Women whose partner's make enough for them to stay home, why do you prefer working?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’ll never understand the daily errands thing

Gives them something to do.

DP but agree.

There is no way anyone "needs" to go to the post office or grocery store every day. And if you do grocery shop every day, you are shopping for very minimal ingredients that do not take long, because you're only buying enough for the day. If you are literally running out of clothing, you/your children must wear the same thing every day? I'm so confused as to how someone can say they are running out of clothing because they didn't do laundry ONE day??

Working out takes time. Cooking takes time. But most SAHMs arent cooking dinner at 3pm before their kids are out of school.

I just tend to think that SAHMs get a lot of heat (see this thread) so try and make it sound like their days are sooo busy, even though it's really not. It's an insecurity because they feel like they have to "keep up" with the working people or ones who are actually busy.

I like the comparison to retired people. I know very few retired people who are like "oh yeah im sooo busy! Busier than when I was working!" They own it and talk about gardening and napping and being bored LOL.

This is a weird DCUM phenomenon. I am a longtime SAHM (with teens now) who subs at the local ES part-time. I know very few remaining SAHMs who have not trickled back to work in some capacity. And none of them claim or pretend to be super busy. Most basically just act semi-retired.

Perhaps it's because so many people on here are educated working women that they feel inferior? Maybe IRL they hang out with people of the same caliber, and don't feel the need to puff up their days. Like, I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't know if you did this, but you implied that you and other educated working moms are of a higher caliber than PP. Was that what you meant to say?

Perhaps "caliber" was the wrong word. I surmised that the SAHMs who puff up their day to sound supes busy raising children and keeping their house are insecure specifically on this website, because there is a high % of highly educated working women. If they aren't doing this in IRL (telling other SAHMs how busy they are) because they feel more comfortable with them, are not insecure about talking about how quiet their days are.

When you talk to SAHMs in person, do you do things like imply that you're better than they are because you're an educated working woman, and that it makes sense that they'd feel insecure around you? I think that people just say things on this website that they wouldn't in person.

You must have missed this part of my post: I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't think I'm better than anyone! I do work for many reasons, posted a while back. But the SAHM friends I have do not make up lies about how many times they clean bathrooms per day to make me think theyre so busy. They also dont imply that I'm a bad parent because I work, or that my house is dirty because I dont clean 5 bathrooms 7x a week. I am going to assume the ones who talk about how there's "no time left" to do much while your kid is at school are insecure and defensive over their choices. If someone wants to own their life of leisure, I'm here for it! But dont piss on my back and tell me its raining.

I was talking about your use of the word "caliber." You did say that "perhaps" it was the wrong word, but I don't see how you can say something like that and not feel superior to the people you said are of lesser caliber. I do think that a lot of the comments from SAHMs here are rude too, but I wonder if people are getting defensive or upset not because someone is actually being insulting, but because we can't help but infer an insult when someone defends a life choice that is different from our own.

I was responding to a specific post about how SAHMs dont do this IRL, only on DCUM, and what the differences may be and I apologize if my word choice triggered you.

Some of the posts on this thread are insulting. Especially considering it was supposed to be about why working women work, and seems to have been taken over with SAHMs justifying how they spend their time instead.

Why do you find it insulting that a SAHM runs errands during the day?

Do you find it insulting that people without children are running errands or going to book club in the evening?

I don't think you understood the post...

I think I did.

I think if a bunch of people came on this thread and started posting about how they didn’t have kids because they wanted to maintain their career, you wouldn’t feel so insulted.

You also wouldn’t force them to account for their time evenings and weekends and tell them how unproductive they are.

I think many people would find that insulting actually. Maybe you wouldn't, but I definitely would. It adds nothing to the conversation, it's just chatter from people who want attention, distracting from the actual topic. It costs nothing to make your own thread about whatever you want lol. More power to you to do that! Derailing other peoples threads is inappropriate internet etiquette, but there are many people on here (and trolls) who love to do it.

You're right that I wouldn't force them to account for their time on evenings and weekends, nor have I done that with any one else who posted here.

You have asked women who primarily work taking care of their children to account for their time when the children aren’t home.
Then you accused them of lying, puffing up their day, pretending to be so busy, feeling insecure, and being ineffective with their time.

I’m not a SAHM, but I feel compelled to defend them. And I am sure that your comments have caused several people casually looking at this thread to post.

If you want to know why SAHMs are posting in this thread, that’s why.

I definitely have not. I have responded to some of those posts, or other posts discussing that, but I have not asked about their time or asked anyone to justify their choice.

That’s fair. It’s an anonymous board.
People have asked what SAHMs and WOHMs with non traditional schedules do when their kids are at school. You read the responses and ridiculed these women, saying that they are lying, puffing up their time, pretending to be so busy, etc

Yes, there is no need to puff up and talk about running errands for 10h a week and say that's why you cant work and parent at the same time... I mean, maybe that happens, honestly I would be shocked, but who knows lol. It's really no skin off my nose.

I acknowledge a difference between the SAHMs in my life and the SAHMs on here, and IRL no one tries to puff. Clearly I'm on this website during the workday, so I'm not about to say I'm soooooo busy I also dont have one of the important jobs that some pps have. I dunno, I'm just tired of the fake. This is anon, if people cant be real here, why bother at all?

The reason I can’t work and parent at the same time is because I have a child with autism and I get called into the school a lot. I’m an ER doctor, so I can’t just leave my shift if something happens. So, I work part time evenings and overnight.

Because I am home, I don’t structure my day the way I would if I was working during the day. I exercise, run errands, shower, make dinner, garden, go to book club, etc.

I don’t know what’s going on with your friends, but I would guess that either they are secretly alcoholics or they do similar things during the school day, even if they don’t tell you about it. It would be crazy to structure household tasks the way you would if you were working and then just sit at home whiling away the time for six hours a day.

I'm the poster you replied to, but I have literally no idea what youre talking about. Why would you assume my friends are alcoholics? I never said anything about how I would structure household tasks?

You seem to think that SAHMs run errands, cook, or meet up with friends during the day because they are inefficient or because they are lying.
Otherwise, they would do these tasks when you do them.

I’m guessing that your friends are also actually busy doing this stuff during the day, even if they tell you that they do nothing.
People don’t spend hours a day laying on the couch doing nothing.

So anyone that does things differently than you is now an alcoholic? What a bizarre take on this thread. Maybe you've started happy hour and gotten confused, because this is making no sense.

My guess is that your SAHM friends do actually exercise, cook, clean, bathe, run errands, see friends, etc. during the school day.

If you are really going to insist that they do not, and they really sit around alone in their homes doing nothing, while they hire out household tasks and wait for their spouse to get home from work, then yeah, there is something going on with them.

SAHM are not all the same. Some are paragraph 1 and some are paragraph 2.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’ll never understand the daily errands thing

Gives them something to do.

DP but agree.

There is no way anyone "needs" to go to the post office or grocery store every day. And if you do grocery shop every day, you are shopping for very minimal ingredients that do not take long, because you're only buying enough for the day. If you are literally running out of clothing, you/your children must wear the same thing every day? I'm so confused as to how someone can say they are running out of clothing because they didn't do laundry ONE day??

Working out takes time. Cooking takes time. But most SAHMs arent cooking dinner at 3pm before their kids are out of school.

I just tend to think that SAHMs get a lot of heat (see this thread) so try and make it sound like their days are sooo busy, even though it's really not. It's an insecurity because they feel like they have to "keep up" with the working people or ones who are actually busy.

I like the comparison to retired people. I know very few retired people who are like "oh yeah im sooo busy! Busier than when I was working!" They own it and talk about gardening and napping and being bored LOL.

This is a weird DCUM phenomenon. I am a longtime SAHM (with teens now) who subs at the local ES part-time. I know very few remaining SAHMs who have not trickled back to work in some capacity. And none of them claim or pretend to be super busy. Most basically just act semi-retired.

Perhaps it's because so many people on here are educated working women that they feel inferior? Maybe IRL they hang out with people of the same caliber, and don't feel the need to puff up their days. Like, I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't know if you did this, but you implied that you and other educated working moms are of a higher caliber than PP. Was that what you meant to say?

