How to respond when kid gets into school and is Legacy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just say “yes, I’m really lucky.”

Especially if you’re talking to a kid, and that kid hasn’t yet matched with their college. They’re in a stressful situation and it’s on you, the kid who’s lucky enough to be into your first choice college in December, to be the bigger person.

100% agree with this. Just try to be kind even if the other kid wasn’t at his best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, he's very lucky because that's what it is. Luck.

No, the point is he had a hook. That isn’t luck.

A person is lucky if they happen to be born to people who went to an elite college that gives a legacy preference. That's definitely luck.

[Anonymous]

He didn’t choose his parents

[Anonymous]

He did choose to apply where he is a double legacy and where that matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you asking for yourself or for your kid?

Did your kid ask you for advice on how to respond? And if so, why can’t you figure this out without DCUM? Surely you can come up with something appropriate for your son to say.

Asking for my kid. And I asked here because maybe someone here has had this experience already and can advise.

If everyone figured out everything on their own without asking for other’s advice, DCUM would cease to exist

Come on, OP. This is just basic parenting and social skills 101. A teenager classmate makes a somewhat rude comment to your teenager. You advise your kid to respond with something simple and pivot the conversation to another topic:

Teen: Of course you got in. Both of your parents went to Dartmouth.

Your kid: Yes, they did. So does anyone know if the calculus test is next Tuesday or Wednesday?

[Anonymous]

I would suggest:

Yes, and I am sure that helped.

Truthful and acknowledging it. Everything else sounds defensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just say “yes, I’m really lucky.”

+1

But op‘s kid doesn’t want to be lucky but more deserving than kids who didn’t get in. That’s a harder case to make. All thing’s considered, double legacy should be seen as a bump.

[Anonymous]

No response needed

Why do you feel the need to defend?

Who cares?
Literally no one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These assumptions are hurtful and uncalled for, whether one’s a URM, legacy, etc. I hope parents aren’t openly speculating about their kids’ classmates’ qualifications at home, but that’s probably wishful thinking. Sometimes it’s the parents who are planting this attitude in their kids.

Denying that a double legacy gives one a boost is being obtuse.

[Anonymous]

That's the consequence of hooked admissions--unhooked kids resent it. Unless your kid is a superstar who stands far apart from his cohort, the resentment is fair. He likely would not have been the one admitted otherwise. It is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just say “yes, I’m really lucky.”

Especially if you’re talking to a kid, and that kid hasn’t yet matched with their college. They’re in a stressful situation and it’s on you, the kid who’s lucky enough to be into your first choice college in December, to be the bigger person.

100% agree with this. Just try to be kind even if the other kid wasn’t at his best.

Op here, thank you, this is how I’ve steered him so far.

We know he’s hooked and of course that helped, but I don’t want to that to minimize the hard work he’s put in over the years and imply that he doesn’t deserve to be there at all. He doesn’t deserve it more than others, I don’t believe that, but he is a good kid and was a strong candidate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just say “yes, I’m really lucky.”

Especially if you’re talking to a kid, and that kid hasn’t yet matched with their college. They’re in a stressful situation and it’s on you, the kid who’s lucky enough to be into your first choice college in December, to be the bigger person.

100% agree with this. Just try to be kind even if the other kid wasn’t at his best.

Op here, thank you, this is how I’ve steered him so far.

We know he’s hooked and of course that helped, but I don’t want to that to minimize the hard work he’s put in over the years and imply that he doesn’t deserve to be there at all. He doesn’t deserve it more than others, I don’t believe that, but he is a good kid and was a strong candidate.

Okay, you've admitted he's a strong student but not necessarily stronger than his high achieving classmates, right? Some resentment in that case is natural. Get over it, and take the win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just say “yes, I’m really lucky.”

Especially if you’re talking to a kid, and that kid hasn’t yet matched with their college. They’re in a stressful situation and it’s on you, the kid who’s lucky enough to be into your first choice college in December, to be the bigger person.

100% agree with this. Just try to be kind even if the other kid wasn’t at his best.

Op here, thank you, this is how I’ve steered him so far.

We know he’s hooked and of course that helped, but I don’t want to that to minimize the hard work he’s put in over the years and imply that he doesn’t deserve to be there at all. He doesn’t deserve it more than others, I don’t believe that, but he is a good kid and was a strong candidate.

Okay, you've admitted he's a strong student but not necessarily stronger than his high achieving classmates, right? Some resentment in that case is natural. Get over it, and take the win.

Right. The parents want the kid to have the advantage but don't want the kid to be resented for having the advantage. Well, sorry, that's not how it works.

[Anonymous]

Being stronger than your classmates is subjective. Our legacy was admitted SCEA a few weeks ago. His application was very strong, but others might think he wasn't as strong as some other kids. It doesn't matter.

I think "Thanks, I'm really lucky" is a great response. Honestly, I think his classmates are lucky that he won't be applying in the regular with them.

My response to other parents that imply that legacy got him in: "None of our friends' kids with legacy have ever gotten in." And that's true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, he's very lucky because that's what it is. Luck.

No, the point is he had a hook. That isn’t luck.

NP.

Some kids are lucky to have legacy status. They don’t control who their parents are.