Why are some woman okay with being “the other woman”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The women I've known who do this have really low self-esteem.

+1

The one woman I know who knowingly does this is deeply, deeply insecure. She claims that she hates commitment but it's pretty obvious she is afraid or feels like she's not worthy of someone committing to her, so she lacks the self respect to seek out a 'normal' (for lack of a better word) relationship. It's like she thinks that by a married man choosing her and spending all this time and money on her she is showing that she's more worthy or something because they are 'choosing her' and risking so much to be with her, which doesn't make sense to me, but that's the sense I get.

But to the PPs talking about 30 minutes in the back of a car, the woman I'm thinking of often meets them on business trips and they fly to see her and stay with her for a week at a time, buy her expensive gifts, etc. Sorry to burst your bubble that all affairs are quickies in motel lots, but plenty of husbands are spending time, money, and energy on the OW/AP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because the 80/20 dating rule is true. And that top 20% of men are always married.

Why do any in the top 20% get divorced, then?

I love when moron math gets involved in this stupid fackin threads. More, please.

[Anonymous]

When I was young and single and hadn't met my husband, I worked with two gorgeous 50 something former models who both exclusively dated married men. I found out on accident, but it was an open secret. Both of these women were done with marriage (one had been married 3x) and both were certainly at the top of the food chain for their age group. They wanted to be single and they were interested in an affair rather than a real relationship because they wanted all of the courting, sex, excitement and none of the hard stuff that comes in a true relationship. A married guy already has that person so he was preferred.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my good friends is now doing this for the second time. I don’t get it because she could do so much better. She’s pretty, great career, etc. yet she finds herself being the other woman for now a second time. Please help me understand. Finding it more difficult to hear her vent because I just don’t understand it.

Look closely at how her dad abused her in her childhood. That is the clue to why women get into such positions even when they are not sex-trafficed. They consider themselves soiled goods and so don't care if a non-relative male disrespects them. In fact they see it as a form of love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my good friends is now doing this for the second time. I don’t get it because she could do so much better. She’s pretty, great career, etc. yet she finds herself being the other woman for now a second time. Please help me understand. Finding it more difficult to hear her vent because I just don’t understand it.

Look closely at how her dad abused her in her childhood. That is the clue to why women get into such positions even when they are not sex-trafficed. They consider themselves soiled goods and so don't care if a non-relative male disrespects them. In fact they see it as a form of love.

Shut up, you pathetic, sexist, wannabe Freud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my good friends is now doing this for the second time. I don’t get it because she could do so much better. She’s pretty, great career, etc. yet she finds herself being the other woman for now a second time. Please help me understand. Finding it more difficult to hear her vent because I just don’t understand it.

I mean the obvious answer is that she falls for men above her grade, and men of that caliber are only willing to sleep with her but not marry her. For whatever reason, she thinks that men of her grade (available and interested in marrying her) are beneath her. Many women start from the position of overestimating their worth as a partner but most usually adjust their vision in time.

BINGO!!! WE have a winner. Ashley Madison is filled with women that are screwing men that would never give them a second look on the free and open market. They get to bang the HS homecoming king/quarterback and pay back all of the girls they are jealous of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my good friends is now doing this for the second time. I don’t get it because she could do so much better. She’s pretty, great career, etc. yet she finds herself being the other woman for now a second time. Please help me understand. Finding it more difficult to hear her vent because I just don’t understand it.

I mean the obvious answer is that she falls for men above her grade, and men of that caliber are only willing to sleep with her but not marry her. For whatever reason, she thinks that men of her grade (available and interested in marrying her) are beneath her. Many women start from the position of overestimating their worth as a partner but most usually adjust their vision in time.

Grade? What is this, India? What caste system do you live in? Do you mean "rich"? Because a cheaters "grade" would be low, in my book.

You may resist the idea but there are grades on the dating market. I mean George Clooney wouldn't date you, and you wouldn't date the guy who hangs your drywall so that's that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was young and single and hadn't met my husband, I worked with two gorgeous 50 something former models who both exclusively dated married men. I found out on accident, but it was an open secret. Both of these women were done with marriage (one had been married 3x) and both were certainly at the top of the food chain for their age group. They wanted to be single and they were interested in an affair rather than a real relationship because they wanted all of the courting, sex, excitement and none of the hard stuff that comes in a true relationship. A married guy already has that person so he was preferred.

