ASD gaslighting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s crazy to me is apparently how many of these husbands who masked for decades and appeared to love and care for their spouses enough to have these women fall in love, suddenly dropped the mask and is at some point completely incapable of loving their spouses and children and yet completely capable of being affable and productive at work.

Come on, this is kind of absurd. There’s something else going on. Something we are missing.

You mean their life responsibilities went through the roof when they got married, two job household, own a property, have two sets of older parents, have kids to parent and care for, etc.
And instead of rising to the occasion and growing as an adult…. they shutdown and stayed the same as a single working person, ignoring and neglecting their actual adult responsibilities. Sure they tried to mask and fake it a bit, but that’s too exhausting to do at work plus at home.

Their mothers know this too. The unmasked version of their kid or adult kid. Any NT parent of them knows, and hopes it went away but fear it never does. Because they will have to pick up the broken pieces.

You clearly know nothing about autism. You are the poster child of “I picked badly,” so I must blame something, anything. An autistic person is not able to mask so well for so many years that you have no idea what is going on. If they are on the spectrum, they don’t need life to get super stressful for their autism to suddenly emerge. They struggle every day, most of them with basic stuff. So take some responsibility and stop dragging autistic people into your shitty marriage.

Cool, we’ll be sure to tell the PhD neuropsychologist that who did the diagnoses and the PhD psychologist who does the bimonthly zooms about your big discovery.
Maybe all the other chronic symptom patterns aren’t really happening either….

He either had them all along and you chose to ignore them or he is being misdiagnosed. You simply don’t start showing the first stamping at 40. DOES.NOT.HAPPEN!!

For those of us who grew up in functional homes with caring and involved fathers, and dated in our late 20s we never learned what Asperger’s symptoms were. Until we were a frog in a pot of increasingly boiling water.

Sure he worked a lot and planned some nonsensical 2 person vacations and love bombed like he saw in the movies. Now I know it was him checking a box, and w poor planning skills. Or he had poor communication skills when it came to the future or the relationship but most men in their 20s do, so women are told.

Silver lining, today’s children sure will know which symptoms are which.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s crazy to me is apparently how many of these husbands who masked for decades and appeared to love and care for their spouses enough to have these women fall in love, suddenly dropped the mask and is at some point completely incapable of loving their spouses and children and yet completely capable of being affable and productive at work.

Come on, this is kind of absurd. There’s something else going on. Something we are missing.

You mean their life responsibilities went through the roof when they got married, two job household, own a property, have two sets of older parents, have kids to parent and care for, etc.
And instead of rising to the occasion and growing as an adult…. they shutdown and stayed the same as a single working person, ignoring and neglecting their actual adult responsibilities. Sure they tried to mask and fake it a bit, but that’s too exhausting to do at work plus at home.

Their mothers know this too. The unmasked version of their kid or adult kid. Any NT parent of them knows, and hopes it went away but fear it never does. Because they will have to pick up the broken pieces.

You clearly know nothing about autism. You are the poster child of “I picked badly,” so I must blame something, anything. An autistic person is not able to mask so well for so many years that you have no idea what is going on. If they are on the spectrum, they don’t need life to get super stressful for their autism to suddenly emerge. They struggle every day, most of them with basic stuff. So take some responsibility and stop dragging autistic people into your shitty marriage.

Cool, we’ll be sure to tell the PhD neuropsychologist that who did the diagnoses and the PhD psychologist who does the bimonthly zooms about your big discovery.
Maybe all the other chronic symptom patterns aren’t really happening either….

He either had them all along and you chose to ignore them or he is being misdiagnosed. You simply don’t start showing the first stamping at 40. DOES.NOT.HAPPEN!!

Funny how neither he nor his parents told you about the family’s high functioning autism while you were dating.

[Anonymous]

At some point it doesn’t matter what’s driving the bad behavior. It’s abusive to other and they will have to set boundaries and extract themselves from the situation and relationship as soon as safely possible. When minors are involved this can be very difficult.

