Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After reading all these posts, I feel like the people who aren't having sex by their own choice can never be happy for those who are having sex. Those who have taken an AP are braggi g a bit, happy to be getti g it again while rubbing it in the face of those who wish them to be celibite. It's like we live in two different worlds. A sex less world and one with sex. Drag someone into a world where they don't belong and they will scheme to escape to the other world.

Not really. I don't think the first part of this is true in that people not having sex can never be happy for those who are. First, don't assume that people who object to cheating don't have sex. That would be an incorrect assumption for sure. Second, many cheaters are having sex with their spouses and so cheaters don't just cheat for no-sex situation at home. Finally, even if it is a no-sex situation, there are other ways of dealing with it. Not sure it's 2 different worlds either.

Oh really? Like what?

No, the only way to deal with a no-sex situation if you still enjoy sex, is to have sex again. But I'm sure you think the person being denied can just go take care of it themselves and be happy with that the rest of their lives?

[Anonymous]

^ stop trolling with same questions again and again. Does your mother know you troll?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After reading all these posts, I feel like the people who aren't having sex by their own choice can never be happy for those who are having sex. Those who have taken an AP are braggi g a bit, happy to be getti g it again while rubbing it in the face of those who wish them to be celibite. It's like we live in two different worlds. A sex less world and one with sex. Drag someone into a world where they don't belong and they will scheme to escape to the other world.

Not really. I don't think the first part of this is true in that people not having sex can never be happy for those who are. First, don't assume that people who object to cheating don't have sex. That would be an incorrect assumption for sure. Second, many cheaters are having sex with their spouses and so cheaters don't just cheat for no-sex situation at home. Finally, even if it is a no-sex situation, there are other ways of dealing with it. Not sure it's 2 different worlds either.

Oh really? Like what?

No, the only way to deal with a no-sex situation if you still enjoy sex, is to have sex again. But I'm sure you think the person being denied can just go take care of it themselves and be happy with that the rest of their lives?

Be single and date. Solved that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After reading all these posts, I feel like the people who aren't having sex by their own choice can never be happy for those who are having sex. Those who have taken an AP are braggi g a bit, happy to be getti g it again while rubbing it in the face of those who wish them to be celibite. It's like we live in two different worlds. A sex less world and one with sex. Drag someone into a world where they don't belong and they will scheme to escape to the other world.

Not really. I don't think the first part of this is true in that people not having sex can never be happy for those who are. First, don't assume that people who object to cheating don't have sex. That would be an incorrect assumption for sure. Second, many cheaters are having sex with their spouses and so cheaters don't just cheat for no-sex situation at home. Finally, even if it is a no-sex situation, there are other ways of dealing with it. Not sure it's 2 different worlds either.

When one makes excuses to live a double life of cheating and lying to their family that person is solely to blame.

Get counseling, or get divorced and have all the sex you want. That's what the majority are trying to convey to you. Sadly, you are trying to spin it completely wrong to validate your bad and sick behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After reading all these posts, I feel like the people who aren't having sex by their own choice can never be happy for those who are having sex. Those who have taken an AP are braggi g a bit, happy to be getti g it again while rubbing it in the face of those who wish them to be celibite. It's like we live in two different worlds. A sex less world and one with sex. Drag someone into a world where they don't belong and they will scheme to escape to the other world.

Not really. I don't think the first part of this is true in that people not having sex can never be happy for those who are. First, don't assume that people who object to cheating don't have sex. That would be an incorrect assumption for sure. Second, many cheaters are having sex with their spouses and so cheaters don't just cheat for no-sex situation at home. Finally, even if it is a no-sex situation, there are other ways of dealing with it. Not sure it's 2 different worlds either.

Oh really? Like what?

No, the only way to deal with a no-sex situation if you still enjoy sex, is to have sex again. But I'm sure you think the person being denied can just go take care of it themselves and be happy with that the rest of their lives?

Be single and date. Solved that.

I'd rather date married women right now, while staying married. They are much safer, totally sex starved, and we get right down to it. Especially when you only have a few hours. Those are hot, steamy hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After reading all these posts, I feel like the people who aren't having sex by their own choice can never be happy for those who are having sex. Those who have taken an AP are braggi g a bit, happy to be getti g it again while rubbing it in the face of those who wish them to be celibite. It's like we live in two different worlds. A sex less world and one with sex. Drag someone into a world where they don't belong and they will scheme to escape to the other world.

