Did you take revenge on a cheater or the other man/woman?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I sent the spouse an email. I don’t consider that revenge though. I wish someone had alerted me to the multi-year affair. He was completely in the dark too.

I beat the sh@t out of my ex-husband and would have liked to beat the shit out of her too, but didn’t want a police record. I put the family curse on her which has seemed to always work and will do it’s magic in due time.

I had lots of revenge fantasies which are quite common. But, ultimately, saw how fricking pathetic and gross they both were. Plus, he had dumped her very cruelly before I found out so wasting what little she had left before old age on thinking he was her ticket out of her marriage was revenge enough. She was left shattered and with her cover blown to her spouse. And with no means to support herself. Fun times.

Life is infinitely better now.

Wow. You sound as bad (if not worse) than they are. I guess you really did find your people PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every time I see people who revel in revenge so much, all I can think is “it’s no wonder you were cheated on.” You’re not the innocent party you try convince yourself you are.

Agree. You were an active part of the many reasons why your marriage was troubled. And it isn't victim blaming- it is acknowledging that marital problems are deeper than cheating. Cheating is a symptom of a bad marriage, not the cause.

Cheating has many different causes. It’s untrue it’s the case of a bad marriage. The majority of men cite their marriage as happy. Many are still having sex with their wives.

Therapists and psychologists have gotten away from blaming the marriage and the spouse.

Cheating #1 lies with the cheater and the problems they have inside of them that allows them to lie, gaslight and betray. It can range from mental illness, childhood trauma, sexual addiction, mental illness, narcissism, histrionic disorder, midlife crisis, depression, etc.

It’s not uncommon for a spouse to be 100% blindsided that there were any issues.

The treatment and recovery for betrayal is also changing as it is now seen that it can cause severe trauma. EMDR and other forms of ptsd-type treatment methods have some success.

It’s always about the cheater at the very base level of unable to communicate and the ability to compartmentalize and lie without guilt or feeling.

This is correct. Though I will say women cheaters are more apt to be looking for an exit/cite a bad marriage (also in sane studies), but the ones that cheat don’t have the character, education/career/finances to do the noble thing and initiate divorce first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I divorced him. I never once blamed the other woman - she meant nothing to me. He was the one who broke his vows to me, not her. I never even met her.

I never once lost my dignity which I do consider the best revenge. He was a crying mess.

Bravo👏🏻

This woman has class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every time I see people who revel in revenge so much, all I can think is “it’s no wonder you were cheated on.” You’re not the innocent party you try convince yourself you are.

It’s a primal wound. It brings out behavior that can be completely uncharacteristic.

But, anytime I read a statement like yours, I think “victim blaming”.

“Primal wound” is just a rationalization or excuse for bad behaviour, don’t kid yourself. Just like the straying spouse could use the “primal need” of sex or connection for their affair.

[Anonymous]

Life takes care of trash.

Cheaters are unhappy and continually look for outside fixes like strange D@ck to get to fix it. They will continue to be miserable because they never face the hard issues or deal with their underlying low self esteem or mental issues.

Karma will handle it.

If you live a life of lies and continual lily trying to remember your cover story, you will never have peace. They also can’t trust others because of the way they live their own lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I divorced him. I never once blamed the other woman - she meant nothing to me. He was the one who broke his vows to me, not her. I never even met her.

I never once lost my dignity which I do consider the best revenge. He was a crying mess.

Bravo👏🏻

This woman has class.

Yes. Unlike the cheaters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I divorced him. I never once blamed the other woman - she meant nothing to me. He was the one who broke his vows to me, not her. I never even met her.

I never once lost my dignity which I do consider the best revenge. He was a crying mess.

Bravo👏🏻

This woman has class.

Yes. Unlike the cheaters.

+1 Bending over for a married man in your husband’s bed or a Marriott Courtyard is definitely not class.

You are right to leave those scumbags alone.

Talk about pure trash. Leaving and entering separate, looking over your shoulder in the hotel parking lot. Downright hooker.

[Anonymous]

Agree. You were an active part of the many reasons why your marriage was troubled. And it isn't victim blaming- it is acknowledging that marital problems are deeper than cheating. Cheating is a symptom of a bad marriage, not the cause.

