Worried About His Age

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Too much of an age difference for me. I just don’t like the vibe of being with older guys and I’m less attracted to them but sounds like that’s not a problem for you.

Much bigger problem - I’d also be worried about any 40 year old who hadn’t settled down yet and who is dating younger women.

This.

LOL. She's 32. Completely age-appropriate.

That’s old for a 32 year old, especially in educated/upper class circles. Why settle for an old guy. I’d be kind of embarrassed to introduce him to friends and family. Plus I’d be worried he has Peter Pan syndrome.

If you and your friends can’t relate to someone only 8 years older, you’re not nearly as educated and worldly as you think.

Who said anything about relating? I’m just not attracted them and don’t appreciate being seen as bait.

I seriously doubt anyone would consider a 7/8 year age difference when the parties are 32 and nearly 40 as jailbait, weirdo.

I didn’t say jailbait, I said bait. There is a certain type of man who prioritizes a woman’s age over personality and even looks and preys on them. I would hate to feel like some prize only given my younger age. I prefer men to like me for who I am. It’s called self respect.

You come off as very immature with your name calling.

OP here. Who ever said he was with me because of my age? I never once said that. My age had nothing to do with him deciding to date me. He has dated older and has never dated younger than 30 since he turned 30. An 8 year age difference is not weird when you’re over 30.

Men who are his age do tend to date women a little younger because they want kids. This is smart. It’s not about preying on me. He wants to marry me for more things than my age.

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Who said he was? PP was talking about herself, not you.

But you should know, people are going to assume younger is a draw for him. That might not bother you and that’s fine, but don’t be shocked that just because he hasn’t outright said it doesn’t mean it is a major draw, and don’t be shocked that some people will believe that dynamic is going on. Personally, an age gap of 8 years would worry me because a number of men are very focused on being with young women and you, like every other person in history including your husband, will get older. If age is really important to him, what will happen in the future? If you really think that age isn’t a factor for him, then I guess you have nothing to worry about.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Too much of an age difference for me. I just don’t like the vibe of being with older guys and I’m less attracted to them but sounds like that’s not a problem for you.

Much bigger problem - I’d also be worried about any 40 year old who hadn’t settled down yet and who is dating younger women.

This.

LOL. She's 32. Completely age-appropriate.

That’s old for a 32 year old, especially in educated/upper class circles. Why settle for an old guy. I’d be kind of embarrassed to introduce him to friends and family. Plus I’d be worried he has Peter Pan syndrome.

Embarrassed? This is why some of you will single forever.

Nope, I married a 26 year old guy when I was 26 as did most of my law school mates. We were all married before 30. Never considered dating an old creep looking for younger women because I had plenty of guys my age to choose from. Like most girls in their 20s. I’m not special. If you’re not married by 32 there is something wrong - either you are not that desirable or your picker is screwed up. Not married at 40 is a big red flag.

Half of your friends will be divorced within 10 years. Some people don’t settle or find that person until later in life.

Welp, it’s been more than 10 years and no divorces yet! That might be your experience but not mine. At all. Divorce is very uncommon among educated professionals.

Many professionals get divorced.

Sure, many do when you add them all up. But most don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He really is a wonderful guy, but his age has been holding me back from getting serious with him. He’s very physically fit, eats healthy, and works out 4-5 days a week. He is self-sufficient and does his own cooking and laundry. He does have a housekeeper for deep cleaning but he says he finds cleaning
“ relaxing”. He’s very successful and saves a lot of his money.

I know my question may sound dumb but I have friends with two husbands in their 40’s with young kids. Both have made remarks how hard it is on their bodies to keep chasing after toddlers all day. Both wish they had kids earlier when they had more energy.

OP, you are 32. If you break up with this guy, finding a new partner and liking them enought to marry them will take a few years, putting you in your late 30s to have children -- honestly that is not wise. That carries more actual risk than the concerns you have about this guy. You are much better off sticking with this person, who you seem to really like!

This is DC - i have kids in elementary school and SO MANY of the dads are in their late 40s or even 50s. It's not a big deal.

+1. Plus a lot of your mid-30s guys are going for the late 20s women. Sad to say, but fertility is an issue.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My husband is 7 years older than me and was 44 and 46 when our kids were born. He's 50 now. Our 6 year old is particularly rambunctious and active and my husband keeps up very well with him. Is he tired at the end of the day? Sure, but so am I!

There are other advantages. He lived on his own for a long time, and is therefore great at cooking/cleaning etc. and is truly a hands-on dad and father who takes on at least half the load.

I’m looking into freezing my eggs because I’m considering wanting kids ideally around the ages you were. How was the TTC journey if you don’t mind me asking? I’m so on the fence be freezing my eggs , but pretty set on wanting kids after 36 or so.