Not really. I don't think the first part of this is true in that people not having sex can never be happy for those who are. First, don't assume that people who object to cheating don't have sex. That would be an incorrect assumption for sure. Second, many cheaters are having sex with their spouses and so cheaters don't just cheat for no-sex situation at home. Finally, even if it is a no-sex situation, there are other ways of dealing with it. Not sure it's 2 different worlds either.

When one makes excuses to live a double life of cheating and lying to their family that person is solely to blame.

Get counseling, or get divorced and have all the sex you want. That's what the majority are trying to convey to you. Sadly, you are trying to spin it completely wrong to validate your bad and sick behavior.

Thanks but, I'm already having all the sex I want without having to go through all that.

[Anonymous]

I think, and my experience is, that a lot of cheating happens, first of all, because we feel unfulfilled in our marriages. But that is a necessary condition and not a sufficient condition to cheat.

To actually cheat, we have to be tempted. We also have to have the opportunity to cheat. Finally, and for whatever reason, even knowing it's wrong, we have to lack restraint.

Serial cheaters lack restraint...in abundance.

"The horror".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ yes my cheater is over-sexed.

We had sex 3-4 times per week at 22 years of marriage and he would screw his AP 2-3 times per month.

So the bulk of his sex was with me, his wife.

He had a seriously screwed up childhood- mother and father. Alcoholism, serial cheating, nobody looking out for him and his brothers.

His AP is just as messed up. Daddy and attention issues. Both are narcissists.

It’s definitely not just sex that causes cheating. It’s need of ego stroking and validation—and times because they have very low self esteem even when appearing supremely confident in day to day life.

This was me in the first half of my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think, and my experience is, that a lot of cheating happens, first of all, because we feel unfulfilled in our marriages. But that is a necessary condition and not a sufficient condition to cheat.

To actually cheat, we have to be tempted. We also have to have the opportunity to cheat. Finally, and for whatever reason, even knowing it's wrong, we have to lack restraint.

Serial cheaters lack restraint...in abundance.

"The horror".

Yep. It's the last condition, lack o f restraint that is the point. I would also add narc to that list since they could at that point divorce but they only think about themselves and so they not want divorce. Narc is the 4th item.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After reading all these posts, I feel like the people who aren't having sex by their own choice can never be happy for those who are having sex. Those who have taken an AP are braggi g a bit, happy to be getti g it again while rubbing it in the face of those who wish them to be celibite. It's like we live in two different worlds. A sex less world and one with sex. Drag someone into a world where they don't belong and they will scheme to escape to the other world.

Not really. I don't think the first part of this is true in that people not having sex can never be happy for those who are. First, don't assume that people who object to cheating don't have sex. That would be an incorrect assumption for sure. Second, many cheaters are having sex with their spouses and so cheaters don't just cheat for no-sex situation at home. Finally, even if it is a no-sex situation, there are other ways of dealing with it. Not sure it's 2 different worlds either.

When one makes excuses to live a double life of cheating and lying to their family that person is solely to blame.

Get counseling, or get divorced and have all the sex you want. That's what the majority are trying to convey to you. Sadly, you are trying to spin it completely wrong to validate your bad and sick behavior.

Thanks but, I'm already having all the sex I want without having to go through all that.

But you can go and date a lot of women if you're divorced. Also, you'll have plenty of time to date if you divorce since you'll have kids o only half the time. Also, you would be doing the right thing as well. Just move on. Don't you have any sense of right and wrong? Do you ever want to do the right thing or do you do it only when it can make you look bad otherwise?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ yes my cheater is over-sexed.

We had sex 3-4 times per week at 22 years of marriage and he would screw his AP 2-3 times per month.

So the bulk of his sex was with me, his wife.

He had a seriously screwed up childhood- mother and father. Alcoholism, serial cheating, nobody looking out for him and his brothers.

His AP is just as messed up. Daddy and attention issues. Both are narcissists.

It’s definitely not just sex that causes cheating. It’s need of ego stroking and validation—and times because they have very low self esteem even when appearing supremely confident in day to day life.

This was me in the first half of my life.

