Holding kids back (June/July/August bday)?

[Anonymous]

Spring is different than summer and boys are different than girls. After watching my 3 kids go through private and paying attention to this red shirt phenomenon, I’d 100% say hold the summer boys back. You know who’s in the top math class? Those boys. Girls should stay where they naturally go, I think holding spring kids back is crazy. But I have 3 friends who didn’t hold back their summer boys and they all regret it.

[Anonymous]

Schools do skew older. Although it depends on the school. My mid-September daughter is never the oldest. Normally at least 15-20% of kids are older than she. So much easier to be older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really don’t understand Why people are doing this. If anything, I would have tried to get my kid started earlier if I could.

Same. I don’t get it at all. My kids had late summer bdays and we couldn’t get them out the door to school fast enough!!

[Anonymous]

Our daughter has an August birthday and we sent her on time. She is now in college doing well. The biggest issue we had in early ES was teachers comparing her behavior to kids who were much older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Although many have sad before it depends on the kid. Its still hard to know the kid at such a young age.

I have an end of May child.

It’s ridiculous to hold a child back whose birthday is end of May or June do that matter. These parents need to get a grip.

Completely agree!

As a redshirted early June birthday who benefited greatly from that decision, I disagree completely. Plan to do the same with my summer kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spring is different than summer and boys are different than girls. After watching my 3 kids go through private and paying attention to this red shirt phenomenon, I’d 100% say hold the summer boys back. You know who’s in the top math class? Those boys. Girls should stay where they naturally go, I think holding spring kids back is crazy. But I have 3 friends who didn’t hold back their summer boys and they all regret it.

Not true, my young for the grade child is taking Algebra in 6th. No regrets. Smart kids do the top math classes. Older doesn't make them smarter.

[Anonymous]

My heart goes out to any child who grows up with parents who think letting their child wait until they are socially, emotionally, intellectually, developmentally ready to start school is the same thing as “holding them back.” That sends a deeply troubling message that a child is not capable. You “hold a child back” when they have already started and are not thriving. Waiting to start until the child is developmentally ready is anything but “holding them back.” It is ensuring their success. I am yet again amazed at the narrow blinders worn buy so many who participate on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My heart goes out to any child who grows up with parents who think letting their child wait until they are socially, emotionally, intellectually, developmentally ready to start school is the same thing as “holding them back.” That sends a deeply troubling message that a child is not capable. You “hold a child back” when they have already started and are not thriving. Waiting to start until the child is developmentally ready is anything but “holding them back.” It is ensuring their success. I am yet again amazed at the narrow blinders worn buy so many who participate on DCUM.

Many kids with summer birthdays are ready by judgement of their nursery schools or others. Parents do choose to hold their kids back, give the gift of an extra year, redshirt for other reasons. Different words, same outcome. Not sure how telling a child “you weren’t socially emotionally intellectually developmentally ready” to start sends any better message, and in some cases not true.

[Anonymous]

Every kid is different. Do what’s best for your kid. Redshirting helps primarily with organization and other executive functioning skills. It’s needed for some, not all. You do you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don’t understand Why people are doing this. If anything, I would have tried to get my kid started earlier if I could.

Same. I don’t get it at all. My kids had late summer bdays and we couldn’t get them out the door to school fast enough!!

My child was out the door either way. He was just in preschool rather than elementary. Regardless, I made the decision based on the teacher's recommendation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My heart goes out to any child who grows up with parents who think letting their child wait until they are socially, emotionally, intellectually, developmentally ready to start school is the same thing as “holding them back.” That sends a deeply troubling message that a child is not capable. You “hold a child back” when they have already started and are not thriving. Waiting to start until the child is developmentally ready is anything but “holding them back.” It is ensuring their success. I am yet again amazed at the narrow blinders worn buy so many who participate on DCUM.

Many kids with summer birthdays are ready by judgement of their nursery schools or others. Parents do choose to hold their kids back, give the gift of an extra year, redshirt for other reasons. Different words, same outcome. Not sure how telling a child “you weren’t socially emotionally intellectually developmentally ready” to start sends any better message, and in some cases not true.

