How to respond when kid gets into school and is Legacy

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Posters in here want students to do the Native American land acknowledgement spiel with their legacy status. Sorry. Not going to happen. Kids worked hard and got in. Shame about those that didn’t, but there’s a college for everyone.

No, we just want people to stop pretending there isn’t a benefit to it when we all know there is.

More generally, we want people in positions of privilege to stop pretending that they earned everything by themselves and have the perspective to understand the privilege they were born into.

No what you want is students to apologize for getting in - where does it stop? Should they wear little badges around? An FGLI here? An athlete? Rich public school kid?

You overlook your own privilege and love pointing out everyone else’s

Nobody is asking for apologies. They are only asking for honesty. And generally, other groups are honest. Athletes and athlete parents typically are very straightforward about lower standards needed for admission. Same with FGLI. It’s only legacies and their parents that insist everyone pretend that legacies don’t have a significant advantage in admissions.

This entire thread was started because a legacy parent is freaking out because her child (who is nearly a legal adult) heard someone say that his parents went to the same school. That shows a level of fragility and entitlement that you just don’t see out of the other groups.

You don’t have to apologize. But don’t demand everyone pretend reality doesn’t exist, either.

No one is demanding anyone pretend anything. You’re the one demanding everyone ritually say “I got in and it’s because legacy admits have an easier time”.

Defensive much? No one thinks that, they just think it’s weird to act to another kid like it’s completely irrelevant and there’s no chance that being a double legacy broke the tie between two kids. If you or your kid can’t be gracious and honest in your good fortune I don’t know what to tell you.

Well what you do think the kid should say to such a rude comment?

“You’re right, I’m very lucky.” As a FGLI person myself I would never introduce myself as “FGLI, luckily!” so whoever said that upchain is a moron.

Well then what would you have said if someone said you got in only because you’re FGLI?

And why should they say “you’re right?” Just because legacies have a higher admit rate does not mean that legacies get in ONLY because they are legacies.

You are the first person ever to say anything as dumb as “you only got in because you had to swim very hard upstream against generational poverty going to an underperforming high school, how lucky!” so I never had to come up with a snappy retort for that. Most people understand FGLI requires much more grit and talent than being double legacy on top of being decidedly NOT lucky.

Defensive much? Questbridge kids have a lot of admissions advantage - and they’re FGLI. Would you be ok with people saying to them that they only got into school because of QB?

You wouldn’t and you shouldn’t. And you know why? Because it’s completely rude and off base.

I don’t find it rude, just dumb. FGLI get in because their success is more impressive due to their background. Legacy get in even though their success is less impressive. Which you should have explained to your kid a long time ago.

How do you know what success either particular kid has had? That’s where your argument falls apart.

As a general matter, when you're a legacy, your family's educational and socioeconomic background makes getting into college easier for you. When you're FGLI, your family's educational and socioeconomic background makes getting into college harder for you.

Nope. Easier to get in as a FGLI than as a normal middle class kid. My very working class friend went to a no name school that doesn't even exist anymore but has a college degree. Her child was disadvantaged compared to FGLI's when applying to top schools, she might as well have been one. But as a white girl with a parent with a college degree, she had no chance. Even though in every measurable way she was far ahead of most FGLIs who got in.

Yeah it's definitely harder to have college-educated parents than be the child of undocumented chicken farmers in rural Delaware who don't even speak English and are afraid to go anywhere but church.

We aren’t talking about life. This is college admissions. Two very different things.

We’re talking about two sets of circumstances and which sets you up better for success in college admissions.

So at any school without legacy admissions it’s an advantage to the FGLI. Also legacy helps at one or two schools. FGLI helps at all of them.

Here’s how it works. Legacies start out at +1 by virtue of their family SES. At all schools, they have that +1. At their legacy schools, they have a +2. FGLI kids start at -1. The FGLI boost gets them to 0 at all schools.

You really have zero understanding of current institutional priorities. Schools are much more interested in FGLI and Pell grant eligible than legacies.

You really have no idea how enrollment management and higher education finance works. Low-need an no-need students are always going to have an easier time getting in and are always more attractive to the institution. Almost all legacies are low- and no-need.

