Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

[Anonymous]

^^what's expensive sex? Like it or not, you will risk loosing your marriage anytime you don't consider your spouse's needs. Its a gamble that most take.

Sex is what differentiates roommates from a marital relationship.--a woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^what's expensive sex? Like it or not, you will risk loosing your marriage anytime you don't consider your spouse's needs. Its a gamble that most take.

Sex is what differentiates roommates from a marital relationship.--a woman.

You are missing the point that many male cheaters have a healthy sex life at home. They have mental issues like narcissism, alcohol, addiction and/or childhood trauma.

And, yes, those guys risk losing everything by not taking their spouse’s health, safety, and needs into consideration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ yes my cheater is over-sexed.

We had sex 3-4 times per week at 22 years of marriage and he would screw his AP 2-3 times per month.

So the bulk of his sex was with me, his wife.

He had a seriously screwed up childhood- mother and father. Alcoholism, serial cheating, nobody looking out for him and his brothers.

His AP is just as messed up. Daddy and attention issues. Both are narcissists.

It’s definitely not just sex that causes cheating. It’s need of ego stroking and validation—and times because they have very low self esteem even when appearing supremely confident in day to day life.

This was me in the first half of my life.

Good for you I n making these changes. So how and what caused you to change?

Yes. Please tell. And since you became wired to thrill of cheap sex in hotels and AP’s house, what stops you from doing that again anytime you feel low and your spouse is emotionally distant like we all are at times in life—due to death of parents, siblings, health issues, child issues, etc.

If your default was always to go cheat to self soothe how did you break a 10-20 year pattern?

And, chances of it happening again are not betting odds—-very high chance 75-80% serial cheaters will repeat behavior.

Very interested. With somebody doing every therapy under the book and counseling, vasectomy, testing, to avoid being kicked to the curb.

Tell us how you turned it around. The trauma of the fallout from discovery coupled with all of these other things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^what's expensive sex? Like it or not, you will risk loosing your marriage anytime you don't consider your spouse's needs. Its a gamble that most take.

Sex is what differentiates roommates from a marital relationship.--a woman.

You are missing the point that many male cheaters have a healthy sex life at home. They have mental issues like narcissism, alcohol, addiction and/or childhood trauma.

And, yes, those guys risk losing everything by not taking their spouse’s health, safety, and needs into consideration.

That’s an absurd statement. Very few married men (irrespective of cheating status) have a healthy sex life at home. So if you limit yourself to the small fraction of men who DO (have a healthy sex life at home) on what basis would you think these few men cheat in measurable numbers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^what's expensive sex? Like it or not, you will risk loosing your marriage anytime you don't consider your spouse's needs. Its a gamble that most take.

Sex is what differentiates roommates from a marital relationship.--a woman.

You are missing the point that many male cheaters have a healthy sex life at home. They have mental issues like narcissism, alcohol, addiction and/or childhood trauma.

And, yes, those guys risk losing everything by not taking their spouse’s health, safety, and needs into consideration.

That’s an absurd statement. Very few married men (irrespective of cheating status) have a healthy sex life at home. So if you limit yourself to the small fraction of men who DO (have a healthy sex life at home) on what basis would you think these few men cheat in measurable numbers?

Cheaters make up all kinds of excuses to seek thrills outside the marriage. One of my friends couldn't stand the mil. And was very angry he paid his daughters attorney fees without consulting her. Women often cheat because of lack of communication. There's never an excuse to cheat. People who feel like their spouse must meet all their needs are unrealistic and immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^what's expensive sex? Like it or not, you will risk loosing your marriage anytime you don't consider your spouse's needs. Its a gamble that most take.

Sex is what differentiates roommates from a marital relationship.--a woman.

You are missing the point that many male cheaters have a healthy sex life at home. They have mental issues like narcissism, alcohol, addiction and/or childhood trauma.

And, yes, those guys risk losing everything by not taking their spouse’s health, safety, and needs into consideration.

Monogamy isn't an natural construct. Its a cultural one intended to support raising children and securing lineage. Because someone cheats doesn't mean they suffer from some substance/psychological issue. They're probably just bored off their ass and tired of starfish sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^what's expensive sex? Like it or not, you will risk loosing your marriage anytime you don't consider your spouse's needs. Its a gamble that most take.

Sex is what differentiates roommates from a marital relationship.--a woman.

You are missing the point that many male cheaters have a healthy sex life at home. They have mental issues like narcissism, alcohol, addiction and/or childhood trauma.

And, yes, those guys risk losing everything by not taking their spouse’s health, safety, and needs into consideration.

Monogamy isn't an natural construct. Its a cultural one intended to support raising children and securing lineage. Because someone cheats doesn't mean they suffer from some substance/psychological issue. They're probably just bored off their ass and tired of starfish sex.

When you're sneaking around, lying about your whereabouts yes there's a big psychological problem, lol.

No one forces marriage, it's a choice otherwise stay single and non monogamous!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^what's expensive sex? Like it or not, you will risk loosing your marriage anytime you don't consider your spouse's needs. Its a gamble that most take.