You have watched to much 'Emily in Paris'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was young and single and hadn't met my husband, I worked with two gorgeous 50 something former models who both exclusively dated married men. I found out on accident, but it was an open secret. Both of these women were done with marriage (one had been married 3x) and both were certainly at the top of the food chain for their age group. They wanted to be single and they were interested in an affair rather than a real relationship because they wanted all of the courting, sex, excitement and none of the hard stuff that comes in a true relationship. A married guy already has that person so he was preferred.

You have watched to much 'Emily in Paris'.

^too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my good friends is now doing this for the second time. I don’t get it because she could do so much better. She’s pretty, great career, etc. yet she finds herself being the other woman for now a second time. Please help me understand. Finding it more difficult to hear her vent because I just don’t understand it.

I mean the obvious answer is that she falls for men above her grade, and men of that caliber are only willing to sleep with her but not marry her. For whatever reason, she thinks that men of her grade (available and interested in marrying her) are beneath her. Many women start from the position of overestimating their worth as a partner but most usually adjust their vision in time.

Grade? What is this, India? What caste system do you live in? Do you mean "rich"? Because a cheaters "grade" would be low, in my book.

You may resist the idea but there are grades on the dating market. I mean George Clooney wouldn't date you, and you wouldn't date the guy who hangs your drywall so that's that.

Friend actually has said there is no way he would date her if they were single. She is very jealous of the wife who is prettier, more successful and has what she wants. It's almost like a vengance f*ck for some of these women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my good friends is now doing this for the second time. I don’t get it because she could do so much better. She’s pretty, great career, etc. yet she finds herself being the other woman for now a second time. Please help me understand. Finding it more difficult to hear her vent because I just don’t understand it.

I mean the obvious answer is that she falls for men above her grade, and men of that caliber are only willing to sleep with her but not marry her. For whatever reason, she thinks that men of her grade (available and interested in marrying her) are beneath her. Many women start from the position of overestimating their worth as a partner but most usually adjust their vision in time.

Grade? What is this, India? What caste system do you live in? Do you mean "rich"? Because a cheaters "grade" would be low, in my book.

You may resist the idea but there are grades on the dating market. I mean George Clooney wouldn't date you, and you wouldn't date the guy who hangs your drywall so that's that.

Yes, but in your metrics you seem to imply that a cheating lying man is of a high grade. I disagree with you. Yes, I'm a good looking trust fund brat who is not a cheating lying man with a wife at home, I definitely would date, but never marry or partner with the drywall guy. I mean, if he was hot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my good friends is now doing this for the second time. I don’t get it because she could do so much better. She’s pretty, great career, etc. yet she finds herself being the other woman for now a second time. Please help me understand. Finding it more difficult to hear her vent because I just don’t understand it.

I mean the obvious answer is that she falls for men above her grade, and men of that caliber are only willing to sleep with her but not marry her. For whatever reason, she thinks that men of her grade (available and interested in marrying her) are beneath her. Many women start from the position of overestimating their worth as a partner but most usually adjust their vision in time.

Grade? What is this, India? What caste system do you live in? Do you mean "rich"? Because a cheaters "grade" would be low, in my book.

You may resist the idea but there are grades on the dating market. I mean George Clooney wouldn't date you, and you wouldn't date the guy who hangs your drywall so that's that.

Friend actually has said there is no way he would date her if they were single. She is very jealous of the wife who is prettier, more successful and has what she wants. It's almost like a vengance f*ck for some of these women.

The wife is happier and has what she wants in a cheating husband? Aim higher, darling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The women I've known who do this have really low self-esteem.

+1

The one woman I know who knowingly does this is deeply, deeply insecure. She claims that she hates commitment but it's pretty obvious she is afraid or feels like she's not worthy of someone committing to her, so she lacks the self respect to seek out a 'normal' (for lack of a better word) relationship. It's like she thinks that by a married man choosing her and spending all this time and money on her she is showing that she's more worthy or something because they are 'choosing her' and risking so much to be with her, which doesn't make sense to me, but that's the sense I get.

But to the PPs talking about 30 minutes in the back of a car, the woman I'm thinking of often meets them on business trips and they fly to see her and stay with her for a week at a time, buy her expensive gifts, etc. Sorry to burst your bubble that all affairs are quickies in motel lots, but plenty of husbands are spending time, money, and energy on the OW/AP.

And, in this day and age, with Internet and the pool so willing...many men are offering up almost nothing. That's even more pathetic. But-these are usually older, married women that resort to screwing for kibbles.

[Anonymous]

If you have to resort to 'dating' married men, you aren't high value.

[Anonymous]

It really depends on the individual, OP. I would never make a blanket judgement.