62 percent class at Pronceton receives aid. It’s lower but still over fifty percent at both Harvard and Yale,

So 38% of Princeton families are able to foot a bill of over 90k/yr? And about half at Harvard and Yale? You realize 90k/yr is more than the median HOUSEHOLD INCOME in the U.S.? So rich people are VASTLY overrepresented still at HYP, even if FGLI numbers have increased in recent years.

Many of us are not rich. Education is our top priority so we start saving from birth and make lots of sacrifices so our kids can go wherever they want without worrying about cost.

These are my priorities. Yours might be different. I’m sure there are those who question my priorities. I don’t care.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Posters in here want students to do the Native American land acknowledgement spiel with their legacy status. Sorry. Not going to happen. Kids worked hard and got in. Shame about those that didn’t, but there’s a college for everyone.

No, we just want people to stop pretending there isn’t a benefit to it when we all know there is.

More generally, we want people in positions of privilege to stop pretending that they earned everything by themselves and have the perspective to understand the privilege they were born into.

No what you want is students to apologize for getting in - where does it stop? Should they wear little badges around? An FGLI here? An athlete? Rich public school kid?

You overlook your own privilege and love pointing out everyone else’s

Nobody is asking for apologies. They are only asking for honesty. And generally, other groups are honest. Athletes and athlete parents typically are very straightforward about lower standards needed for admission. Same with FGLI. It’s only legacies and their parents that insist everyone pretend that legacies don’t have a significant advantage in admissions.

This entire thread was started because a legacy parent is freaking out because her child (who is nearly a legal adult) heard someone say that his parents went to the same school. That shows a level of fragility and entitlement that you just don’t see out of the other groups.

You don’t have to apologize. But don’t demand everyone pretend reality doesn’t exist, either.

No one is demanding anyone pretend anything. You’re the one demanding everyone ritually say “I got in and it’s because legacy admits have an easier time”.

Defensive much? No one thinks that, they just think it’s weird to act to another kid like it’s completely irrelevant and there’s no chance that being a double legacy broke the tie between two kids. If you or your kid can’t be gracious and honest in your good fortune I don’t know what to tell you.

Well what you do think the kid should say to such a rude comment?

“You’re right, I’m very lucky.” As a FGLI person myself I would never introduce myself as “FGLI, luckily!” so whoever said that upchain is a moron.

Well then what would you have said if someone said you got in only because you’re FGLI?

And why should they say “you’re right?” Just because legacies have a higher admit rate does not mean that legacies get in ONLY because they are legacies.

You are the first person ever to say anything as dumb as “you only got in because you had to swim very hard upstream against generational poverty going to an underperforming high school, how lucky!” so I never had to come up with a snappy retort for that. Most people understand FGLI requires much more grit and talent than being double legacy on top of being decidedly NOT lucky.

Defensive much? Questbridge kids have a lot of admissions advantage - and they’re FGLI. Would you be ok with people saying to them that they only got into school because of QB?

You wouldn’t and you shouldn’t. And you know why? Because it’s completely rude and off base.

I don’t find it rude, just dumb. FGLI get in because their success is more impressive due to their background. Legacy get in even though their success is less impressive. Which you should have explained to your kid a long time ago.

How do you know what success either particular kid has had? That’s where your argument falls apart.

As a general matter, when you're a legacy, your family's educational and socioeconomic background makes getting into college easier for you. When you're FGLI, your family's educational and socioeconomic background makes getting into college harder for you.

Nope. Easier to get in as a FGLI than as a normal middle class kid. My very working class friend went to a no name school that doesn't even exist anymore but has a college degree. Her child was disadvantaged compared to FGLI's when applying to top schools, she might as well have been one. But as a white girl with a parent with a college degree, she had no chance. Even though in every measurable way she was far ahead of most FGLIs who got in.

Yeah it's definitely harder to have college-educated parents than be the child of undocumented chicken farmers in rural Delaware who don't even speak English and are afraid to go anywhere but church.

We aren’t talking about life. This is college admissions. Two very different things.

We’re talking about two sets of circumstances and which sets you up better for success in college admissions.

