ASD gaslighting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I feel your pain. My ex hid his symptoms while dating too. Once parenthood came along our marriage became hell. It’s so utterly exhausting to be with someone with ASD. The scars created are real but no one understands. It was horrible for my mental health. I’m so glad to have left him.

Again not how autism works.

How do you know? Why are you so into invalidating others' experience?

I wonder if the ASD deniers are the parents of HF ASD kids and are terrified for their kids when they grow up and try to find partners. I think if you've already identified your ASD DC and are getting them help, they're in really good positions and will be fine

ust because you married an as66le it DOES NOT MEAN HE HAS A DIAGNOSABLE NEUROLOGIACAL DISODER.

Wow triggered!

But in my case DH is actually on the ASD spectrum (as is my kid so I get it)

PP here. And yes I’m triggered. I have a son on the spectrum and the misinformation and mislabeling of behavior that has nothing to do with ASD on this forum is ont of control.

No, your husband was not masking so well for 10 years that you had no clue. No, not every moron who didn’t grow up and doesn’t know how to be a husband is on the spectrum.

Sorry, I’ll stop now. It does no one any good when we basically use autism the way we used to use the R word in the past.

Glad you have it all figured out. Enjoy the ride, you can never get off it.

DP. Your cruelty is astounding. No, I don’t want to get rid of my autistic child. He has more kindness and compassion than you could ever dream of having yourself.

+10000 using autism diagnoses to describe every undesirable behavior in a husband is so disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now swap the “ASD” disability for “Down Syndrome” and hopefully you can see what a close minded jerk you sound like. You are free to divorce if your husband’s disability is too much for you. But ASD presentation isn’t gaslighting. It’s the outcome of neurological, cognitive and social differences. Understand the difference.

DP, this is apples to oranges. Many young men mask their ASD when they’re young through copy and paste behavior and using alcohol. In fact, it’s only when life becomes even more stressful and difficult that they are unable to mask any longer. You can’t mask with down syndrome. Please tell me how many Neurotypical people you know who have married someone with down syndrome.

How about ASD women? Or are ASD men the only ones with issues? I wish my wife could agree to a psych evaluation so we can rule out ASD. Ya'll on this forum mostly attribute mental health issues to men.

read Dr Kathy Marshack books or websites. Her mother was ASD, which led to her marrying one and having one child with it.
Her story is unfortunately common- as it is so genetic (so how does one know their kid needs help when they are the same), and hopefully people in 2025 are finding better ways forward.

Better ways forward in what sense? Like people on the spectrum shouldn’t be able to reproduce? Yes, it’s 2025, and we no longer talk about the disabled the way that you are taking about it. I don’t see my autistic friends and family as “unfortunately common” as you do. It’s a big world out there and it takes all kinds.

Gawd are you broken record, overly defensive, and totally incorrect every time you post your BS.

Read up on “better ways” for NT/AS relationships to communicate and co-exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I feel your pain. My ex hid his symptoms while dating too. Once parenthood came along our marriage became hell. It’s so utterly exhausting to be with someone with ASD. The scars created are real but no one understands. It was horrible for my mental health. I’m so glad to have left him.

Again not how autism works.

How do you know? Why are you so into invalidating others' experience?

I wonder if the ASD deniers are the parents of HF ASD kids and are terrified for their kids when they grow up and try to find partners. I think if you've already identified your ASD DC and are getting them help, they're in really good positions and will be fine

ust because you married an as66le it DOES NOT MEAN HE HAS A DIAGNOSABLE NEUROLOGIACAL DISODER.

Wow triggered!

But in my case DH is actually on the ASD spectrum (as is my kid so I get it)

PP here. And yes I’m triggered. I have a son on the spectrum and the misinformation and mislabeling of behavior that has nothing to do with ASD on this forum is ont of control.

No, your husband was not masking so well for 10 years that you had no clue. No, not every moron who didn’t grow up and doesn’t know how to be a husband is on the spectrum.

Sorry, I’ll stop now. It does no one any good when we basically use autism the way we used to use the R word in the past.

Glad you have it all figured out. Enjoy the ride, you can never get off it.

DP. Your cruelty is astounding. No, I don’t want to get rid of my autistic child. He has more kindness and compassion than you could ever dream of having yourself.