Honestly how do you know this? It's not like you are sitting with the parent and the preschool teacher while this discussion is happening. You have no way of knowing why other parents made a redshirting decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spring is different than summer and boys are different than girls. After watching my 3 kids go through private and paying attention to this red shirt phenomenon, I’d 100% say hold the summer boys back. You know who’s in the top math class? Those boys. Girls should stay where they naturally go, I think holding spring kids back is crazy. But I have 3 friends who didn’t hold back their summer boys and they all regret it.

Not true, my young for the grade child is taking Algebra in 6th. No regrets. Smart kids do the top math classes. Older doesn't make them smarter.

Anyone looking for advice needs to ignore people like the PP who defines kids as "smart" and not smart. First, intelligence does not always equate to doing well in in school. Academic success often depends on confidence, maturity, and social/emotional development. I posted earlier in the thread, but I have a very math inclined late summer birthday boy whose immaturity and executive function issues did not become apparent until middle school. To the extent you can tell these things at ages 4 or 5, factor into any redshirt decision whether your kid is intrinsically motivated, determined, and has age appropriate executive function skills.

I have three kids with summer birthdays, none of which were held back. Two are boys, and while both probably could have benefitted from an extra year from a social perspective, I only have regrets for of them. Looking back, with his personality, an extra year would have been extremely helpful in the middle school years, when we had to exert tremendous effort toward maintaining his mental health and interest in school. These years were extremely difficult, and if not for the time and resources we were fortunate enough to have, my young immature son with a somewhat difficult personality (stubborn, risk adverse, intense, challenging) would have become a high school slacker who checked out completely because he felt stupid and worthless. The middle school years can be very difficult for less mature kids, even kids who are capable of doing above-grade level school work.

[Anonymous]

Both our summer kids were tall for their ages, each check up.

They both started on time, youngest of the class. One is top of class since K onward, now in 7th. Oldest has been bottom of class since grade 1 or 2 - can’t tell too playbased where we had sent her for lower school.

Holding back older kid would not have helped her situation. She has LDs and is neuroatypical. No need to be the super big kid in her grade plus that. And it’d create more anxiety to change schools and repeat a grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our daughter has an August birthday and we sent her on time. She is now in college doing well. The biggest issue we had in early ES was teachers comparing her behavior to kids who were much older.

Teachers I know have often complained about the young summer birthday boys in their classes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spring is different than summer and boys are different than girls. After watching my 3 kids go through private and paying attention to this red shirt phenomenon, I’d 100% say hold the summer boys back. You know who’s in the top math class? Those boys. Girls should stay where they naturally go, I think holding spring kids back is crazy. But I have 3 friends who didn’t hold back their summer boys and they all regret it.

Not true, my young for the grade child is taking Algebra in 6th. No regrets. Smart kids do the top math classes. Older doesn't make them smarter.

Anyone looking for advice needs to ignore people like the PP who defines kids as "smart" and not smart. First, intelligence does not always equate to doing well in in school. Academic success often depends on confidence, maturity, and social/emotional development. I posted earlier in the thread, but I have a very math inclined late summer birthday boy whose immaturity and executive function issues did not become apparent until middle school. To the extent you can tell these things at ages 4 or 5, factor into any redshirt decision whether your kid is intrinsically motivated, determined, and has age appropriate executive function skills.

I have three kids with summer birthdays, none of which were held back. Two are boys, and while both probably could have benefitted from an extra year from a social perspective, I only have regrets for of them. Looking back, with his personality, an extra year would have been extremely helpful in the middle school years, when we had to exert tremendous effort toward maintaining his mental health and interest in school. These years were extremely difficult, and if not for the time and resources we were fortunate enough to have, my young immature son with a somewhat difficult personality (stubborn, risk adverse, intense, challenging) would have become a high school slacker who checked out completely because he felt stupid and worthless. The middle school years can be very difficult for less mature kids, even kids who are capable of doing above-grade level school work.

+1 on the immaturity and poor executive functioning skills or readiness. It really builds as homework starts, and subject matter builds on itself.

We had a girl with these issues so stacked versus less immature girls, it was more pronounced. Unclear if a year holdback would have changed anything. There are goofballs and mature kids in the grade below as well.