Stigma against "young moms"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's unquestionably a thing in the highly educated, UMC, elite professional circles that people like Liz Bruenig run in

This.

And if you were in a different socio-economic bracket in a different part of the country, having your kids in your mid to late 30s would be a thing.

It's not personal. You're just going against the herd a bit in terms of timing and people will endlessly comment on people who are outside the norm because it makes insecure people feel forced to question their own decision making. If everyone does the same thing, it feels safer.

When I see a 39-year old with a 13-year old I am not remotely insecure about my own decision to wait until 32 to have my kids (who ended up being twins so I didn't have any after that). I'm very happy with the age at which I got to have my kids. I had so much fun through my 20's and early 30's and once I had my kids I was settled enough in my career to be able to have a flexible but still high-paying job. Win win win as far as I'm concerned. Not that everyone has to want what I have, but I say that to contradict your statement that I am remotely insecure about anyone's choice to have a child year before I did.

lol no one envies people who have twins at 32 anyway so who cares

DP. Are you kidding? This would have been ideal for many of my friends. One pregnancy at an age when lots of people are having their first kid, two kids, done. I'm sure infant twins are a handful, but so is basically any combination of young kids.

Twin mom here. Twin pregnancies are horrible, the infant years go by in a blur. You don't get the idyllic dream of nursing one baby and sleeping when the baby sleeps with twins. It sounds good in theory but is the opposite in real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The backlash against Bruenig wasn't that she was too young, it was that she was obviously speaking from a very specific bubble and failed to consider that her own experience might not be universal.

Like most NYT op-ed pieces, she wrote as though her very specific UMC white urban experience could be extrapolated to mean anything more than her own experience.

it’s called an OPINION piece. Her opinion, from her perspective. People on Twitter viciously hate her because she is young, pretty, openly Catholic, pro-life, and supported Bernie over Hillary.

I mean, normally even and opinion piece brings some sort of greater truth or observation. This was just another tradwife pretending to be somehow victimized by people making different choices than her.

wow you certainly sound like a feminist affirming other women’s personal and reproductive choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's unquestionably a thing in the highly educated, UMC, elite professional circles that people like Liz Bruenig run in

This.

And if you were in a different socio-economic bracket in a different part of the country, having your kids in your mid to late 30s would be a thing.

It's not personal. You're just going against the herd a bit in terms of timing and people will endlessly comment on people who are outside the norm because it makes insecure people feel forced to question their own decision making. If everyone does the same thing, it feels safer.

OP here. I get this but it's weird that people still feel the need to comment on it to me at 39 because I have a thirteen year old and they maybe have a toddler or baby. I sometimes feel like saying, look I'm sorry you're stuck in the parenting trenches right now but you'll come out on the other side too, lol. It doesn't stay that hard forever.

That's kind of rude.

Unless the people who have the toddler or baby are rude to you, like saying "oh, well, you must not have gone to college" or something similar, there's no reason to be flippant to them. Being surprised that you have a 13-year old when you're 39 isn't rude in and of itself.

You don't think it's rude and invasive to aggressively question people about their age and reproductive choices in a professional setting?? I'm honestly amazed at how many people have thought it was appropriate to say something to me about my age and my children's ages at work. Including asking me if my pregnancies were intended and if I was religious! (and also joking if I know how babies are made )

Yeah, that's exactly what I said.

Go back and read the post before the one I commented on.

You said her thought (which she didn't express) was rude but the people questioning her are the rude ones imo. How about we just stop commenting on women's reproductive choices, bodies, ages, choices about aging, period? It does blow my mind what people think is normal to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's unquestionably a thing in the highly educated, UMC, elite professional circles that people like Liz Bruenig run in

This.

And if you were in a different socio-economic bracket in a different part of the country, having your kids in your mid to late 30s would be a thing.

It's not personal. You're just going against the herd a bit in terms of timing and people will endlessly comment on people who are outside the norm because it makes insecure people feel forced to question their own decision making. If everyone does the same thing, it feels safer.

+1 I grew up in an affluent LA suburb. My brother in his early 20s started dating a woman from rural Michigan who had a child. She thought my sister and I (24-26) were just bizarre for not having children and not interested in doing so until our 30s. On the flip side, a friend in DC had a baby at 26 and she'd regularly run into people who thought she was the nanny (she also looks younger than her age). Very different cultures.

[Anonymous]

I live somewhere that is the opposite - most women have children early to mid 20s.