[phone]

As a mom of an autistic kid, with an ( flatly refusing an eval recommended by therapist) autistic partner you can never truly understand this unless you’re living it. When you look at who you would be sharing 50-50 custody with it is terrifying, so you stay. To the people with ASD kids who are doing well I’m so happy for you. My son has had a full work up and is on a variety of meds which have truly improved his quality of life in many ways. He’s literally happy to take them as he feels physically much better. DH refuses all this and we all feel the damage from it. He’s in his 60s so it’s basically mask till you die in public and then turn into a completely different nonfunctional person at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s crazy to me is apparently how many of these husbands who masked for decades and appeared to love and care for their spouses enough to have these women fall in love, suddenly dropped the mask and is at some point completely incapable of loving their spouses and children and yet completely capable of being affable and productive at work.

Come on, this is kind of absurd. There’s something else going on. Something we are missing.

You mean their life responsibilities went through the roof when they got married, two job household, own a property, have two sets of older parents, have kids to parent and care for, etc.
And instead of rising to the occasion and growing as an adult…. they shutdown and stayed the same as a single working person, ignoring and neglecting their actual adult responsibilities. Sure they tried to mask and fake it a bit, but that’s too exhausting to do at work plus at home.

Their mothers know this too. The unmasked version of their kid or adult kid. Any NT parent of them knows, and hopes it went away but fear it never does. Because they will have to pick up the broken pieces.

You clearly know nothing about autism. You are the poster child of “I picked badly,” so I must blame something, anything. An autistic person is not able to mask so well for so many years that you have no idea what is going on. If they are on the spectrum, they don’t need life to get super stressful for their autism to suddenly emerge. They struggle every day, most of them with basic stuff. So take some responsibility and stop dragging autistic people into your shitty marriage.

Cool, we’ll be sure to tell the PhD neuropsychologist that who did the diagnoses and the PhD psychologist who does the bimonthly zooms about your big discovery.
Maybe all the other chronic symptom patterns aren’t really happening either….

He either had them all along and you chose to ignore them or he is being misdiagnosed. You simply don’t start showing the first stamping at 40. DOES.NOT.HAPPEN!!

For those of us who grew up in functional homes with caring and involved fathers, and dated in our late 20s we never learned what Asperger’s symptoms were. Until we were a frog in a pot of increasingly boiling water.

Sure he worked a lot and planned some nonsensical 2 person vacations and love bombed like he saw in the movies. Now I know it was him checking a box, and w poor planning skills. Or he had poor communication skills when it came to the future or the relationship but most men in their 20s do, so women are told.

Silver lining, today’s children sure will know which symptoms are which.

Poor you. He was so, so good at masking that you just had no idea. And your daddy didn't teach you either. The horrors. Everyone is at fault but you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s crazy to me is apparently how many of these husbands who masked for decades and appeared to love and care for their spouses enough to have these women fall in love, suddenly dropped the mask and is at some point completely incapable of loving their spouses and children and yet completely capable of being affable and productive at work.

Come on, this is kind of absurd. There’s something else going on. Something we are missing.

You mean their life responsibilities went through the roof when they got married, two job household, own a property, have two sets of older parents, have kids to parent and care for, etc.
And instead of rising to the occasion and growing as an adult…. they shutdown and stayed the same as a single working person, ignoring and neglecting their actual adult responsibilities. Sure they tried to mask and fake it a bit, but that’s too exhausting to do at work plus at home.

Their mothers know this too. The unmasked version of their kid or adult kid. Any NT parent of them knows, and hopes it went away but fear it never does. Because they will have to pick up the broken pieces.

You clearly know nothing about autism. You are the poster child of “I picked badly,” so I must blame something, anything. An autistic person is not able to mask so well for so many years that you have no idea what is going on. If they are on the spectrum, they don’t need life to get super stressful for their autism to suddenly emerge. They struggle every day, most of them with basic stuff. So take some responsibility and stop dragging autistic people into your shitty marriage.

Cool, we’ll be sure to tell the PhD neuropsychologist that who did the diagnoses and the PhD psychologist who does the bimonthly zooms about your big discovery.
Maybe all the other chronic symptom patterns aren’t really happening either….

