How to respond when kid gets into school and is Legacy

[Anonymous]

Just say “yes, I’m really lucky.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just say “yes, I’m really lucky.”

Especially if you’re talking to a kid, and that kid hasn’t yet matched with their college. They’re in a stressful situation and it’s on you, the kid who’s lucky enough to be into your first choice college in December, to be the bigger person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just say “yes, I’m really lucky.”

+1

[Anonymous]

No one is implying it’s not still difficult to get into the school. One way of thinking about it is that your family knows the school really well so your DS was able to determine it was a great fit for him easily and early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son got into a top school EA. It was the school where dh and I attended. He is a top student in all respects, hard worker, great stats/rigor, leadership, community service, etc. And none of this was pushed/curated by us, he really drove it all (including applications), and we are really proud of him.

A couple of kids from school who got rejected said “oh but your parents went there” like that’s the only reason he got in. I know it helps that we did, of course, but his stats match the student population, it’s not like he was pulled up despite bad grades/scores. We aren’t big benefactors either, it’s not like the school would see big donations in our history.

So how to respond if someone says that?

Well if your parents were smarter you’d have gotten in, too. Go talk to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son got into a top school EA. It was the school where dh and I attended. He is a top student in all respects, hard worker, great stats/rigor, leadership, community service, etc. And none of this was pushed/curated by us, he really drove it all (including applications), and we are really proud of him.

A couple of kids from school who got rejected said “oh but your parents went there” like that’s the only reason he got in. I know it helps that we did, of course, but his stats match the student population, it’s not like he was pulled up despite bad grades/scores. We aren’t big benefactors either, it’s not like the school would see big donations in our history.

So how to respond if someone says that?

Well if your parents were smarter you’d have gotten in, too. Go talk to them.

Exactly. Tell them to ask their parents why they are loser underachievers and lousy parents for not bestowing on their kids legacy status at a good school. And that your kid is smarter than them so would have gotten in anyway. And that the school was wise to not accept people who have no tact and have a big chip on their shoulder. And to F off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, he's very lucky because that's what it is. Luck.

No, the point is he had a hook. That isn’t luck.

[Anonymous]

My son was also a double legacy admitted ED to a highly competitive university, and neither he nor we encountered such comments. Had we, our likely response would simply have been to observe that none of us know whether such status made any difference, and that in any case DS' qualifications were competitive with those of other admitted students without regard to legacy status. It's not like you or we are speaking of someone unqualified who mysteriously gained admission over many better qualified applicants, something easily determined from widely available admissions data.

[Anonymous]

Many years ago I was wait listed at my dream school while a minority student who was significantly below me in every way (grades, test scores, xc’s - it was a small school so we all knew each others business) plus his parents were college educated upper middle class like mine - got in. It was extremely awkward and I was asked repeatedly about it. He was a friend and a nice guy. It was a Slac so not a ton of spots.

I was really pissed but there was nothing I could do and realized that being mad at him got me nowhere. I congratulated him and told him to have a great time.

It was the best thing that ever happened to me. I had a much better experience at the bigger school I ended up at.

[Anonymous]

What *can* you say. He’s hooked. Unless it’s a school that does not consider legacy, it’s a factor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What *can* you say. He’s hooked. Unless it’s a school that does not consider legacy, it’s a factor.

This.

[Anonymous]

These assumptions are hurtful and uncalled for, whether one’s a URM, legacy, etc. I hope parents aren’t openly speculating about their kids’ classmates’ qualifications at home, but that’s probably wishful thinking. Sometimes it’s the parents who are planting this attitude in their kids.

[Anonymous]

There is nothing to say to rude people. If it weren't this comment, it would be another. Yes, it may be true, but no one knows for sure. There are lots of inequities when it comes to college admissions, and there will be others in life. There is nothing you can say to a rude comment that won't be awkward - just come up with a throw-away comment..."Glad he gets the opportunity. Excuse me, I need to go..."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, he's very lucky because that's what it is. Luck.

No, the point is he had a hook. That isn’t luck.

This isn’t about strict factual accuracy. It’s a social situation. Be the bigger person and say “yes, I’m very lucky” because that’s the gracious response.

You can explain the difference between social graces and strict scientific accuracy to your kid, they’re old enough and smart enough to handle it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, he's very lucky because that's what it is. Luck.

No, the point is he had a hook. That isn’t luck.

This isn’t about strict factual accuracy. It’s a social situation. Be the bigger person and say “yes, I’m very lucky” because that’s the gracious response.

You can explain the difference between social graces and strict scientific accuracy to your kid, they’re old enough and smart enough to handle it.

Why be gracious? The other kid is being a jerk. They should respond:

“I’m really looking forward to it. I’ll send you pictures when I move in! Maybe you can come visit me sometime and sit in on my classes. It’ll let you feel like you got in too”