Holding kids back (June/July/August bday)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about all of these posts is that you don't have a do-over. These children could have had awkward social years even if they had been held back AND they would have been academically bored.
It's crazy to me to think that so many parents believe that if only they had held their kids back a year that they would not face any struggle, academic or social. That is simply not the case. It's the anxiety of DCUM parents with private school kids to think that they can, or could have, controlled their kids' outcomes by making the "right" decisions. And then, to tell other parents with such unfounded affirmation that this is what they should do is frankly hubristic. You have no idea if your kids' lives would have been better or even worse if you had held your kids back. None.
OP, trust the experts - trust the preschool teachers and the admissions officers who have worked with hundreds if not thousands of kids over the course of their professional careers. If they think your kid would be better off going to school on time, follow their advice. Or at least think long and hard about why you think your opinion ought to outweigh their years of experience.

PP, I don't entirely disagree with you, particularly when you are talking about private school admissions officers.

However. for the vast majority of children, recommendations are made based on academic readiness demonstrated in pre-school by teachers who have no expertise such areas as adolescent child development. The majority of kids with summer birthdays will probably be fine starting school on time. However, there is a subset of kids with a variety of issues, whether it is special needs, small size, socially immature, poor executive function skills, that may benefit from an extra year.

No one is saying that the extra year will pave a perfect, obstacle free path for a child. But certain aspects of a child's experience, particularly in the difficult middle school year, might be easier if the child starts later. As an example, my son, who teachers thought was ready to start on time, was in the less than 5th percentile for height and weight. Being the youngest in the class and not reaching puberty until sophomore year of high school was incredibly difficult and made it difficult to connect with his peers.

It isn't just about academics.

If your kid attends a high quality preschool that often "feeds" into top private schools, your preschool teachers will know a lot more about child development that you as a parent. Also, I have never heard of a good preschool that judges solely on academic readiness. None. Maybe they did this twenty years ago, but the best preschools are all about social-emotional learning, not about academics. These preschools also have relationships with private schools and would be informed as to the qualities they are looking for in children (and their families).

As for red-shirting due to size, particularly, for boys, it is again impossible to know with any certainty if holding your kid back will help. There are some boys who will always be small and they'll struggle no matter if they are young or old for their class.