Sex is what differentiates roommates from a marital relationship.--a woman.

You are missing the point that many male cheaters have a healthy sex life at home. They have mental issues like narcissism, alcohol, addiction and/or childhood trauma.

And, yes, those guys risk losing everything by not taking their spouse’s health, safety, and needs into consideration.

Monogamy isn't an natural construct. Its a cultural one intended to support raising children and securing lineage. Because someone cheats doesn't mean they suffer from some substance/psychological issue. They're probably just bored off their ass and tired of starfish sex.

If it's all ok tell that to your kids. See how they feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^what's expensive sex? Like it or not, you will risk loosing your marriage anytime you don't consider your spouse's needs. Its a gamble that most take.

Sex is what differentiates roommates from a marital relationship.--a woman.

You are missing the point that many male cheaters have a healthy sex life at home. They have mental issues like narcissism, alcohol, addiction and/or childhood trauma.

And, yes, those guys risk losing everything by not taking their spouse’s health, safety, and needs into consideration.

That’s an absurd statement. Very few married men (irrespective of cheating status) have a healthy sex life at home. So if you limit yourself to the small fraction of men who DO (have a healthy sex life at home) on what basis would you think these few men cheat in measurable numbers?

The bold is the absurd statement. If you truly believe that, why on earth would you ever get married? Or if you did, wouldn't it be fair to tell your wife upfront that the odds are not at all favor of your being able to maintain monogamy in the long run?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^what's expensive sex? Like it or not, you will risk loosing your marriage anytime you don't consider your spouse's needs. Its a gamble that most take.

Sex is what differentiates roommates from a marital relationship.--a woman.

You are missing the point that many male cheaters have a healthy sex life at home. They have mental issues like narcissism, alcohol, addiction and/or childhood trauma.

And, yes, those guys risk losing everything by not taking their spouse’s health, safety, and needs into consideration.

Monogamy isn't an natural construct. Its a cultural one intended to support raising children and securing lineage. Because someone cheats doesn't mean they suffer from some substance/psychological issue. They're probably just bored off their ass and tired of starfish sex.

Male monogamy has never been a part of that, only female. Only female monogamy is required for raising children and securing lineage.

[Anonymous]

Even priests have sex (male, female, coerced, consensual) and they are cheating on GOD. Must be normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^what's expensive sex? Like it or not, you will risk loosing your marriage anytime you don't consider your spouse's needs. Its a gamble that most take.

Sex is what differentiates roommates from a marital relationship.--a woman.

You are missing the point that many male cheaters have a healthy sex life at home. They have mental issues like narcissism, alcohol, addiction and/or childhood trauma.

And, yes, those guys risk losing everything by not taking their spouse’s health, safety, and needs into consideration.

Monogamy isn't an natural construct. Its a cultural one intended to support raising children and securing lineage. Because someone cheats doesn't mean they suffer from some substance/psychological issue. They're probably just bored off their ass and tired of starfish sex.

+1. Or the marriage is not great anyway and they are only staying for kids/finances and are already emotionally checked out. I think it is actually the rarity that they suffer from substance or psychological issues. Often, they are bored, emotionally checked out or their needs are not being met at home emotionally or sexually. I hate how people assume there must be other issues...it is because they don't want to be believe that they (the non-cheating spouse) could never be part of the problem of why they would seek needs elsewhere. The alternative is divorce. Some people do not want a divorce for various reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even priests have sex (male, female, coerced, consensual) and they are cheating on GOD. Must be normal.

Nope. Just because people do something doesn’t mean it’s acceptable. Cheating is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Lack of moral code and ethics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^what's expensive sex? Like it or not, you will risk loosing your marriage anytime you don't consider your spouse's needs. Its a gamble that most take.

Sex is what differentiates roommates from a marital relationship.--a woman.

You are missing the point that many male cheaters have a healthy sex life at home. They have mental issues like narcissism, alcohol, addiction and/or childhood trauma.

And, yes, those guys risk losing everything by not taking their spouse’s health, safety, and needs into consideration.

Monogamy isn't an natural construct. Its a cultural one intended to support raising children and securing lineage. Because someone cheats doesn't mean they suffer from some substance/psychological issue. They're probably just bored off their ass and tired of starfish sex.

+1. Or the marriage is not great anyway and they are only staying for kids/finances and are already emotionally checked out. I think it is actually the rarity that they suffer from substance or psychological issues. Often, they are bored, emotionally checked out or their needs are not being met at home emotionally or sexually. I hate how people assume there must be other issues...it is because they don't want to be believe that they (the non-cheating spouse) could never be part of the problem of why they would seek needs elsewhere. The alternative is divorce. Some people do not want a divorce for various reasons.

There are many people who face tough times in life and/or marriage and it can manifest as unhappiness in life/spouse etc. Many people face tough times and don’t cheat. It’s a cheater character issue that they handle tough times by doing things like cheating. They not only cheat but find a way to blame others for their actions. It’s horrible how they blame others for their wrong actions.