Perhaps "caliber" was the wrong word. I surmised that the SAHMs who puff up their day to sound supes busy raising children and keeping their house are insecure specifically on this website, because there is a high % of highly educated working women. If they aren't doing this in IRL (telling other SAHMs how busy they are) because they feel more comfortable with them, are not insecure about talking about how quiet their days are.

When you talk to SAHMs in person, do you do things like imply that you're better than they are because you're an educated working woman, and that it makes sense that they'd feel insecure around you? I think that people just say things on this website that they wouldn't in person.

You must have missed this part of my post: I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't think I'm better than anyone! I do work for many reasons, posted a while back. But the SAHM friends I have do not make up lies about how many times they clean bathrooms per day to make me think theyre so busy. They also dont imply that I'm a bad parent because I work, or that my house is dirty because I dont clean 5 bathrooms 7x a week. I am going to assume the ones who talk about how there's "no time left" to do much while your kid is at school are insecure and defensive over their choices. If someone wants to own their life of leisure, I'm here for it! But dont piss on my back and tell me its raining.

I was talking about your use of the word "caliber." You did say that "perhaps" it was the wrong word, but I don't see how you can say something like that and not feel superior to the people you said are of lesser caliber. I do think that a lot of the comments from SAHMs here are rude too, but I wonder if people are getting defensive or upset not because someone is actually being insulting, but because we can't help but infer an insult when someone defends a life choice that is different from our own.

I was responding to a specific post about how SAHMs dont do this IRL, only on DCUM, and what the differences may be and I apologize if my word choice triggered you.

Some of the posts on this thread are insulting. Especially considering it was supposed to be about why working women work, and seems to have been taken over with SAHMs justifying how they spend their time instead.

Why do you find it insulting that a SAHM runs errands during the day?

Do you find it insulting that people without children are running errands or going to book club in the evening?

I don't think you understood the post...

I think I did.

I think if a bunch of people came on this thread and started posting about how they didn’t have kids because they wanted to maintain their career, you wouldn’t feel so insulted.

You also wouldn’t force them to account for their time evenings and weekends and tell them how unproductive they are.

I think many people would find that insulting actually. Maybe you wouldn't, but I definitely would. It adds nothing to the conversation, it's just chatter from people who want attention, distracting from the actual topic. It costs nothing to make your own thread about whatever you want lol. More power to you to do that! Derailing other peoples threads is inappropriate internet etiquette, but there are many people on here (and trolls) who love to do it.

You're right that I wouldn't force them to account for their time on evenings and weekends, nor have I done that with any one else who posted here.

You have asked women who primarily work taking care of their children to account for their time when the children aren’t home.
Then you accused them of lying, puffing up their day, pretending to be so busy, feeling insecure, and being ineffective with their time.

I’m not a SAHM, but I feel compelled to defend them. And I am sure that your comments have caused several people casually looking at this thread to post.

If you want to know why SAHMs are posting in this thread, that’s why.

I definitely have not. I have responded to some of those posts, or other posts discussing that, but I have not asked about their time or asked anyone to justify their choice.

That’s fair. It’s an anonymous board.
People have asked what SAHMs and WOHMs with non traditional schedules do when their kids are at school. You read the responses and ridiculed these women, saying that they are lying, puffing up their time, pretending to be so busy, etc

Yes, there is no need to puff up and talk about running errands for 10h a week and say that's why you cant work and parent at the same time... I mean, maybe that happens, honestly I would be shocked, but who knows lol. It's really no skin off my nose.

I acknowledge a difference between the SAHMs in my life and the SAHMs on here, and IRL no one tries to puff. Clearly I'm on this website during the workday, so I'm not about to say I'm soooooo busy I also dont have one of the important jobs that some pps have. I dunno, I'm just tired of the fake. This is anon, if people cant be real here, why bother at all?

The reason I can’t work and parent at the same time is because I have a child with autism and I get called into the school a lot. I’m an ER doctor, so I can’t just leave my shift if something happens. So, I work part time evenings and overnight.

Because I am home, I don’t structure my day the way I would if I was working during the day. I exercise, run errands, shower, make dinner, garden, go to book club, etc.

I don’t know what’s going on with your friends, but I would guess that either they are secretly alcoholics or they do similar things during the school day, even if they don’t tell you about it. It would be crazy to structure household tasks the way you would if you were working and then just sit at home whiling away the time for six hours a day.

I'm the poster you replied to, but I have literally no idea what youre talking about. Why would you assume my friends are alcoholics? I never said anything about how I would structure household tasks?

You seem to think that SAHMs run errands, cook, or meet up with friends during the day because they are inefficient or because they are lying.
Otherwise, they would do these tasks when you do them.

I’m guessing that your friends are also actually busy doing this stuff during the day, even if they tell you that they do nothing.
People don’t spend hours a day laying on the couch doing nothing.

Err I never said what my friends tell me they do. Only that they don't "puff". What an insane jump to call them alcoholics. My friends are very happy with their lives, and I fully support them. It's pretty sad that you feel the need to insult randos in the internet to make yourself feel better.

You are the one who keeps calling your friends alcoholics and insisting that a SAHM claiming to do anything but sit alone and unshowered in a dirty house all day must be “puffing.”

Didn't say that, ever
Didn't say that, ever
Did use this one word.
I actually have no idea what you're talking about.

Well, I keep saying that no one literally lays around and does nothing for hours everyday unless they are an alcoholic or have some kind of illness.

You keep asking me if I am calling your friends alcoholics.

I am going to assume that this is because your friends are literally laying around doing nothing for hours every day.

And that’s great, keep saying whatever you want. Just stop putting words in my mouth. I specifically didn’t mention what they do as this thread isn’t about SAHMs…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why SAHMs are so defensive! I work PT by choice but was a longtime SAHM. I live a life of extreme privilege with lots of leisure time.

I don't feel the need to pretend I'm busy or that my life has some higher purpose or meaning beyond meeting the needs of my family while also enjoying myself. My husband is not confused about my level of busyness and he is fine with it. I'm very low maintenance - I don't spend on expensive brands and we don't remodel our home for fun.

That sounds great! Honestly, I work as much as I do in part because I really enjoy it, too.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’ll never understand the daily errands thing

Gives them something to do.

DP but agree.

There is no way anyone "needs" to go to the post office or grocery store every day. And if you do grocery shop every day, you are shopping for very minimal ingredients that do not take long, because you're only buying enough for the day. If you are literally running out of clothing, you/your children must wear the same thing every day? I'm so confused as to how someone can say they are running out of clothing because they didn't do laundry ONE day??

Working out takes time. Cooking takes time. But most SAHMs arent cooking dinner at 3pm before their kids are out of school.

I just tend to think that SAHMs get a lot of heat (see this thread) so try and make it sound like their days are sooo busy, even though it's really not. It's an insecurity because they feel like they have to "keep up" with the working people or ones who are actually busy.

I like the comparison to retired people. I know very few retired people who are like "oh yeah im sooo busy! Busier than when I was working!" They own it and talk about gardening and napping and being bored LOL.

This is a weird DCUM phenomenon. I am a longtime SAHM (with teens now) who subs at the local ES part-time. I know very few remaining SAHMs who have not trickled back to work in some capacity. And none of them claim or pretend to be super busy. Most basically just act semi-retired.

Perhaps it's because so many people on here are educated working women that they feel inferior? Maybe IRL they hang out with people of the same caliber, and don't feel the need to puff up their days. Like, I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't know if you did this, but you implied that you and other educated working moms are of a higher caliber than PP. Was that what you meant to say?

Perhaps "caliber" was the wrong word. I surmised that the SAHMs who puff up their day to sound supes busy raising children and keeping their house are insecure specifically on this website, because there is a high % of highly educated working women. If they aren't doing this in IRL (telling other SAHMs how busy they are) because they feel more comfortable with them, are not insecure about talking about how quiet their days are.

When you talk to SAHMs in person, do you do things like imply that you're better than they are because you're an educated working woman, and that it makes sense that they'd feel insecure around you? I think that people just say things on this website that they wouldn't in person.