So at any school without legacy admissions it’s an advantage to the FGLI. Also legacy helps at one or two schools. FGLI helps at all of them.

Here’s how it works. Legacies start out at +1 by virtue of their family SES. At all schools, they have that +1. At their legacy schools, they have a +2. FGLI kids start at -1. The FGLI boost gets them to 0 at all schools.

You really have zero understanding of current institutional priorities. Schools are much more interested in FGLI and Pell grant eligible than legacies.

You really have no idea how enrollment management and higher education finance works. Low-need an no-need students are always going to have an easier time getting in and are always more attractive to the institution. Almost all legacies are low- and no-need.

62 percent class at Pronceton receives aid. It’s lower but still over fifty percent at both Harvard and Yale,

So 38% of Princeton families are able to foot a bill of over 90k/yr? And about half at Harvard and Yale? You realize 90k/yr is more than the median HOUSEHOLD INCOME in the U.S.? So rich people are VASTLY overrepresented still at HYP, even if FGLI numbers have increased in recent years.

Many of us are not rich. Education is our top priority so we start saving from birth and make lots of sacrifices so our kids can go wherever they want without worrying about cost.

These are my priorities. Yours might be different. I’m sure there are those who question my priorities. I don’t care.

If you can pay over the average American's household income in college tuition, you are rich.

I played around with the NPC for Princeton. A $300,000 HHI for a family of four plus $300,000 in 529 savings and another $50,000 in cash (retirement assets and home equity are excluded from the calculation) yields an estimated net price of $46,000. That means more than 50% of costs covered from financial aid. I upped HHI to 400k. That family would still get over 20k a year in aid. It seems full pay kicks in at around 525k HHI and 300k in college savings. 525k HHI in the US is the top 2%. That means that approximately 38% of Princeton students are in the top 2% of the income distribution. Anyone in the top 2% is rich.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It is rude for friends to respond to your DC this way. However I think your DC should have acknowledged their advantage in the first place, especially when talking to kids who didn’t get in. This was a missed opportunity to be gracious and honestly that is what I would focus on teaching your kid.

People earn grace - and those kids don’t deserve it.

Grace is unearned pretty much by definition.

Fine - graciousness is earned

Not really.

I think the friends were rude. I absolutely stand by my comment that DS would ideally have acknowledged his advantage. That is gracious. That is humble. That has nothing to do with the merits of the audience. Even if it is absolutely true that DS got in because he’s just a star and a better student, I think it’s weird that his parents seem to want his friends to understand that. There’s no reason to be this way.

And there’s reason for the other kids (we don’t know if they were his friends) to be that way? Unacceptable behavior like that doesn’t need to be met anything other than contempt.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Posters in here want students to do the Native American land acknowledgement spiel with their legacy status. Sorry. Not going to happen. Kids worked hard and got in. Shame about those that didn’t, but there’s a college for everyone.

No, we just want people to stop pretending there isn’t a benefit to it when we all know there is.

More generally, we want people in positions of privilege to stop pretending that they earned everything by themselves and have the perspective to understand the privilege they were born into.

No what you want is students to apologize for getting in - where does it stop? Should they wear little badges around? An FGLI here? An athlete? Rich public school kid?

You overlook your own privilege and love pointing out everyone else’s

Nobody is asking for apologies. They are only asking for honesty. And generally, other groups are honest. Athletes and athlete parents typically are very straightforward about lower standards needed for admission. Same with FGLI. It’s only legacies and their parents that insist everyone pretend that legacies don’t have a significant advantage in admissions.

This entire thread was started because a legacy parent is freaking out because her child (who is nearly a legal adult) heard someone say that his parents went to the same school. That shows a level of fragility and entitlement that you just don’t see out of the other groups.

You don’t have to apologize. But don’t demand everyone pretend reality doesn’t exist, either.

No one is demanding anyone pretend anything. You’re the one demanding everyone ritually say “I got in and it’s because legacy admits have an easier time”.

Defensive much? No one thinks that, they just think it’s weird to act to another kid like it’s completely irrelevant and there’s no chance that being a double legacy broke the tie between two kids. If you or your kid can’t be gracious and honest in your good fortune I don’t know what to tell you.

