ASD gaslighting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I feel your pain. My ex hid his symptoms while dating too. Once parenthood came along our marriage became hell. It’s so utterly exhausting to be with someone with ASD. The scars created are real but no one understands. It was horrible for my mental health. I’m so glad to have left him.

Again not how autism works.

How do you know? Why are you so into invalidating others' experience?

I wonder if the ASD deniers are the parents of HF ASD kids and are terrified for their kids when they grow up and try to find partners. I think if you've already identified your ASD DC and are getting them help, they're in really good positions and will be fine

I think you're right on both counts. My friends with kids with HFA are raising their children so differently from how my DH with late-diagnosed HFA was raised. DH and I are separated because he didn't have support as a child for managing life with HFA, and he developed really unhealthy/antisocial coping mechanisms to get through the hard parts. Eventually he became abusive, first to me but then to our DCs.

His mom has said recently to me in confidence that she is sorry that she didn't know better. Her "retirement" job is working for a school district and most of her job is providing translation services for families of kids with neurodivergence, so she has learned a lot in the past decade.

Unless you are doing everything for your kid, constantly running interference for them, and ignoring any signs of autism, it is 100% likely that you are doing 100% better than parents of some of the 45-55-somethings who raised their kids in a time without resources. So these threads really aren't for parents of contemporary kids with HFA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now swap the “ASD” disability for “Down Syndrome” and hopefully you can see what a close minded jerk you sound like. You are free to divorce if your husband’s disability is too much for you. But ASD presentation isn’t gaslighting. It’s the outcome of neurological, cognitive and social differences. Understand the difference.

DP, this is apples to oranges. Many young men mask their ASD when they’re young through copy and paste behavior and using alcohol. In fact, it’s only when life becomes even more stressful and difficult that they are unable to mask any longer. You can’t mask with down syndrome. Please tell me how many Neurotypical people you know who have married someone with down syndrome.

How about ASD women? Or are ASD men the only ones with issues? I wish my wife could agree to a psych evaluation so we can rule out ASD. Ya'll on this forum mostly attribute mental health issues to men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unf for Op many of these bombastic social failures do indeed have several neuropsych tested diagnoses.
And the longer they go without treatment, the more abusive maladaptive coping methods they ingrain.

Unreadable. Use full words and complete sentences next time, please.

#ODD

Keep up your petty comments and be sure to send them to your therapist PP. Fingers crossed you get the help you need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I feel your pain. My ex hid his symptoms while dating too. Once parenthood came along our marriage became hell. It’s so utterly exhausting to be with someone with ASD. The scars created are real but no one understands. It was horrible for my mental health. I’m so glad to have left him.

Again not how autism works.

How do you know? Why are you so into invalidating others' experience?

I wonder if the ASD deniers are the parents of HF ASD kids and are terrified for their kids when they grow up and try to find partners. I think if you've already identified your ASD DC and are getting them help, they're in really good positions and will be fine

I think you're right on both counts. My friends with kids with HFA are raising their children so differently from how my DH with late-diagnosed HFA was raised. DH and I are separated because he didn't have support as a child for managing life with HFA, and he developed really unhealthy/antisocial coping mechanisms to get through the hard parts. Eventually he became abusive, first to me but then to our DCs.

His mom has said recently to me in confidence that she is sorry that she didn't know better. Her "retirement" job is working for a school district and most of her job is providing translation services for families of kids with neurodivergence, so she has learned a lot in the past decade.

Unless you are doing everything for your kid, constantly running interference for them, and ignoring any signs of autism, it is 100% likely that you are doing 100% better than parents of some of the 45-55-somethings who raised their kids in a time without resources. So these threads really aren't for parents of contemporary kids with HFA.

+100000
Even the MIL comment on the way out.

Unclear what the future for the kids will hold, they simply don’t know what they don’t know. And there empties the danger, when they argue with others that they do. Or refuse to apologize for anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now swap the “ASD” disability for “Down Syndrome” and hopefully you can see what a close minded jerk you sound like. You are free to divorce if your husband’s disability is too much for you. But ASD presentation isn’t gaslighting. It’s the outcome of neurological, cognitive and social differences. Understand the difference.