You must have missed this part of my post: I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't think I'm better than anyone! I do work for many reasons, posted a while back. But the SAHM friends I have do not make up lies about how many times they clean bathrooms per day to make me think theyre so busy. They also dont imply that I'm a bad parent because I work, or that my house is dirty because I dont clean 5 bathrooms 7x a week. I am going to assume the ones who talk about how there's "no time left" to do much while your kid is at school are insecure and defensive over their choices. If someone wants to own their life of leisure, I'm here for it! But dont piss on my back and tell me its raining.

I was talking about your use of the word "caliber." You did say that "perhaps" it was the wrong word, but I don't see how you can say something like that and not feel superior to the people you said are of lesser caliber. I do think that a lot of the comments from SAHMs here are rude too, but I wonder if people are getting defensive or upset not because someone is actually being insulting, but because we can't help but infer an insult when someone defends a life choice that is different from our own.

I was responding to a specific post about how SAHMs dont do this IRL, only on DCUM, and what the differences may be and I apologize if my word choice triggered you.

Some of the posts on this thread are insulting. Especially considering it was supposed to be about why working women work, and seems to have been taken over with SAHMs justifying how they spend their time instead.

Why do you find it insulting that a SAHM runs errands during the day?

Do you find it insulting that people without children are running errands or going to book club in the evening?

I don't think you understood the post...

I think I did.

I think if a bunch of people came on this thread and started posting about how they didn’t have kids because they wanted to maintain their career, you wouldn’t feel so insulted.

You also wouldn’t force them to account for their time evenings and weekends and tell them how unproductive they are.

I think many people would find that insulting actually. Maybe you wouldn't, but I definitely would. It adds nothing to the conversation, it's just chatter from people who want attention, distracting from the actual topic. It costs nothing to make your own thread about whatever you want lol. More power to you to do that! Derailing other peoples threads is inappropriate internet etiquette, but there are many people on here (and trolls) who love to do it.

You're right that I wouldn't force them to account for their time on evenings and weekends, nor have I done that with any one else who posted here.

You have asked women who primarily work taking care of their children to account for their time when the children aren’t home.
Then you accused them of lying, puffing up their day, pretending to be so busy, feeling insecure, and being ineffective with their time.

I’m not a SAHM, but I feel compelled to defend them. And I am sure that your comments have caused several people casually looking at this thread to post.

If you want to know why SAHMs are posting in this thread, that’s why.

I definitely have not. I have responded to some of those posts, or other posts discussing that, but I have not asked about their time or asked anyone to justify their choice.

That’s fair. It’s an anonymous board.
People have asked what SAHMs and WOHMs with non traditional schedules do when their kids are at school. You read the responses and ridiculed these women, saying that they are lying, puffing up their time, pretending to be so busy, etc

Yes, there is no need to puff up and talk about running errands for 10h a week and say that's why you cant work and parent at the same time... I mean, maybe that happens, honestly I would be shocked, but who knows lol. It's really no skin off my nose.

I acknowledge a difference between the SAHMs in my life and the SAHMs on here, and IRL no one tries to puff. Clearly I'm on this website during the workday, so I'm not about to say I'm soooooo busy I also dont have one of the important jobs that some pps have. I dunno, I'm just tired of the fake. This is anon, if people cant be real here, why bother at all?

The reason I can’t work and parent at the same time is because I have a child with autism and I get called into the school a lot. I’m an ER doctor, so I can’t just leave my shift if something happens. So, I work part time evenings and overnight.

Because I am home, I don’t structure my day the way I would if I was working during the day. I exercise, run errands, shower, make dinner, garden, go to book club, etc.

I don’t know what’s going on with your friends, but I would guess that either they are secretly alcoholics or they do similar things during the school day, even if they don’t tell you about it. It would be crazy to structure household tasks the way you would if you were working and then just sit at home whiling away the time for six hours a day.

I'm the poster you replied to, but I have literally no idea what youre talking about. Why would you assume my friends are alcoholics? I never said anything about how I would structure household tasks?

You seem to think that SAHMs run errands, cook, or meet up with friends during the day because they are inefficient or because they are lying.
Otherwise, they would do these tasks when you do them.

I’m guessing that your friends are also actually busy doing this stuff during the day, even if they tell you that they do nothing.
People don’t spend hours a day laying on the couch doing nothing.

Err I never said what my friends tell me they do. Only that they don't "puff". What an insane jump to call them alcoholics. My friends are very happy with their lives, and I fully support them. It's pretty sad that you feel the need to insult randos in the internet to make yourself feel better.

You are the one who keeps calling your friends alcoholics and insisting that a SAHM claiming to do anything but sit alone and unshowered in a dirty house all day must be “puffing.”

Didn't say that, ever
Didn't say that, ever
Did use this one word.
I actually have no idea what you're talking about.

Well, I keep saying that no one literally lays around and does nothing for hours everyday unless they are an alcoholic or have some kind of illness.

You keep asking me if I am calling your friends alcoholics.

I am going to assume that this is because your friends are literally laying around doing nothing for hours every day.

And that’s great, keep saying whatever you want. Just stop putting words in my mouth. I specifically didn’t mention what they do as this thread isn’t about SAHMs…

There are millions of mothers in this country. Everyone’s circumstances are different. Everyone’s background, values, marital relationship, financial background are all different.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll never understand the daily errands thing

Gives them something to do.

DP but agree.

There is no way anyone "needs" to go to the post office or grocery store every day. And if you do grocery shop every day, you are shopping for very minimal ingredients that do not take long, because you're only buying enough for the day. If you are literally running out of clothing, you/your children must wear the same thing every day? I'm so confused as to how someone can say they are running out of clothing because they didn't do laundry ONE day??

Working out takes time. Cooking takes time. But most SAHMs arent cooking dinner at 3pm before their kids are out of school.

I just tend to think that SAHMs get a lot of heat (see this thread) so try and make it sound like their days are sooo busy, even though it's really not. It's an insecurity because they feel like they have to "keep up" with the working people or ones who are actually busy.

I like the comparison to retired people. I know very few retired people who are like "oh yeah im sooo busy! Busier than when I was working!" They own it and talk about gardening and napping and being bored LOL.

This is a weird DCUM phenomenon. I am a longtime SAHM (with teens now) who subs at the local ES part-time. I know very few remaining SAHMs who have not trickled back to work in some capacity. And none of them claim or pretend to be super busy. Most basically just act semi-retired.

Perhaps it's because so many people on here are educated working women that they feel inferior? Maybe IRL they hang out with people of the same caliber, and don't feel the need to puff up their days. Like, I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't know if you did this, but you implied that you and other educated working moms are of a higher caliber than PP. Was that what you meant to say?

Perhaps "caliber" was the wrong word. I surmised that the SAHMs who puff up their day to sound supes busy raising children and keeping their house are insecure specifically on this website, because there is a high % of highly educated working women. If they aren't doing this in IRL (telling other SAHMs how busy they are) because they feel more comfortable with them, are not insecure about talking about how quiet their days are.

When you talk to SAHMs in person, do you do things like imply that you're better than they are because you're an educated working woman, and that it makes sense that they'd feel insecure around you? I think that people just say things on this website that they wouldn't in person.

You must have missed this part of my post: I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't think I'm better than anyone! I do work for many reasons, posted a while back. But the SAHM friends I have do not make up lies about how many times they clean bathrooms per day to make me think theyre so busy. They also dont imply that I'm a bad parent because I work, or that my house is dirty because I dont clean 5 bathrooms 7x a week. I am going to assume the ones who talk about how there's "no time left" to do much while your kid is at school are insecure and defensive over their choices. If someone wants to own their life of leisure, I'm here for it! But dont piss on my back and tell me its raining.

I was talking about your use of the word "caliber." You did say that "perhaps" it was the wrong word, but I don't see how you can say something like that and not feel superior to the people you said are of lesser caliber. I do think that a lot of the comments from SAHMs here are rude too, but I wonder if people are getting defensive or upset not because someone is actually being insulting, but because we can't help but infer an insult when someone defends a life choice that is different from our own.

I was responding to a specific post about how SAHMs dont do this IRL, only on DCUM, and what the differences may be and I apologize if my word choice triggered you.