I'm the PP you're asking here. So, I was 37 and 39 when my kids were born. I have PCOS so we needed fertility treatments, but it worked with IUI -- in both cases it worked the first time we used injectables. We got started as soon as we got married, so we didn't have much of a honeymoon stage, but we knew that's what we were signing up for. We both had many years of fun, obviously, so having kids right away didn't bother us. I'm fit and both pregnancies were pretty uncomplicated. My OBGYN practice is full of women doctors who had kids after 35 so being a "geriatric" pregnancy didn't even come up.

Amazing! This is encouraging. Thank you so much!! Sigh, not sure if I really should go with freezing them. I don’t really have any concerns with having healthy pregnancies at an older age. Do you mind sharing your practice of your OBGYJN if you’re in the DC area?

Capital Women's Care in Fairfax.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This would only worry me if he has autism in his family.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Too much of an age difference for me. I just don’t like the vibe of being with older guys and I’m less attracted to them but sounds like that’s not a problem for you.

Much bigger problem - I’d also be worried about any 40 year old who hadn’t settled down yet and who is dating younger women.

This.

LOL. She's 32. Completely age-appropriate.

My brother married someone 7 years younger than him. The difference in their maturity levels, and the resulting chaos are not anything I would wish on someone. Yet, neither was a bad person, and behaved as one would expect a person of their age would.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Too much of an age difference for me. I just don’t like the vibe of being with older guys and I’m less attracted to them but sounds like that’s not a problem for you.

Much bigger problem - I’d also be worried about any 40 year old who hadn’t settled down yet and who is dating younger women.

This.

LOL. She's 32. Completely age-appropriate.

That’s old for a 32 year old, especially in educated/upper class circles. Why settle for an old guy. I’d be kind of embarrassed to introduce him to friends and family. Plus I’d be worried he has Peter Pan syndrome.

Embarrassed? This is why some of you will single forever.

Nope, I married a 26 year old guy when I was 26 as did most of my law school mates. We were all married before 30. Never considered dating an old creep looking for younger women because I had plenty of guys my age to choose from. Like most girls in their 20s. I’m not special. If you’re not married by 32 there is something wrong - either you are not that desirable or your picker is screwed up. Not married at 40 is a big red flag.

Yes and your same age husband will dump you for someone at least 7-10+ years younger in the future. Karma is coming for you. Good luck!

Not the lawyer, but PP, you have problems.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Too much of an age difference for me. I just don’t like the vibe of being with older guys and I’m less attracted to them but sounds like that’s not a problem for you.

Much bigger problem - I’d also be worried about any 40 year old who hadn’t settled down yet and who is dating younger women.

This.

LOL. She's 32. Completely age-appropriate.

That’s old for a 32 year old, especially in educated/upper class circles. Why settle for an old guy. I’d be kind of embarrassed to introduce him to friends and family. Plus I’d be worried he has Peter Pan syndrome.

If you and your friends can’t relate to someone only 8 years older, you’re not nearly as educated and worldly as you think.

Who said anything about relating? I’m just not attracted them and don’t appreciate being seen as bait.

I seriously doubt anyone would consider a 7/8 year age difference when the parties are 32 and nearly 40 as jailbait, weirdo.

I didn’t say jailbait, I said bait. There is a certain type of man who prioritizes a woman’s age over personality and even looks and preys on them. I would hate to feel like some prize only given my younger age. I prefer men to like me for who I am. It’s called self respect.

You come off as very immature with your name calling.

OP here. Who ever said he was with me because of my age? I never once said that. My age had nothing to do with him deciding to date me. He has dated older and has never dated younger than 30 since he turned 30. An 8 year age difference is not weird when you’re over 30.

Men who are his age do tend to date women a little younger because they want kids. This is smart. It’s not about preying on me. He wants to marry me for more things than my age.

Contradiction much? If someone's selecting a partner based the right fertile age, they are basing their decision, more than anything on their age. I am not arguing about whether its smart or not (or right or wrong). But if all of what you bring to the table can be rejected on the basis of being the wrong age....then they are literally marrying you for that one thing pretty much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Too much of an age difference for me. I just don’t like the vibe of being with older guys and I’m less attracted to them but sounds like that’s not a problem for you.

Much bigger problem - I’d also be worried about any 40 year old who hadn’t settled down yet and who is dating younger women.

This.

LOL. She's 32. Completely age-appropriate.

That’s old for a 32 year old, especially in educated/upper class circles. Why settle for an old guy. I’d be kind of embarrassed to introduce him to friends and family. Plus I’d be worried he has Peter Pan syndrome.

Embarrassed? This is why some of you will single forever.

Nope, I married a 26 year old guy when I was 26 as did most of my law school mates. We were all married before 30. Never considered dating an old creep looking for younger women because I had plenty of guys my age to choose from. Like most girls in their 20s. I’m not special. If you’re not married by 32 there is something wrong - either you are not that desirable or your picker is screwed up. Not married at 40 is a big red flag.

