What is sex like with your spouse after an affair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I can say is bonding intimacy is real

Yes. Best sex of our lives. Hysterical bonding post-affair is real. It hasn’t let up in 10 months. It’s like we are 25 again and can’t get enough of each other. Sometimes more than once a day. Much more intimate outside of the bedroom too.

Personally, even though I was having sex with my spouse after his affair, it didn’t feeling “bonding” to me, it felt rape-y. That is what I felt like every time he asked me for sex - pressured because I was economically entwined with him, afraid if I said no he would just get angry and continue sleeping around, and unsafe because I consented to monogamous sex and I was never sure I was getting it. Sex felt very rape-y to me and was no longer a healthy thing for me. I felt gross afterward. I constantly thought about how I could engineer the end of the evening so he would go to bed and go to sleep before me. But, then he would finally go to sleep and then I would go to sleep and I would wake to find him fondly me and pressing me for sex in the middle of the night which felt ... rape-y.

Needless to say, I dumped him. He seemed surprised and upset that I would end it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I can say is bonding intimacy is real

Yes. Best sex of our lives. Hysterical bonding post-affair is real. It hasn’t let up in 10 months. It’s like we are 25 again and can’t get enough of each other. Sometimes more than once a day. Much more intimate outside of the bedroom too.

I don't understand. Don't you feel pathetic? How do you convince yourself that he loves you or that he's worth loving?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I can say is bonding intimacy is real

Yes. Best sex of our lives. Hysterical bonding post-affair is real. It hasn’t let up in 10 months. It’s like we are 25 again and can’t get enough of each other. Sometimes more than once a day. Much more intimate outside of the bedroom too.

I don't understand. Don't you feel pathetic? How do you convince yourself that he loves you or that he's worth loving?

No. Not at all. He ended it and did a ton of therapy, still in therapy. We had a very good 25 years together. He was totally forthcoming. He was monogamous for 23 years prior. That’s a pretty big deal right there. Not a serial or repeat cheater. He signed a generous post-nup, got a vasectomy and testing. It was a long process. I threw him out of the house initially and refused couples therapy. He had thorough testing. He went immediately and again 60 days later. I didn’t touch him during that time. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do, but every day he showed up with great remorse and transparency and is determined to fight for me and our family.

We have a great family. He’s a great father and a good husband that made an awful mistake that he’s been paying for and making up for ever since.

I have my own career so I’m not in it for the $. His was more of the every 6 week, no contact type thing in between. Not a woman he saw frequently and sent constant messages, etc.

I’m not throwing a family/marriage future in the trash and messing up my kids’ lives for a man that shows through his daily actions that he loves us and will do anything.

People shaming women and men for staying are a big problem. I’m certainly not a victim and don’t really give a sh@t what anyone else thinks. It’s my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I can say is bonding intimacy is real

Yes. Best sex of our lives. Hysterical bonding post-affair is real. It hasn’t let up in 10 months. It’s like we are 25 again and can’t get enough of each other. Sometimes more than once a day. Much more intimate outside of the bedroom too.

I don't understand. Don't you feel pathetic? How do you convince yourself that he loves you or that he's worth loving?

No. Not at all. He ended it and did a ton of therapy, still in therapy. We had a very good 25 years together. He was totally forthcoming. He was monogamous for 23 years prior. That’s a pretty big deal right there. Not a serial or repeat cheater. He signed a generous post-nup, got a vasectomy and testing. It was a long process. I threw him out of the house initially and refused couples therapy. He had thorough testing. He went immediately and again 60 days later. I didn’t touch him during that time. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do, but every day he showed up with great remorse and transparency and is determined to fight for me and our family.

We have a great family. He’s a great father and a good husband that made an awful mistake that he’s been paying for and making up for ever since.

I have my own career so I’m not in it for the $. His was more of the every 6 week, no contact type thing in between. Not a woman he saw frequently and sent constant messages, etc.