He either had them all along and you chose to ignore them or he is being misdiagnosed. You simply don’t start showing the first stamping at 40. DOES.NOT.HAPPEN!!

For those of us who grew up in functional homes with caring and involved fathers, and dated in our late 20s we never learned what Asperger’s symptoms were. Until we were a frog in a pot of increasingly boiling water.

Sure he worked a lot and planned some nonsensical 2 person vacations and love bombed like he saw in the movies. Now I know it was him checking a box, and w poor planning skills. Or he had poor communication skills when it came to the future or the relationship but most men in their 20s do, so women are told.

Silver lining, today’s children sure will know which symptoms are which.

Poor you. He was so, so good at masking that you just had no idea. And your daddy didn't teach you either. The horrors. Everyone is at fault but you.

Victim blaming isn't a good look on you.

DP and in my situation, my divorce lawyers said stay together to get 100% custody because HFA DH can't handle 50-50 (but will fight tooth and nail for it). We've been living in separate wings of the house for 5 years, have family dinner together every night, and, with many boundaries, have a low conflict marriage. It's all the kids (twins) have known some they were babies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s crazy to me is apparently how many of these husbands who masked for decades and appeared to love and care for their spouses enough to have these women fall in love, suddenly dropped the mask and is at some point completely incapable of loving their spouses and children and yet completely capable of being affable and productive at work.

Come on, this is kind of absurd. There’s something else going on. Something we are missing.

You mean their life responsibilities went through the roof when they got married, two job household, own a property, have two sets of older parents, have kids to parent and care for, etc.
And instead of rising to the occasion and growing as an adult…. they shutdown and stayed the same as a single working person, ignoring and neglecting their actual adult responsibilities. Sure they tried to mask and fake it a bit, but that’s too exhausting to do at work plus at home.

Their mothers know this too. The unmasked version of their kid or adult kid. Any NT parent of them knows, and hopes it went away but fear it never does. Because they will have to pick up the broken pieces.

You clearly know nothing about autism. You are the poster child of “I picked badly,” so I must blame something, anything. An autistic person is not able to mask so well for so many years that you have no idea what is going on. If they are on the spectrum, they don’t need life to get super stressful for their autism to suddenly emerge. They struggle every day, most of them with basic stuff. So take some responsibility and stop dragging autistic people into your shitty marriage.

Cool, we’ll be sure to tell the PhD neuropsychologist that who did the diagnoses and the PhD psychologist who does the bimonthly zooms about your big discovery.
Maybe all the other chronic symptom patterns aren’t really happening either….

He either had them all along and you chose to ignore them or he is being misdiagnosed. You simply don’t start showing the first stamping at 40. DOES.NOT.HAPPEN!!

For those of us who grew up in functional homes with caring and involved fathers, and dated in our late 20s we never learned what Asperger’s symptoms were. Until we were a frog in a pot of increasingly boiling water.

Sure he worked a lot and planned some nonsensical 2 person vacations and love bombed like he saw in the movies. Now I know it was him checking a box, and w poor planning skills. Or he had poor communication skills when it came to the future or the relationship but most men in their 20s do, so women are told.

Silver lining, today’s children sure will know which symptoms are which.

Poor you. He was so, so good at masking that you just had no idea. And your daddy didn't teach you either. The horrors. Everyone is at fault but you.

Victim blaming isn't a good look on you.

DP and in my situation, my divorce lawyers said stay together to get 100% custody because HFA DH can't handle 50-50 (but will fight tooth and nail for it). We've been living in separate wings of the house for 5 years, have family dinner together every night, and, with many boundaries, have a low conflict marriage. It's all the kids (twins) have known some they were babies.

YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM. You're trying to portray yourself as one and that is well worth making fun of.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been married to my asd spouse for 15 years. We have three kids. He’s a great dad and spouse. He’s not perfect but neither am I. I don’t think anything in the article and very little in the discussion is related to asd. Certainly anger mismanagement is toxic in all marriages. I personally find that trait less common in asd people (who can be maddeningly Spock-like) but obviously everyone is different.

