Worried About His Age

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He really is a wonderful guy, but his age has been holding me back from getting serious with him. He’s very physically fit, eats healthy, and works out 4-5 days a week. He is self-sufficient and does his own cooking and laundry. He does have a housekeeper for deep cleaning but he says he finds cleaning
“ relaxing”. He’s very successful and saves a lot of his money.

I know my question may sound dumb but I have friends with two husbands in their 40’s with young kids. Both have made remarks how hard it is on their bodies to keep chasing after toddlers all day. Both wish they had kids earlier when they had more energy.

OP, you are 32. If you break up with this guy, finding a new partner and liking them enought to marry them will take a few years, putting you in your late 30s to have children -- honestly that is not wise. That carries more actual risk than the concerns you have about this guy. You are much better off sticking with this person, who you seem to really like!

This is DC - i have kids in elementary school and SO MANY of the dads are in their late 40s or even 50s. It's not a big deal.

It’s common in this area.

You worry too much OP. Marry this guy; he is a catch.

[Anonymous]

Every man wishes he has kids earlier once he has kids. Not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

I think people tend to focus on two "milestones" - age at the child's birth and age at graduation.

What folks tend to forget is that raising kids is physically grueling for YEARS after toddlerhood but before graduation. My kids are 9 and 13, and it's still physically hard. I'm loading sports equipment, practicing baseball in the back yard, waking up early and getting home late from tournaments.

If you love this guy, you should marry him, but just be aware that there are lots of times after babyhood and toddlerhood when parenting is both a physical and mental load.

[Anonymous]

Too much of an age difference for me. I just don’t like the vibe of being with older guys and I’m less attracted to them but sounds like that’s not a problem for you.

Much bigger problem - I’d also be worried about any 40 year old who hadn’t settled down yet and who is dating younger women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Too much of an age difference for me. I just don’t like the vibe of being with older guys and I’m less attracted to them but sounds like that’s not a problem for you.

Much bigger problem - I’d also be worried about any 40 year old who hadn’t settled down yet and who is dating younger women.

[Anonymous]

OP, it could work, but the things I'd keep an eye on are 1) is this heading towards marriage soon because at 32 you don't have time to waste if you want kids and 2) are there any red flags because most guys over 35 who aren't married have issues. It might be fine, but either things progress in a timely manner or you should cut bait. Good luck and I hope it works out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Too much of an age difference for me. I just don’t like the vibe of being with older guys and I’m less attracted to them but sounds like that’s not a problem for you.

Much bigger problem - I’d also be worried about any 40 year old who hadn’t settled down yet and who is dating younger women.

This.

[Anonymous]

Can you adopt a puppy and just watch how patient and caring he is? This behavior will likely be the same with kids. My exH was terrible, impatient with our house cat. He was catching raccoons and once didn’t let me release the raccoon baby into a forest and the poor thing died from stress overnight. He cold blooded threw it in trash in front of our son.
He was 10 years older than me and became a terrible father at 42.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Too much of an age difference for me. I just don’t like the vibe of being with older guys and I’m less attracted to them but sounds like that’s not a problem for you.

Much bigger problem - I’d also be worried about any 40 year old who hadn’t settled down yet and who is dating younger women.

OP here. The age difference is not an issue for me. I hav walkways been attracted to older men and have dated men about 5 years older than me. This is the oldest man I’ve dated though.

He told me that marriage is important to him and not something he takes lightly. He was going to settle down just because of his age or because his formers were settling down. He wants a happy marriage and wanted to wait until he found the right person. He said he doesn’t want kids until he is married. I respect that he waited, instead of marrying someone who wasn’t right for him because he felt he needed to. I think that happens far too often and might be a reason why there are so many unhappy marriages and divorces. I could have married sooner but chose not to marry men I knew I couldn’t see myself with for the longterm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Too much of an age difference for me. I just don’t like the vibe of being with older guys and I’m less attracted to them but sounds like that’s not a problem for you.

Much bigger problem - I’d also be worried about any 40 year old who hadn’t settled down yet and who is dating younger women.

This.

eh.. DH and I got married when he was 39 and I was 33. We have a few kids now, married for 20 years. He had LTR before me. It was a combination of timing and the right person.

Not everyone should or wants to be married when they are younger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it could work, but the things I'd keep an eye on are 1) is this heading towards marriage soon because at 32 you don't have time to waste if you want kids and 2) are there any red flags because most guys over 35 who aren't married have issues. It might be fine, but either things progress in a timely manner or you should cut bait. Good luck and I hope it works out.

OP here. We have been dating for 6 months and he’s bringing up marriage. He has told me that he can see himself with me the longterm and wants to marry me. There has been no red flags. It has been very easy and comfortable with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you adopt a puppy and just watch how patient and caring he is? This behavior will likely be the same with kids. My exH was terrible, impatient with our house cat. He was catching raccoons and once didn’t let me release the raccoon baby into a forest and the poor thing died from stress overnight. He cold blooded threw it in trash in front of our son.
He was 10 years older than me and became a terrible father at 42.

OP here. We are both not really dog people. I do have a cat that he is very loving and gentle towards him. He is also wonderful with his nieces and nephews.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it could work, but the things I'd keep an eye on are 1) is this heading towards marriage soon because at 32 you don't have time to waste if you want kids and 2) are there any red flags because most guys over 35 who aren't married have issues. It might be fine, but either things progress in a timely manner or you should cut bait. Good luck and I hope it works out.

OP here. We have been dating for 6 months and he’s bringing up marriage. He has told me that he can see himself with me the longterm and wants to marry me. There has been no red flags. It has been very easy and comfortable with him.

PP here, then give it a shot. I really don't think a parent being in his 40's with little kids is a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it could work, but the things I'd keep an eye on are 1) is this heading towards marriage soon because at 32 you don't have time to waste if you want kids and 2) are there any red flags because most guys over 35 who aren't married have issues. It might be fine, but either things progress in a timely manner or you should cut bait. Good luck and I hope it works out.

OP here. We have been dating for 6 months and he’s bringing up marriage. He has told me that he can see himself with me the longterm and wants to marry me. There has been no red flags. It has been very easy and comfortable with him.

6 months is a very short time to see character flaws, regardless of the age. My exH described above and I were dating for 1.5 years before getting married. He showed character flaws 3 years into marriage (mood swings, impatience, screaming at me and toddler son, impatience with animals).

What I think was the only red flag when we dated that I didn’t “read” - his phrases how stupid it is for people to have dogs and always be tied up to the pet schedule.

If you were to bring a puppy into the house that pees and poops everywhere, would your boyfriend tolerate that?

[Anonymous]

This age difference isn't a big deal. Just try to avoid having multiples that will kill you at any age.