Why are some woman okay with being “the other woman”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The women I've known who do this have really low self-esteem.

+1

The one woman I know who knowingly does this is deeply, deeply insecure. She claims that she hates commitment but it's pretty obvious she is afraid or feels like she's not worthy of someone committing to her, so she lacks the self respect to seek out a 'normal' (for lack of a better word) relationship. It's like she thinks that by a married man choosing her and spending all this time and money on her she is showing that she's more worthy or something because they are 'choosing her' and risking so much to be with her, which doesn't make sense to me, but that's the sense I get.

But to the PPs talking about 30 minutes in the back of a car, the woman I'm thinking of often meets them on business trips and they fly to see her and stay with her for a week at a time, buy her expensive gifts, etc. Sorry to burst your bubble that all affairs are quickies in motel lots, but plenty of husbands are spending time, money, and energy on the OW/AP.

And, in this day and age, with Internet and the pool so willing...many men are offering up almost nothing. That's even more pathetic. But-these are usually older, married women that resort to screwing for kibbles.

Like old strippers, no longer headlining and dancing for pennies

[Anonymous]

These views are so misogynistic. I don't sleep with any man because of what I "get", I sleep with men because I am heterosexual and enjoy sex.

It is disgusting to see you rip women as all being gold diggers and pathetic wh0res with daddy issues, without one word to say about the lying, cheating married man.

[Anonymous]

I was the other woman when I first met my now DH. I was freshly separated and not looking for anything serious. We had instant chemistry and I hadn’t been intimate with my exH for years. I just wanted the thrill of being attracted to someone and that person desiring me. We had great sex and I would’ve been fine with that in the beginning.

I didn’t really think about his wife at all. He said they had a bad marriage and were no longer intimate. She was happy being a roommate and he wasn’t. A month after we met, now DH said he was leaving his wife. I didn’t ask him to. He decided on his own he’d had enough and was falling in love with me. He told his wife the following month and 6 months later their divorce was finalized. After I developed feeling for DH, I wouldn’t have been happy to remain the other woman. However, he didn’t want to hurt his wife, so we remained a secret while the divorce was pending. I didn’t mind as I didn’t want to cause her pain if it could be avoided. After his divorce he moved to live with me. No kids in their marriage so he just moved on with his life. We’re now married and happy together.

People have asked me if I’m worried he’ll cheat on me. It is always a possibility. I know now that if are no longer intimate that we shouldn’t be together. I’d hope we’d discuss and work on it. If we couldn’t fix it, then we should divorce. Life is too short to stay in a bad marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These views are so misogynistic. I don't sleep with any man because of what I "get", I sleep with men because I am heterosexual and enjoy sex.

It is disgusting to see you rip women as all being gold diggers and pathetic wh0res with daddy issues, without one word to say about the lying, cheating married man.

I suppose because that's a given. I consider BOTH to be all those things but basically they are bad people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my good friends is now doing this for the second time. I don’t get it because she could do so much better. She’s pretty, great career, etc. yet she finds herself being the other woman for now a second time. Please help me understand. Finding it more difficult to hear her vent because I just don’t understand it.

Look closely at how her dad abused her in her childhood. That is the clue to why women get into such positions even when they are not sex-trafficed. They consider themselves soiled goods and so don't care if a non-relative male disrespects them. In fact they see it as a form of love.

Shut up, you pathetic, sexist, wannabe Freud.

Someones triggered! PP is right it's a symptom of low self esteem for some reason, abuse in some form is not far off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't really get it -- but people have affairs, get divorced, get remarried all the time.

I don't think the blame is on the affair partner -- but that's an unpopular opinion on this board. I think the blame is on the person who is married.

Anyone knowingly screwing a married person is not blameless. I know it's an unpopular opinion in the OW/OM world. They didn't take vows, but what they are doing is taking part in harming an innocent person/family. A decent person wouldn't put themselves in that situation.

Yes that's it. When the other married spouse starts making trouble in their playground they cry foul. When you get involved with a married person you automatically invite their spouse to poop in your arena as well. Married people are off limits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't really get it -- but people have affairs, get divorced, get remarried all the time.

I don't think the blame is on the affair partner -- but that's an unpopular opinion on this board. I think the blame is on the person who is married.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've never slept with a married man, to my knowledge. That said, the sexism and judgement here is hilarious.

If I were to sleep with a married man it would not be because I thought he loved me and I loved the thrill, wouldnt be because of my daddy issues or deep emotional wounds......it would be because I wanted him, physically. I wanted to have sex with him and take him as a lover.

I'd love him going back home to get his ego massaged, his underwear washed, and his mothers christmas present bought from his wife, I have no time for such things.

