Worried About His Age

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:32 is getting old for a woman , he should be more concerned about you

No it’s not. You are both fine. Why has he not settled down yet though. 40 is kind of old for that.

[Anonymous]

This would only worry me if he has autism in his family.

[Anonymous]

OP - having kids is tiring no matter what your age. I was early to mid-30s when I had my kids and I was tired all the time because they are a lot of work, they didn't sleep through the night for the first year, and I was working a stressful job with long-ish hours. I am late 40s now and have much more energy since I get more sleep now, the kids are older and very easy now, etc. Yes, at some point, he will be too old for kids but early 40s is not it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He really is a wonderful guy, but his age has been holding me back from getting serious with him. He’s very physically fit, eats healthy, and works out 4-5 days a week. He is self-sufficient and does his own cooking and laundry. He does have a housekeeper for deep cleaning but he says he finds cleaning
“ relaxing”. He’s very successful and saves a lot of his money.

I know my question may sound dumb but I have friends with two husbands in their 40’s with young kids. Both have made remarks how hard it is on their bodies to keep chasing after toddlers all day. Both wish they had kids earlier when they had more energy.

Maybe they should get physicals or outsource more? Kids are hard at any age. And from what I’ve seen in my fast-paced corporate job, it’s very much to a man’s advantage to have kids a little later once he’s more established (nobody bats an eye when my 50-year old boss steps out to go to his sons elementary school play).

Forty isn’t old, *especially* for a guy.

[Anonymous]

What a weird question! DH was 39 when we got our first child and 42 when we got the second. I didn't occur to me for a second he could be too old!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:32 is getting old for a woman , he should be more concerned about you

No it’s not. You are both fine. Why has he not settled down yet though. 40 is kind of old for that.

OP here. He told me he hasn’t met the right one. He takes marriage seriously and doesn’t want to settle down just because he was getting older. He didn’t want to marry someone unless he knew he wanted to be with them forever. He doesn’t want to have kids unless he is married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a weird question! DH was 39 when we got our first child and 42 when we got the second. I didn't occur to me for a second he could be too old!

When you "got" your children? Did you adopt them? Otherwise this is very strange phrasing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he is in good shape, he’ll be able to keep up at 45. It is more being 60+ at HS graduation.

+1 but even being 60+ at HS graduation is not *that* big of a deal. There are many older parents in this area.

As long as he is fit, youthful in appearance and attitude, I think being a new dad at 40+ is fine.

DH was 41 when DC#1 was born and almost 44 when DC#2 was born. Both kids are teens now and happy and healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:32 is getting old for a woman , he should be more concerned about you

No it’s not. You are both fine. Why has he not settled down yet though. 40 is kind of old for that.

OP here. He told me he hasn’t met the right one. He takes marriage seriously and doesn’t want to settle down just because he was getting older. He didn’t want to marry someone unless he knew he wanted to be with them forever. He doesn’t want to have kids unless he is married.

DP.. his attitude is the right one. If he is a great person, and you can see spending the rest your life with this person and that he would be a great dad then nab him, or someone other woman will. Really good men are hard to come by.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - having kids is tiring no matter what your age. I was early to mid-30s when I had my kids and I was tired all the time because they are a lot of work, they didn't sleep through the night for the first year, and I was working a stressful job with long-ish hours. I am late 40s now and have much more energy since I get more sleep now, the kids are older and very easy now, etc. Yes, at some point, he will be too old for kids but early 40s is not it.

This! Your friends husbands complaining about being tired would have had the same complaint at 25! Kids are exhausting and a lot of physical work! But your boyfriend is not old, and he is in good shape, you need to get a grip. Tons and tons of men have kids in their 40s (women too) and are totally fine. My DH is mid 40s and definitely not too old to have more kids.

32 for an unmarried woman hoping for kids on the other hand…You should be more worried about your own fertility than your boyfriend’s ability to be a good dad.

[Anonymous]

How long have you been dating?

[Anonymous]

He’s in great shape and works out.

This is probably more important than his age. People do get a lot more tired every year after 40 I think but you can also be 35 and be really really tired if you are out of shape or have health issues, or depression, or too much work, or a million other issues.

[Anonymous]

I was 36 when we had our first and 41 for the third. It was a touch harder, but 95%+ of that was because of the multiple children, not my age. If you were ordering a potential husband/father off a menu, maybe you'd pick a bit younger, but when you're looking at a real person, I think this is trivial compared with the many other factors: are you happy with him? Is he a responsible, decent person? Etc.

[Anonymous]

This is ridiculous. My husband is 7 years older and we had kids later in life. I’ve ended up with major medical stuff and he is in way better shape than me taking care of our young kids. And the nonsense about him having to work to 73 is dumb unless you really don’t plan to work yourself.

[Anonymous]

My husband was 42 and 47 when ours were born. They are 11 and 16, he is a wonderful, hands on, fun father. The kids adore him.Does he get tired? Sure but I do too, I am five years younger. Many positives to later in life parenting. This guy sounds great, good luck.