+10000 using autism diagnoses to describe every undesirable behavior in a husband is so disgusting.

Agree. It could be all Learned Helplessness, Misogyny, and Narcissism instead. And they’re not any DSM Dx, but doing it all on purpose.

Does that change anything? Not for day to day life with a partner with “undesirable behaviors” .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now swap the “ASD” disability for “Down Syndrome” and hopefully you can see what a close minded jerk you sound like. You are free to divorce if your husband’s disability is too much for you. But ASD presentation isn’t gaslighting. It’s the outcome of neurological, cognitive and social differences. Understand the difference.

DP, this is apples to oranges. Many young men mask their ASD when they’re young through copy and paste behavior and using alcohol. In fact, it’s only when life becomes even more stressful and difficult that they are unable to mask any longer. You can’t mask with down syndrome. Please tell me how many Neurotypical people you know who have married someone with down syndrome.

How about ASD women? Or are ASD men the only ones with issues? I wish my wife could agree to a psych evaluation so we can rule out ASD. Ya'll on this forum mostly attribute mental health issues to men.

read Dr Kathy Marshack books or websites. Her mother was ASD, which led to her marrying one and having one child with it.
Her story is unfortunately common- as it is so genetic (so how does one know their kid needs help when they are the same), and hopefully people in 2025 are finding better ways forward.

Better ways forward in what sense? Like people on the spectrum shouldn’t be able to reproduce? Yes, it’s 2025, and we no longer talk about the disabled the way that you are taking about it. I don’t see my autistic friends and family as “unfortunately common” as you do. It’s a big world out there and it takes all kinds.

Gawd are you broken record, overly defensive, and totally incorrect every time you post your BS.

Read up on “better ways” for NT/AS relationships to communicate and co-exist.

Well, Autism Wife (that’s what we’re calling you), the only way it will ever get better is to take accountability, open your eyes to the reality of this disability, and own your unhappiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now swap the “ASD” disability for “Down Syndrome” and hopefully you can see what a close minded jerk you sound like. You are free to divorce if your husband’s disability is too much for you. But ASD presentation isn’t gaslighting. It’s the outcome of neurological, cognitive and social differences. Understand the difference.

DP, this is apples to oranges. Many young men mask their ASD when they’re young through copy and paste behavior and using alcohol. In fact, it’s only when life becomes even more stressful and difficult that they are unable to mask any longer. You can’t mask with down syndrome. Please tell me how many Neurotypical people you know who have married someone with down syndrome.

How about ASD women? Or are ASD men the only ones with issues? I wish my wife could agree to a psych evaluation so we can rule out ASD. Ya'll on this forum mostly attribute mental health issues to men.

read Dr Kathy Marshack books or websites. Her mother was ASD, which led to her marrying one and having one child with it.
Her story is unfortunately common- as it is so genetic (so how does one know their kid needs help when they are the same), and hopefully people in 2025 are finding better ways forward.

Better ways forward in what sense? Like people on the spectrum shouldn’t be able to reproduce? Yes, it’s 2025, and we no longer talk about the disabled the way that you are taking about it. I don’t see my autistic friends and family as “unfortunately common” as you do. It’s a big world out there and it takes all kinds.

Gawd are you broken record, overly defensive, and totally incorrect every time you post your BS.

Read up on “better ways” for NT/AS relationships to communicate and co-exist.

Well, Autism Wife (that’s what we’re calling you), the only way it will ever get better is to take accountability, open your eyes to the reality of this disability, and own your unhappiness.

If you must, call us Austism Wives. There are many of us

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not only was it easier for my DH to mask when he was younger, but life stressors have gotten worse as we’ve gotten older, and aging has slowed him down… Made him less flexible, more rigid, and made his executive function even worse.

It is tough to even have conversations with him because it some point pretty early on, I’ll say a very random and innocuous thing that will set him off, or he will somehow tell me I’m not having the conversation right. It’s like in his ASD rigid brain, he has these rules of what a conversation is supposed to be like, which he of course, does not have to follow because there is always a very good reason he’s not following them (and more often than not that reason is somehow my fault), but if I’m not following them, he blows up.