Half of your friends will be divorced within 10 years. Some people don’t settle or find that person until later in life.

Welp, it’s been more than 10 years and no divorces yet! That might be your experience but not mine. At all. Divorce is very uncommon among educated professionals.

Our circle is comprised of people with advanced degrees who almost all married in their 20s. The divorces started close to the 20 year mark. About half are divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Too much of an age difference for me. I just don’t like the vibe of being with older guys and I’m less attracted to them but sounds like that’s not a problem for you.

Much bigger problem - I’d also be worried about any 40 year old who hadn’t settled down yet and who is dating younger women.

This.

LOL. She's 32. Completely age-appropriate.

That’s old for a 32 year old, especially in educated/upper class circles. Why settle for an old guy. I’d be kind of embarrassed to introduce him to friends and family. Plus I’d be worried he has Peter Pan syndrome.

Embarrassed? This is why some of you will single forever.

Nope, I married a 26 year old guy when I was 26 as did most of my law school mates. We were all married before 30. Never considered dating an old creep looking for younger women because I had plenty of guys my age to choose from. Like most girls in their 20s. I’m not special. If you’re not married by 32 there is something wrong - either you are not that desirable or your picker is screwed up. Not married at 40 is a big red flag.

Half of your friends will be divorced within 10 years. Some people don’t settle or find that person until later in life.

Welp, it’s been more than 10 years and no divorces yet! That might be your experience but not mine. At all. Divorce is very uncommon among educated professionals.

Our circle is comprised of people with advanced degrees who almost all married in their 20s. The divorces started close to the 20 year mark. About half are divorced.

Don't be so sure. Wait until everyone is in their 40s... I Just turned 40 and now know JDs, PHDs, MDs all considering divorce.

[Anonymous]

My dad did almost exactly this for his second marriage. Married a woman about 10 years younger and had a child at 44.
He has been very active his entire life and continues to be. He has always been a very involved dad and husband.

If the guy you are dating has a healthy lifestyle, is a stable partner, and doesn’t have a family history of serious health issues I think you will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is he single at 40?

Because he is smart! Lots of jealousy on this thread.

OP, are you sure he will actually make moves to marry you? He has avoided marriage for 20 years, doesn’t seem anxious to be a dad, he maybe one of those “smart” guys who knows a good thing when he sees it. Do you live together? Has he discussed marriage or kids in any concrete terms, or just a happy go lucky “sounds great”.

Being such a catch at 40 and never married (did he have a common law marriage where we lived with someone for a decade?) may means you have different agendas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He really is a wonderful guy, but his age has been holding me back from getting serious with him. He’s very physically fit, eats healthy, and works out 4-5 days a week. He is self-sufficient and does his own cooking and laundry. He does have a housekeeper for deep cleaning but he says he finds cleaning
“ relaxing”. He’s very successful and saves a lot of his money.

I know my question may sound dumb but I have friends with two husbands in their 40’s with young kids. Both have made remarks how hard it is on their bodies to keep chasing after toddlers all day. Both wish they had kids earlier when they had more energy.

Honestly, having two husbands sounds like a lot to keep up with! Your friends must be exhausted, even if the guys are so "old".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He really is a wonderful guy, but his age has been holding me back from getting serious with him. He’s very physically fit, eats healthy, and works out 4-5 days a week. He is self-sufficient and does his own cooking and laundry. He does have a housekeeper for deep cleaning but he says he finds cleaning
“ relaxing”. He’s very successful and saves a lot of his money.

I know my question may sound dumb but I have friends with two husbands in their 40’s with young kids. Both have made remarks how hard it is on their bodies to keep chasing after toddlers all day. Both wish they had kids earlier when they had more energy. [/quot

Let him go so he can find someone who will fully appreciate him. Chances are you will never meet anyone half as good. 40 is not too old. I know fat lazy couples in their 30s who can't keep up with their kids. You don't deserve this guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He really is a wonderful guy, but his age has been holding me back from getting serious with him. He’s very physically fit, eats healthy, and works out 4-5 days a week. He is self-sufficient and does his own cooking and laundry. He does have a housekeeper for deep cleaning but he says he finds cleaning
“ relaxing”. He’s very successful and saves a lot of his money.

I know my question may sound dumb but I have friends with two husbands in their 40’s with young kids. Both have made remarks how hard it is on their bodies to keep chasing after toddlers all day. Both wish they had kids earlier when they had more energy.

OP, you are 32. If you break up with this guy, finding a new partner and liking them enought to marry them will take a few years, putting you in your late 30s to have children -- honestly that is not wise. That carries more actual risk than the concerns you have about this guy. You are much better off sticking with this person, who you seem to really like!

This is DC - i have kids in elementary school and SO MANY of the dads are in their late 40s or even 50s. It's not a big deal.

It doesn’t sound like OP has been dating him long since they aren’t “serious” yet. So it really doesn’t make a difference if she breaks up and moves on.