Reply to What is sex like with your spouse after an affair?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]All I can say is bonding intimacy is real[/quote]

Yes. Best sex of our lives.  Hysterical bonding post-affair is real.  It hasn’t let up in 10 months. It’s like we are 25 again and can’t get enough of each other.  Sometimes more than once a day.  Much more intimate outside of the bedroom too.  [/quote]

I don't understand.  Don't you feel pathetic?  How do you convince yourself that he loves you or that he's worth loving?[/quote]

No.  Not at all.  He ended it and did a ton of therapy, still in therapy.  We had a very good 25 years together.  He was totally forthcoming.  He was monogamous for 23 years prior.  That’s a pretty big deal right there.  Not a serial or repeat cheater.  He signed a generous post-nup, got a vasectomy and testing.  It was a long process.  I threw him out of the house initially and refused couples therapy.  He had thorough testing.  He went immediately and again 60 days later. I didn’t touch him during that time.  I wasn’t sure what I was going to do, but every day he showed up with great remorse and transparency and is determined to fight for me and our family.

We have a great family.  He’s a great father and a good husband that made an awful mistake that he’s been paying for and making up for ever since.

I have my own career so I’m not in it for the $.  His was more of the every 6 week, no contact type thing in between. Not a woman he saw frequently and sent constant messages, etc.

I’m not throwing a family/marriage future in the trash and messing up my kids’ lives for a man that shows through his daily actions that he loves us and will do anything.

People shaming women and men for staying are a big problem.  I’m certainly not a victim and don’t really give a sh@t what anyone else thinks.  It’s my life.[/quote]

Similar to my story.  I would never admit it to my spouse, but in some ways the affair ultimately made our marriage better than ever and we are closer now (it’s 5 years post-affair).  It blew up our lives and made him see what he really wanted and he got in to therapy to address issues he had with poor coping and childhood issues.  We went into couples therapy and communicate so much better now.  We now sleep wrapped around one another and cuddle on the couch.  We get asked for marriage advice frequently (married 30 years) by friends that have no idea about his affair.  Midlife some people get messed up.[/quote]

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