Some of the posts on this thread are insulting. Especially considering it was supposed to be about why working women work, and seems to have been taken over with SAHMs justifying how they spend their time instead.

Why do you find it insulting that a SAHM runs errands during the day?

Do you find it insulting that people without children are running errands or going to book club in the evening?

I don't think you understood the post...

I think I did.

I think if a bunch of people came on this thread and started posting about how they didn’t have kids because they wanted to maintain their career, you wouldn’t feel so insulted.

You also wouldn’t force them to account for their time evenings and weekends and tell them how unproductive they are.

I think many people would find that insulting actually. Maybe you wouldn't, but I definitely would. It adds nothing to the conversation, it's just chatter from people who want attention, distracting from the actual topic. It costs nothing to make your own thread about whatever you want lol. More power to you to do that! Derailing other peoples threads is inappropriate internet etiquette, but there are many people on here (and trolls) who love to do it.

You're right that I wouldn't force them to account for their time on evenings and weekends, nor have I done that with any one else who posted here.

You have asked women who primarily work taking care of their children to account for their time when the children aren’t home.
Then you accused them of lying, puffing up their day, pretending to be so busy, feeling insecure, and being ineffective with their time.

I’m not a SAHM, but I feel compelled to defend them. And I am sure that your comments have caused several people casually looking at this thread to post.

If you want to know why SAHMs are posting in this thread, that’s why.

I definitely have not. I have responded to some of those posts, or other posts discussing that, but I have not asked about their time or asked anyone to justify their choice.

That’s fair. It’s an anonymous board.
People have asked what SAHMs and WOHMs with non traditional schedules do when their kids are at school. You read the responses and ridiculed these women, saying that they are lying, puffing up their time, pretending to be so busy, etc

Yes, there is no need to puff up and talk about running errands for 10h a week and say that's why you cant work and parent at the same time... I mean, maybe that happens, honestly I would be shocked, but who knows lol. It's really no skin off my nose.

I acknowledge a difference between the SAHMs in my life and the SAHMs on here, and IRL no one tries to puff. Clearly I'm on this website during the workday, so I'm not about to say I'm soooooo busy I also dont have one of the important jobs that some pps have. I dunno, I'm just tired of the fake. This is anon, if people cant be real here, why bother at all?

The reason I can’t work and parent at the same time is because I have a child with autism and I get called into the school a lot. I’m an ER doctor, so I can’t just leave my shift if something happens. So, I work part time evenings and overnight.

Because I am home, I don’t structure my day the way I would if I was working during the day. I exercise, run errands, shower, make dinner, garden, go to book club, etc.

I don’t know what’s going on with your friends, but I would guess that either they are secretly alcoholics or they do similar things during the school day, even if they don’t tell you about it. It would be crazy to structure household tasks the way you would if you were working and then just sit at home whiling away the time for six hours a day.

I'm the poster you replied to, but I have literally no idea what youre talking about. Why would you assume my friends are alcoholics? I never said anything about how I would structure household tasks?

You seem to think that SAHMs run errands, cook, or meet up with friends during the day because they are inefficient or because they are lying.
Otherwise, they would do these tasks when you do them.

I’m guessing that your friends are also actually busy doing this stuff during the day, even if they tell you that they do nothing.
People don’t spend hours a day laying on the couch doing nothing.

Err I never said what my friends tell me they do. Only that they don't "puff". What an insane jump to call them alcoholics. My friends are very happy with their lives, and I fully support them. It's pretty sad that you feel the need to insult randos in the internet to make yourself feel better.

You are the one who keeps calling your friends alcoholics and insisting that a SAHM claiming to do anything but sit alone and unshowered in a dirty house all day must be “puffing.”

Didn't say that, ever
Didn't say that, ever
Did use this one word.
I actually have no idea what you're talking about.

Well, I keep saying that no one literally lays around and does nothing for hours everyday unless they are an alcoholic or have some kind of illness.

You keep asking me if I am calling your friends alcoholics.

I am going to assume that this is because your friends are literally laying around doing nothing for hours every day.

And that’s great, keep saying whatever you want. Just stop putting words in my mouth. I specifically didn’t mention what they do as this thread isn’t about SAHMs…

Well, you brought up your SAHM friends as evidence that anyone who claims to cook for their family, clean their home, and regularly bathe is lying.
I don’t know why you keep insisting that all SAHMs are like your friends, but none of my SAHM friends are like this. They are a lot more like the posters in this thread who see friends, clean their homes, exercise, bathe regularly, etc.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll never understand the daily errands thing

Gives them something to do.

DP but agree.

There is no way anyone "needs" to go to the post office or grocery store every day. And if you do grocery shop every day, you are shopping for very minimal ingredients that do not take long, because you're only buying enough for the day. If you are literally running out of clothing, you/your children must wear the same thing every day? I'm so confused as to how someone can say they are running out of clothing because they didn't do laundry ONE day??

Working out takes time. Cooking takes time. But most SAHMs arent cooking dinner at 3pm before their kids are out of school.

I just tend to think that SAHMs get a lot of heat (see this thread) so try and make it sound like their days are sooo busy, even though it's really not. It's an insecurity because they feel like they have to "keep up" with the working people or ones who are actually busy.

I like the comparison to retired people. I know very few retired people who are like "oh yeah im sooo busy! Busier than when I was working!" They own it and talk about gardening and napping and being bored LOL.

This is a weird DCUM phenomenon. I am a longtime SAHM (with teens now) who subs at the local ES part-time. I know very few remaining SAHMs who have not trickled back to work in some capacity. And none of them claim or pretend to be super busy. Most basically just act semi-retired.

Perhaps it's because so many people on here are educated working women that they feel inferior? Maybe IRL they hang out with people of the same caliber, and don't feel the need to puff up their days. Like, I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't know if you did this, but you implied that you and other educated working moms are of a higher caliber than PP. Was that what you meant to say?

Perhaps "caliber" was the wrong word. I surmised that the SAHMs who puff up their day to sound supes busy raising children and keeping their house are insecure specifically on this website, because there is a high % of highly educated working women. If they aren't doing this in IRL (telling other SAHMs how busy they are) because they feel more comfortable with them, are not insecure about talking about how quiet their days are.

When you talk to SAHMs in person, do you do things like imply that you're better than they are because you're an educated working woman, and that it makes sense that they'd feel insecure around you? I think that people just say things on this website that they wouldn't in person.

You must have missed this part of my post: I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't think I'm better than anyone! I do work for many reasons, posted a while back. But the SAHM friends I have do not make up lies about how many times they clean bathrooms per day to make me think theyre so busy. They also dont imply that I'm a bad parent because I work, or that my house is dirty because I dont clean 5 bathrooms 7x a week. I am going to assume the ones who talk about how there's "no time left" to do much while your kid is at school are insecure and defensive over their choices. If someone wants to own their life of leisure, I'm here for it! But dont piss on my back and tell me its raining.

I was talking about your use of the word "caliber." You did say that "perhaps" it was the wrong word, but I don't see how you can say something like that and not feel superior to the people you said are of lesser caliber. I do think that a lot of the comments from SAHMs here are rude too, but I wonder if people are getting defensive or upset not because someone is actually being insulting, but because we can't help but infer an insult when someone defends a life choice that is different from our own.

I was responding to a specific post about how SAHMs dont do this IRL, only on DCUM, and what the differences may be and I apologize if my word choice triggered you.

Some of the posts on this thread are insulting. Especially considering it was supposed to be about why working women work, and seems to have been taken over with SAHMs justifying how they spend their time instead.

Why do you find it insulting that a SAHM runs errands during the day?

Do you find it insulting that people without children are running errands or going to book club in the evening?

I don't think you understood the post...

I think I did.

I think if a bunch of people came on this thread and started posting about how they didn’t have kids because they wanted to maintain their career, you wouldn’t feel so insulted.

You also wouldn’t force them to account for their time evenings and weekends and tell them how unproductive they are.