I’m not throwing a family/marriage future in the trash and messing up my kids’ lives for a man that shows through his daily actions that he loves us and will do anything.

People shaming women and men for staying are a big problem. I’m certainly not a victim and don’t really give a sh@t what anyone else thinks. It’s my life.

Similar to my story. I would never admit it to my spouse, but in some ways the affair ultimately made our marriage better than ever and we are closer now (it’s 5 years post-affair). It blew up our lives and made him see what he really wanted and he got in to therapy to address issues he had with poor coping and childhood issues. We went into couples therapy and communicate so much better now. We now sleep wrapped around one another and cuddle on the couch. We get asked for marriage advice frequently (married 30 years) by friends that have no idea about his affair. Midlife some people get messed up.

[Anonymous]

^ he also took on much more of the workload at home and with kids and became more invested. He’s less stressed and I no longer just do it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I can say is bonding intimacy is real

Yes. Best sex of our lives. Hysterical bonding post-affair is real. It hasn’t let up in 10 months. It’s like we are 25 again and can’t get enough of each other. Sometimes more than once a day. Much more intimate outside of the bedroom too.

I don't understand. Don't you feel pathetic? How do you convince yourself that he loves you or that he's worth loving?

No. Not at all. He ended it and did a ton of therapy, still in therapy. We had a very good 25 years together. He was totally forthcoming. He was monogamous for 23 years prior. That’s a pretty big deal right there. Not a serial or repeat cheater. He signed a generous post-nup, got a vasectomy and testing. It was a long process. I threw him out of the house initially and refused couples therapy. He had thorough testing. He went immediately and again 60 days later. I didn’t touch him during that time. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do, but every day he showed up with great remorse and transparency and is determined to fight for me and our family.

We have a great family. He’s a great father and a good husband that made an awful mistake that he’s been paying for and making up for ever since.

I have my own career so I’m not in it for the $. His was more of the every 6 week, no contact type thing in between. Not a woman he saw frequently and sent constant messages, etc.

I’m not throwing a family/marriage future in the trash and messing up my kids’ lives for a man that shows through his daily actions that he loves us and will do anything.

People shaming women and men for staying are a big problem. I’m certainly not a victim and don’t really give a sh@t what anyone else thinks. It’s my life.

Aren't you the one whose husband used Ashley Madison and who hacked his iPhone location while he met up with her at lunchtime?

[Anonymous]

Exhilarating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:AP had more body image issues so was as free at times. More self-conscious. It was variety, but certain dirty things were reserved for my wife. I wouldn’t do with somebody that had a lot of men in her marriage.

Truthfully, never compared the two. I didn’t think of one when I was with the other. I still had good sex with my wife during the affair.

It was a relief when I ended the affair, like a weight lifted and all the stress from hiding it. It took a toll over time.

Totally this. But I'm still left not wanting sex with spouse. Not attracted to them.

[Anonymous]

Every affair is different; different types. Every cheater and every marriage is different. The motivation and what the cheater does after the affair—if he/she ended it. If they want to change. What the marriage was like prior to cheating all come into play. People put their situation on everyone else’s. You can’t. No situation is similar.

[Anonymous]

Sex with spouse and AP are totally different. With AP it's like a carnal, primal blur. With spouse, when it happens, which is rare, it's like a comfortable feeling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I can say is bonding intimacy is real

Yes. Best sex of our lives. Hysterical bonding post-affair is real. It hasn’t let up in 10 months. It’s like we are 25 again and can’t get enough of each other. Sometimes more than once a day. Much more intimate outside of the bedroom too.

I don't understand. Don't you feel pathetic? How do you convince yourself that he loves you or that he's worth loving?

