ASD gaslighting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can someone gaslight when they have trouble lying?

They have trouble knowing and admitting the truth.

Especially if the truth reflects them in a not great light. Or as failing again.

Don’t we all?

My kid on the spectrum always tells the truth. The very few times he has lied I’ve felt happy because it is so rare and so NT. He is sensitive and gets upset if he thinks I am mad at it and can perseverate on that.

if what you (borderline lady) believe is that your truth is THE truth and people who won’t “admit the truth” are gaslighting… well that is your issue.

Lol. Know your truth folks. lol.

When you’re talking about concrete stuff like:
- who left the front door unlocked and open when the dog got lost? Or,

-who put the four year on the tall ledge believing she’d do a pull up and she fell and broke her leg. Or,

-who lost their iPad, wallet or AirPods on the airplane again?

And the response is always I don’t know or blaming others, that’s indeed lying and crazy making.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s crazy to me is apparently how many of these husbands who masked for decades and appeared to love and care for their spouses enough to have these women fall in love, suddenly dropped the mask and is at some point completely incapable of loving their spouses and children and yet completely capable of being affable and productive at work.

Come on, this is kind of absurd. There’s something else going on. Something we are missing.

You mean their life responsibilities went through the roof when they got married, two job household, own a property, have two sets of older parents, have kids to parent and care for, etc.
And instead of rising to the occasion and growing as an adult…. they shutdown and stayed the same as a single working person, ignoring and neglecting their actual adult responsibilities. Sure they tried to mask and fake it a bit, but that’s too exhausting to do at work plus at home.

Their mothers know this too. The unmasked version of their kid or adult kid. Any NT parent of them knows, and hopes it went away but fear it never does. Because they will have to pick up the broken pieces.

[Anonymous]

Masking ASD kids and adults mainly meltdown at home, after school or work. In a safe place, and their parents/ siblings or spouse/kids take it on the chin. Either via the meltdown or the stonewalling neglect of constant solo decompression time- instead of family dinners or conversation or teaching or coaching or household responsibilities. They go take a nap from 6-8, then watch tv whilst you put the kids to bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, to say that your ASD husband is manipulative is a diametrically opposed to what the autistic brain is capable of organizing, from a social/emotional perspective. By definition, autistic people are not able to comprehend, recognize, or incorporate fundamental social signals from others, and their own ability to facilitate what you describe as manipulation is not really what it appears. They may be rigid, they may be insistent, but they are not trying to manipulate you. This is an important distinction.

Signed, a doctor in the field of neurology who, yes, has lived with an autistic person.

Thank goodness there isn’t a high level of co-morbidity of ASD with ADHD, ODD, PDS, bipolar and/or borderline. Right doc?

And “not trying to manipulate you” versus having a totally different interpretation of reality aren’t one and the same result on others either. Right doc?

NP but I don’t think you understand autism at all. Just because a person has autism and ADHD does not suddenly make the autistic person cunning. And yes, it matters A LOT whether a person who mistreats you is doing it intentionally or because they are rigid and have black and white rules. A ton.

I live with an autistic person. And I’ve been married to a manipulative neurotypical person. Not the same at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can someone gaslight when they have trouble lying?

They have trouble knowing and admitting the truth.

Especially if the truth reflects them in a not great light. Or as failing again.

Don’t we all?

My kid on the spectrum always tells the truth. The very few times he has lied I’ve felt happy because it is so rare and so NT. He is sensitive and gets upset if he thinks I am mad at it and can perseverate on that.

if what you (borderline lady) believe is that your truth is THE truth and people who won’t “admit the truth” are gaslighting… well that is your issue.

Lol. Know your truth folks. lol.

When you’re talking about concrete stuff like:
- who left the front door unlocked and open when the dog got lost? Or,

-who put the four year on the tall ledge believing she’d do a pull up and she fell and broke her leg. Or,

-who lost their iPad, wallet or AirPods on the airplane again?

And the response is always I don’t know or blaming others, that’s indeed lying and crazy making.