The problem I have is the cultural pressure for women to settle down and have children early leads them to pick immature men that make terrible fathers. Almost none are involved with their children, and many cheat and/or are abusive. Few can hold a decent job.

I don’t judge women who have children young, but I sure as hell keep an eye on their husbands. But what sucks is I can’t say anything, because they’re husbands will just isolate them from
Me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's unquestionably a thing in the highly educated, UMC, elite professional circles that people like Liz Bruenig run in

This.

And if you were in a different socio-economic bracket in a different part of the country, having your kids in your mid to late 30s would be a thing.

It's not personal. You're just going against the herd a bit in terms of timing and people will endlessly comment on people who are outside the norm because it makes insecure people feel forced to question their own decision making. If everyone does the same thing, it feels safer.

When I see a 39-year old with a 13-year old I am not remotely insecure about my own decision to wait until 32 to have my kids (who ended up being twins so I didn't have any after that). I'm very happy with the age at which I got to have my kids. I had so much fun through my 20's and early 30's and once I had my kids I was settled enough in my career to be able to have a flexible but still high-paying job. Win win win as far as I'm concerned. Not that everyone has to want what I have, but I say that to contradict your statement that I am remotely insecure about anyone's choice to have a child year before I did.

lol no one envies people who have twins at 32 anyway so who cares

DP. Are you kidding? This would have been ideal for many of my friends. One pregnancy at an age when lots of people are having their first kid, two kids, done. I'm sure infant twins are a handful, but so is basically any combination of young kids.

Twin mom here. Twin pregnancies are horrible, the infant years go by in a blur. You don't get the idyllic dream of nursing one baby and sleeping when the baby sleeps with twins. It sounds good in theory but is the opposite in real life.

I'm a twin mom and I loved it! The pregnancy wasn't great but it wasn't horrible and I was still working out at 30 weeks. Also, my babies always slept at the same time so yes, I could sleep when they slept. You know who didn't? My friend whose kids were 24 months apart and therefore on opposite napping schedules. I'd pick twins again in a heartbeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:yes her essay is very navel gazey and all over the place but par for the course for that type of thing. Normal people don't go around saying stuff like that, lol.

Yup I agree, it is par for the course, and I agree. I know a lot of younger moms who started families in their early 20's, and they are mostly totally chill normal people. They are not sitting around drowning in their babies' eyeballs or whatever.

She wrote that because she was describing how motherhood was personally fulfilling to her instead of being “the end of your life!!” the way people tend to say. My main objection to the piece is that she makes motherhood seem too easy, but maybe it is for her - people are different, and yeah possibly having a baby younger makes it easier in some ways. Anyway there are certainly plenty of opinion pieces out there about how motherhood is horrible, so I’m not too bothered by the other viewpoint.

Good point. My experience has aligned with hers. I love my kids, loved my pregnancies, I had them in my twenties and have no regrets about that, I still work, we still travel, we still have friends, still have a great sex life, etc. I never thought my life was over after I had kids. It actually felt richer and fuller. I also felt more confident and secure in myself.

The kids are our little buddies now. They ADD to our life and make it more fun. They're our favorite people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's unquestionably a thing in the highly educated, UMC, elite professional circles that people like Liz Bruenig run in

This.

And if you were in a different socio-economic bracket in a different part of the country, having your kids in your mid to late 30s would be a thing.

It's not personal. You're just going against the herd a bit in terms of timing and people will endlessly comment on people who are outside the norm because it makes insecure people feel forced to question their own decision making. If everyone does the same thing, it feels safer.

OP here. I get this but it's weird that people still feel the need to comment on it to me at 39 because I have a thirteen year old and they maybe have a toddler or baby. I sometimes feel like saying, look I'm sorry you're stuck in the parenting trenches right now but you'll come out on the other side too, lol. It doesn't stay that hard forever.

That's kind of rude.

Unless the people who have the toddler or baby are rude to you, like saying "oh, well, you must not have gone to college" or something similar, there's no reason to be flippant to them. Being surprised that you have a 13-year old when you're 39 isn't rude in and of itself.

You don't think it's rude and invasive to aggressively question people about their age and reproductive choices in a professional setting?? I'm honestly amazed at how many people have thought it was appropriate to say something to me about my age and my children's ages at work. Including asking me if my pregnancies were intended and if I was religious! (and also joking if I know how babies are made )

Yeah, that's exactly what I said.

Go back and read the post before the one I commented on.

You said her thought (which she didn't express) was rude but the people questioning her are the rude ones imo. How about we just stop commenting on women's reproductive choices, bodies, ages, choices about aging, period? It does blow my mind what people think is normal to say.