No. Not at all. He ended it and did a ton of therapy, still in therapy. We had a very good 25 years together. He was totally forthcoming. He was monogamous for 23 years prior. That’s a pretty big deal right there. Not a serial or repeat cheater. He signed a generous post-nup, got a vasectomy and testing. It was a long process. I threw him out of the house initially and refused couples therapy. He had thorough testing. He went immediately and again 60 days later. I didn’t touch him during that time. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do, but every day he showed up with great remorse and transparency and is determined to fight for me and our family.

We have a great family. He’s a great father and a good husband that made an awful mistake that he’s been paying for and making up for ever since.

I have my own career so I’m not in it for the $. His was more of the every 6 week, no contact type thing in between. Not a woman he saw frequently and sent constant messages, etc.

I’m not throwing a family/marriage future in the trash and messing up my kids’ lives for a man that shows through his daily actions that he loves us and will do anything.

People shaming women and men for staying are a big problem. I’m certainly not a victim and don’t really give a sh@t what anyone else thinks. It’s my life.

Aren't you the one whose husband used Ashley Madison and who hacked his iPhone location while he met up with her at lunchtime?

At least she’s stable now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I can say is bonding intimacy is real

Yes. Best sex of our lives. Hysterical bonding post-affair is real. It hasn’t let up in 10 months. It’s like we are 25 again and can’t get enough of each other. Sometimes more than once a day. Much more intimate outside of the bedroom too.

I don't understand. Don't you feel pathetic? How do you convince yourself that he loves you or that he's worth loving?

No. Not at all. He ended it and did a ton of therapy, still in therapy. We had a very good 25 years together. He was totally forthcoming. He was monogamous for 23 years prior. That’s a pretty big deal right there. Not a serial or repeat cheater. He signed a generous post-nup, got a vasectomy and testing. It was a long process. I threw him out of the house initially and refused couples therapy. He had thorough testing. He went immediately and again 60 days later. I didn’t touch him during that time. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do, but every day he showed up with great remorse and transparency and is determined to fight for me and our family.

We have a great family. He’s a great father and a good husband that made an awful mistake that he’s been paying for and making up for ever since.

I have my own career so I’m not in it for the $. His was more of the every 6 week, no contact type thing in between. Not a woman he saw frequently and sent constant messages, etc.

I’m not throwing a family/marriage future in the trash and messing up my kids’ lives for a man that shows through his daily actions that he loves us and will do anything.

People shaming women and men for staying are a big problem. I’m certainly not a victim and don’t really give a sh@t what anyone else thinks. It’s my life.

Aren't you the one whose husband used Ashley Madison and who hacked his iPhone location while he met up with her at lunchtime?

At least she’s stable now.

Well, if it is her, she's a liar, because she's said previously that she was divorcing him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I can say is bonding intimacy is real

Yes. Best sex of our lives. Hysterical bonding post-affair is real. It hasn’t let up in 10 months. It’s like we are 25 again and can’t get enough of each other. Sometimes more than once a day. Much more intimate outside of the bedroom too.

I don't understand. Don't you feel pathetic? How do you convince yourself that he loves you or that he's worth loving?

No. Not at all. He ended it and did a ton of therapy, still in therapy. We had a very good 25 years together. He was totally forthcoming. He was monogamous for 23 years prior. That’s a pretty big deal right there. Not a serial or repeat cheater. He signed a generous post-nup, got a vasectomy and testing. It was a long process. I threw him out of the house initially and refused couples therapy. He had thorough testing. He went immediately and again 60 days later. I didn’t touch him during that time. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do, but every day he showed up with great remorse and transparency and is determined to fight for me and our family.

We have a great family. He’s a great father and a good husband that made an awful mistake that he’s been paying for and making up for ever since.

I have my own career so I’m not in it for the $. His was more of the every 6 week, no contact type thing in between. Not a woman he saw frequently and sent constant messages, etc.

I’m not throwing a family/marriage future in the trash and messing up my kids’ lives for a man that shows through his daily actions that he loves us and will do anything.

People shaming women and men for staying are a big problem. I’m certainly not a victim and don’t really give a sh@t what anyone else thinks. It’s my life.