Also, when we were younger, he used to be a great lover… I think he thought that sexually pleasing me was one of the rules of dating and marriage. As we’ve been married many many years now, he’s gotten very comfortable and doesn’t think it applies anymore. Especially since he’s gotten older and he’s slowed down (I haven’t), he thinks that’s just the way it is and doesn’t really get the need to compromise because he’s fine with the way things are, so there must be something wrong with me if I don’t agree with him.

Omg thank you for this. Where can we start a support group? I'm serious.

[Anonymous]

I read the article linked in the op and think it's pretty bad. It's not gaslighting.

She could have written the scissors story as part of an article about how it's daily little things like that, maybe a dozen a day, of tiny little things that make life just a tiny bit harder but add up to be exhausting. When each thing you try to do around the house or with your schedule is just a little bit inconvenienced or delayed, but you never know precisely which way it'll be inconvenienced it delayed, it's really tiring.

But the scissors story alone makes her sound a little looney and I didn't see evidence of gas lighting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now swap the “ASD” disability for “Down Syndrome” and hopefully you can see what a close minded jerk you sound like. You are free to divorce if your husband’s disability is too much for you. But ASD presentation isn’t gaslighting. It’s the outcome of neurological, cognitive and social differences. Understand the difference.

DP, this is apples to oranges. Many young men mask their ASD when they’re young through copy and paste behavior and using alcohol. In fact, it’s only when life becomes even more stressful and difficult that they are unable to mask any longer. You can’t mask with down syndrome. Please tell me how many Neurotypical people you know who have married someone with down syndrome.

How about ASD women? Or are ASD men the only ones with issues? I wish my wife could agree to a psych evaluation so we can rule out ASD. Ya'll on this forum mostly attribute mental health issues to men.

read Dr Kathy Marshack books or websites. Her mother was ASD, which led to her marrying one and having one child with it.
Her story is unfortunately common- as it is so genetic (so how does one know their kid needs help when they are the same), and hopefully people in 2025 are finding better ways forward.

Better ways forward in what sense? Like people on the spectrum shouldn’t be able to reproduce? Yes, it’s 2025, and we no longer talk about the disabled the way that you are taking about it. I don’t see my autistic friends and family as “unfortunately common” as you do. It’s a big world out there and it takes all kinds.

Gawd are you broken record, overly defensive, and totally incorrect every time you post your BS.

Read up on “better ways” for NT/AS relationships to communicate and co-exist.

Well, Autism Wife (that’s what we’re calling you), the only way it will ever get better is to take accountability, open your eyes to the reality of this disability, and own your unhappiness.

I’m only accountable to myself and the children.

He is unreliable, a poor communicator, and has anger issues, so just tags along when he’s not overwhelmed with life or his self induced chaos.

Several boundaries were set after his diagnoses at age 39.

[Anonymous]

I would divorce. Life is short!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now swap the “ASD” disability for “Down Syndrome” and hopefully you can see what a close minded jerk you sound like. You are free to divorce if your husband’s disability is too much for you. But ASD presentation isn’t gaslighting. It’s the outcome of neurological, cognitive and social differences. Understand the difference.

DP, this is apples to oranges. Many young men mask their ASD when they’re young through copy and paste behavior and using alcohol. In fact, it’s only when life becomes even more stressful and difficult that they are unable to mask any longer. You can’t mask with down syndrome. Please tell me how many Neurotypical people you know who have married someone with down syndrome.

How about ASD women? Or are ASD men the only ones with issues? I wish my wife could agree to a psych evaluation so we can rule out ASD. Ya'll on this forum mostly attribute mental health issues to men.

read Dr Kathy Marshack books or websites. Her mother was ASD, which led to her marrying one and having one child with it.
Her story is unfortunately common- as it is so genetic (so how does one know their kid needs help when they are the same), and hopefully people in 2025 are finding better ways forward.

Better ways forward in what sense? Like people on the spectrum shouldn’t be able to reproduce? Yes, it’s 2025, and we no longer talk about the disabled the way that you are taking about it. I don’t see my autistic friends and family as “unfortunately common” as you do. It’s a big world out there and it takes all kinds.

Gawd are you broken record, overly defensive, and totally incorrect every time you post your BS.