Op, you might not realize that both you and (yes even) your spouse could find better partners and be much happier. I think you’ve decided you are the only one who can ‘take care of him’ and therefore have to stay in a marriage that is clearly not working ‘for the sake of your kids.’ I’ve seen that proved false time and again that when dysfunctional relationships end that two much more functional people emerge. Im generally not an advocate for divorce but I think you are staying for the wrong reasons. I hope you find some peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s crazy to me is apparently how many of these husbands who masked for decades and appeared to love and care for their spouses enough to have these women fall in love, suddenly dropped the mask and is at some point completely incapable of loving their spouses and children and yet completely capable of being affable and productive at work.

Come on, this is kind of absurd. There’s something else going on. Something we are missing.

You mean their life responsibilities went through the roof when they got married, two job household, own a property, have two sets of older parents, have kids to parent and care for, etc.
And instead of rising to the occasion and growing as an adult…. they shutdown and stayed the same as a single working person, ignoring and neglecting their actual adult responsibilities. Sure they tried to mask and fake it a bit, but that’s too exhausting to do at work plus at home.

Their mothers know this too. The unmasked version of their kid or adult kid. Any NT parent of them knows, and hopes it went away but fear it never does. Because they will have to pick up the broken pieces.

You clearly know nothing about autism. You are the poster child of “I picked badly,” so I must blame something, anything. An autistic person is not able to mask so well for so many years that you have no idea what is going on. If they are on the spectrum, they don’t need life to get super stressful for their autism to suddenly emerge. They struggle every day, most of them with basic stuff. So take some responsibility and stop dragging autistic people into your shitty marriage.

Cool, we’ll be sure to tell the PhD neuropsychologist that who did the diagnoses and the PhD psychologist who does the bimonthly zooms about your big discovery.
Maybe all the other chronic symptom patterns aren’t really happening either….

He either had them all along and you chose to ignore them or he is being misdiagnosed. You simply don’t start showing the first stamping at 40. DOES.NOT.HAPPEN!!

For those of us who grew up in functional homes with caring and involved fathers, and dated in our late 20s we never learned what Asperger’s symptoms were. Until we were a frog in a pot of increasingly boiling water.

Sure he worked a lot and planned some nonsensical 2 person vacations and love bombed like he saw in the movies. Now I know it was him checking a box, and w poor planning skills. Or he had poor communication skills when it came to the future or the relationship but most men in their 20s do, so women are told.

Silver lining, today’s children sure will know which symptoms are which.

Poor you. He was so, so good at masking that you just had no idea. And your daddy didn't teach you either. The horrors. Everyone is at fault but you.

Victim blaming isn't a good look on you.

DP and in my situation, my divorce lawyers said stay together to get 100% custody because HFA DH can't handle 50-50 (but will fight tooth and nail for it). We've been living in separate wings of the house for 5 years, have family dinner together every night, and, with many boundaries, have a low conflict marriage. It's all the kids (twins) have known some they were babies.

YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM. You're trying to portray yourself as one and that is well worth making fun of.

When your ASD DC has difficulty finding a partner, it won't be because of ASD. It will be your fault, the nightmare MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s crazy to me is apparently how many of these husbands who masked for decades and appeared to love and care for their spouses enough to have these women fall in love, suddenly dropped the mask and is at some point completely incapable of loving their spouses and children and yet completely capable of being affable and productive at work.

Come on, this is kind of absurd. There’s something else going on. Something we are missing.

You mean their life responsibilities went through the roof when they got married, two job household, own a property, have two sets of older parents, have kids to parent and care for, etc.
And instead of rising to the occasion and growing as an adult…. they shutdown and stayed the same as a single working person, ignoring and neglecting their actual adult responsibilities. Sure they tried to mask and fake it a bit, but that’s too exhausting to do at work plus at home.

Their mothers know this too. The unmasked version of their kid or adult kid. Any NT parent of them knows, and hopes it went away but fear it never does. Because they will have to pick up the broken pieces.