Aren't you the one whose husband used Ashley Madison and who hacked his iPhone location while he met up with her at lunchtime?

At least she’s stable now.

Well, if it is her, she's a liar, because she's said previously that she was divorcing him.

Sounds like the sex is amazing. Jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I can say is bonding intimacy is real

Yes. Best sex of our lives. Hysterical bonding post-affair is real. It hasn’t let up in 10 months. It’s like we are 25 again and can’t get enough of each other. Sometimes more than once a day. Much more intimate outside of the bedroom too.

I don't understand. Don't you feel pathetic? How do you convince yourself that he loves you or that he's worth loving?

No. Not at all. He ended it and did a ton of therapy, still in therapy. We had a very good 25 years together. He was totally forthcoming. He was monogamous for 23 years prior. That’s a pretty big deal right there. Not a serial or repeat cheater. He signed a generous post-nup, got a vasectomy and testing. It was a long process. I threw him out of the house initially and refused couples therapy. He had thorough testing. He went immediately and again 60 days later. I didn’t touch him during that time. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do, but every day he showed up with great remorse and transparency and is determined to fight for me and our family.

We have a great family. He’s a great father and a good husband that made an awful mistake that he’s been paying for and making up for ever since.

I have my own career so I’m not in it for the $. His was more of the every 6 week, no contact type thing in between. Not a woman he saw frequently and sent constant messages, etc.

I’m not throwing a family/marriage future in the trash and messing up my kids’ lives for a man that shows through his daily actions that he loves us and will do anything.

People shaming women and men for staying are a big problem. I’m certainly not a victim and don’t really give a sh@t what anyone else thinks. It’s my life.

Aren't you the one whose husband used Ashley Madison and who hacked his iPhone location while he met up with her at lunchtime?

At least she’s stable now.

Well, if it is her, she's a liar, because she's said previously that she was divorcing him.

Sounds like the sex is amazing. Jealous.

Yeah. Sigh. My husband is good for once every other month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I can say is bonding intimacy is real

Yes. Best sex of our lives. Hysterical bonding post-affair is real. It hasn’t let up in 10 months. It’s like we are 25 again and can’t get enough of each other. Sometimes more than once a day. Much more intimate outside of the bedroom too.

I don't understand. Don't you feel pathetic? How do you convince yourself that he loves you or that he's worth loving?

No. Not at all. He ended it and did a ton of therapy, still in therapy. We had a very good 25 years together. He was totally forthcoming. He was monogamous for 23 years prior. That’s a pretty big deal right there. Not a serial or repeat cheater. He signed a generous post-nup, got a vasectomy and testing. It was a long process. I threw him out of the house initially and refused couples therapy. He had thorough testing. He went immediately and again 60 days later. I didn’t touch him during that time. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do, but every day he showed up with great remorse and transparency and is determined to fight for me and our family.

We have a great family. He’s a great father and a good husband that made an awful mistake that he’s been paying for and making up for ever since.

I have my own career so I’m not in it for the $. His was more of the every 6 week, no contact type thing in between. Not a woman he saw frequently and sent constant messages, etc.

I’m not throwing a family/marriage future in the trash and messing up my kids’ lives for a man that shows through his daily actions that he loves us and will do anything.

People shaming women and men for staying are a big problem. I’m certainly not a victim and don’t really give a sh@t what anyone else thinks. It’s my life.

Aren't you the one whose husband used Ashley Madison and who hacked his iPhone location while he met up with her at lunchtime?

At least she’s stable now.

Well, if it is her, she's a liar, because she's said previously that she was divorcing him.

Yeah, but that was clearly what she was going to do. Anything that snuffs out her insanity she’s put out here is good. Plus it’ll be interesting to see how she tries to make up new details when he does it again because his mom/his therapist/his (new) loser AP force him to fail her again. It’s gonna be hard to make up the new details, again.