything other than keeping your own name is meaningless. Not keeping your name when keeping it is so easy while lecturing other women about feminism is rich.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t change my name and I never would. It’s my name. And women do t have to justify it with a “big fancy career” either. I love my name. My husband doesn’t care. OP tell why women should change their name? It’s a relic of a time when women were property of their husbands.

Whose last name do your kids have? Their Dad’s? Just like you?

Newsflash: unless last names start being passed down the maternal side, your last name is STILL just the name of a man who has “owned” you.

DP. Please stop with this sad excuse of an "argument". Yes, most people in the US have their father's name, which they were given at birth with no input of their own, so why do women, but not men, are expected to make yet another name change to that of their father in law's?

By the way, I have my mom's and my dad's and if I have children I will give them my husband's and one of mine.

It’s not a sad excuse for an argument, it’s reality. If you’re really a feminist you’ll give your kids YOUR last name. Go on, smash the patriarchy!

Or continue to take the path of least resistance (keep your name) while not making any meaningful change (because that would actually be difficult to get your kids’ father/society onboard) and pat yourself on the back for being such a dutiful little “feminist”.

Please

Did you read my comment? I would give my children BOTH surnames like they do in Spanish speaking countries. Feminism is about equality, not about substituting the man's name for the woman's.

And guess what? The last surname is still the last name in this country. Which surname will that be?

Also, LOL to your super strong opinion on this when you don’t even have kids.

Do you mean to say that women still pass their paternal and not maternal name? Maybe they do, but my point is that I don't have to do it. I can pick my maternal name or mix the names of my mom and dad in some way. This is the beauty of living in the US, where you can literally give your child any surname you want.

As for loling my opinion, this is a thread about married women changing their name. You asked a question about how would women who keep their names name their children and I replied. If you don't want to hear a person's opinion then stop asking questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should be independent and make decisions for themselves. Their choices are their own. Unless they choose something I disagree with, like taking their husband’s surname, and then they’re antiquated, stupid, and succumbing the patriarchy.

Being a feminist doesn't mean agreeing with every choice women make. I wouldn't lecture a friend for changing her name, butthe reality is that this is something tgat's only expected from women, never from men, and unlike many other choices, a name change after marriage is only a thing because of a sexist tradition, not because it's practical.

Maybe a woman just wants to do it. Not only should you not lecture a friend, you also shouldn’t think you’re entitled to an explanation or that there is an explanation. Some people just want to do it, others don’t. MYOB.

Friend, have you ever interrogated why so many women "just want to do it," and why virtually no men ever want to? The idea that everyone is making this decision in a vacuum, just "choosing their choice" is quite...naive.

+1
Yes, it's your choice, influenced by hundreds (thousands?) of years of patriarchy. Why people can't acknowledge that is beyond me.

Duh, and so what? Acknowledged. And still people can make that choice. Do you want to take away the choice because you don't like it now?

DP. Nobody wants to take your choice away, but this is a public board discussing name change after marriage. Some people people have a less than favorable opinion on this and they're expressing.

Women who have a strong opinion about this “issue” have a very shallow understanding of both feminism and patriarchy.

Keeping your last name is to fighting the patriarchy as banning plastic straws is to saving the environment.

(i.e. it’s a zero effort way to pretend you give a sh!t, but it’s ultimately a meaningless gesture)

There are many things I don't engage in because I find them sexist, not just name changing. Not doing anything other than keeping your own name is meaningless. Not keeping your name when keeping it is so easy while lecturing other women about feminism is rich.

You are assigning a value to this whereas I am not. You see it as sexist. I don’t. There are real things to get upset about in this world and this simply isn’t one of them.

I’m fighting against sexist values by making sure my daughters are independent, educated, strong, and confident. Guess what? I won’t feel like I failed if they take their husbands’ names. Not at all.