You clearly know nothing about autism. You are the poster child of “I picked badly,” so I must blame something, anything. An autistic person is not able to mask so well for so many years that you have no idea what is going on. If they are on the spectrum, they don’t need life to get super stressful for their autism to suddenly emerge. They struggle every day, most of them with basic stuff. So take some responsibility and stop dragging autistic people into your shitty marriage.

Cool, we’ll be sure to tell the PhD neuropsychologist that who did the diagnoses and the PhD psychologist who does the bimonthly zooms about your big discovery.
Maybe all the other chronic symptom patterns aren’t really happening either….

He either had them all along and you chose to ignore them or he is being misdiagnosed. You simply don’t start showing the first stamping at 40. DOES.NOT.HAPPEN!!

For those of us who grew up in functional homes with caring and involved fathers, and dated in our late 20s we never learned what Asperger’s symptoms were. Until we were a frog in a pot of increasingly boiling water.

Sure he worked a lot and planned some nonsensical 2 person vacations and love bombed like he saw in the movies. Now I know it was him checking a box, and w poor planning skills. Or he had poor communication skills when it came to the future or the relationship but most men in their 20s do, so women are told.

Silver lining, today’s children sure will know which symptoms are which.

Poor you. He was so, so good at masking that you just had no idea. And your daddy didn't teach you either. The horrors. Everyone is at fault but you.

Victim blaming isn't a good look on you.

DP and in my situation, my divorce lawyers said stay together to get 100% custody because HFA DH can't handle 50-50 (but will fight tooth and nail for it). We've been living in separate wings of the house for 5 years, have family dinner together every night, and, with many boundaries, have a low conflict marriage. It's all the kids (twins) have known some they were babies.

YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM. You're trying to portray yourself as one and that is well worth making fun of.

When your ASD DC has difficulty finding a partner, it won't be because of ASD. It will be your fault, the nightmare MIL.

Not to worry, dear. He knows to stay clear of women who never grow up or take accountability for their actions. He is autistic, not dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s crazy to me is apparently how many of these husbands who masked for decades and appeared to love and care for their spouses enough to have these women fall in love, suddenly dropped the mask and is at some point completely incapable of loving their spouses and children and yet completely capable of being affable and productive at work.

Come on, this is kind of absurd. There’s something else going on. Something we are missing.

You mean their life responsibilities went through the roof when they got married, two job household, own a property, have two sets of older parents, have kids to parent and care for, etc.
And instead of rising to the occasion and growing as an adult…. they shutdown and stayed the same as a single working person, ignoring and neglecting their actual adult responsibilities. Sure they tried to mask and fake it a bit, but that’s too exhausting to do at work plus at home.

Their mothers know this too. The unmasked version of their kid or adult kid. Any NT parent of them knows, and hopes it went away but fear it never does. Because they will have to pick up the broken pieces.

You clearly know nothing about autism. You are the poster child of “I picked badly,” so I must blame something, anything. An autistic person is not able to mask so well for so many years that you have no idea what is going on. If they are on the spectrum, they don’t need life to get super stressful for their autism to suddenly emerge. They struggle every day, most of them with basic stuff. So take some responsibility and stop dragging autistic people into your shitty marriage.

Cool, we’ll be sure to tell the PhD neuropsychologist that who did the diagnoses and the PhD psychologist who does the bimonthly zooms about your big discovery.
Maybe all the other chronic symptom patterns aren’t really happening either….

Folks, it has become clear that OP is a troll.

There’s been a lot of thoughtful commentary here but she negates every single post because she can’t reflect on the fact that just maybe, there’s more to her situation that what she’s telling herself.

You are clearly deep in despair OP, and life isn’t meant to be like this. I hope you find your way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s crazy to me is apparently how many of these husbands who masked for decades and appeared to love and care for their spouses enough to have these women fall in love, suddenly dropped the mask and is at some point completely incapable of loving their spouses and children and yet completely capable of being affable and productive at work.

Come on, this is kind of absurd. There’s something else going on. Something we are missing.

