Holding kids back (June/July/August bday)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any personal experience being held back or pushed forward with summer birthdays? Looking for long-range views. Do the top schools skew older?

Haven't read the answers here, but we held back our very tall, bright summer birthday kid. No regrets. At one point in elementary school, it was suggested he skip second grade. We said no and for a brief moment I second guessed our decision. Now in high school, I am glad he had an extra year at home.

Something another mom said to me years ago, you may never know if you did the right thing (i.e. hold him back) but you will definitely know if you did the wrong thing - if you send him too early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS had a summer bday and was also a preemie. When he turned 5 at the end of June, I had him start PreK instead of K and it was the best decision I ever made. He really benefitted from the extra year...both socially and academically and I never regretted having him start late. He graduated from HS in 2020 and was much more ready to take on the challenges of college than he would have otherwise been.

I wish we had done that with our summer birthday DS. He ended up having learning issues and had to repeat a grade later on which was not great.

Exactly same, PP. Pushed July DS on time in spite of admissions suggesting him be held back. Our mistake. Repeated in a different middle school. He's a senior at age 19 now. He'll definitely be ready for college, but not overtly "older" than his grade.

IMHO, kids can really benefit from the extra year. Hold back if you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any personal experience being held back or pushed forward with summer birthdays? Looking for long-range views. Do the top schools skew older?

My kid has a summer birthday and is 13 in 7th grade. He got teased for being "so old" in the lower grades, which was annoying, but the older they all get, the less often it happens. Academically and socially, he fits in just fine with his classmates -- and most of them turned or are turning 13 this year anyway.

And hey, he'll be the first in his group to turn 21 in college.

I’m confused. Wouldn’t a summer birthday make him young for the grade?

If you are 13 at the start of 7th grade you are older than almost all the other kids. My son has a spring birthday and turned 13 two months before 7th grade ended.
I had an early June birthday and was always one of the youngest in my grade. I was fine.

[Anonymous]

I will say I think it's weird if you start your senior year of HS already 18.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will say I think it's weird if you start your senior year of HS already 18.

If they’re 18 the whole school year, I don’t see how that matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will say I think it's weird if you start your senior year of HS already 18.

If they’re 18 the whole school year, I don’t see how that matters.

Yeah, I agree. It’s tough to turn 19 during senior year, which is why Aug and Sept kids are the ones generally redshirted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any personal experience being held back or pushed forward with summer birthdays? Looking for long-range views. Do the top schools skew older?

Haven't read the answers here, but we held back our very tall, bright summer birthday kid. No regrets. At one point in elementary school, it was suggested he skip second grade. We said no and for a brief moment I second guessed our decision. Now in high school, I am glad he had an extra year at home.

Something another mom said to me years ago, you may never know if you did the right thing (i.e. hold him back) but you will definitely know if you did the wrong thing - if you send him too early.

I don’t get this. You will know if holding back is wrong if your giant kid is bored in school and instead of being challenged is floating along thinking they’re so great when they’re just a year older. Then they get into the real world and aren’t as capable as they’d been led to believe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any personal experience being held back or pushed forward with summer birthdays? Looking for long-range views. Do the top schools skew older?

Haven't read the answers here, but we held back our very tall, bright summer birthday kid. No regrets. At one point in elementary school, it was suggested he skip second grade. We said no and for a brief moment I second guessed our decision. Now in high school, I am glad he had an extra year at home.

Something another mom said to me years ago, you may never know if you did the right thing (i.e. hold him back) but you will definitely know if you did the wrong thing - if you send him too early.

I don’t get this. You will know if holding back is wrong if your giant kid is bored in school and instead of being challenged is floating along thinking they’re so great when they’re just a year older. Then they get into the real world and aren’t as capable as they’d been led to believe.

Uh, okay. Thanks for making up this weird story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any personal experience being held back or pushed forward with summer birthdays? Looking for long-range views. Do the top schools skew older?

Haven't read the answers here, but we held back our very tall, bright summer birthday kid. No regrets. At one point in elementary school, it was suggested he skip second grade. We said no and for a brief moment I second guessed our decision. Now in high school, I am glad he had an extra year at home.

Something another mom said to me years ago, you may never know if you did the right thing (i.e. hold him back) but you will definitely know if you did the wrong thing - if you send him too early.

I don’t get this. You will know if holding back is wrong if your giant kid is bored in school and instead of being challenged is floating along thinking they’re so great when they’re just a year older. Then they get into the real world and aren’t as capable as they’d been led to believe.

Confidence goes a long way toward success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any personal experience being held back or pushed forward with summer birthdays? Looking for long-range views. Do the top schools skew older?

My kid has a summer birthday and is 13 in 7th grade. He got teased for being "so old" in the lower grades, which was annoying, but the older they all get, the less often it happens. Academically and socially, he fits in just fine with his classmates -- and most of them turned or are turning 13 this year anyway.

And hey, he'll be the first in his group to turn 21 in college.

I’m confused. Wouldn’t a summer birthday make him young for the grade?

If you are 13 at the start of 7th grade you are older than almost all the other kids. My son has a spring birthday and turned 13 two months before 7th grade ended.
I had an early June birthday and was always one of the youngest in my grade. I was fine.

Were you at an independent school? I’m thinking no. In independent schools starting 7th at 13 is completely normal and does not at all mean that you will be older than “almost all the other kids”.

OP, the classroom and balance is NOT THE SAME at public schools, so before you take anyone’s experience as instructive, make sure you’re comparing apples to apples. Public and parochial school experiences are not relevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any personal experience being held back or pushed forward with summer birthdays? Looking for long-range views. Do the top schools skew older?