DP, this is apples to oranges. Many young men mask their ASD when they’re young through copy and paste behavior and using alcohol. In fact, it’s only when life becomes even more stressful and difficult that they are unable to mask any longer. You can’t mask with down syndrome. Please tell me how many Neurotypical people you know who have married someone with down syndrome.

How about ASD women? Or are ASD men the only ones with issues? I wish my wife could agree to a psych evaluation so we can rule out ASD. Ya'll on this forum mostly attribute mental health issues to men.

read Dr Kathy Marshack books or websites. Her mother was ASD, which led to her marrying one and having one child with it.
Her story is unfortunately common- as it is so genetic (so how does one know their kid needs help when they are the same), and hopefully people in 2025 are finding better ways forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now swap the “ASD” disability for “Down Syndrome” and hopefully you can see what a close minded jerk you sound like. You are free to divorce if your husband’s disability is too much for you. But ASD presentation isn’t gaslighting. It’s the outcome of neurological, cognitive and social differences. Understand the difference.

DP, this is apples to oranges. Many young men mask their ASD when they’re young through copy and paste behavior and using alcohol. In fact, it’s only when life becomes even more stressful and difficult that they are unable to mask any longer. You can’t mask with down syndrome. Please tell me how many Neurotypical people you know who have married someone with down syndrome.

How about ASD women? Or are ASD men the only ones with issues? I wish my wife could agree to a psych evaluation so we can rule out ASD. Ya'll on this forum mostly attribute mental health issues to men.

Schedule it and do the surveys. Find an in net work one. Do it for tips on better parenting, living together, understanding social situations and better comms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I feel your pain. My ex hid his symptoms while dating too. Once parenthood came along our marriage became hell. It’s so utterly exhausting to be with someone with ASD. The scars created are real but no one understands. It was horrible for my mental health. I’m so glad to have left him.

Again not how autism works.

How do you know? Why are you so into invalidating others' experience?

I wonder if the ASD deniers are the parents of HF ASD kids and are terrified for their kids when they grow up and try to find partners. I think if you've already identified your ASD DC and are getting them help, they're in really good positions and will be fine

ust because you married an as66le it DOES NOT MEAN HE HAS A DIAGNOSABLE NEUROLOGIACAL DISODER.

Wow triggered!

But in my case DH is actually on the ASD spectrum (as is my kid so I get it)

PP here. And yes I’m triggered. I have a son on the spectrum and the misinformation and mislabeling of behavior that has nothing to do with ASD on this forum is ont of control.

No, your husband was not masking so well for 10 years that you had no clue. No, not every moron who didn’t grow up and doesn’t know how to be a husband is on the spectrum.

Sorry, I’ll stop now. It does no one any good when we basically use autism the way we used to use the R word in the past.

Glad you have it all figured out. Enjoy the ride, you can never get off it.

DP. Your cruelty is astounding. No, I don’t want to get rid of my autistic child. He has more kindness and compassion than you could ever dream of having yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now swap the “ASD” disability for “Down Syndrome” and hopefully you can see what a close minded jerk you sound like. You are free to divorce if your husband’s disability is too much for you. But ASD presentation isn’t gaslighting. It’s the outcome of neurological, cognitive and social differences. Understand the difference.

DP, this is apples to oranges. Many young men mask their ASD when they’re young through copy and paste behavior and using alcohol. In fact, it’s only when life becomes even more stressful and difficult that they are unable to mask any longer. You can’t mask with down syndrome. Please tell me how many Neurotypical people you know who have married someone with down syndrome.

How about ASD women? Or are ASD men the only ones with issues? I wish my wife could agree to a psych evaluation so we can rule out ASD. Ya'll on this forum mostly attribute mental health issues to men.

read Dr Kathy Marshack books or websites. Her mother was ASD, which led to her marrying one and having one child with it.
Her story is unfortunately common- as it is so genetic (so how does one know their kid needs help when they are the same), and hopefully people in 2025 are finding better ways forward.

Better ways forward in what sense? Like people on the spectrum shouldn’t be able to reproduce? Yes, it’s 2025, and we no longer talk about the disabled the way that you are taking about it. I don’t see my autistic friends and family as “unfortunately common” as you do. It’s a big world out there and it takes all kinds.