You mean their life responsibilities went through the roof when they got married, two job household, own a property, have two sets of older parents, have kids to parent and care for, etc.
And instead of rising to the occasion and growing as an adult…. they shutdown and stayed the same as a single working person, ignoring and neglecting their actual adult responsibilities. Sure they tried to mask and fake it a bit, but that’s too exhausting to do at work plus at home.

Their mothers know this too. The unmasked version of their kid or adult kid. Any NT parent of them knows, and hopes it went away but fear it never does. Because they will have to pick up the broken pieces.

You clearly know nothing about autism. You are the poster child of “I picked badly,” so I must blame something, anything. An autistic person is not able to mask so well for so many years that you have no idea what is going on. If they are on the spectrum, they don’t need life to get super stressful for their autism to suddenly emerge. They struggle every day, most of them with basic stuff. So take some responsibility and stop dragging autistic people into your shitty marriage.

Cool, we’ll be sure to tell the PhD neuropsychologist that who did the diagnoses and the PhD psychologist who does the bimonthly zooms about your big discovery.
Maybe all the other chronic symptom patterns aren’t really happening either….

He either had them all along and you chose to ignore them or he is being misdiagnosed. You simply don’t start showing the first stamping at 40. DOES.NOT.HAPPEN!!

For those of us who grew up in functional homes with caring and involved fathers, and dated in our late 20s we never learned what Asperger’s symptoms were. Until we were a frog in a pot of increasingly boiling water.

Sure he worked a lot and planned some nonsensical 2 person vacations and love bombed like he saw in the movies. Now I know it was him checking a box, and w poor planning skills. Or he had poor communication skills when it came to the future or the relationship but most men in their 20s do, so women are told.

Silver lining, today’s children sure will know which symptoms are which.

Poor you. He was so, so good at masking that you just had no idea. And your daddy didn't teach you either. The horrors. Everyone is at fault but you.

NP
I don’t know what your problem is but yes i unknowingly married into an aspie family and have the constant chaos, once kids entered the picture, to prove it.

And I will extract myself from the chaos- which is now contained and the aspies are cut out of decisions and day to day systems- as soon as the kids launch.

I have excellent NaMI, family and friend support networks, who all know and have seen firsthand what I am dealing with.

I have a great career which keeps me sane, a great family of origin he has unmasked for so they get it, and I have a great AS/Nt therapist I can tap into if or when needed.

Do I deeply regret marrying this person? Yes.

Do I fear for my children that they may have it? Yes. It makes life very difficult.

Do I fear my children will always have an aspie father who always puts himself first and unknowingly mistreats them? Yes.

That is the hand we are now dealt.

If children were not here to be protected and raised, I would have left 10 years ago. First I thought he was passive aggressive, then adhd, then tested and it was ASD 1 plus the associated anxiety and depression that comes with it.

I’m type A, very high functioning, v senior in my industry, great at multi tasking, excellent at managing the nanny housekeeper and systems.
However, this situation is a physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting roller coaster.

I never know when all the wheels will fall off. But I’ll know exactly why they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s crazy to me is apparently how many of these husbands who masked for decades and appeared to love and care for their spouses enough to have these women fall in love, suddenly dropped the mask and is at some point completely incapable of loving their spouses and children and yet completely capable of being affable and productive at work.

Come on, this is kind of absurd. There’s something else going on. Something we are missing.

You mean their life responsibilities went through the roof when they got married, two job household, own a property, have two sets of older parents, have kids to parent and care for, etc.
And instead of rising to the occasion and growing as an adult…. they shutdown and stayed the same as a single working person, ignoring and neglecting their actual adult responsibilities. Sure they tried to mask and fake it a bit, but that’s too exhausting to do at work plus at home.

Their mothers know this too. The unmasked version of their kid or adult kid. Any NT parent of them knows, and hopes it went away but fear it never does. Because they will have to pick up the broken pieces.

You clearly know nothing about autism. You are the poster child of “I picked badly,” so I must blame something, anything. An autistic person is not able to mask so well for so many years that you have no idea what is going on. If they are on the spectrum, they don’t need life to get super stressful for their autism to suddenly emerge. They struggle every day, most of them with basic stuff. So take some responsibility and stop dragging autistic people into your shitty marriage.

