Women whose partner's make enough for them to stay home, why do you prefer working?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know someone who is a white collar professional married to an oral surgeon. She put her 2 kids in daycare as soon as they were each 3 months old and her husband makes significantly more than she does. She does not want her identity to be “mom” and in some aspects seemed to have kids out of some kind of social obligation rather than truly wanting kids.

My mom was exactly the same way but it's like she is making up for all of that as a grandmother when she visits she is doting and more than helpful. She's definitely one of the people who is a better grandmother than mom. It was rough but makes sense for her trajectory and it worked out in the end.

[Anonymous]

I work because I cannot put my trust 100% in my husband. I do truly trust him. He's a wonderful man however, I have a sister, who is married to a wonderful man herself, they are now divorced, and she is having a hard time getting a good paying job. Her retirement funds are low etc
So long story short. I work because of Security. I don't rely on my husband for my money, my retirement, or anything. We are partners.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymouse wrote:Because a man is not a plan. I don't know if my DH could get unemployed, sick, disabled, die or leave me. Having plenty of savings and investments may not be enough.

This.
A man is not a plan
Every young girl needs to understand this key concept. Anything could happen. Earning your own money is empowering and creates security not just for yourself but for your children, community, and generations to come. Don’t ever be 100% financially dependent on anyone. Why would you?. If you don’t like your current job, switch it up, life is too short. Outsource things that you find tedious. If your husband is a high earner, you don’t have to work long hours but I vote for team independent

This!

Go team independent!

lol SO stupid. I have plenty of money saved from when I did work. I don't have to work anymore. I still have money which is making more money every month. You can still be independent and NOT work.

Then your husband isn't making enough money for you to stay home, is he? You just couldn't help yourself from chiming in even though your situation isn't relevant.

[Anonymous]

Mine makes "enough" to get by day to day - maybe take a nice vacation every now and then. We would be ok. But if I didn't work, my daughter probably would have to pay her own college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymouse wrote:Because a man is not a plan. I don't know if my DH could get unemployed, sick, disabled, die or leave me. Having plenty of savings and investments may not be enough.

This.
A man is not a plan
Every young girl needs to understand this key concept. Anything could happen. Earning your own money is empowering and creates security not just for yourself but for your children, community, and generations to come. Don’t ever be 100% financially dependent on anyone. Why would you?. If you don’t like your current job, switch it up, life is too short. Outsource things that you find tedious. If your husband is a high earner, you don’t have to work long hours but I vote for team independent

This!

Go team independent!

lol SO stupid. I have plenty of money saved from when I did work. I don't have to work anymore. I still have money which is making more money every month. You can still be independent and NOT work.

If you’re independent, why do you think “lol SO stupid”? I mean can’t you f…ing read? It literally says “Go team independent!”. It doesn’t say “go team independent working moms” or any such nonsense that you read into it. Your insecurity is shining brighter than the sun, my dear!

[Anonymous]

I love my job. I would never ever stop working. I feel like what I do is important and contributes to society. I love having colleagues. I love having a life completely outside my husband and kids and neighborhood.

I love being a mom and have a great marriage. But it's simply impossible for me to consider not working. It's part of who I am as a person.

[Anonymous]

For heaven's sake, when will this question stop being directed at women only.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:TLR all of the above, but in my case, it is b/c the "feminist" movement devalued the role of SAHM and then dual-income families drove prices up. So I like to contribute where I can and feel like I'm using my advanced degrees. However, my top priority remains emotional & physical availability for my kids. I stayed at home exclusively for many years. Now that my kids are older & mainly need me after school, and I found a flexible position with hours during the school day and a fair rate of pay (these things generally don't overlap!), I jumped at the chance to get back into the workplace. Things feel a little crazy even part-time so my hat is off to the FT work-outside-the-home moms. Because we don't need my income, I can be very picky about the job(s) I take. Every job I've had since kids has been part-time, higher rate of pay (vs benefits), and offered flexibility with hours & sick time if the kids need me. I do not know how FT dual income families are making things work, but if you are in a rat race situation, drop all the expensive activities and extras and see if you can simplify & live on one income. Do you even need a house as large as you have?! So much of what we think is necessary in NOVA just isn't. This is a bubble. A simpler life/childhood for your kids with more downtime & connection (especially if extended family isn't nearby) is critical for children. Look at the mental illness, suicidal ideation, and behavior issues. They need our connection.

