Women whose partner's make enough for them to stay home, why do you prefer working?

[Anonymous]

I had a career in finance that I enjoyed, but then DC was born. Doing childcare, tending the home and working was very exhausting so I deprioritized my career. Although I had some success as an employer my husband was way more successful so it didn't make sense for me to be employed. I know women married to high earning men, but they still work even after having more than one child. I can't understand this, how can they do it all? I'm genuinely curious.

[Anonymous]

Their husbands aren’t checked out of family life the same way it sounds like your husband is. So they have more help.

[Anonymous]

Because these women who are married to high earning men might be high earning themselves, with an income comparable to that of their husbands.

Also, not all working women do it all. Many have husbands that are a bit more useful around the house than a walking ATM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Their husbands aren’t checked out of family life the same way it sounds like your husband is. So they have more help.

OP here. Men aren't as helpful around the house, at least not in my experience. They might cook or clean from time to time, but they're not as involved with their children and women are.

[Anonymous]

Some people like working. It gives them an identity and purpose apart from family life. It’s also empowering to earn money yourself. None of this disappears when children are born.

And if you grow apart later, it’s good to have a current skill set in case you have to support yourself again one day. It happens.

[Anonymous]

Because my job is interesting and fun. And because my DH is a very engaged partner and husband.

They do it all by hiring help and/or having local family, and by having husbands who are more helpful than yours is. And they tend to be very organized energetic people and have kids who do well without a lot of micromanaging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people like working. It gives them an identity and purpose apart from family life. It’s also empowering to earn money yourself. None of this disappears when children are born.

And if you grow apart later, it’s good to have a current skill set in case you have to support yourself again one day. It happens.

I understand this. I liked my job too and it gave me a sense of purpose, but I had to re-prioritize my goals ad staying in the workforce made it difficult for me to have to do everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Their husbands aren’t checked out of family life the same way it sounds like your husband is. So they have more help.

OP here. Men aren't as helpful around the house, at least not in my experience. They might cook or clean from time to time, but they're not as involved with their children and women are.

I'm sorry that your husband isn't helpful. Mine does 100% of the cooking, and is a great parent very hands-on and capable. We have a cleaning service. I very, very carefully filtered for this when dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because these women who are married to high earning men might be high earning themselves, with an income comparable to that of their husbands.

Also, not all working women do it all. Many have husbands that are a bit more useful around the house than a walking ATM.

+1
This is exactly my situation. I could stay home (again--I did for a bit). But why not work and earn right now if I enjoy it and it is even better for our family? (Not the case for all families, your family, her family). For us it just works right now and I like what I do and I like the extra earnings. I could perfectly find valuable things to do with my time and smarts, and many SAHs do, but for me right now I like the facet of me that works at a paying job. It could change!

[Anonymous]

Because I am highly educated and I believe my purpose is to help society beyond just keeping my house clean and kids fed.

[Anonymous]

I have a nanny who helps do a lot of the mundane things and frankly is better at many aspects of organization, parenting etc. I frankly don't enjoy researching gymnastics lessons and baby food brands.

My child has SN and now we still have a nanny which has been a life saver for me. I need a career to balance the many psychologically challenging aspects of caring for him. I also work in a career I am passionate about, running my own business.

Also like a PP said I earn comparable to what DH does and he may be able to retire early this way which would make him the primary parent.

People are different. Frankly, I can't imagine staying home, but it's totally great that you do like it and have the opportunity to do it.

[Anonymous]

Lol, I think op was looking for personal reasons, not blaming sahms or their dh. What odd responses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people like working. It gives them an identity and purpose apart from family life. It’s also empowering to earn money yourself. None of this disappears when children are born.

And if you grow apart later, it’s good to have a current skill set in case you have to support yourself again one day. It happens.

I understand this. I liked my job too and it gave me a sense of purpose, but I had to re-prioritize my goals ad staying in the workforce made it difficult for me to have to do everything.

This will sound much meaner over a post than if we were speaking. But I don’t mean it in a mean way. OP, everyone comes to the table with different skills and strengths and talents. Some women who stayed in the workforce had stronger skills in the workplace and homefront which allowed manage both more easily than you were able to.

[Anonymous]

OP is clearly saying she ended up staying home because her DH wasn't helpful or capable enough at home to make their life manageable. It's simply untrue that all men are like that. So the answer to OP's question is that women work in this situation because they want to, and because their DH is willing and able to do enough for the household, or they hire enough help, that it's manageable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol, I think op was looking for personal reasons, not blaming sahms or their dh. What odd responses.

Well that is a personal reason - these PPs did not feel the burden OP describes because their husbands shared the load.