[Anonymous]

Can we just call gaslighting lying? ASD people can definitely lie. Anyone who can talk can lie. They might not be able to get away with a lie for very long. Chris Watts is someone who is highly suspected to have autism. He was caught in about a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unf for Op many of these bombastic social failures do indeed have several neuropsych tested diagnoses.
And the longer they go without treatment, the more abusive maladaptive coping methods they ingrain.

Unreadable. Use full words and complete sentences next time, please.

#ODD

Keep up your petty comments and be sure to send them to your therapist PP. Fingers crossed you get the help you need.

Right back at you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I feel your pain. My ex hid his symptoms while dating too. Once parenthood came along our marriage became hell. It’s so utterly exhausting to be with someone with ASD. The scars created are real but no one understands. It was horrible for my mental health. I’m so glad to have left him.

Again not how autism works.

How do you know? Why are you so into invalidating others' experience?

I wonder if the ASD deniers are the parents of HF ASD kids and are terrified for their kids when they grow up and try to find partners. I think if you've already identified your ASD DC and are getting them help, they're in really good positions and will be fine

ust because you married an as66le it DOES NOT MEAN HE HAS A DIAGNOSABLE NEUROLOGIACAL DISODER.

Wow triggered!

But in my case DH is actually on the ASD spectrum (as is my kid so I get it)

PP here. And yes I’m triggered. I have a son on the spectrum and the misinformation and mislabeling of behavior that has nothing to do with ASD on this forum is ont of control.

No, your husband was not masking so well for 10 years that you had no clue. No, not every moron who didn’t grow up and doesn’t know how to be a husband is on the spectrum.

Sorry, I’ll stop now. It does no one any good when we basically use autism the way we used to use the R word in the past.

Glad you have it all figured out. Enjoy the ride, you can never get off it.

DP. Your cruelty is astounding. No, I don’t want to get rid of my autistic child. He has more kindness and compassion than you could ever dream of having yourself.

+10000 using autism diagnoses to describe every undesirable behavior in a husband is so disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now swap the “ASD” disability for “Down Syndrome” and hopefully you can see what a close minded jerk you sound like. You are free to divorce if your husband’s disability is too much for you. But ASD presentation isn’t gaslighting. It’s the outcome of neurological, cognitive and social differences. Understand the difference.

DP, this is apples to oranges. Many young men mask their ASD when they’re young through copy and paste behavior and using alcohol. In fact, it’s only when life becomes even more stressful and difficult that they are unable to mask any longer. You can’t mask with down syndrome. Please tell me how many Neurotypical people you know who have married someone with down syndrome.

How about ASD women? Or are ASD men the only ones with issues? I wish my wife could agree to a psych evaluation so we can rule out ASD. Ya'll on this forum mostly attribute mental health issues to men.

read Dr Kathy Marshack books or websites. Her mother was ASD, which led to her marrying one and having one child with it.
Her story is unfortunately common- as it is so genetic (so how does one know their kid needs help when they are the same), and hopefully people in 2025 are finding better ways forward.

Better ways forward in what sense? Like people on the spectrum shouldn’t be able to reproduce? Yes, it’s 2025, and we no longer talk about the disabled the way that you are taking about it. I don’t see my autistic friends and family as “unfortunately common” as you do. It’s a big world out there and it takes all kinds.

Gawd are you broken record, overly defensive, and totally incorrect every time you post your BS.

Read up on “better ways” for NT/AS relationships to communicate and co-exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I feel your pain. My ex hid his symptoms while dating too. Once parenthood came along our marriage became hell. It’s so utterly exhausting to be with someone with ASD. The scars created are real but no one understands. It was horrible for my mental health. I’m so glad to have left him.

Again not how autism works.

How do you know? Why are you so into invalidating others' experience?

I wonder if the ASD deniers are the parents of HF ASD kids and are terrified for their kids when they grow up and try to find partners. I think if you've already identified your ASD DC and are getting them help, they're in really good positions and will be fine

ust because you married an as66le it DOES NOT MEAN HE HAS A DIAGNOSABLE NEUROLOGIACAL DISODER.

Wow triggered!