Why are you arguing about who did these things if you know who did them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s crazy to me is apparently how many of these husbands who masked for decades and appeared to love and care for their spouses enough to have these women fall in love, suddenly dropped the mask and is at some point completely incapable of loving their spouses and children and yet completely capable of being affable and productive at work.

Come on, this is kind of absurd. There’s something else going on. Something we are missing.

You mean their life responsibilities went through the roof when they got married, two job household, own a property, have two sets of older parents, have kids to parent and care for, etc.
And instead of rising to the occasion and growing as an adult…. they shutdown and stayed the same as a single working person, ignoring and neglecting their actual adult responsibilities. Sure they tried to mask and fake it a bit, but that’s too exhausting to do at work plus at home.

Their mothers know this too. The unmasked version of their kid or adult kid. Any NT parent of them knows, and hopes it went away but fear it never does. Because they will have to pick up the broken pieces.

You clearly know nothing about autism. You are the poster child of “I picked badly,” so I must blame something, anything. An autistic person is not able to mask so well for so many years that you have no idea what is going on. If they are on the spectrum, they don’t need life to get super stressful for their autism to suddenly emerge. They struggle every day, most of them with basic stuff. So take some responsibility and stop dragging autistic people into your shitty marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can someone gaslight when they have trouble lying?

They have trouble knowing and admitting the truth.

Especially if the truth reflects them in a not great light. Or as failing again.

Don’t we all?

My kid on the spectrum always tells the truth. The very few times he has lied I’ve felt happy because it is so rare and so NT. He is sensitive and gets upset if he thinks I am mad at it and can perseverate on that.

if what you (borderline lady) believe is that your truth is THE truth and people who won’t “admit the truth” are gaslighting… well that is your issue.

Lol. Know your truth folks. lol.

When you’re talking about concrete stuff like:
- who left the front door unlocked and open when the dog got lost? Or,

-who put the four year on the tall ledge believing she’d do a pull up and she fell and broke her leg. Or,

-who lost their iPad, wallet or AirPods on the airplane again?

And the response is always I don’t know or blaming others, that’s indeed lying and crazy making.

Why are you arguing about who did these things if you know who did them?

Who’s arguing? None of us were there so no one’s responsible!

See how cool that works.
We’re in the twilight zone where things just keep happening. No idea how. Or how to improve it. Thus the mishaps and mysteries will continue indefinitely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not common for people with ASD to gaslight. They don’t have the social skills to do it. The hallmark of ASD is difficulty with social communication, so it is likely very challenging to be in a relationship with someone with this diagnosis, but there not often cold calculation or manipulation.

In this situation gaslight isn't about the bad intentions of the ASD gaslighter. It's about the crazymaking effects gaslighting has on the NT partner

As a teacher, I can attest to that. And yet, some parents are unwilling or unable to fact check their children on the spectrum before flying off the handle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s crazy to me is apparently how many of these husbands who masked for decades and appeared to love and care for their spouses enough to have these women fall in love, suddenly dropped the mask and is at some point completely incapable of loving their spouses and children and yet completely capable of being affable and productive at work.

Come on, this is kind of absurd. There’s something else going on. Something we are missing.

You mean their life responsibilities went through the roof when they got married, two job household, own a property, have two sets of older parents, have kids to parent and care for, etc.
And instead of rising to the occasion and growing as an adult…. they shutdown and stayed the same as a single working person, ignoring and neglecting their actual adult responsibilities. Sure they tried to mask and fake it a bit, but that’s too exhausting to do at work plus at home.

Their mothers know this too. The unmasked version of their kid or adult kid. Any NT parent of them knows, and hopes it went away but fear it never does. Because they will have to pick up the broken pieces.

You clearly know nothing about autism. You are the poster child of “I picked badly,” so I must blame something, anything. An autistic person is not able to mask so well for so many years that you have no idea what is going on. If they are on the spectrum, they don’t need life to get super stressful for their autism to suddenly emerge. They struggle every day, most of them with basic stuff. So take some responsibility and stop dragging autistic people into your shitty marriage.