Haven't read the answers here, but we held back our very tall, bright summer birthday kid. No regrets. At one point in elementary school, it was suggested he skip second grade. We said no and for a brief moment I second guessed our decision. Now in high school, I am glad he had an extra year at home.

Something another mom said to me years ago, you may never know if you did the right thing (i.e. hold him back) but you will definitely know if you did the wrong thing - if you send him too early.

I don’t get this. You will know if holding back is wrong if your giant kid is bored in school and instead of being challenged is floating along thinking they’re so great when they’re just a year older. Then they get into the real world and aren’t as capable as they’d been led to believe.

You know it's not just one kid older with a summer birthday and a class full of late spring birthdays, right? Plenty of kids in the fall are within a few weeks/months of the "giant kid". So this kid is not a year older than everyone else since that's not how this works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an Aug daughter and she first was enrolled in a public kinder and then private kinder.

All kids are difference and few redshirt girls, but I am so thankful we did. DD is doing great in every aspect of elementary and is thriving as one of the older students in class. She’s confident and doing well academically without it finding it too easy. We made this choice bc I was a very young child for my class and always felt like I was trying to keep up. Also, I’m a teacher. Older students tend to have less issues with executive functioning and overall do better in the classroom. Good luck, OP!

This may be a tangent, but if out of a classroom of, let's say, first graders, the only first graders who are really excelling and keeping up in terms of executive functioning are the ones who were either held back a year or the very oldest in the grade... then maybe it's not the children who are the issue, it's how the grade is being taught and how the children in the grade are being expected to act.

-Mom of a boy who started K a few weeks after turning 5, because he was smart and tall and social and ready, and is in the "advanced" ELA and math groups, who has to keep hearing from the teacher how he has trouble getting his right supplies out at the right times (this is something he needs to do himself without prompting throughout the day apparently) and how he has trouble sitting still 40 minutes into the 50 minute direct instruction ELA lesson. Like, no shit lady. Make kindergarten expectations more age appropriate and then get back to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an Aug daughter and she first was enrolled in a public kinder and then private kinder.

All kids are difference and few redshirt girls, but I am so thankful we did. DD is doing great in every aspect of elementary and is thriving as one of the older students in class. She’s confident and doing well academically without it finding it too easy. We made this choice bc I was a very young child for my class and always felt like I was trying to keep up. Also, I’m a teacher. Older students tend to have less issues with executive functioning and overall do better in the classroom. Good luck, OP!

This may be a tangent, but if out of a classroom of, let's say, first graders, the only first graders who are really excelling and keeping up in terms of executive functioning are the ones who were either held back a year or the very oldest in the grade... then maybe it's not the children who are the issue, it's how the grade is being taught and how the children in the grade are being expected to act.

-Mom of a boy who started K a few weeks after turning 5, because he was smart and tall and social and ready, and is in the "advanced" ELA and math groups, who has to keep hearing from the teacher how he has trouble getting his right supplies out at the right times (this is something he needs to do himself without prompting throughout the day apparently) and how he has trouble sitting still 40 minutes into the 50 minute direct instruction ELA lesson. Like, no shit lady. Make kindergarten expectations more age appropriate and then get back to me.

The expectations are unreasonable if they are judging 5 year olds against 6-7 year olds who were held back and too old for the grade. Your child was developmentally appropriate but those teachers were not good teachers and were unreasonable. A 6 year old who is held back is less mature than a 5 year old going on time as they are held to a 5 year old standard which isn't developmentally appropriate for a 6 year old. Your kid who is older isn't smarter or more mature, they are older. Smart kids will do well in any situation.

[Anonymous]

My recently adopted daughter (international adoption) has a summer birthday and turned 11 before starting fifth grade this year. I was worried that she'd be the oldest, but she's not! In the fall there was one nine-year-old and a bunch of 10s and 11s; at this point there are a few 10s and a lot of 11s. It's not an issue.

To those who have sounded scornful about 18-year-old seniors and 19-year-old college freshmen, please remember that you may not always know who's adopted, who spent time in foster care, who had medical issues as a young child, etc. etc. etc. Just be glad for them that they're in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an Aug daughter and she first was enrolled in a public kinder and then private kinder.

All kids are difference and few redshirt girls, but I am so thankful we did. DD is doing great in every aspect of elementary and is thriving as one of the older students in class. She’s confident and doing well academically without it finding it too easy. We made this choice bc I was a very young child for my class and always felt like I was trying to keep up. Also, I’m a teacher. Older students tend to have less issues with executive functioning and overall do better in the classroom. Good luck, OP!

This may be a tangent, but if out of a classroom of, let's say, first graders, the only first graders who are really excelling and keeping up in terms of executive functioning are the ones who were either held back a year or the very oldest in the grade... then maybe it's not the children who are the issue, it's how the grade is being taught and how the children in the grade are being expected to act.

-Mom of a boy who started K a few weeks after turning 5, because he was smart and tall and social and ready, and is in the "advanced" ELA and math groups, who has to keep hearing from the teacher how he has trouble getting his right supplies out at the right times (this is something he needs to do himself without prompting throughout the day apparently) and how he has trouble sitting still 40 minutes into the 50 minute direct instruction ELA lesson. Like, no shit lady. Make kindergarten expectations more age appropriate and then get back to me.

The expectations are unreasonable if they are judging 5 year olds against 6-7 year olds who were held back and too old for the grade. Your child was developmentally appropriate but those teachers were not good teachers and were unreasonable. A 6 year old who is held back is less mature than a 5 year old going on time as they are held to a 5 year old standard which isn't developmentally appropriate for a 6 year old. Your kid who is older isn't smarter or more mature, they are older. Smart kids will do well in any situation.

Spoken as someone with an incredibly shallow definition of “smart” as well as what it means to “do well”.

Tangent-mom, was this a public or independent school?