I think many people would find that insulting actually. Maybe you wouldn't, but I definitely would. It adds nothing to the conversation, it's just chatter from people who want attention, distracting from the actual topic. It costs nothing to make your own thread about whatever you want lol. More power to you to do that! Derailing other peoples threads is inappropriate internet etiquette, but there are many people on here (and trolls) who love to do it.

You're right that I wouldn't force them to account for their time on evenings and weekends, nor have I done that with any one else who posted here.

You have asked women who primarily work taking care of their children to account for their time when the children aren’t home.
Then you accused them of lying, puffing up their day, pretending to be so busy, feeling insecure, and being ineffective with their time.

I’m not a SAHM, but I feel compelled to defend them. And I am sure that your comments have caused several people casually looking at this thread to post.

If you want to know why SAHMs are posting in this thread, that’s why.

I definitely have not. I have responded to some of those posts, or other posts discussing that, but I have not asked about their time or asked anyone to justify their choice.

That’s fair. It’s an anonymous board.
People have asked what SAHMs and WOHMs with non traditional schedules do when their kids are at school. You read the responses and ridiculed these women, saying that they are lying, puffing up their time, pretending to be so busy, etc

Yes, there is no need to puff up and talk about running errands for 10h a week and say that's why you cant work and parent at the same time... I mean, maybe that happens, honestly I would be shocked, but who knows lol. It's really no skin off my nose.

I acknowledge a difference between the SAHMs in my life and the SAHMs on here, and IRL no one tries to puff. Clearly I'm on this website during the workday, so I'm not about to say I'm soooooo busy I also dont have one of the important jobs that some pps have. I dunno, I'm just tired of the fake. This is anon, if people cant be real here, why bother at all?

The reason I can’t work and parent at the same time is because I have a child with autism and I get called into the school a lot. I’m an ER doctor, so I can’t just leave my shift if something happens. So, I work part time evenings and overnight.

Because I am home, I don’t structure my day the way I would if I was working during the day. I exercise, run errands, shower, make dinner, garden, go to book club, etc.

I don’t know what’s going on with your friends, but I would guess that either they are secretly alcoholics or they do similar things during the school day, even if they don’t tell you about it. It would be crazy to structure household tasks the way you would if you were working and then just sit at home whiling away the time for six hours a day.

I'm the poster you replied to, but I have literally no idea what youre talking about. Why would you assume my friends are alcoholics? I never said anything about how I would structure household tasks?

You seem to think that SAHMs run errands, cook, or meet up with friends during the day because they are inefficient or because they are lying.
Otherwise, they would do these tasks when you do them.

I’m guessing that your friends are also actually busy doing this stuff during the day, even if they tell you that they do nothing.
People don’t spend hours a day laying on the couch doing nothing.

Err I never said what my friends tell me they do. Only that they don't "puff". What an insane jump to call them alcoholics. My friends are very happy with their lives, and I fully support them. It's pretty sad that you feel the need to insult randos in the internet to make yourself feel better.

You are the one who keeps calling your friends alcoholics and insisting that a SAHM claiming to do anything but sit alone and unshowered in a dirty house all day must be “puffing.”

Didn't say that, ever
Didn't say that, ever
Did use this one word.
I actually have no idea what you're talking about.

Well, I keep saying that no one literally lays around and does nothing for hours everyday unless they are an alcoholic or have some kind of illness.

You keep asking me if I am calling your friends alcoholics.

I am going to assume that this is because your friends are literally laying around doing nothing for hours every day.

And that’s great, keep saying whatever you want. Just stop putting words in my mouth. I specifically didn’t mention what they do as this thread isn’t about SAHMs…

Well, you brought up your SAHM friends as evidence that anyone who claims to cook for their family, clean their home, and regularly bathe is lying.
I don’t know why you keep insisting that all SAHMs are like your friends, but none of my SAHM friends are like this. They are a lot more like the posters in this thread who see friends, clean their homes, exercise, bathe regularly, etc.

I never said anyone is like my friends, in fact I mused with a pp in how different sahms irl life are vs on dcum.

I think you may be getting confused in who you’re replying to, because every thing you’re trying to attribute to me saying is incorrect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll never understand the daily errands thing

Gives them something to do.

DP but agree.

There is no way anyone "needs" to go to the post office or grocery store every day. And if you do grocery shop every day, you are shopping for very minimal ingredients that do not take long, because you're only buying enough for the day. If you are literally running out of clothing, you/your children must wear the same thing every day? I'm so confused as to how someone can say they are running out of clothing because they didn't do laundry ONE day??

Working out takes time. Cooking takes time. But most SAHMs arent cooking dinner at 3pm before their kids are out of school.

I just tend to think that SAHMs get a lot of heat (see this thread) so try and make it sound like their days are sooo busy, even though it's really not. It's an insecurity because they feel like they have to "keep up" with the working people or ones who are actually busy.

I like the comparison to retired people. I know very few retired people who are like "oh yeah im sooo busy! Busier than when I was working!" They own it and talk about gardening and napping and being bored LOL.

This is a weird DCUM phenomenon. I am a longtime SAHM (with teens now) who subs at the local ES part-time. I know very few remaining SAHMs who have not trickled back to work in some capacity. And none of them claim or pretend to be super busy. Most basically just act semi-retired.

Perhaps it's because so many people on here are educated working women that they feel inferior? Maybe IRL they hang out with people of the same caliber, and don't feel the need to puff up their days. Like, I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't know if you did this, but you implied that you and other educated working moms are of a higher caliber than PP. Was that what you meant to say?

Perhaps "caliber" was the wrong word. I surmised that the SAHMs who puff up their day to sound supes busy raising children and keeping their house are insecure specifically on this website, because there is a high % of highly educated working women. If they aren't doing this in IRL (telling other SAHMs how busy they are) because they feel more comfortable with them, are not insecure about talking about how quiet their days are.

When you talk to SAHMs in person, do you do things like imply that you're better than they are because you're an educated working woman, and that it makes sense that they'd feel insecure around you? I think that people just say things on this website that they wouldn't in person.

You must have missed this part of my post: I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't think I'm better than anyone! I do work for many reasons, posted a while back. But the SAHM friends I have do not make up lies about how many times they clean bathrooms per day to make me think theyre so busy. They also dont imply that I'm a bad parent because I work, or that my house is dirty because I dont clean 5 bathrooms 7x a week. I am going to assume the ones who talk about how there's "no time left" to do much while your kid is at school are insecure and defensive over their choices. If someone wants to own their life of leisure, I'm here for it! But dont piss on my back and tell me its raining.

I was talking about your use of the word "caliber." You did say that "perhaps" it was the wrong word, but I don't see how you can say something like that and not feel superior to the people you said are of lesser caliber. I do think that a lot of the comments from SAHMs here are rude too, but I wonder if people are getting defensive or upset not because someone is actually being insulting, but because we can't help but infer an insult when someone defends a life choice that is different from our own.

I was responding to a specific post about how SAHMs dont do this IRL, only on DCUM, and what the differences may be and I apologize if my word choice triggered you.

Some of the posts on this thread are insulting. Especially considering it was supposed to be about why working women work, and seems to have been taken over with SAHMs justifying how they spend their time instead.

Why do you find it insulting that a SAHM runs errands during the day?

Do you find it insulting that people without children are running errands or going to book club in the evening?

I don't think you understood the post...

I think I did.

I think if a bunch of people came on this thread and started posting about how they didn’t have kids because they wanted to maintain their career, you wouldn’t feel so insulted.

You also wouldn’t force them to account for their time evenings and weekends and tell them how unproductive they are.

I think many people would find that insulting actually. Maybe you wouldn't, but I definitely would. It adds nothing to the conversation, it's just chatter from people who want attention, distracting from the actual topic. It costs nothing to make your own thread about whatever you want lol. More power to you to do that! Derailing other peoples threads is inappropriate internet etiquette, but there are many people on here (and trolls) who love to do it.

You're right that I wouldn't force them to account for their time on evenings and weekends, nor have I done that with any one else who posted here.

You have asked women who primarily work taking care of their children to account for their time when the children aren’t home.
Then you accused them of lying, puffing up their day, pretending to be so busy, feeling insecure, and being ineffective with their time.

I’m not a SAHM, but I feel compelled to defend them. And I am sure that your comments have caused several people casually looking at this thread to post.