Cool, we’ll be sure to tell the PhD neuropsychologist that who did the diagnoses and the PhD psychologist who does the bimonthly zooms about your big discovery.
Maybe all the other chronic symptom patterns aren’t really happening either….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not common for people with ASD to gaslight. They don’t have the social skills to do it. The hallmark of ASD is difficulty with social communication, so it is likely very challenging to be in a relationship with someone with this diagnosis, but there not often cold calculation or manipulation.

In this situation gaslight isn't about the bad intentions of the ASD gaslighter. It's about the crazymaking effects gaslighting has on the NT partner

As a teacher, I can attest to that. And yet, some parents are unwilling or unable to fact check their children on the spectrum before flying off the handle.

It’s hereditary so many never ID their kids need accommodations or behavioral help or explicit executive functioning coaching and monitoring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, to say that your ASD husband is manipulative is a diametrically opposed to what the autistic brain is capable of organizing, from a social/emotional perspective. By definition, autistic people are not able to comprehend, recognize, or incorporate fundamental social signals from others, and their own ability to facilitate what you describe as manipulation is not really what it appears. They may be rigid, they may be insistent, but they are not trying to manipulate you. This is an important distinction.

Signed, a doctor in the field of neurology who, yes, has lived with an autistic person.

Thank goodness there isn’t a high level of co-morbidity of ASD with ADHD, ODD, PDS, bipolar and/or borderline. Right doc?

And “not trying to manipulate you” versus having a totally different interpretation of reality aren’t one and the same result on others either. Right doc?

NP but I don’t think you understand autism at all. Just because a person has autism and ADHD does not suddenly make the autistic person cunning. And yes, it matters A LOT whether a person who mistreats you is doing it intentionally or because they are rigid and have black and white rules. A ton.

I live with an autistic person. And I’ve been married to a manipulative neurotypical person. Not the same at all.

Ultimately it does not matter WHY they are mistreating you, you are being emotionally abused, are undergoing Ongoing Trauma, and need to address it.

[Anonymous]

Cassandra’s syndrome.
Ring a bell moms and wives?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not common for people with ASD to gaslight. They don’t have the social skills to do it. The hallmark of ASD is difficulty with social communication, so it is likely very challenging to be in a relationship with someone with this diagnosis, but there not often cold calculation or manipulation.

In this situation gaslight isn't about the bad intentions of the ASD gaslighter. It's about the crazymaking effects gaslighting has on the NT partner

As a teacher, I can attest to that. And yet, some parents are unwilling or unable to fact check their children on the spectrum before flying off the handle.

It’s hereditary so many never ID their kids need accommodations or behavioral help or explicit executive functioning coaching and monitoring.

These are kids with IEPs, but you’re right that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree for some of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s crazy to me is apparently how many of these husbands who masked for decades and appeared to love and care for their spouses enough to have these women fall in love, suddenly dropped the mask and is at some point completely incapable of loving their spouses and children and yet completely capable of being affable and productive at work.

Come on, this is kind of absurd. There’s something else going on. Something we are missing.

You mean their life responsibilities went through the roof when they got married, two job household, own a property, have two sets of older parents, have kids to parent and care for, etc.
And instead of rising to the occasion and growing as an adult…. they shutdown and stayed the same as a single working person, ignoring and neglecting their actual adult responsibilities. Sure they tried to mask and fake it a bit, but that’s too exhausting to do at work plus at home.

Their mothers know this too. The unmasked version of their kid or adult kid. Any NT parent of them knows, and hopes it went away but fear it never does. Because they will have to pick up the broken pieces.

You clearly know nothing about autism. You are the poster child of “I picked badly,” so I must blame something, anything. An autistic person is not able to mask so well for so many years that you have no idea what is going on. If they are on the spectrum, they don’t need life to get super stressful for their autism to suddenly emerge. They struggle every day, most of them with basic stuff. So take some responsibility and stop dragging autistic people into your shitty marriage.

Cool, we’ll be sure to tell the PhD neuropsychologist that who did the diagnoses and the PhD psychologist who does the bimonthly zooms about your big discovery.
Maybe all the other chronic symptom patterns aren’t really happening either….

He either had them all along and you chose to ignore them or he is being misdiagnosed. You simply don’t start showing the first stamping at 40. DOES.NOT.HAPPEN!!

[Anonymous]

*symptoms