But in my case DH is actually on the ASD spectrum (as is my kid so I get it)

PP here. And yes I’m triggered. I have a son on the spectrum and the misinformation and mislabeling of behavior that has nothing to do with ASD on this forum is ont of control.

No, your husband was not masking so well for 10 years that you had no clue. No, not every moron who didn’t grow up and doesn’t know how to be a husband is on the spectrum.

Sorry, I’ll stop now. It does no one any good when we basically use autism the way we used to use the R word in the past.

Glad you have it all figured out. Enjoy the ride, you can never get off it.

DP. Your cruelty is astounding. No, I don’t want to get rid of my autistic child. He has more kindness and compassion than you could ever dream of having yourself.

+10000 using autism diagnoses to describe every undesirable behavior in a husband is so disgusting.

Agree. It could be all Learned Helplessness, Misogyny, and Narcissism instead. And they’re not any DSM Dx, but doing it all on purpose.

Does that change anything? Not for day to day life with a partner with “undesirable behaviors” .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now swap the “ASD” disability for “Down Syndrome” and hopefully you can see what a close minded jerk you sound like. You are free to divorce if your husband’s disability is too much for you. But ASD presentation isn’t gaslighting. It’s the outcome of neurological, cognitive and social differences. Understand the difference.

DP, this is apples to oranges. Many young men mask their ASD when they’re young through copy and paste behavior and using alcohol. In fact, it’s only when life becomes even more stressful and difficult that they are unable to mask any longer. You can’t mask with down syndrome. Please tell me how many Neurotypical people you know who have married someone with down syndrome.

How about ASD women? Or are ASD men the only ones with issues? I wish my wife could agree to a psych evaluation so we can rule out ASD. Ya'll on this forum mostly attribute mental health issues to men.

read Dr Kathy Marshack books or websites. Her mother was ASD, which led to her marrying one and having one child with it.
Her story is unfortunately common- as it is so genetic (so how does one know their kid needs help when they are the same), and hopefully people in 2025 are finding better ways forward.

Better ways forward in what sense? Like people on the spectrum shouldn’t be able to reproduce? Yes, it’s 2025, and we no longer talk about the disabled the way that you are taking about it. I don’t see my autistic friends and family as “unfortunately common” as you do. It’s a big world out there and it takes all kinds.

Gawd are you broken record, overly defensive, and totally incorrect every time you post your BS.

Read up on “better ways” for NT/AS relationships to communicate and co-exist.

Well, Autism Wife (that’s what we’re calling you), the only way it will ever get better is to take accountability, open your eyes to the reality of this disability, and own your unhappiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now swap the “ASD” disability for “Down Syndrome” and hopefully you can see what a close minded jerk you sound like. You are free to divorce if your husband’s disability is too much for you. But ASD presentation isn’t gaslighting. It’s the outcome of neurological, cognitive and social differences. Understand the difference.

DP, this is apples to oranges. Many young men mask their ASD when they’re young through copy and paste behavior and using alcohol. In fact, it’s only when life becomes even more stressful and difficult that they are unable to mask any longer. You can’t mask with down syndrome. Please tell me how many Neurotypical people you know who have married someone with down syndrome.

How about ASD women? Or are ASD men the only ones with issues? I wish my wife could agree to a psych evaluation so we can rule out ASD. Ya'll on this forum mostly attribute mental health issues to men.

read Dr Kathy Marshack books or websites. Her mother was ASD, which led to her marrying one and having one child with it.
Her story is unfortunately common- as it is so genetic (so how does one know their kid needs help when they are the same), and hopefully people in 2025 are finding better ways forward.

Better ways forward in what sense? Like people on the spectrum shouldn’t be able to reproduce? Yes, it’s 2025, and we no longer talk about the disabled the way that you are taking about it. I don’t see my autistic friends and family as “unfortunately common” as you do. It’s a big world out there and it takes all kinds.

Gawd are you broken record, overly defensive, and totally incorrect every time you post your BS.

Read up on “better ways” for NT/AS relationships to communicate and co-exist.

Well, Autism Wife (that’s what we’re calling you), the only way it will ever get better is to take accountability, open your eyes to the reality of this disability, and own your unhappiness.

If you must, call us Austism Wives. There are many of us