Cool, we’ll be sure to tell the PhD neuropsychologist that who did the diagnoses and the PhD psychologist who does the bimonthly zooms about your big discovery.
Maybe all the other chronic symptom patterns aren’t really happening either….

He either had them all along and you chose to ignore them or he is being misdiagnosed. You simply don’t start showing the first stamping at 40. DOES.NOT.HAPPEN!!

For those of us who grew up in functional homes with caring and involved fathers, and dated in our late 20s we never learned what Asperger’s symptoms were. Until we were a frog in a pot of increasingly boiling water.

Sure he worked a lot and planned some nonsensical 2 person vacations and love bombed like he saw in the movies. Now I know it was him checking a box, and w poor planning skills. Or he had poor communication skills when it came to the future or the relationship but most men in their 20s do, so women are told.

Silver lining, today’s children sure will know which symptoms are which.

Poor you. He was so, so good at masking that you just had no idea. And your daddy didn't teach you either. The horrors. Everyone is at fault but you.

Victim blaming isn't a good look on you.

DP and in my situation, my divorce lawyers said stay together to get 100% custody because HFA DH can't handle 50-50 (but will fight tooth and nail for it). We've been living in separate wings of the house for 5 years, have family dinner together every night, and, with many boundaries, have a low conflict marriage. It's all the kids (twins) have known some they were babies.

+1. Family courts don’t care about mental disorders or quality of care or safety. In fact CPS will go after you if you OKd their watching of the kids and a bad accident or injury or misjudgment happens.

+1. Separate beds and rooms are common. Living in separate homes is recommended as well, especially if anger outbursts are frequent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s crazy to me is apparently how many of these husbands who masked for decades and appeared to love and care for their spouses enough to have these women fall in love, suddenly dropped the mask and is at some point completely incapable of loving their spouses and children and yet completely capable of being affable and productive at work.

Come on, this is kind of absurd. There’s something else going on. Something we are missing.

You mean their life responsibilities went through the roof when they got married, two job household, own a property, have two sets of older parents, have kids to parent and care for, etc.
And instead of rising to the occasion and growing as an adult…. they shutdown and stayed the same as a single working person, ignoring and neglecting their actual adult responsibilities. Sure they tried to mask and fake it a bit, but that’s too exhausting to do at work plus at home.

Their mothers know this too. The unmasked version of their kid or adult kid. Any NT parent of them knows, and hopes it went away but fear it never does. Because they will have to pick up the broken pieces.

You clearly know nothing about autism. You are the poster child of “I picked badly,” so I must blame something, anything. An autistic person is not able to mask so well for so many years that you have no idea what is going on. If they are on the spectrum, they don’t need life to get super stressful for their autism to suddenly emerge. They struggle every day, most of them with basic stuff. So take some responsibility and stop dragging autistic people into your shitty marriage.

Cool, we’ll be sure to tell the PhD neuropsychologist that who did the diagnoses and the PhD psychologist who does the bimonthly zooms about your big discovery.
Maybe all the other chronic symptom patterns aren’t really happening either….

He either had them all along and you chose to ignore them or he is being misdiagnosed. You simply don’t start showing the first stamping at 40. DOES.NOT.HAPPEN!!

For those of us who grew up in functional homes with caring and involved fathers, and dated in our late 20s we never learned what Asperger’s symptoms were. Until we were a frog in a pot of increasingly boiling water.

Sure he worked a lot and planned some nonsensical 2 person vacations and love bombed like he saw in the movies. Now I know it was him checking a box, and w poor planning skills. Or he had poor communication skills when it came to the future or the relationship but most men in their 20s do, so women are told.

Silver lining, today’s children sure will know which symptoms are which.

Poor you. He was so, so good at masking that you just had no idea. And your daddy didn't teach you either. The horrors. Everyone is at fault but you.

NP
I don’t know what your problem is but yes i unknowingly married into an aspie family and have the constant chaos, once kids entered the picture, to prove it.