She said they COMMENTED on it, not QUESTIONED her. I could comment on how beautiful your house is, but I guess you'd find that rude?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's unquestionably a thing in the highly educated, UMC, elite professional circles that people like Liz Bruenig run in

This.

And if you were in a different socio-economic bracket in a different part of the country, having your kids in your mid to late 30s would be a thing.

It's not personal. You're just going against the herd a bit in terms of timing and people will endlessly comment on people who are outside the norm because it makes insecure people feel forced to question their own decision making. If everyone does the same thing, it feels safer.

OP here. I get this but it's weird that people still feel the need to comment on it to me at 39 because I have a thirteen year old and they maybe have a toddler or baby. I sometimes feel like saying, look I'm sorry you're stuck in the parenting trenches right now but you'll come out on the other side too, lol. It doesn't stay that hard forever.

That's kind of rude.

Unless the people who have the toddler or baby are rude to you, like saying "oh, well, you must not have gone to college" or something similar, there's no reason to be flippant to them. Being surprised that you have a 13-year old when you're 39 isn't rude in and of itself.

You don't think it's rude and invasive to aggressively question people about their age and reproductive choices in a professional setting?? I'm honestly amazed at how many people have thought it was appropriate to say something to me about my age and my children's ages at work. Including asking me if my pregnancies were intended and if I was religious! (and also joking if I know how babies are made )

Yeah, that's exactly what I said.

Go back and read the post before the one I commented on.

You said her thought (which she didn't express) was rude but the people questioning her are the rude ones imo. How about we just stop commenting on women's reproductive choices, bodies, ages, choices about aging, period? It does blow my mind what people think is normal to say.

She said they COMMENTED on it, not QUESTIONED her. I could comment on how beautiful your house is, but I guess you'd find that rude?

"You have a THIRTEEN year old?" "How old are you again??" "Did you grow up religious??"

[Anonymous]

I used to judge young moms. Assumed it was an accidental pregnancy or she wasn't interested in working.

Then I had kids of my own - first at 32 - and totally understand why a woman would choose to have children earlier. If I could do it all over again, I would not have waited. I am glad her op-ed can help normalize early marriage and pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's unquestionably a thing in the highly educated, UMC, elite professional circles that people like Liz Bruenig run in

This.

And if you were in a different socio-economic bracket in a different part of the country, having your kids in your mid to late 30s would be a thing.

It's not personal. You're just going against the herd a bit in terms of timing and people will endlessly comment on people who are outside the norm because it makes insecure people feel forced to question their own decision making. If everyone does the same thing, it feels safer.

When I see a 39-year old with a 13-year old I am not remotely insecure about my own decision to wait until 32 to have my kids (who ended up being twins so I didn't have any after that). I'm very happy with the age at which I got to have my kids. I had so much fun through my 20's and early 30's and once I had my kids I was settled enough in my career to be able to have a flexible but still high-paying job. Win win win as far as I'm concerned. Not that everyone has to want what I have, but I say that to contradict your statement that I am remotely insecure about anyone's choice to have a child year before I did.

lol no one envies people who have twins at 32 anyway so who cares

DP. Are you kidding? This would have been ideal for many of my friends. One pregnancy at an age when lots of people are having their first kid, two kids, done. I'm sure infant twins are a handful, but so is basically any combination of young kids.

Twin mom here. Twin pregnancies are horrible, the infant years go by in a blur. You don't get the idyllic dream of nursing one baby and sleeping when the baby sleeps with twins. It sounds good in theory but is the opposite in real life.

DP and while I'm sure you're right that it's very difficult in ways singleton moms can't quite appreciate, I agree with PPP that twin pregnancy at 32 would inspire a lot of envy in me and many people in my friend group. I know someone who had triplets in her mid-thirties and against all reason I'm jealous, even though I'm well aware that a pregnancy like that would be a hellscape for me. But knowing you'd have more than one and not having to get pregnant again closing in on 40 still feels like a win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's unquestionably a thing in the highly educated, UMC, elite professional circles that people like Liz Bruenig run in

This.

And if you were in a different socio-economic bracket in a different part of the country, having your kids in your mid to late 30s would be a thing.

It's not personal. You're just going against the herd a bit in terms of timing and people will endlessly comment on people who are outside the norm because it makes insecure people feel forced to question their own decision making. If everyone does the same thing, it feels safer.