Well what you do think the kid should say to such a rude comment?

“You’re right, I’m very lucky.” As a FGLI person myself I would never introduce myself as “FGLI, luckily!” so whoever said that upchain is a moron.

Well then what would you have said if someone said you got in only because you’re FGLI?

And why should they say “you’re right?” Just because legacies have a higher admit rate does not mean that legacies get in ONLY because they are legacies.

You are the first person ever to say anything as dumb as “you only got in because you had to swim very hard upstream against generational poverty going to an underperforming high school, how lucky!” so I never had to come up with a snappy retort for that. Most people understand FGLI requires much more grit and talent than being double legacy on top of being decidedly NOT lucky.

Defensive much? Questbridge kids have a lot of admissions advantage - and they’re FGLI. Would you be ok with people saying to them that they only got into school because of QB?

You wouldn’t and you shouldn’t. And you know why? Because it’s completely rude and off base.

I don’t find it rude, just dumb. FGLI get in because their success is more impressive due to their background. Legacy get in even though their success is less impressive. Which you should have explained to your kid a long time ago.

How do you know what success either particular kid has had? That’s where your argument falls apart.

As a general matter, when you're a legacy, your family's educational and socioeconomic background makes getting into college easier for you. When you're FGLI, your family's educational and socioeconomic background makes getting into college harder for you.

Nope. Easier to get in as a FGLI than as a normal middle class kid. My very working class friend went to a no name school that doesn't even exist anymore but has a college degree. Her child was disadvantaged compared to FGLI's when applying to top schools, she might as well have been one. But as a white girl with a parent with a college degree, she had no chance. Even though in every measurable way she was far ahead of most FGLIs who got in.

Yeah it's definitely harder to have college-educated parents than be the child of undocumented chicken farmers in rural Delaware who don't even speak English and are afraid to go anywhere but church.

We aren’t talking about life. This is college admissions. Two very different things.

We’re talking about two sets of circumstances and which sets you up better for success in college admissions.

So at any school without legacy admissions it’s an advantage to the FGLI. Also legacy helps at one or two schools. FGLI helps at all of them.

Here’s how it works. Legacies start out at +1 by virtue of their family SES. At all schools, they have that +1. At their legacy schools, they have a +2. FGLI kids start at -1. The FGLI boost gets them to 0 at all schools.

You really have zero understanding of current institutional priorities. Schools are much more interested in FGLI and Pell grant eligible than legacies.

You really have no idea how enrollment management and higher education finance works. Low-need an no-need students are always going to have an easier time getting in and are always more attractive to the institution. Almost all legacies are low- and no-need.

And you’re missing the point. Legacies have a tip. But so do FGLI. and if it is ok to brand legacies then it’s ok to do the same to FGLI. There’s definitely some UMC white family in McLean who’s convinced that both parties are rigging the system and robbing their kid of their rightful place.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:People said this to my kid at his private HS level since he as a 'sibling legacy'. Yet my kid was also straight A student with an entrance exam (no prep in the 99.99%). I let him know he earned it on his own. The kids from his middle saying it were average grades at best and I know their test scores weren't great--according to their mothers.

I'm sure your kid could have gotten in on their own. However, I've worked at private schools and they have a completely separate pile in admissions for siblings and children of faculty. They absolutely have more likelihood of getting in. It's OK to know that.

But is it ok to say it to the kid?

DP. Um, yes? What on earth.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Posters in here want students to do the Native American land acknowledgement spiel with their legacy status. Sorry. Not going to happen. Kids worked hard and got in. Shame about those that didn’t, but there’s a college for everyone.

No, we just want people to stop pretending there isn’t a benefit to it when we all know there is.

More generally, we want people in positions of privilege to stop pretending that they earned everything by themselves and have the perspective to understand the privilege they were born into.

No what you want is students to apologize for getting in - where does it stop? Should they wear little badges around? An FGLI here? An athlete? Rich public school kid?

You overlook your own privilege and love pointing out everyone else’s

Nobody is asking for apologies. They are only asking for honesty. And generally, other groups are honest. Athletes and athlete parents typically are very straightforward about lower standards needed for admission. Same with FGLI. It’s only legacies and their parents that insist everyone pretend that legacies don’t have a significant advantage in admissions.

