Worried About His Age

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it could work, but the things I'd keep an eye on are 1) is this heading towards marriage soon because at 32 you don't have time to waste if you want kids and 2) are there any red flags because most guys over 35 who aren't married have issues. It might be fine, but either things progress in a timely manner or you should cut bait. Good luck and I hope it works out.

OP here. We have been dating for 6 months and he’s bringing up marriage. He has told me that he can see himself with me the longterm and wants to marry me. There has been no red flags. It has been very easy and comfortable with him.

6 months is a very short time to see character flaws, regardless of the age. My exH described above and I were dating for 1.5 years before getting married. He showed character flaws 3 years into marriage (mood swings, impatience, screaming at me and toddler son, impatience with animals).

What I think was the only red flag when we dated that I didn’t “read” - his phrases how stupid it is for people to have dogs and always be tied up to the pet schedule.

If you were to bring a puppy into the house that pees and poops everywhere, would your boyfriend tolerate that?

OP here. I think he would but we are not dog people. We both prefer cats. My cat can be very clingy and he has never had issues with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This age difference isn't a big deal. Just try to avoid having multiples that will kill you at any age.

OP here. We both want two kids.

[Anonymous]

He should be worried about being involved with a dipshit like you I'm not sure you should be left alone with kids.. You're 32 too old to be lacking this much in critical thinking.

[Anonymous]

Plenty of guys in their 20's and 30's can't keep up with kids. Age has nothing to do with it. Fatness, laziness, attitude all play a factor.

[Anonymous]

OP he sounds like he's the catch and you're the questionable partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Plenty of guys in their 20's and 30's can't keep up with kids. Age has nothing to do with it. Fatness, laziness, attitude all play a factor.

I agree with this. My dad was of a pretty average age when I was born (32) but because he was overweight, sedentary, and ate poorly, he was never able to really keep up with either my brother or me as children (and he also died relatively young, at 68, as a result of the health problems stemming from his lack of self-care). In contrast, my DH was 39 when my son was born, but he is one of the most healthy/fit people I know - works out 3x/week, eats well, minimal alcohol consumption. So of course something unexpected could always happen (cancer, car accident, what have you), but I am fairly confident that he will be able to keep up with our kids as they get older, regardless of age.

[Anonymous]

I think he sounds great. You’d be the lucky one if he goes through with marrying you.

OP - has your therapist addressed your extreme anxiety issues?

[Anonymous]

Why is he single at 40?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is he single at 40?

WTF??

You must be new to DC. Not usual here. Not at all.

And didn’t OP already answer this?

[Anonymous]

If he exercises and is fit (as you describe) then the 40s are the new 20s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Too much of an age difference for me. I just don’t like the vibe of being with older guys and I’m less attracted to them but sounds like that’s not a problem for you.

Much bigger problem - I’d also be worried about any 40 year old who hadn’t settled down yet and who is dating younger women.

This.

LOL. She's 32. Completely age-appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is he single at 40?

WTF??

You must be new to DC. Not usual here. Not at all.

And didn’t OP already answer this?

Nope and I lived in LA and NYC before. It is very unusual, sorry to burst your bubble. I met my H in college, like a ton of other people. By the time I was in grad school, most of my class was in serious relationships or married. When we went to our college reunion, all the guys were taken, with 2 or 3 kids, including the gay men. The common age for the first time, college-educated father is 36 years old, and this trend includes men that have been married for a while. You are confusing the age at the time of birth with the marital age.
If a guy is single at 40 y/o it means 1) major problems, no woman wants him long term 2) commitment issues 3) unrealistic expectations. This guy seems like a combo of 2 and 3. OP, I'd date him for another 6 to 12 months and see where this is going. Watch out for control issues and also relationship with his mom. I have two older boys and I'm astonished to see how normal moms turn into emotional, irrational monsters when the boys hit late teen years and start dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Too much of an age difference for me. I just don’t like the vibe of being with older guys and I’m less attracted to them but sounds like that’s not a problem for you.

Much bigger problem - I’d also be worried about any 40 year old who hadn’t settled down yet and who is dating younger women.

This.

LOL. She's 32. Completely age-appropriate.

That’s old for a 32 year old, especially in educated/upper class circles. Why settle for an old guy. I’d be kind of embarrassed to introduce him to friends and family. Plus I’d be worried he has Peter Pan syndrome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So much gross ageism here.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He really is a wonderful guy, but his age has been holding me back from getting serious with him. He’s very physically fit, eats healthy, and works out 4-5 days a week. He is self-sufficient and does his own cooking and laundry. He does have a housekeeper for deep cleaning but he says he finds cleaning
“ relaxing”. He’s very successful and saves a lot of his money.

I know my question may sound dumb but I have friends with two husbands in their 40’s with young kids. Both have made remarks how hard it is on their bodies to keep chasing after toddlers all day. Both wish they had kids earlier when they had more energy.

OP, you are 32. If you break up with this guy, finding a new partner and liking them enought to marry them will take a few years, putting you in your late 30s to have children -- honestly that is not wise. That carries more actual risk than the concerns you have about this guy. You are much better off sticking with this person, who you seem to really like!

This is DC - i have kids in elementary school and SO MANY of the dads are in their late 40s or even 50s. It's not a big deal.

New poster. +1,000 to the response just above. OP, you are not thinking clearly here though you believe you are; do you really believe you'll find another "fit, eats healthy, works out 4-5 days a week, self-sufficient, successful" man easily so you can have your kids in the next few years? Unrealistic, to be blunt.

And to me, it's kind of telling that you're so very focused on kids that you're letting his age blind you to both his overall fitness and your own age and the unrealistic idea of finding a guy just as great but magically younger. Not once do you mention if you actually, you know...love him and will keep loving him if he somehow became less healthy, or injured/ill, or permanently disabled, or weren't as financially successful. Because if that level of love and commitment isn't there, well, you'll have a great life until one of you is less than ideally fit and successful, and then....what?

If you're sitting there thinking, that's not likely, well, in the real world, it can and does happen. If you can't look forward and see yourself sticking by him in any circumstance where he's not the ideal baby daddy, father and retirement companion you think you want, then please, let him go. Just don't expect to find another guy as ideal in time for you not to be an older mother. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I'm not seeing any love here, just a lot of "he's a great guy who is fit and successful." Weigh how much you'd stay with him if he loses any of that. And weigh what you would do if you got married and it turned out he couldn't father children, or you had conception issues yourself. Would you move on?

In other words, putting having kids before all else is a choice, yes, and you can make that the priority, but it does make for a lonely existence if it doesn't work out. f