ASD gaslighting

[Anonymous]

It's so exhausting to even be in the same room as DH who was diagnosed ASD a couple of years ago

The Cumulative Effect of ASD Aggravation and Gaslighting
www.nationalautismacademy.com/the-cumulative-effect-of-asd-aggravation-and-gaslighting

[Anonymous]

Huge hugs! I get it. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Now swap the “ASD” disability for “Down Syndrome” and hopefully you can see what a close minded jerk you sound like. You are free to divorce if your husband’s disability is too much for you. But ASD presentation isn’t gaslighting. It’s the outcome of neurological, cognitive and social differences. Understand the difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now swap the “ASD” disability for “Down Syndrome” and hopefully you can see what a close minded jerk you sound like. You are free to divorce if your husband’s disability is too much for you. But ASD presentation isn’t gaslighting. It’s the outcome of neurological, cognitive and social differences. Understand the difference.

DP, this is apples to oranges. Many young men mask their ASD when they’re young through copy and paste behavior and using alcohol. In fact, it’s only when life becomes even more stressful and difficult that they are unable to mask any longer. You can’t mask with down syndrome. Please tell me how many Neurotypical people you know who have married someone with down syndrome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's so exhausting to even be in the same room as DH who was diagnosed ASD a couple of years ago

The Cumulative Effect of ASD Aggravation and Gaslighting
www.nationalautismacademy.com/the-cumulative-effect-of-asd-aggravation-and-gaslighting

Thanks for posting this, this quote is very validating…
“ Even though it is not driven by mal-intent or purposefully executed, the difficulty, self-doubt, and confusion we experience in living alongside an individual with high functioning ASD (especially if they are not diagnosed) can be very debilitating. In our work at the National Autism Academy, one of the most profound supports we deliver is to validate the experience of those living with people on the spectrum.“

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now swap the “ASD” disability for “Down Syndrome” and hopefully you can see what a close minded jerk you sound like. You are free to divorce if your husband’s disability is too much for you. But ASD presentation isn’t gaslighting. It’s the outcome of neurological, cognitive and social differences. Understand the difference.

Yea, no. My xH was ASD+ADHD, and there was always a million excuses from him and his various therapists why he couldn’t function.

I eventually kicked him out and surprise, he was able to manage just fine when there were real consequences like “you’ll be evicted if you don’t pay rent on time” and “you’ll starve if you don’t remember to get groceries”.

Remember, one of the most effective treatments for ASD is ABA, which is about imposing consequences so they learn what the correct behavior is.

[Anonymous]

It’s not common for people with ASD to gaslight. They don’t have the social skills to do it. The hallmark of ASD is difficulty with social communication, so it is likely very challenging to be in a relationship with someone with this diagnosis, but there not often cold calculation or manipulation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not common for people with ASD to gaslight. They don’t have the social skills to do it. The hallmark of ASD is difficulty with social communication, so it is likely very challenging to be in a relationship with someone with this diagnosis, but there not often cold calculation or manipulation.

The article isn’t even describing gaslighting. Gaslighting is if her son said he never had the scissors or that he wasn’t late to his appointment, despite the obvious evidence that he was. Her son admitted he did and just said she was overreacting.

Which I agree with. There’s an easy fix for these. If he loses scissors, he never gets to borrow them again, he has to buy his own. If he’s late to an appointment, he pays the fee.

[Anonymous]

How can someone gaslight when they have trouble lying?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now swap the “ASD” disability for “Down Syndrome” and hopefully you can see what a close minded jerk you sound like. You are free to divorce if your husband’s disability is too much for you. But ASD presentation isn’t gaslighting. It’s the outcome of neurological, cognitive and social differences. Understand the difference.

DP, this is apples to oranges. Many young men mask their ASD when they’re young through copy and paste behavior and using alcohol. In fact, it’s only when life becomes even more stressful and difficult that they are unable to mask any longer. You can’t mask with down syndrome. Please tell me how many Neurotypical people you know who have married someone with down syndrome.

I would even add to this… How many neurotypical people do you think married people with down syndrome, without knowing that they had down syndrome because they have masked it so well? These two are not the same thing.

Yes, to some extent, they cannot help the way they are, but when you have an issue in life, it is your responsibility to do what you can to fix it, not rely on your wife solely a caregiver.

[Anonymous]

Not only was it easier for my DH to mask when he was younger, but life stressors have gotten worse as we’ve gotten older, and aging has slowed him down… Made him less flexible, more rigid, and made his executive function even worse.

It is tough to even have conversations with him because it some point pretty early on, I’ll say a very random and innocuous thing that will set him off, or he will somehow tell me I’m not having the conversation right. It’s like in his ASD rigid brain, he has these rules of what a conversation is supposed to be like, which he of course, does not have to follow because there is always a very good reason he’s not following them (and more often than not that reason is somehow my fault), but if I’m not following them, he blows up.

Also, when we were younger, he used to be a great lover… I think he thought that sexually pleasing me was one of the rules of dating and marriage. As we’ve been married many many years now, he’s gotten very comfortable and doesn’t think it applies anymore. Especially since he’s gotten older and he’s slowed down (I haven’t), he thinks that’s just the way it is and doesn’t really get the need to compromise because he’s fine with the way things are, so there must be something wrong with me if I don’t agree with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not common for people with ASD to gaslight. They don’t have the social skills to do it. The hallmark of ASD is difficulty with social communication, so it is likely very challenging to be in a relationship with someone with this diagnosis, but there not often cold calculation or manipulation.

In this situation gaslight isn't about the bad intentions of the ASD gaslighter. It's about the crazymaking effects gaslighting has on the NT partner

[Anonymous]

I FEEL you op. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR POSTING THIS. I could totally relate to my DH. Absolutely utterly exhausting to be around. As much I as I love him, it's so much. I feel like without meaning to he makes my life so much harder. And now I really get the old saying that love is not a feeling that love is a daily choice.

[Anonymous]

Autism wife just get a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not common for people with ASD to gaslight. They don’t have the social skills to do it. The hallmark of ASD is difficulty with social communication, so it is likely very challenging to be in a relationship with someone with this diagnosis, but there not often cold calculation or manipulation.

+1.