This entire thread was started because a legacy parent is freaking out because her child (who is nearly a legal adult) heard someone say that his parents went to the same school. That shows a level of fragility and entitlement that you just don’t see out of the other groups.

You don’t have to apologize. But don’t demand everyone pretend reality doesn’t exist, either.

No one is demanding anyone pretend anything. You’re the one demanding everyone ritually say “I got in and it’s because legacy admits have an easier time”.

Defensive much? No one thinks that, they just think it’s weird to act to another kid like it’s completely irrelevant and there’s no chance that being a double legacy broke the tie between two kids. If you or your kid can’t be gracious and honest in your good fortune I don’t know what to tell you.

Well what you do think the kid should say to such a rude comment?

“You’re right, I’m very lucky.” As a FGLI person myself I would never introduce myself as “FGLI, luckily!” so whoever said that upchain is a moron.

Well then what would you have said if someone said you got in only because you’re FGLI?

And why should they say “you’re right?” Just because legacies have a higher admit rate does not mean that legacies get in ONLY because they are legacies.

You are the first person ever to say anything as dumb as “you only got in because you had to swim very hard upstream against generational poverty going to an underperforming high school, how lucky!” so I never had to come up with a snappy retort for that. Most people understand FGLI requires much more grit and talent than being double legacy on top of being decidedly NOT lucky.

Defensive much? Questbridge kids have a lot of admissions advantage - and they’re FGLI. Would you be ok with people saying to them that they only got into school because of QB?

You wouldn’t and you shouldn’t. And you know why? Because it’s completely rude and off base.

I don’t find it rude, just dumb. FGLI get in because their success is more impressive due to their background. Legacy get in even though their success is less impressive. Which you should have explained to your kid a long time ago.

How do you know what success either particular kid has had? That’s where your argument falls apart.

As a general matter, when you're a legacy, your family's educational and socioeconomic background makes getting into college easier for you. When you're FGLI, your family's educational and socioeconomic background makes getting into college harder for you.

Nope. Easier to get in as a FGLI than as a normal middle class kid. My very working class friend went to a no name school that doesn't even exist anymore but has a college degree. Her child was disadvantaged compared to FGLI's when applying to top schools, she might as well have been one. But as a white girl with a parent with a college degree, she had no chance. Even though in every measurable way she was far ahead of most FGLIs who got in.

Yeah it's definitely harder to have college-educated parents than be the child of undocumented chicken farmers in rural Delaware who don't even speak English and are afraid to go anywhere but church.

We aren’t talking about life. This is college admissions. Two very different things.

We’re talking about two sets of circumstances and which sets you up better for success in college admissions.

So at any school without legacy admissions it’s an advantage to the FGLI. Also legacy helps at one or two schools. FGLI helps at all of them.

Here’s how it works. Legacies start out at +1 by virtue of their family SES. At all schools, they have that +1. At their legacy schools, they have a +2. FGLI kids start at -1. The FGLI boost gets them to 0 at all schools.

You really have zero understanding of current institutional priorities. Schools are much more interested in FGLI and Pell grant eligible than legacies.

You’re gonna need a cite for an assertion this contrary to existing data, chief.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Posters in here want students to do the Native American land acknowledgement spiel with their legacy status. Sorry. Not going to happen. Kids worked hard and got in. Shame about those that didn’t, but there’s a college for everyone.

No, we just want people to stop pretending there isn’t a benefit to it when we all know there is.

More generally, we want people in positions of privilege to stop pretending that they earned everything by themselves and have the perspective to understand the privilege they were born into.

No what you want is students to apologize for getting in - where does it stop? Should they wear little badges around? An FGLI here? An athlete? Rich public school kid?

You overlook your own privilege and love pointing out everyone else’s

Nobody is asking for apologies. They are only asking for honesty. And generally, other groups are honest. Athletes and athlete parents typically are very straightforward about lower standards needed for admission. Same with FGLI. It’s only legacies and their parents that insist everyone pretend that legacies don’t have a significant advantage in admissions.