When I see a 39-year old with a 13-year old I am not remotely insecure about my own decision to wait until 32 to have my kids (who ended up being twins so I didn't have any after that). I'm very happy with the age at which I got to have my kids. I had so much fun through my 20's and early 30's and once I had my kids I was settled enough in my career to be able to have a flexible but still high-paying job. Win win win as far as I'm concerned. Not that everyone has to want what I have, but I say that to contradict your statement that I am remotely insecure about anyone's choice to have a child year before I did.

lol no one envies people who have twins at 32 anyway so who cares

DP. Are you kidding? This would have been ideal for many of my friends. One pregnancy at an age when lots of people are having their first kid, two kids, done. I'm sure infant twins are a handful, but so is basically any combination of young kids.

Twin mom here. Twin pregnancies are horrible, the infant years go by in a blur. You don't get the idyllic dream of nursing one baby and sleeping when the baby sleeps with twins. It sounds good in theory but is the opposite in real life.

DP and while I'm sure you're right that it's very difficult in ways singleton moms can't quite appreciate, I agree with PPP that twin pregnancy at 32 would inspire a lot of envy in me and many people in my friend group. I know someone who had triplets in her mid-thirties and against all reason I'm jealous, even though I'm well aware that a pregnancy like that would be a hellscape for me. But knowing you'd have more than one and not having to get pregnant again closing in on 40 still feels like a win.

It's because you're not thinking about it rationally. A triplet pregnancy will destroy your body, guaranteed. You'll have to get lipo to fix the stretched out skin or else just deal with it for the rest of your life. You'd most likely be on bedrest starting sometime in the 2nd or early 3rd trimester. Triplet infants? The stuff of nightmares. I hope you have a helpful husband AND the money to hire a night nurse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's unquestionably a thing in the highly educated, UMC, elite professional circles that people like Liz Bruenig run in

This.

And if you were in a different socio-economic bracket in a different part of the country, having your kids in your mid to late 30s would be a thing.

It's not personal. You're just going against the herd a bit in terms of timing and people will endlessly comment on people who are outside the norm because it makes insecure people feel forced to question their own decision making. If everyone does the same thing, it feels safer.

When I see a 39-year old with a 13-year old I am not remotely insecure about my own decision to wait until 32 to have my kids (who ended up being twins so I didn't have any after that). I'm very happy with the age at which I got to have my kids. I had so much fun through my 20's and early 30's and once I had my kids I was settled enough in my career to be able to have a flexible but still high-paying job. Win win win as far as I'm concerned. Not that everyone has to want what I have, but I say that to contradict your statement that I am remotely insecure about anyone's choice to have a child year before I did.

lol no one envies people who have twins at 32 anyway so who cares

DP. Are you kidding? This would have been ideal for many of my friends. One pregnancy at an age when lots of people are having their first kid, two kids, done. I'm sure infant twins are a handful, but so is basically any combination of young kids.

Twin mom here. Twin pregnancies are horrible, the infant years go by in a blur. You don't get the idyllic dream of nursing one baby and sleeping when the baby sleeps with twins. It sounds good in theory but is the opposite in real life.

DP and while I'm sure you're right that it's very difficult in ways singleton moms can't quite appreciate, I agree with PPP that twin pregnancy at 32 would inspire a lot of envy in me and many people in my friend group. I know someone who had triplets in her mid-thirties and against all reason I'm jealous, even though I'm well aware that a pregnancy like that would be a hellscape for me. But knowing you'd have more than one and not having to get pregnant again closing in on 40 still feels like a win.

It's because you're not thinking about it rationally. A triplet pregnancy will destroy your body, guaranteed. You'll have to get lipo to fix the stretched out skin or else just deal with it for the rest of your life. You'd most likely be on bedrest starting sometime in the 2nd or early 3rd trimester. Triplet infants? The stuff of nightmares. I hope you have a helpful husband AND the money to hire a night nurse.

Yes, that is literally exactly what I said.

[Anonymous]

Young moms seem to adapt to parenting better. Maybe because they're so young they don't realize what they're giving up yet and so it doesn't feel like as much of a sacrifice?

But the ones I meet almost always seem to cheerful and well adjusted. They seem very go with the flow. They're not the harried, stressed out moms I know in their thirties or forties.

I wonder what it is. Less need for sleep?

[Anonymous]

The only judgement I think is that they should have spent a few more years enjoying their spouse before kids. I think a strong, loving, enjoyable marriage is key to raising kids. DH and I spent almost a decade together (married for 5) before kids and I think it's helped us immensely as we transitioned to parents. We are together facing all the parenting challenges and managing our kids together. We understand each other without talking and we are best friends.