ASD gaslighting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now swap the “ASD” disability for “Down Syndrome” and hopefully you can see what a close minded jerk you sound like. You are free to divorce if your husband’s disability is too much for you. But ASD presentation isn’t gaslighting. It’s the outcome of neurological, cognitive and social differences. Understand the difference.

DP, this is apples to oranges. Many young men mask their ASD when they’re young through copy and paste behavior and using alcohol. In fact, it’s only when life becomes even more stressful and difficult that they are unable to mask any longer. You can’t mask with down syndrome. Please tell me how many Neurotypical people you know who have married someone with down syndrome.

Wtf are you ranting about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now swap the “ASD” disability for “Down Syndrome” and hopefully you can see what a close minded jerk you sound like. You are free to divorce if your husband’s disability is too much for you. But ASD presentation isn’t gaslighting. It’s the outcome of neurological, cognitive and social differences. Understand the difference.

DP, this is apples to oranges. Many young men mask their ASD when they’re young through copy and paste behavior and using alcohol. In fact, it’s only when life becomes even more stressful and difficult that they are unable to mask any longer. You can’t mask with down syndrome. Please tell me how many Neurotypical people you know who have married someone with down syndrome.

I would even add to this… How many neurotypical people do you think married people with down syndrome, without knowing that they had down syndrome because they have masked it so well? These two are not the same thing.

Yes, to some extent, they cannot help the way they are, but when you have an issue in life, it is your responsibility to do what you can to fix it, not rely on your wife solely a caregiver.

Autism cannot be masked like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now swap the “ASD” disability for “Down Syndrome” and hopefully you can see what a close minded jerk you sound like. You are free to divorce if your husband’s disability is too much for you. But ASD presentation isn’t gaslighting. It’s the outcome of neurological, cognitive and social differences. Understand the difference.

Who asked you to compare?

Stop invalidating OP's feelings, now see what kind of close minded jerk you are!

[Anonymous]

What tf did I just read? That vignette about the scissors makes the author sound nuts and impossible to live with. the kid had the scissors. To think that in a household everything must stay exactly where you put it is a bit much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now swap the “ASD” disability for “Down Syndrome” and hopefully you can see what a close minded jerk you sound like. You are free to divorce if your husband’s disability is too much for you. But ASD presentation isn’t gaslighting. It’s the outcome of neurological, cognitive and social differences. Understand the difference.

Who asked you to compare?

Stop invalidating OP's feelings, now see what kind of close minded jerk you are!

OP is making false accusations about autism based on a blog that traffics in pervasive negative stereotypes about autism.

[Anonymous]

OP is venting about something that *feels* like gaslighting to her from ASD DH, even though she acknowledges that it isn’t actual gaslighting given his diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is venting about something that *feels* like gaslighting to her from ASD DH, even though she acknowledges that it isn’t actual gaslighting given his diagnosis.

So she’s doing the gaslighting and distorting of reality lol.

[Anonymous]

I am not going to read that link but I don't think this is common with ASD. There are of course social challenges with ASD but I don't think "gaslighting" is one of them. My DD with ASD would never deny an obvious truth and doesn't lie. The issues tend to arise with being overly literal to the point of pedantry (she corrects other people a lot to a degree that can cause conflict, especially when she fails to recognize or acknowledge the other person's frustration). And then rigidity.

I do think gaslighting could be an issue with ADHD because sometimes the ADHD brain wants to lie or spin a story if it can't focus long enough to identify the truth. Or someone with ADHD can get into the habit of lying to cover for procrastination and avoidance, and those lies can be one gaslighting. But this can be treated. If you can address the underlying problems leading an ADHDer to mask through lying, you can address the "gaslighting." I think this is less likely to be a concern with kids who are diagnosed and receiving treatment. I could definitely see this being an issue with undiagnosed adults, especially within a marriage when the stress of kids is likely to overwhelm someone with ADHD and exacerbate these behaviors.