This entire thread was started because a legacy parent is freaking out because her child (who is nearly a legal adult) heard someone say that his parents went to the same school. That shows a level of fragility and entitlement that you just don’t see out of the other groups.

You don’t have to apologize. But don’t demand everyone pretend reality doesn’t exist, either.

No one is demanding anyone pretend anything. You’re the one demanding everyone ritually say “I got in and it’s because legacy admits have an easier time”.

Defensive much? No one thinks that, they just think it’s weird to act to another kid like it’s completely irrelevant and there’s no chance that being a double legacy broke the tie between two kids. If you or your kid can’t be gracious and honest in your good fortune I don’t know what to tell you.

Well what you do think the kid should say to such a rude comment?

“You’re right, I’m very lucky.” As a FGLI person myself I would never introduce myself as “FGLI, luckily!” so whoever said that upchain is a moron.

Well then what would you have said if someone said you got in only because you’re FGLI?

And why should they say “you’re right?” Just because legacies have a higher admit rate does not mean that legacies get in ONLY because they are legacies.

You are the first person ever to say anything as dumb as “you only got in because you had to swim very hard upstream against generational poverty going to an underperforming high school, how lucky!” so I never had to come up with a snappy retort for that. Most people understand FGLI requires much more grit and talent than being double legacy on top of being decidedly NOT lucky.

Defensive much? Questbridge kids have a lot of admissions advantage - and they’re FGLI. Would you be ok with people saying to them that they only got into school because of QB?

You wouldn’t and you shouldn’t. And you know why? Because it’s completely rude and off base.

I don’t find it rude, just dumb. FGLI get in because their success is more impressive due to their background. Legacy get in even though their success is less impressive. Which you should have explained to your kid a long time ago.

How do you know what success either particular kid has had? That’s where your argument falls apart.

As a general matter, when you're a legacy, your family's educational and socioeconomic background makes getting into college easier for you. When you're FGLI, your family's educational and socioeconomic background makes getting into college harder for you.

Nope. Easier to get in as a FGLI than as a normal middle class kid. My very working class friend went to a no name school that doesn't even exist anymore but has a college degree. Her child was disadvantaged compared to FGLI's when applying to top schools, she might as well have been one. But as a white girl with a parent with a college degree, she had no chance. Even though in every measurable way she was far ahead of most FGLIs who got in.

Yeah it's definitely harder to have college-educated parents than be the child of undocumented chicken farmers in rural Delaware who don't even speak English and are afraid to go anywhere but church.

We aren’t talking about life. This is college admissions. Two very different things.

We’re talking about two sets of circumstances and which sets you up better for success in college admissions.

So at any school without legacy admissions it’s an advantage to the FGLI. Also legacy helps at one or two schools. FGLI helps at all of them.

Only on DCUM can you really argue with a straight face that being disadvantaged is a privilege actually.

It’s a classic privileged distraction tactic to divert attention from said privilege.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son got into a top school EA. It was the school where dh and I attended. He is a top student in all respects, hard worker, great stats/rigor, leadership, community service, etc. And none of this was pushed/curated by us, he really drove it all (including applications), and we are really proud of him.

A couple of kids from school who got rejected said “oh but your parents went there” like that’s the only reason he got in. I know it helps that we did, of course, but his stats match the student population, it’s not like he was pulled up despite bad grades/scores. We aren’t big benefactors either, it’s not like the school would see big donations in our history.

So how to respond if someone says that?

The bolded is a huge assumption on your part that distracts from their more honest assessment that both parents having attended is likely the thing that pushed this application over the finish line.

There’s been a lot of talk on this thread about legacy benefit, but double legacy makes it even more obvious. You’re better off explaining this to your kid and teaching him to just respond by saying, “yeah it probably helped.” Because it did. Your trying to downplay it is disingenuous.

You also don’t know these other kids’ stats, but they likely know each other’s. They might have even had better stats—not by huge margins, given your kid matches the overall student population at the university, but still—which would make it even worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son got into a top school EA. It was the school where dh and I attended. He is a top student in all respects, hard worker, great stats/rigor, leadership, community service, etc. And none of this was pushed/curated by us, he really drove it all (including applications), and we are really proud of him.