If you want to know why SAHMs are posting in this thread, that’s why.

I definitely have not. I have responded to some of those posts, or other posts discussing that, but I have not asked about their time or asked anyone to justify their choice.

That’s fair. It’s an anonymous board.
People have asked what SAHMs and WOHMs with non traditional schedules do when their kids are at school. You read the responses and ridiculed these women, saying that they are lying, puffing up their time, pretending to be so busy, etc

Yes, there is no need to puff up and talk about running errands for 10h a week and say that's why you cant work and parent at the same time... I mean, maybe that happens, honestly I would be shocked, but who knows lol. It's really no skin off my nose.

I acknowledge a difference between the SAHMs in my life and the SAHMs on here, and IRL no one tries to puff. Clearly I'm on this website during the workday, so I'm not about to say I'm soooooo busy I also dont have one of the important jobs that some pps have. I dunno, I'm just tired of the fake. This is anon, if people cant be real here, why bother at all?

The reason I can’t work and parent at the same time is because I have a child with autism and I get called into the school a lot. I’m an ER doctor, so I can’t just leave my shift if something happens. So, I work part time evenings and overnight.

Because I am home, I don’t structure my day the way I would if I was working during the day. I exercise, run errands, shower, make dinner, garden, go to book club, etc.

I don’t know what’s going on with your friends, but I would guess that either they are secretly alcoholics or they do similar things during the school day, even if they don’t tell you about it. It would be crazy to structure household tasks the way you would if you were working and then just sit at home whiling away the time for six hours a day.

I'm the poster you replied to, but I have literally no idea what youre talking about. Why would you assume my friends are alcoholics? I never said anything about how I would structure household tasks?

You seem to think that SAHMs run errands, cook, or meet up with friends during the day because they are inefficient or because they are lying.
Otherwise, they would do these tasks when you do them.

I’m guessing that your friends are also actually busy doing this stuff during the day, even if they tell you that they do nothing.
People don’t spend hours a day laying on the couch doing nothing.

Err I never said what my friends tell me they do. Only that they don't "puff". What an insane jump to call them alcoholics. My friends are very happy with their lives, and I fully support them. It's pretty sad that you feel the need to insult randos in the internet to make yourself feel better.

You are the one who keeps calling your friends alcoholics and insisting that a SAHM claiming to do anything but sit alone and unshowered in a dirty house all day must be “puffing.”

Didn't say that, ever
Didn't say that, ever
Did use this one word.
I actually have no idea what you're talking about.

Well, I keep saying that no one literally lays around and does nothing for hours everyday unless they are an alcoholic or have some kind of illness.

You keep asking me if I am calling your friends alcoholics.

I am going to assume that this is because your friends are literally laying around doing nothing for hours every day.

And that’s great, keep saying whatever you want. Just stop putting words in my mouth. I specifically didn’t mention what they do as this thread isn’t about SAHMs…

There are millions of mothers in this country. Everyone’s circumstances are different. Everyone’s background, values, marital relationship, financial background are all different.

No duh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll never understand the daily errands thing

Gives them something to do.

DP but agree.

There is no way anyone "needs" to go to the post office or grocery store every day. And if you do grocery shop every day, you are shopping for very minimal ingredients that do not take long, because you're only buying enough for the day. If you are literally running out of clothing, you/your children must wear the same thing every day? I'm so confused as to how someone can say they are running out of clothing because they didn't do laundry ONE day??

Working out takes time. Cooking takes time. But most SAHMs arent cooking dinner at 3pm before their kids are out of school.

I just tend to think that SAHMs get a lot of heat (see this thread) so try and make it sound like their days are sooo busy, even though it's really not. It's an insecurity because they feel like they have to "keep up" with the working people or ones who are actually busy.

I like the comparison to retired people. I know very few retired people who are like "oh yeah im sooo busy! Busier than when I was working!" They own it and talk about gardening and napping and being bored LOL.

This is a weird DCUM phenomenon. I am a longtime SAHM (with teens now) who subs at the local ES part-time. I know very few remaining SAHMs who have not trickled back to work in some capacity. And none of them claim or pretend to be super busy. Most basically just act semi-retired.

Perhaps it's because so many people on here are educated working women that they feel inferior? Maybe IRL they hang out with people of the same caliber, and don't feel the need to puff up their days. Like, I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't know if you did this, but you implied that you and other educated working moms are of a higher caliber than PP. Was that what you meant to say?

Perhaps "caliber" was the wrong word. I surmised that the SAHMs who puff up their day to sound supes busy raising children and keeping their house are insecure specifically on this website, because there is a high % of highly educated working women. If they aren't doing this in IRL (telling other SAHMs how busy they are) because they feel more comfortable with them, are not insecure about talking about how quiet their days are.

When you talk to SAHMs in person, do you do things like imply that you're better than they are because you're an educated working woman, and that it makes sense that they'd feel insecure around you? I think that people just say things on this website that they wouldn't in person.

You must have missed this part of my post: I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't think I'm better than anyone! I do work for many reasons, posted a while back. But the SAHM friends I have do not make up lies about how many times they clean bathrooms per day to make me think theyre so busy. They also dont imply that I'm a bad parent because I work, or that my house is dirty because I dont clean 5 bathrooms 7x a week. I am going to assume the ones who talk about how there's "no time left" to do much while your kid is at school are insecure and defensive over their choices. If someone wants to own their life of leisure, I'm here for it! But dont piss on my back and tell me its raining.

I was talking about your use of the word "caliber." You did say that "perhaps" it was the wrong word, but I don't see how you can say something like that and not feel superior to the people you said are of lesser caliber. I do think that a lot of the comments from SAHMs here are rude too, but I wonder if people are getting defensive or upset not because someone is actually being insulting, but because we can't help but infer an insult when someone defends a life choice that is different from our own.

I was responding to a specific post about how SAHMs dont do this IRL, only on DCUM, and what the differences may be and I apologize if my word choice triggered you.

Some of the posts on this thread are insulting. Especially considering it was supposed to be about why working women work, and seems to have been taken over with SAHMs justifying how they spend their time instead.

Why do you find it insulting that a SAHM runs errands during the day?

Do you find it insulting that people without children are running errands or going to book club in the evening?

I don't think you understood the post...

I think I did.

I think if a bunch of people came on this thread and started posting about how they didn’t have kids because they wanted to maintain their career, you wouldn’t feel so insulted.

You also wouldn’t force them to account for their time evenings and weekends and tell them how unproductive they are.

I think many people would find that insulting actually. Maybe you wouldn't, but I definitely would. It adds nothing to the conversation, it's just chatter from people who want attention, distracting from the actual topic. It costs nothing to make your own thread about whatever you want lol. More power to you to do that! Derailing other peoples threads is inappropriate internet etiquette, but there are many people on here (and trolls) who love to do it.

You're right that I wouldn't force them to account for their time on evenings and weekends, nor have I done that with any one else who posted here.

You have asked women who primarily work taking care of their children to account for their time when the children aren’t home.
Then you accused them of lying, puffing up their day, pretending to be so busy, feeling insecure, and being ineffective with their time.

I’m not a SAHM, but I feel compelled to defend them. And I am sure that your comments have caused several people casually looking at this thread to post.

If you want to know why SAHMs are posting in this thread, that’s why.

I definitely have not. I have responded to some of those posts, or other posts discussing that, but I have not asked about their time or asked anyone to justify their choice.

That’s fair. It’s an anonymous board.
People have asked what SAHMs and WOHMs with non traditional schedules do when their kids are at school. You read the responses and ridiculed these women, saying that they are lying, puffing up their time, pretending to be so busy, etc

Yes, there is no need to puff up and talk about running errands for 10h a week and say that's why you cant work and parent at the same time... I mean, maybe that happens, honestly I would be shocked, but who knows lol. It's really no skin off my nose.

I acknowledge a difference between the SAHMs in my life and the SAHMs on here, and IRL no one tries to puff. Clearly I'm on this website during the workday, so I'm not about to say I'm soooooo busy I also dont have one of the important jobs that some pps have. I dunno, I'm just tired of the fake. This is anon, if people cant be real here, why bother at all?