And I will extract myself from the chaos- which is now contained and the aspies are cut out of decisions and day to day systems- as soon as the kids launch.

I have excellent NaMI, family and friend support networks, who all know and have seen firsthand what I am dealing with.

I have a great career which keeps me sane, a great family of origin he has unmasked for so they get it, and I have a great AS/Nt therapist I can tap into if or when needed.

Do I deeply regret marrying this person? Yes.

Do I fear for my children that they may have it? Yes. It makes life very difficult.

Do I fear my children will always have an aspie father who always puts himself first and unknowingly mistreats them? Yes.

That is the hand we are now dealt.

If children were not here to be protected and raised, I would have left 10 years ago. First I thought he was passive aggressive, then adhd, then tested and it was ASD 1 plus the associated anxiety and depression that comes with it.

I’m type A, very high functioning, v senior in my industry, great at multi tasking, excellent at managing the nanny housekeeper and systems.
However, this situation is a physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting roller coaster.

I never know when all the wheels will fall off. But I’ll know exactly why they do.

You had no idea who he was before you married him? Like you met him on your wedding day and were completely blindsided? Please do not repeat the same old trope that he was totally fine and was masking all of those years before kids and responsibilities, because I can guarantee you that a truly autistic person is simply not able to do that. I live with a 16 year old who is on the spectrum (ASD 1, highly functioning) and most people know right away. You can't fake not being autistic with your most intimate partner. You married an as777le who later got a doctor to diagnose something and take responsibility away from him AND YOU.

I simply do not believe that nearly every woman living with a suddently autistic man had no idea and was completely blindsided. I also do not beleive that the vast majority of these men are actually autistic. I get that they are difficult, selfish, unorganized, etc. Does not necessarily make them autistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cassandra’s syndrome.
Ring a bell moms and wives?

Is the essence of Cassandra’s Syndrome here the gaslighting and the external masking vs at-home unmasking?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s crazy to me is apparently how many of these husbands who masked for decades and appeared to love and care for their spouses enough to have these women fall in love, suddenly dropped the mask and is at some point completely incapable of loving their spouses and children and yet completely capable of being affable and productive at work.

Come on, this is kind of absurd. There’s something else going on. Something we are missing.

You mean their life responsibilities went through the roof when they got married, two job household, own a property, have two sets of older parents, have kids to parent and care for, etc.
And instead of rising to the occasion and growing as an adult…. they shutdown and stayed the same as a single working person, ignoring and neglecting their actual adult responsibilities. Sure they tried to mask and fake it a bit, but that’s too exhausting to do at work plus at home.

Their mothers know this too. The unmasked version of their kid or adult kid. Any NT parent of them knows, and hopes it went away but fear it never does. Because they will have to pick up the broken pieces.

You clearly know nothing about autism. You are the poster child of “I picked badly,” so I must blame something, anything. An autistic person is not able to mask so well for so many years that you have no idea what is going on. If they are on the spectrum, they don’t need life to get super stressful for their autism to suddenly emerge. They struggle every day, most of them with basic stuff. So take some responsibility and stop dragging autistic people into your shitty marriage.

Cool, we’ll be sure to tell the PhD neuropsychologist that who did the diagnoses and the PhD psychologist who does the bimonthly zooms about your big discovery.
Maybe all the other chronic symptom patterns aren’t really happening either….

He either had them all along and you chose to ignore them or he is being misdiagnosed. You simply don’t start showing the first stamping at 40. DOES.NOT.HAPPEN!!

For those of us who grew up in functional homes with caring and involved fathers, and dated in our late 20s we never learned what Asperger’s symptoms were. Until we were a frog in a pot of increasingly boiling water.

Sure he worked a lot and planned some nonsensical 2 person vacations and love bombed like he saw in the movies. Now I know it was him checking a box, and w poor planning skills. Or he had poor communication skills when it came to the future or the relationship but most men in their 20s do, so women are told.

Silver lining, today’s children sure will know which symptoms are which.

You are a cruel b-word and deserve every misery you get.