A couple of kids from school who got rejected said “oh but your parents went there” like that’s the only reason he got in. I know it helps that we did, of course, but his stats match the student population, it’s not like he was pulled up despite bad grades/scores. We aren’t big benefactors either, it’s not like the school would see big donations in our history.

So how to respond if someone says that?

The bolded is a huge assumption on your part that distracts from their more honest assessment that both parents having attended is likely the thing that pushed this application over the finish line.

There’s been a lot of talk on this thread about legacy benefit, but double legacy makes it even more obvious. You’re better off explaining this to your kid and teaching him to just respond by saying, “yeah it probably helped.” Because it did. Your trying to downplay it is disingenuous.

You also don’t know these other kids’ stats, but they likely know each other’s. They might have even had better stats—not by huge margins, given your kid matches the overall
student population at the university, but still—which would make it even worse.

“Make it even worse.” No agenda here.

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Anonymous wrote:Posters in here want students to do the Native American land acknowledgement spiel with their legacy status. Sorry. Not going to happen. Kids worked hard and got in. Shame about those that didn’t, but there’s a college for everyone.

No, we just want people to stop pretending there isn’t a benefit to it when we all know there is.

More generally, we want people in positions of privilege to stop pretending that they earned everything by themselves and have the perspective to understand the privilege they were born into.

No what you want is students to apologize for getting in - where does it stop? Should they wear little badges around? An FGLI here? An athlete? Rich public school kid?

You overlook your own privilege and love pointing out everyone else’s

Nobody is asking for apologies. They are only asking for honesty. And generally, other groups are honest. Athletes and athlete parents typically are very straightforward about lower standards needed for admission. Same with FGLI. It’s only legacies and their parents that insist everyone pretend that legacies don’t have a significant advantage in admissions.

This entire thread was started because a legacy parent is freaking out because her child (who is nearly a legal adult) heard someone say that his parents went to the same school. That shows a level of fragility and entitlement that you just don’t see out of the other groups.

You don’t have to apologize. But don’t demand everyone pretend reality doesn’t exist, either.

No one is demanding anyone pretend anything. You’re the one demanding everyone ritually say “I got in and it’s because legacy admits have an easier time”.

Defensive much? No one thinks that, they just think it’s weird to act to another kid like it’s completely irrelevant and there’s no chance that being a double legacy broke the tie between two kids. If you or your kid can’t be gracious and honest in your good fortune I don’t know what to tell you.

Well what you do think the kid should say to such a rude comment?

“You’re right, I’m very lucky.” As a FGLI person myself I would never introduce myself as “FGLI, luckily!” so whoever said that upchain is a moron.

Well then what would you have said if someone said you got in only because you’re FGLI?

And why should they say “you’re right?” Just because legacies have a higher admit rate does not mean that legacies get in ONLY because they are legacies.

You are the first person ever to say anything as dumb as “you only got in because you had to swim very hard upstream against generational poverty going to an underperforming high school, how lucky!” so I never had to come up with a snappy retort for that. Most people understand FGLI requires much more grit and talent than being double legacy on top of being decidedly NOT lucky.

Defensive much? Questbridge kids have a lot of admissions advantage - and they’re FGLI. Would you be ok with people saying to them that they only got into school because of QB?

You wouldn’t and you shouldn’t. And you know why? Because it’s completely rude and off base.

I don’t find it rude, just dumb. FGLI get in because their success is more impressive due to their background. Legacy get in even though their success is less impressive. Which you should have explained to your kid a long time ago.

How do you know what success either particular kid has had? That’s where your argument falls apart.

As a general matter, when you're a legacy, your family's educational and socioeconomic background makes getting into college easier for you. When you're FGLI, your family's educational and socioeconomic background makes getting into college harder for you.

Nope. Easier to get in as a FGLI than as a normal middle class kid. My very working class friend went to a no name school that doesn't even exist anymore but has a college degree. Her child was disadvantaged compared to FGLI's when applying to top schools, she might as well have been one. But as a white girl with a parent with a college degree, she had no chance. Even though in every measurable way she was far ahead of most FGLIs who got in.

Yeah it's definitely harder to have college-educated parents than be the child of undocumented chicken farmers in rural Delaware who don't even speak English and are afraid to go anywhere but church.