But it doesn't sound like ASD to me. Lying is sort of the opposite of the sexual challenges you get with ASD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now swap the “ASD” disability for “Down Syndrome” and hopefully you can see what a close minded jerk you sound like. You are free to divorce if your husband’s disability is too much for you. But ASD presentation isn’t gaslighting. It’s the outcome of neurological, cognitive and social differences. Understand the difference.

DP, this is apples to oranges. Many young men mask their ASD when they’re young through copy and paste behavior and using alcohol. In fact, it’s only when life becomes even more stressful and difficult that they are unable to mask any longer. You can’t mask with down syndrome. Please tell me how many Neurotypical people you know who have married someone with down syndrome.

I would even add to this… How many neurotypical people do you think married people with down syndrome, without knowing that they had down syndrome because they have masked it so well? These two are not the same thing.

Yes, to some extent, they cannot help the way they are, but when you have an issue in life, it is your responsibility to do what you can to fix it, not rely on your wife solely a caregiver.

Well then OP needs to put on her big girl pants and exit the marriage and stop being a martyr.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now swap the “ASD” disability for “Down Syndrome” and hopefully you can see what a close minded jerk you sound like. You are free to divorce if your husband’s disability is too much for you. But ASD presentation isn’t gaslighting. It’s the outcome of neurological, cognitive and social differences. Understand the difference.

DP, this is apples to oranges. Many young men mask their ASD when they’re young through copy and paste behavior and using alcohol. In fact, it’s only when life becomes even more stressful and difficult that they are unable to mask any longer. You can’t mask with down syndrome. Please tell me how many Neurotypical people you know who have married someone with down syndrome.

I would even add to this… How many neurotypical people do you think married people with down syndrome, without knowing that they had down syndrome because they have masked it so well? These two are not the same thing.

Yes, to some extent, they cannot help the way they are, but when you have an issue in life, it is your responsibility to do what you can to fix it, not rely on your wife solely a caregiver.

Well then OP needs to put on her big girl pants and exit the marriage and stop being a martyr.

+1. It takes a special kind of martyr to develop a whole identify as an “autism wife” and the travails of being an “NT” instead of just … getting a divorce. Pro tip - no matter the source of the dysfunction, spending all your mental energy on analysing and categorizing the reasons behind the other person’s behavior get you nowhere. Either you two have patterns than can be addressed or you don’t. if the latter then you have only yourself to blame if you stick around.

[Anonymous]

1. This blog is not a legitimate source of information.


2. It doesn't describe gaslighting.

3. There's a huge misunderstanding of what gaslighting is.


4..ASD masking is not a manipulation technique.

[Anonymous]

The premise of this post is so incredibly foul it’s hard to overstate.

OP, your husband isn’t using his neurodivergence to manipulate you. To imply as much shows that you’re not able to own your part in not taking enough time to get to know him before committing to a lifelong partnership. That’s 100% on you.

I’m not saying that living with an autistic individual isn’t challenging. It is. But he’s not doing this TO you. So take some responsibility and move forward appropriately.

[Anonymous]

5. The ones who claim 'gaslighting' are usually projecting their own behavior.

6. The women on here who claim they have ASD masking husbands sound very dysfunctional themselves with undiagnosed ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The premise of this post is so incredibly foul it’s hard to overstate.

OP, your husband isn’t using his neurodivergence to manipulate you. To imply as much shows that you’re not able to own your part in not taking enough time to get to know him before committing to a lifelong partnership. That’s 100% on you.

I’m not saying that living with an autistic individual isn’t challenging. It is. But he’s not doing this TO you. So take some responsibility and move forward appropriately.

I think she’s foul too. I also don’t think neurodivergence is an excuse to be a d*ck. mainly my issue with OP and her ilk is their batty ideas about what autism is, and paranoid beliefs about things like “he masked for 10 years I had no clue!”

[Anonymous]

OP I feel your pain. My ex hid his symptoms while dating too. Once parenthood came along our marriage became hell. It’s so utterly exhausting to be with someone with ASD. The scars created are real but no one understands. It was horrible for my mental health. I’m so glad to have left him.