Read up on “better ways” for NT/AS relationships to communicate and co-exist.

Well, Autism Wife (that’s what we’re calling you), the only way it will ever get better is to take accountability, open your eyes to the reality of this disability, and own your unhappiness.

If you must, call us Austism Wives. There are many of us

It's as if you had zero control or the ability to pick your partner or reproduce with him.

[Anonymous]

Trollin’

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now swap the “ASD” disability for “Down Syndrome” and hopefully you can see what a close minded jerk you sound like. You are free to divorce if your husband’s disability is too much for you. But ASD presentation isn’t gaslighting. It’s the outcome of neurological, cognitive and social differences. Understand the difference.

DP, this is apples to oranges. Many young men mask their ASD when they’re young through copy and paste behavior and using alcohol. In fact, it’s only when life becomes even more stressful and difficult that they are unable to mask any longer. You can’t mask with down syndrome. Please tell me how many Neurotypical people you know who have married someone with down syndrome.

How about ASD women? Or are ASD men the only ones with issues? I wish my wife could agree to a psych evaluation so we can rule out ASD. Ya'll on this forum mostly attribute mental health issues to men.

read Dr Kathy Marshack books or websites. Her mother was ASD, which led to her marrying one and having one child with it.
Her story is unfortunately common- as it is so genetic (so how does one know their kid needs help when they are the same), and hopefully people in 2025 are finding better ways forward.

Better ways forward in what sense? Like people on the spectrum shouldn’t be able to reproduce? Yes, it’s 2025, and we no longer talk about the disabled the way that you are taking about it. I don’t see my autistic friends and family as “unfortunately common” as you do. It’s a big world out there and it takes all kinds.

Gawd are you broken record, overly defensive, and totally incorrect every time you post your BS.

Read up on “better ways” for NT/AS relationships to communicate and co-exist.

Well, Autism Wife (that’s what we’re calling you), the only way it will ever get better is to take accountability, open your eyes to the reality of this disability, and own your unhappiness.

If you must, call us Austism Wives. There are many of us

It's as if you had zero control or the ability to pick your partner or reproduce with him.

Lol right?! “He masked for 10 years!”

GMAFB. That’s not how masking works. You either had your head in the sand or are blaming your bad picker on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now swap the “ASD” disability for “Down Syndrome” and hopefully you can see what a close minded jerk you sound like. You are free to divorce if your husband’s disability is too much for you. But ASD presentation isn’t gaslighting. It’s the outcome of neurological, cognitive and social differences. Understand the difference.

DP, this is apples to oranges. Many young men mask their ASD when they’re young through copy and paste behavior and using alcohol. In fact, it’s only when life becomes even more stressful and difficult that they are unable to mask any longer. You can’t mask with down syndrome. Please tell me how many Neurotypical people you know who have married someone with down syndrome.

How about ASD women? Or are ASD men the only ones with issues? I wish my wife could agree to a psych evaluation so we can rule out ASD. Ya'll on this forum mostly attribute mental health issues to men.

read Dr Kathy Marshack books or websites. Her mother was ASD, which led to her marrying one and having one child with it.
Her story is unfortunately common- as it is so genetic (so how does one know their kid needs help when they are the same), and hopefully people in 2025 are finding better ways forward.

Better ways forward in what sense? Like people on the spectrum shouldn’t be able to reproduce? Yes, it’s 2025, and we no longer talk about the disabled the way that you are taking about it. I don’t see my autistic friends and family as “unfortunately common” as you do. It’s a big world out there and it takes all kinds.

Gawd are you broken record, overly defensive, and totally incorrect every time you post your BS.

Read up on “better ways” for NT/AS relationships to communicate and co-exist.

Well, Autism Wife (that’s what we’re calling you), the only way it will ever get better is to take accountability, open your eyes to the reality of this disability, and own your unhappiness.

I’m only accountable to myself and the children.

He is unreliable, a poor communicator, and has anger issues, so just tags along when he’s not overwhelmed with life or his self induced chaos.

Several boundaries were set after his diagnoses at age 39.