We aren’t talking about life. This is college admissions. Two very different things.

We’re talking about two sets of circumstances and which sets you up better for success in college admissions.

So at any school without legacy admissions it’s an advantage to the FGLI. Also legacy helps at one or two schools. FGLI helps at all of them.

Only on DCUM can you really argue with a straight face that being disadvantaged is a privilege actually.

It’s a classic privileged distraction tactic to divert attention from said privilege.

Privileged dcum poster still mad that another poster has privilege they don’t have.

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Anonymous wrote:My son got into a top school EA. It was the school where dh and I attended. He is a top student in all respects, hard worker, great stats/rigor, leadership, community service, etc. And none of this was pushed/curated by us, he really drove it all (including applications), and we are really proud of him.

A couple of kids from school who got rejected said “oh but your parents went there” like that’s the only reason he got in. I know it helps that we did, of course, but his stats match the student population, it’s not like he was pulled up despite bad grades/scores. We aren’t big benefactors either, it’s not like the school would see big donations in our history.

So how to respond if someone says that?

The bolded is a huge assumption on your part that distracts from their more honest assessment that both parents having attended is likely the thing that pushed this application over the finish line.

There’s been a lot of talk on this thread about legacy benefit, but double legacy makes it even more obvious. You’re better off explaining this to your kid and teaching him to just respond by saying, “yeah it probably helped.” Because it did. Your trying to downplay it is disingenuous.

You also don’t know these other kids’ stats, but they likely know each other’s. They might have even had better stats—not by huge margins, given your kid matches the overall
student population at the university, but still—which would make it even worse.

“Make it even worse.” No agenda here.

Yes, make it even worse that you would keep pretending that legacy wasn’t the reason.

Sorry you are in denial and so triggered by this.

[Anonymous]

DD was a double legacy.

She was also that kid who got almost every academic award on senior night and a lot of the extracurricular ones.

No one questioned why she got in. And it was a brutal year when many kids we thought had guaranteed good landings were disappointed.

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Anonymous wrote:It is rude for friends to respond to your DC this way. However I think your DC should have acknowledged their advantage in the first place, especially when talking to kids who didn’t get in. This was a missed opportunity to be gracious and honestly that is what I would focus on teaching your kid.

People earn grace - and those kids don’t deserve it.

Grace is unearned pretty much by definition.

Fine - graciousness is earned

Not really.

I think the friends were rude. I absolutely stand by my comment that DS would ideally have acknowledged his advantage. That is gracious. That is humble. That has nothing to do with the merits of the audience. Even if it is absolutely true that DS got in because he’s just a star and a better student, I think it’s weird that his parents seem to want his friends to understand that. There’s no reason to be this way.

And there’s reason for the other kids (we don’t know if they were his friends) to be that way? Unacceptable behavior like that doesn’t need to be met anything other than contempt.

I mean, if OP were one of the friends’ parents I would have responded differently and suggested they counsel their own kid. I agree the behavior is bad.

I do not personally counsel my own children to treat anyone with contempt.

But I also cannot even fathom sharing news that I or my child got into a school (to disappointed hopefuls, no less) without acknowledging the advantage on my/our side. Regardless of the circumstances, if I were telling friends about an Ivy acceptance (and I did go— I have done this) I would be searching for ways to be humble and not boast. In my book that’s also a manners issue. Again, especially talking to people who applied and did not get in. Acknowledging the legacy connection is just being self aware.

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Anonymous wrote:DD was a double legacy.

She was also that kid who got almost every academic award on senior night and a lot of the extracurricular ones.

No one questioned why she got in. And it was a brutal year when many kids we thought had guaranteed good landings were disappointed.

But your kid still got a large bump in admissions and everyone knows that.

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Anonymous wrote:DD was a double legacy.

She was also that kid who got almost every academic award on senior night and a lot of the extracurricular ones.

No one questioned why she got in. And it was a brutal year when many kids we thought had guaranteed good landings were disappointed.

But your kid still got a large bump in admissions and everyone knows that.

Why so bitter? The kid is qualified. Leave the rest to the admissions gods.