For some weird reason, you clearly feel you're superior to his wife, who is there only to wash his underwear and buy his mother's christmas presents. You, on the other hand, are a great free spirit...something?

Not at all superior, just at a juncture where I can choose how I spend my time. I choose not to spend it on spousal duties for a man, so if another woman wanted to do that, awesome, I would not feel superior to her I would feel grateful to her. Anyway, I'm not sleeping with married men, so its a non issue. Was just presenting a different opinion than the "low self esteem, thrill of the danger, believes its LOOOVE, wants your man" narriative so often spun about the "other woman".

Whatever psychology is behind such a person, they are still treading in dangerous waters. Still makes them immoral and quite stupid. I think of the Gerardot murder, where that AP ignored all the red flags. Sadly if she had better morals she would be alive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't really get it -- but people have affairs, get divorced, get remarried all the time.

I don't think the blame is on the affair partner -- but that's an unpopular opinion on this board. I think the blame is on the person who is married.

+1

No it's not. It's on both the cheaters. However, it's always best to divorce the cheater. They were damaged goods to begin with, and I would find out why I missed the red flags if I married one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't really get it -- but people have affairs, get divorced, get remarried all the time.

I don't think the blame is on the affair partner -- but that's an unpopular opinion on this board. I think the blame is on the person who is married.

+1

No it's not. It's on both the cheaters. However, it's always best to divorce the cheater. They were damaged goods to begin with, and I would find out why I missed the red flags if I married one.

Sometimes they don’t cheat until 25 years in so you can’t really put that on someone that met and married by 30.

There are often zero red flags for midlife affairs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't really get it -- but people have affairs, get divorced, get remarried all the time.

I don't think the blame is on the affair partner -- but that's an unpopular opinion on this board. I think the blame is on the person who is married.

Anyone knowingly screwing a married person is not blameless. I know it's an unpopular opinion in the OW/OM world. They didn't take vows, but what they are doing is taking part in harming an innocent person/family. A decent person wouldn't put themselves in that situation.

Yes that's it. When the other married spouse starts making trouble in their playground they cry foul. When you get involved with a married person you automatically invite their spouse to poop in your arena as well. Married people are off limits.

You can’t control what anyone will do when they find out about the deceit. They are stupid for getting involved in someone else’s marriage and the spouse is an idiot for bringing a potential unstable person into it as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my good friends is now doing this for the second time. I don’t get it because she could do so much better. She’s pretty, great career, etc. yet she finds herself being the other woman for now a second time. Please help me understand. Finding it more difficult to hear her vent because I just don’t understand it.

Look closely at how her dad abused her in her childhood. That is the clue to why women get into such positions even when they are not sex-trafficed. They consider themselves soiled goods and so don't care if a non-relative male disrespects them. In fact they see it as a form of love.

Shut up, you pathetic, sexist, wannabe Freud.

Someones triggered! PP is right it's a symptom of low self esteem for some reason, abuse in some form is not far off.

Anyone decent is “triggered” by the misogyny in that post. Grow up for Christ’s sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've never slept with a married man, to my knowledge. That said, the sexism and judgement here is hilarious.

If I were to sleep with a married man it would not be because I thought he loved me and I loved the thrill, wouldnt be because of my daddy issues or deep emotional wounds......it would be because I wanted him, physically. I wanted to have sex with him and take him as a lover.

I'd love him going back home to get his ego massaged, his underwear washed, and his mothers christmas present bought from his wife, I have no time for such things.

For some weird reason, you clearly feel you're superior to his wife, who is there only to wash his underwear and buy his mother's christmas presents. You, on the other hand, are a great free spirit...something?

Not at all superior, just at a juncture where I can choose how I spend my time. I choose not to spend it on spousal duties for a man, so if another woman wanted to do that, awesome, I would not feel superior to her I would feel grateful to her. Anyway, I'm not sleeping with married men, so its a non issue. Was just presenting a different opinion than the "low self esteem, thrill of the danger, believes its LOOOVE, wants your man" narriative so often spun about the "other woman".

Whatever psychology is behind such a person, they are still treading in dangerous waters. Still makes them immoral and quite stupid. I think of the Gerardot murder, where that AP ignored all the red flags. Sadly if she had better morals she would be alive.

Yes, I can tell you’re really mourning her murder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't really get it -- but people have affairs, get divorced, get remarried all the time.

I don't think the blame is on the affair partner -- but that's an unpopular opinion on this board. I think the blame is on the person who is married.

+1

No it's not. It's on both the cheaters. However, it's always best to divorce the cheater. They were damaged goods to begin with, and I would find out why I missed the red flags if I married one.

Victim blamer! For shame! So wrong to ask why she married someone who cheated when nothing was her fault ever.

[Anonymous]

Low self esteem. Prior trauma.