No one is puffing here or saying they are sooo busy. And no one ever says that they are a SAHM because they need to run errands.

Did you miss the cleaning 5 bathrooms every day part? Or perhaps the one about how you're a slob if you don't blow-dry your hair? One could not make this up.

I’d love to be a sahm but I can’t bring myself to do it on my spouses income (around 350k). That said, if being a sahm involved cleaning bathrooms and giving up our cleaning service, I’d decline.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’ll never understand the daily errands thing

Gives them something to do.

DP but agree.

There is no way anyone "needs" to go to the post office or grocery store every day. And if you do grocery shop every day, you are shopping for very minimal ingredients that do not take long, because you're only buying enough for the day. If you are literally running out of clothing, you/your children must wear the same thing every day? I'm so confused as to how someone can say they are running out of clothing because they didn't do laundry ONE day??

Working out takes time. Cooking takes time. But most SAHMs arent cooking dinner at 3pm before their kids are out of school.

I just tend to think that SAHMs get a lot of heat (see this thread) so try and make it sound like their days are sooo busy, even though it's really not. It's an insecurity because they feel like they have to "keep up" with the working people or ones who are actually busy.

I like the comparison to retired people. I know very few retired people who are like "oh yeah im sooo busy! Busier than when I was working!" They own it and talk about gardening and napping and being bored LOL.

This is a weird DCUM phenomenon. I am a longtime SAHM (with teens now) who subs at the local ES part-time. I know very few remaining SAHMs who have not trickled back to work in some capacity. And none of them claim or pretend to be super busy. Most basically just act semi-retired.

Perhaps it's because so many people on here are educated working women that they feel inferior? Maybe IRL they hang out with people of the same caliber, and don't feel the need to puff up their days. Like, I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't know if you did this, but you implied that you and other educated working moms are of a higher caliber than PP. Was that what you meant to say?

Perhaps "caliber" was the wrong word. I surmised that the SAHMs who puff up their day to sound supes busy raising children and keeping their house are insecure specifically on this website, because there is a high % of highly educated working women. If they aren't doing this in IRL (telling other SAHMs how busy they are) because they feel more comfortable with them, are not insecure about talking about how quiet their days are.

When you talk to SAHMs in person, do you do things like imply that you're better than they are because you're an educated working woman, and that it makes sense that they'd feel insecure around you? I think that people just say things on this website that they wouldn't in person.

You must have missed this part of my post: I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't think I'm better than anyone! I do work for many reasons, posted a while back. But the SAHM friends I have do not make up lies about how many times they clean bathrooms per day to make me think theyre so busy. They also dont imply that I'm a bad parent because I work, or that my house is dirty because I dont clean 5 bathrooms 7x a week. I am going to assume the ones who talk about how there's "no time left" to do much while your kid is at school are insecure and defensive over their choices. If someone wants to own their life of leisure, I'm here for it! But dont piss on my back and tell me its raining.

I was talking about your use of the word "caliber." You did say that "perhaps" it was the wrong word, but I don't see how you can say something like that and not feel superior to the people you said are of lesser caliber. I do think that a lot of the comments from SAHMs here are rude too, but I wonder if people are getting defensive or upset not because someone is actually being insulting, but because we can't help but infer an insult when someone defends a life choice that is different from our own.

I was responding to a specific post about how SAHMs dont do this IRL, only on DCUM, and what the differences may be and I apologize if my word choice triggered you.

Some of the posts on this thread are insulting. Especially considering it was supposed to be about why working women work, and seems to have been taken over with SAHMs justifying how they spend their time instead.

Why do you find it insulting that a SAHM runs errands during the day?

Do you find it insulting that people without children are running errands or going to book club in the evening?

I don't think you understood the post...

I think I did.

I think if a bunch of people came on this thread and started posting about how they didn’t have kids because they wanted to maintain their career, you wouldn’t feel so insulted.

You also wouldn’t force them to account for their time evenings and weekends and tell them how unproductive they are.

I think many people would find that insulting actually. Maybe you wouldn't, but I definitely would. It adds nothing to the conversation, it's just chatter from people who want attention, distracting from the actual topic. It costs nothing to make your own thread about whatever you want lol. More power to you to do that! Derailing other peoples threads is inappropriate internet etiquette, but there are many people on here (and trolls) who love to do it.

You're right that I wouldn't force them to account for their time on evenings and weekends, nor have I done that with any one else who posted here.

You have asked women who primarily work taking care of their children to account for their time when the children aren’t home.
Then you accused them of lying, puffing up their day, pretending to be so busy, feeling insecure, and being ineffective with their time.

I’m not a SAHM, but I feel compelled to defend them. And I am sure that your comments have caused several people casually looking at this thread to post.

If you want to know why SAHMs are posting in this thread, that’s why.

I definitely have not. I have responded to some of those posts, or other posts discussing that, but I have not asked about their time or asked anyone to justify their choice.

That’s fair. It’s an anonymous board.
People have asked what SAHMs and WOHMs with non traditional schedules do when their kids are at school. You read the responses and ridiculed these women, saying that they are lying, puffing up their time, pretending to be so busy, etc

Yes, there is no need to puff up and talk about running errands for 10h a week and say that's why you cant work and parent at the same time... I mean, maybe that happens, honestly I would be shocked, but who knows lol. It's really no skin off my nose.

I acknowledge a difference between the SAHMs in my life and the SAHMs on here, and IRL no one tries to puff. Clearly I'm on this website during the workday, so I'm not about to say I'm soooooo busy I also dont have one of the important jobs that some pps have. I dunno, I'm just tired of the fake. This is anon, if people cant be real here, why bother at all?

No one is puffing here or saying they are sooo busy. And no one ever says that they are a SAHM because they need to run errands.

Did you miss the cleaning 5 bathrooms every day part? Or perhaps the one about how you're a slob if you don't blow-dry your hair? One could not make this up.

I’d love to be a sahm but I can’t bring myself to do it on my spouses income (around 350k). That said, if being a sahm involved cleaning bathrooms and giving up our cleaning service, I’d decline.

People really have different preferences. I have a family member who was a SAHM, I guess still is even though her kids are older now. She LOVES to comparison shop. I swear getting a good deal is like a high for her. I think she thinks I’m lazy because I absolutely won’t- if something seems like a reasonable price I pay it and move on. I’m more than happy to pay more than necessary and spend the time I could be “being thrifty “ earning more money.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

No it's pretty obvious she has 5 hours a day, but can't get anything done. Poor time management is most likely it. I say that as SAHM . I see many other SAHM claim it's just so hard and they don't have time for anything it almost always comes down to poor time management or undiagnosed depression and ADHD both of which have a time management component

What exactly am I not getting done? I have three kids and take care of them. I keep our house going. I am not saying I am doing anything more. I am planning a birthday party for one of my kids, spring break and summer.

I have plenty of time. What I don’t have time for is a full time job in my 5 hours the kids are at school. I like working out daily after kids are at school. I am not the type to wake up at 5am to work out before everyone wakes up. By the time I shower after exercise, clean up breakfast, it is already lunchtime. Then I have 2 hours before first kid gets out of school.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

No it's pretty obvious she has 5 hours a day, but can't get anything done. Poor time management is most likely it. I say that as SAHM . I see many other SAHM claim it's just so hard and they don't have time for anything it almost always comes down to poor time management or undiagnosed depression and ADHD both of which have a time management component

What exactly am I not getting done? I have three kids and take care of them. I keep our house going. I am not saying I am doing anything more. I am planning a birthday party for one of my kids, spring break and summer.

I have plenty of time. What I don’t have time for is a full time job in my 5 hours the kids are at school. I like working out daily after kids are at school. I am not the type to wake up at 5am to work out before everyone wakes up. By the time I shower after exercise, clean up breakfast, it is already lunchtime. Then I have 2 hours before first kid gets out of school.