Well you are a terrible mother if you stay with an angry chaotic partner, Autistic or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now swap the “ASD” disability for “Down Syndrome” and hopefully you can see what a close minded jerk you sound like. You are free to divorce if your husband’s disability is too much for you. But ASD presentation isn’t gaslighting. It’s the outcome of neurological, cognitive and social differences. Understand the difference.

DP, this is apples to oranges. Many young men mask their ASD when they’re young through copy and paste behavior and using alcohol. In fact, it’s only when life becomes even more stressful and difficult that they are unable to mask any longer. You can’t mask with down syndrome. Please tell me how many Neurotypical people you know who have married someone with down syndrome.

How about ASD women? Or are ASD men the only ones with issues? I wish my wife could agree to a psych evaluation so we can rule out ASD. Ya'll on this forum mostly attribute mental health issues to men.

read Dr Kathy Marshack books or websites. Her mother was ASD, which led to her marrying one and having one child with it.
Her story is unfortunately common- as it is so genetic (so how does one know their kid needs help when they are the same), and hopefully people in 2025 are finding better ways forward.

Better ways forward in what sense? Like people on the spectrum shouldn’t be able to reproduce? Yes, it’s 2025, and we no longer talk about the disabled the way that you are taking about it. I don’t see my autistic friends and family as “unfortunately common” as you do. It’s a big world out there and it takes all kinds.

Gawd are you broken record, overly defensive, and totally incorrect every time you post your BS.

Read up on “better ways” for NT/AS relationships to communicate and co-exist.

Well, Autism Wife (that’s what we’re calling you), the only way it will ever get better is to take accountability, open your eyes to the reality of this disability, and own your unhappiness.

I’m only accountable to myself and the children.

He is unreliable, a poor communicator, and has anger issues, so just tags along when he’s not overwhelmed with life or his self induced chaos.

Several boundaries were set after his diagnoses at age 39.

Well you are a terrible mother if you stay with an angry chaotic partner, Autistic or not.

Exactly, much better for you and kids to be coparenting, communicating and planning with an angry chaotic Partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now swap the “ASD” disability for “Down Syndrome” and hopefully you can see what a close minded jerk you sound like. You are free to divorce if your husband’s disability is too much for you. But ASD presentation isn’t gaslighting. It’s the outcome of neurological, cognitive and social differences. Understand the difference.

DP, this is apples to oranges. Many young men mask their ASD when they’re young through copy and paste behavior and using alcohol. In fact, it’s only when life becomes even more stressful and difficult that they are unable to mask any longer. You can’t mask with down syndrome. Please tell me how many Neurotypical people you know who have married someone with down syndrome.

How about ASD women? Or are ASD men the only ones with issues? I wish my wife could agree to a psych evaluation so we can rule out ASD. Ya'll on this forum mostly attribute mental health issues to men.

read Dr Kathy Marshack books or websites. Her mother was ASD, which led to her marrying one and having one child with it.
Her story is unfortunately common- as it is so genetic (so how does one know their kid needs help when they are the same), and hopefully people in 2025 are finding better ways forward.

Better ways forward in what sense? Like people on the spectrum shouldn’t be able to reproduce? Yes, it’s 2025, and we no longer talk about the disabled the way that you are taking about it. I don’t see my autistic friends and family as “unfortunately common” as you do. It’s a big world out there and it takes all kinds.

Gawd are you broken record, overly defensive, and totally incorrect every time you post your BS.

Read up on “better ways” for NT/AS relationships to communicate and co-exist.

Well, Autism Wife (that’s what we’re calling you), the only way it will ever get better is to take accountability, open your eyes to the reality of this disability, and own your unhappiness.

If you must, call us Austism Wives. There are many of us

It's as if you had zero control or the ability to pick your partner or reproduce with him.

Lol right?! “He masked for 10 years!”

GMAFB. That’s not how masking works. You either had your head in the sand or are blaming your bad picker on him.

That is how masking works.

Once life layers itself on more and more from the simple bachelor + work days, they enter Shutdown mode, Anger mode, DaRVO mode and the mask falls off at home. They’ll try hard to keep up their masking and image externally, in fact they’ll prioritize that.

They can “hit the wall” in middle school demands, HS demands, young adult demands, married w kids demands. Whatever the threshold, the self-created coping methods cease to work and off goes the mask.