Holding kids back (June/July/August bday)?

[Anonymous]

My DS has a June birthday and he started on time. Currently in first grade and small for his age. It’s fine, but sometimes wish we had held him back. He’s fine academically, but it’s the social stuff I worry about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every kid is different. Do what’s best for your kid. Redshirting helps primarily with organization and other executive functioning skills. It’s needed for some, not all. You do you.

Does redshirting help with this mainly if it is a maturity issue that resolves itself in an age appropriate time frame, but who do you distinguish b/t that and an actual learning issue or ADHD or ASD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My heart goes out to any child who grows up with parents who think letting their child wait until they are socially, emotionally, intellectually, developmentally ready to start school is the same thing as “holding them back.” That sends a deeply troubling message that a child is not capable. You “hold a child back” when they have already started and are not thriving. Waiting to start until the child is developmentally ready is anything but “holding them back.” It is ensuring their success. I am yet again amazed at the narrow blinders worn buy so many who participate on DCUM.

+1

The language we choose reflects the attitude we have. When parents “hold back,” they are disregarding their children’s talents and needs. When they “place with consideration,” they are celebrating their child’s abilities. This whole chain is about parents, without regard for children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My heart goes out to any child who grows up with parents who think letting their child wait until they are socially, emotionally, intellectually, developmentally ready to start school is the same thing as “holding them back.” That sends a deeply troubling message that a child is not capable. You “hold a child back” when they have already started and are not thriving. Waiting to start until the child is developmentally ready is anything but “holding them back.” It is ensuring their success. I am yet again amazed at the narrow blinders worn buy so many who participate on DCUM.

+1

The language we choose reflects the attitude we have. When parents “hold back,” they are disregarding their children’s talents and needs. When they “place with consideration,” they are celebrating their child’s abilities. This whole chain is about parents, without regard for children.

I am amazed by the disregard for a legitimate question and parent seeking advice because posters are using the common simple terms to describe very complex decisions that are very much about their children. Not all are as verbose and familiar with the PC terms as the critical posters above.

[Anonymous]

I don't have the experience to answer OP's question, but I am considering applying my June birthday boy (he'll turn 5 this summer) for K starting in 2022 (he will do public K starting this fall). It has nothing to do with him not being ready; I am just interested in a particular school and he didn't get in for K this year so I might want to try again. I do think he may have suffered by comparison in the application process this year compared to slightly older applicants who might have been more comfortable with the zoom interview format.

[Anonymous]

It depends on the child. I have a girl with a September birthday. She literally missed the VA cutoff by two weeks. Now she’s heading to fifth grade and most of her classmates are significantly older than she is. The first couple of years, we had to hear from her teachers how young she was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends on the child. I have a girl with a September birthday. She literally missed the VA cutoff by two weeks. Now she’s heading to fifth grade and most of her classmates are significantly older than she is. The first couple of years, we had to hear from her teachers how young she was.

I posted this and came back to add that executive functioning was the biggest issue for her early on. But she has improved with maturity.

[Anonymous]

I have an Aug daughter and she first was enrolled in a public kinder and then private kinder.

All kids are difference and few redshirt girls, but I am so thankful we did. DD is doing great in every aspect of elementary and is thriving as one of the older students in class. She’s confident and doing well academically without it finding it too easy. We made this choice bc I was a very young child for my class and always felt like I was trying to keep up. Also, I’m a teacher. Older students tend to have less issues with executive functioning and overall do better in the classroom. Good luck, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an Aug daughter and she first was enrolled in a public kinder and then private kinder.

All kids are difference and few redshirt girls, but I am so thankful we did. DD is doing great in every aspect of elementary and is thriving as one of the older students in class. She’s confident and doing well academically without it finding it too easy. We made this choice bc I was a very young child for my class and always felt like I was trying to keep up. Also, I’m a teacher. Older students tend to have less issues with executive functioning and overall do better in the classroom. Good luck, OP!

Very similar experience here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any personal experience being held back or pushed forward with summer birthdays? Looking for long-range views. Do the top schools skew older?

The school we applied to wanted my son to be held back as he is a summer birthday. We weren’t crazy about it at the time but now that he is older it has worked out OK. Otherwise he would’ve been one of the youngest in the grade as privates do skew a little older. They tend to hold back boys particularly if they’re the first child. If they are the youngest of two or three and have a summer birthday they don’t get held back as often in the grades I am familiar with.

[Anonymous]

We had a different experience as we wanted to give my daughter (August) the gift of time by waiting to send her. We were told not to hold girls with late birthdays. We listened and regret it.

[Anonymous]

Our son has ADHD and it was the best decision we ever made to hold him back -he's academically gifted but the ADHD affected him socially and emotionally. Years later he is doing great after an extra year of kindergarten.
I think you need to consider why you are holding the kid back and do what is best for your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every kid is different. Do what’s best for your kid. Redshirting helps primarily with organization and other executive functioning skills. It’s needed for some, not all. You do you.

Does redshirting help with this mainly if it is a maturity issue that resolves itself in an age appropriate time frame, but who do you distinguish b/t that and an actual learning issue or ADHD or ASD?

I don't know if you can at age 3-4. I have found, anecdotally, that a lot of kids who end up being counseled out were red-shirted and had ADHD. I guess it's not too surprising, because even though 3-4 is young, experienced preschool teachers have a sense of when a kid will likely need additional therapies to succeed in school/be given an additional year to "mature."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, don’t listen to anyone whose kids aren’t in private school. It’s completely different in public, and yet I bet half the advice you’ve read is from public school parents.

My July birthday kid isn’t even close to being the oldest in his class. He will be 18 when he graduates.

Most kids will be fine either way, but at independent schools I would strongly recommend following whatever their advice is, which is usually to redshirt.

Thank you. I think this is a really important and helpful distinction.

[Anonymous]

I was with some friends this past weekend. Three of us have daughters born in August. Two of the three redshirted. All three families were happy with their decision. It’s very common. And, the other two send their kids to public.