I am a fellow SAHM. I think it just boils down to phrasing. People get very prickly on here when you say you “can’t” work or “don’t have time.” Just say you could but choose not to and it works best for your family this way. Saying you don’t have time implies you think they are somehow short-changing someone and that is where they get defensive.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

No it's pretty obvious she has 5 hours a day, but can't get anything done. Poor time management is most likely it. I say that as SAHM . I see many other SAHM claim it's just so hard and they don't have time for anything it almost always comes down to poor time management or undiagnosed depression and ADHD both of which have a time management component

What exactly am I not getting done? I have three kids and take care of them. I keep our house going. I am not saying I am doing anything more. I am planning a birthday party for one of my kids, spring break and summer.

I have plenty of time. What I don’t have time for is a full time job in my 5 hours the kids are at school. I like working out daily after kids are at school. I am not the type to wake up at 5am to work out before everyone wakes up. By the time I shower after exercise, clean up breakfast, it is already lunchtime. Then I have 2 hours before first kid gets out of school.

I am a fellow SAHM. I think it just boils down to phrasing. People get very prickly on here when you say you “can’t” work or “don’t have time.” Just say you could but choose not to and it works best for your family this way. Saying you don’t have time implies you think they are somehow short-changing someone and that is where they get defensive.

It is hard for me to see how my post is offensive to anyone. I have a husband who works a lot. He is hands on when he is around but his hours are unpredictable. I used to work and had no time for myself, felt I didn’t spend enough time with my kids and did not like the go go go lifestyle. I have five hours and between exercise, errands, cleaning up and getting food ready for dinner, there isn’t that much free time left. It is hard for me to understand why this would offend anyone. I said once a week I may have lunch with a friend and I do go to the spa or nail salon once per week. I do not pretend to be super busy or doing anything more. I am active at my kids’ schools.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Here is what I don't get about the SAHMs and the vast majority of the posts.

There is some underlying insecurity or feeling of less worth...nearly all the posts justify not working to take care of the kids and manage household chores.

So, either you feel like you need to present that to DCUM or you really think that way.

I mean, the trust fund baby has no problem saying they are a "philanthropist" or the progeny of the Disney or Johnson & Johnson family have no problem doing the same.

Why can't you just say if given the option between working or not working with absolutely no change in lifestyle...I opt for not working?

Well, if there were no kids to take care of, I imagine they'd work. It's just that the logistics involved in having kids makes the difference between whether or not it's worth it to work.

And I think you only see laundry lists of the things SAHMs do in response to comments like "I have no idea what SAHMs do all day!" or "SAHMs just sit around all day." I don't think that any SAHM thinks she is actually as busy as a working mom (barring special circumstances), it's just that it's also not a life of leisure like that of a socialite. Nuance, you know?

Are you new here?!?

Ha, no. I meant a SAHM with kids in school, though.

I feel like I've seen plenty of posts, including those here today (I only have five hours a day while my kids are at school but I'm so busy chopping vegetables and going to the spa during that time!) that definitely sound like those SAHMs think they're busy. With all the defensiveness in those posts, it's hard to say that they would admit they're not as busy as working moms.

I think the whole SAHM/WOHM debate is stupid. Do what you want to do and what works best for your family. The happy people I know are the ones doing that, regardless of whether they stay home or work. The ones who feel like they don't have a choice (i.e. they can't afford to not work or they have to stay home because their husbands suck), those are the ones who get upset. I'm perfectly happy with the choices I have made so I don't care if someone else doesn't agree because what I do doesn't affect them.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

Ha, ok. My kids are at the private they all want to be at and we're very happy there. So yeah, I have the resources to send them wherever I want. So "obviously" you are wrong.

Someone who has five hours a day and who has no time left after working out, showering, running errands, cooking, and cleaning isn't good at managing their time. You realize that many people do all those things in far less than five hours, right? Again, good thing she doesn't have too much on her plate.

I guess you are attacking me and my five hours. I am a high functioning person. I spent most of my life achieving. I have two masters, one from Harvard. I was ambitious and careeer oriented. My entire identity was with my achievements and I did achieve. Then I had children and I hated being at work. I wanted to be with my child. I mommy tracked and had another kid. I had a nanny. I was able to juggle work and kids but I did not feel like I spent enough time with my children. Those years when they were young are gone.

I used to make a lot of money while making money for others. DH also makes a lot of money. He makes a few million per year. While I stopped working before I hit seven figures, I earned high six figures. We don’t need both of us out there earning all this money.

I consider myself retired. I have my own money. I have family money. We have marital assets. The last thing I need to do is go out and get a job just to have a job. I certainly don’t need to get a job to prove to some internet strangers that I can manage my time.

DP
I couldn't get through your post because I was laughing too hard. Are you really trying to convince anonymously that you have 2 masters and a degree from Harvard?!?!? I mean I don't care about your choice to stay home or not, but your post doesn't read Harvard grad. Maybe you should get back out there and sharpen the saw, because you sound dumb and defensive. Alternatively just own where you are and stop defending yourself with lies.

I am not defensive at all. I don’t have to attack other people online.

If you love your work and job, good for you. I personally would rather be home than work. Instead of retiring when I’m old and gray, I can enjoy my life now.

She says "I'm not defensive at all."

She also says "I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left."

Is that being defensive, or is that a description of how she uses her time?

Sigh. Take the comment in context. It was clearly defensive. She wasn't being asked on a survey how she spends her time. She's responding to a post about women who work (which, by the way, she doesn't, so she didn't have anything to add to this conversation at all yet decided to jump in and offer her unsolicited advice anyway). It's clearly defensive.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

Ha, ok. My kids are at the private they all want to be at and we're very happy there. So yeah, I have the resources to send them wherever I want. So "obviously" you are wrong.

Someone who has five hours a day and who has no time left after working out, showering, running errands, cooking, and cleaning isn't good at managing their time. You realize that many people do all those things in far less than five hours, right? Again, good thing she doesn't have too much on her plate.

I guess you are attacking me and my five hours. I am a high functioning person. I spent most of my life achieving. I have two masters, one from Harvard. I was ambitious and careeer oriented. My entire identity was with my achievements and I did achieve. Then I had children and I hated being at work. I wanted to be with my child. I mommy tracked and had another kid. I had a nanny. I was able to juggle work and kids but I did not feel like I spent enough time with my children. Those years when they were young are gone.

I used to make a lot of money while making money for others. DH also makes a lot of money. He makes a few million per year. While I stopped working before I hit seven figures, I earned high six figures. We don’t need both of us out there earning all this money.

I consider myself retired. I have my own money. I have family money. We have marital assets. The last thing I need to do is go out and get a job just to have a job. I certainly don’t need to get a job to prove to some internet strangers that I can manage my time.

DP
I couldn't get through your post because I was laughing too hard. Are you really trying to convince anonymously that you have 2 masters and a degree from Harvard?!?!? I mean I don't care about your choice to stay home or not, but your post doesn't read Harvard grad. Maybe you should get back out there and sharpen the saw, because you sound dumb and defensive. Alternatively just own where you are and stop defending yourself with lies.

I am not defensive at all. I don’t have to attack other people online.

If you love your work and job, good for you. I personally would rather be home than work. Instead of retiring when I’m old and gray, I can enjoy my life now.

She says "I'm not defensive at all."

She also says "I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left."

Is that being defensive, or is that a description of how she uses her time?

Sigh. Take the comment in context. It was clearly defensive. She wasn't being asked on a survey how she spends her time. She's responding to a post about women who work (which, by the way, she doesn't, so she didn't have anything to add to this conversation at all yet decided to jump in and offer her unsolicited advice anyway). It's clearly defensive.

I’m not sure if you referring to me. I am the I have 5 hours per day poster. When I had my first child, I had a very demanding job. I worked 60+ hours and Dh also worked 60+ hours. We were a very career oriented couple. I missed much of my first child’s first few years of life. I mommy tracked and had a 40 hour per week job when I had my second child. I used to have a FT nanny plus preschool. I thought I was at the finish line when my oldest started kindergarten. It actually was infinitely worse with sports and after school activities. My mistake was letting go of my FT nanny thinking we didn’t need her with 2 kids in school full time. I tried to hire a PT nanny and when I was writing the job description, I decided it was everything I wanted to do with my kids. I wanted to get kids to school. I wanted to pick them up, give them a snack, help them with homework and drive them to their activities.