Thank you.

[Anonymous]

High energy and want my own identity

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My sole earner husband mostly works from home and is around and available as much as any working parent. The absentee-dad story is a myth that working moms tell. He will be retiring at 55.

How can he be available if he is working? The work from home people are not working in fact.

I said he is as available as any working parent. He’s done before dinner every night and doesn’t work weekends. He can flex during the day if needs to go to a performance or meeting for the kids, etc. He has all the flexibility the working moms brag about. He coaches and does bedtimes. He’s not remotely absentee. I know that’s disappointing for some posters who want him to be checked out.

Right, as noted, that makes him a practically impossible rarity. There are very few wealthy (and non-wealthy) working fathers supporting entire families who can work from home, have total schedule control, and skip out on work whenever they want.

In any event, this thread started because OP is married to a terrible, disinterested, but wealthy father, which is far more common in the SAHM/wealthy WOHD model. So your unicorn situation is totally irrelevant.

Why is my husband an “impossible rarity” when working moms claim this type of schedule all the time and go completely unquestioned on this site?

Oh my. Are you really this slow? Because all those working moms are not the sole provider, and therefore can and do take jobs that are more flexible. What is a rarity is a man, with a super flexible job, who makes enough money that his wife’s salary is irrelevant. That is a true rarity, and therefore your DH is irrelevant.

Nah. We just aren’t frivolous money wasters like so many on here.

You seem to not understand that this entire thread is about women married to men who make enough that the women’s jobs don’t matter. Frugality has literally no role here. If your husband’s salary requires that you have to live frugally to survive, then this thread isn’t about you.

I didn’t say that. But some women think they can’t stay home on less than $750k.

It would take over a million to get me to stay home.

Why? Security.

We could save enough for every eventuality. DH 'only' makes 450k, as do I, so we're not there, even combined.

Mine is there and I’d never in a million years stop working. It’s hard to get back in the workforce once you’re out. I never will put my security in the hands of someone else. Too many horror stories.

[Anonymous]

I love my job and enjoy making my own money. I also know that if something happened to one of us, we both know that the other would be well-positioned to pick up the slack (that is, neither of us would have to re-enter the workforce at a disadvantage if the other could no longer work). My kids enjoyed daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is clearly saying she ended up staying home because her DH wasn't helpful or capable enough at home to make their life manageable. It's simply untrue that all men are like that. So the answer to OP's question is that women work in this situation because they want to, and because their DH is willing and able to do enough for the household, or they hire enough help, that it's manageable.

This is what I see a lot. The family can’t afford high quality childcare, cleansing services etc and mom doesn’t want two jobs. Even with daycare and cleaning services there is still a lot of work that usually falls on the mom. It’s great some of you have husbands are so helpful but unfortunately a lot of women feel they need to choose one over the other. One will be on the back burner usually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is clearly saying she ended up staying home because her DH wasn't helpful or capable enough at home to make their life manageable. It's simply untrue that all men are like that. So the answer to OP's question is that women work in this situation because they want to, and because their DH is willing and able to do enough for the household, or they hire enough help, that it's manageable.

This is what I see a lot. The family can’t afford high quality childcare, cleansing services etc and mom doesn’t want two jobs. Even with daycare and cleaning services there is still a lot of work that usually falls on the mom. It’s great some of you have husbands are so helpful but unfortunately a lot of women feel they need to choose one over the other. One will be on the back burner usually.

Yep, I'm in the "didn't want two jobs" camp. DH makes a relatively high salary now (around $400k, which I know is "too low" for many on here) but when I started SAH it was $160k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For heaven's sake, when will this question stop being directed at women only.

+1000

If the roles were reveresed...ie the wife was the high earner... would you be questioning why the husband wasn't a SAHD?? Probably not

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I found maternity leave isolating and needed something to do with my brain. I couldn't do that for an extended period. I absolutely love my son but being home alone with him days on end was too hard.