Good for you I n making these changes. So how and what caused you to change?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After reading all these posts, I feel like the people who aren't having sex by their own choice can never be happy for those who are having sex. Those who have taken an AP are braggi g a bit, happy to be getti g it again while rubbing it in the face of those who wish them to be celibite. It's like we live in two different worlds. A sex less world and one with sex. Drag someone into a world where they don't belong and they will scheme to escape to the other world.

Not really. I don't think the first part of this is true in that people not having sex can never be happy for those who are. First, don't assume that people who object to cheating don't have sex. That would be an incorrect assumption for sure. Second, many cheaters are having sex with their spouses and so cheaters don't just cheat for no-sex situation at home. Finally, even if it is a no-sex situation, there are other ways of dealing with it. Not sure it's 2 different worlds either.

Oh really? Like what?

No, the only way to deal with a no-sex situation if you still enjoy sex, is to have sex again. But I'm sure you think the person being denied can just go take care of it themselves and be happy with that the rest of their lives?

Be single and date. Solved that.

I'd rather date married women right now, while staying married. They are much safer, totally sex starved, and we get right down to it. Especially when you only have a few hours. Those are hot, steamy hours.

Truer words have never been written.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One sweet post-Mother’s Day Ashley Madison whore 4 years ago (and carried it on four years) is getting a sweet, sweet Mother’s Day gift from me this week—-or at least her husband is when I hand him all the evidence he needs for child custody and divorce and he can see what his wife had been up to in his bed.

I hate to disappoint you but adultery has zero effect on custody decisions unless she left her children dangling from the balcony while she slept with her lover.

My lawyer would disagree. Going to a hotel in another state when her state was in quarantine and then going back to her unsuspecting family.

Bringing strange men into the home every week.

Drinking and driving.

He said these all represent a cheat danger to the children and spouse.

Toodeloo...

Good for you. My ex engaged in similar patterns, and it absolutely impacted custody. I was able to say: here are a bunch of times my ex had a choice between being with his kids and being with his mistress, and each time (including important doctor's appointments for a child with a chronic condition), he chose the mistress.

The judge was not amused. In your case, I think the reckless disregard for her family in a time of pandemic will be really damaging for custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After reading all these posts, I feel like the people who aren't having sex by their own choice can never be happy for those who are having sex. Those who have taken an AP are braggi g a bit, happy to be getti g it again while rubbing it in the face of those who wish them to be celibite. It's like we live in two different worlds. A sex less world and one with sex. Drag someone into a world where they don't belong and they will scheme to escape to the other world.

Not really. I don't think the first part of this is true in that people not having sex can never be happy for those who are. First, don't assume that people who object to cheating don't have sex. That would be an incorrect assumption for sure. Second, many cheaters are having sex with their spouses and so cheaters don't just cheat for no-sex situation at home. Finally, even if it is a no-sex situation, there are other ways of dealing with it. Not sure it's 2 different worlds either.

Oh really? Like what?

No, the only way to deal with a no-sex situation if you still enjoy sex, is to have sex again. But I'm sure you think the person being denied can just go take care of it themselves and be happy with that the rest of their lives?

Be single and date. Solved that.

That makes no sense when already married, and your sexless spouse wants to remain married (otherwise, they would have initiated a divorced).
Better for both spouses to save the marriage by having sex with somebody who wants it (ie, not your sexless spouse).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ yes my cheater is over-sexed.

We had sex 3-4 times per week at 22 years of marriage and he would screw his AP 2-3 times per month.

So the bulk of his sex was with me, his wife.

He had a seriously screwed up childhood- mother and father. Alcoholism, serial cheating, nobody looking out for him and his brothers.

His AP is just as messed up. Daddy and attention issues. Both are narcissists.

It’s definitely not just sex that causes cheating. It’s need of ego stroking and validation—and times because they have very low self esteem even when appearing supremely confident in day to day life.

This was me in the first half of my life.

Good for you I n making these changes. So how and what caused you to change?

Yes. Please tell. And since you became wired to thrill of cheap sex in hotels and AP’s house, what stops you from doing that again anytime you feel low and your spouse is emotionally distant like we all are at times in life—due to death of parents, siblings, health issues, child issues, etc.

If your default was always to go cheat to self soothe how did you break a 10-20 year pattern?

And, chances of it happening again are not betting odds—-very high chance 75-80% serial cheaters will repeat behavior.