This is actually so uninformed that I question your intelligence. Cheating is most definitely not a symptom a bad marriage, it is a symptom of bad character. Many times, partners who cheat will admit their marriage was just fine - that’s why they are desperate to save it when the cheating is discovered. In an unhappy marriage that involves cheating, both partners are in the same marriage and one chose to cheat (the one with crappy coping skills).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every time I see people who revel in revenge so much, all I can think is “it’s no wonder you were cheated on.” You’re not the innocent party you try convince yourself you are.

Agree. You were an active part of the many reasons why your marriage was troubled. And it isn't victim blaming- it is acknowledging that marital problems are deeper than cheating. Cheating is a symptom of a bad marriage, not the cause.

Cheating has many different causes. It’s untrue it’s the case of a bad marriage. The majority of men cite their marriage as happy. Many are still having sex with their wives.

Therapists and psychologists have gotten away from blaming the marriage and the spouse.

Cheating #1 lies with the cheater and the problems they have inside of them that allows them to lie, gaslight and betray. It can range from mental illness, childhood trauma, sexual addiction, mental illness, narcissism, histrionic disorder, midlife crisis, depression, etc.

It’s not uncommon for a spouse to be 100% blindsided that there were any issues.

The treatment and recovery for betrayal is also changing as it is now seen that it can cause severe trauma. EMDR and other forms of ptsd-type treatment methods have some success.

It’s always about the cheater at the very base level of unable to communicate and the ability to compartmentalize and lie without guilt or feeling.

This is correct. Though I will say women cheaters are more apt to be looking for an exit/cite a bad marriage (also in sane studies), but the ones that cheat don’t have the character, education/career/finances to do the noble thing and initiate divorce first.

All true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Agree. You were an active part of the many reasons why your marriage was troubled. And it isn't victim blaming- it is acknowledging that marital problems are deeper than cheating. Cheating is a symptom of a bad marriage, not the cause.

This is actually so uninformed that I question your intelligence. Cheating is most definitely not a symptom a bad marriage, it is a symptom of bad character. Many times, partners who cheat will admit their marriage was just fine - that’s why they are desperate to save it when the cheating is discovered. In an unhappy marriage that involves cheating, both partners are in the same marriage and one chose to cheat (the one with crappy coping skills).

Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I divorced him. I never once blamed the other woman - she meant nothing to me. He was the one who broke his vows to me, not her. I never even met her.

I never once lost my dignity which I do consider the best revenge. He was a crying mess.

Bravo👏🏻

This woman has class.

Yes, ladies, pay attention. Follow this woman's example. She is strong, well done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Agree. You were an active part of the many reasons why your marriage was troubled. And it isn't victim blaming- it is acknowledging that marital problems are deeper than cheating. Cheating is a symptom of a bad marriage, not the cause.

This is actually so uninformed that I question your intelligence. Cheating is most definitely not a symptom a bad marriage, it is a symptom of bad character. Many times, partners who cheat will admit their marriage was just fine - that’s why they are desperate to save it when the cheating is discovered. In an unhappy marriage that involves cheating, both partners are in the same marriage and one chose to cheat (the one with crappy coping skills).

If one person is cheating they are either unhappy, unfulfilled, or have a personality disorder. Either way, cheating isn't the "only" thing that went wrong. It never is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I divorced him. I never once blamed the other woman - she meant nothing to me. He was the one who broke his vows to me, not her. I never even met her.

I never once lost my dignity which I do consider the best revenge. He was a crying mess.

Bravo👏🏻

This woman has class.

Yes, ladies, pay attention. Follow this woman's example. She is strong, well done.

+1 The OW is complete trash. Don’t climb into the garbage heap with a dirty whore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Agree. You were an active part of the many reasons why your marriage was troubled. And it isn't victim blaming- it is acknowledging that marital problems are deeper than cheating. Cheating is a symptom of a bad marriage, not the cause.

This is actually so uninformed that I question your intelligence. Cheating is most definitely not a symptom a bad marriage, it is a symptom of bad character. Many times, partners who cheat will admit their marriage was just fine - that’s why they are desperate to save it when the cheating is discovered. In an unhappy marriage that involves cheating, both partners are in the same marriage and one chose to cheat (the one with crappy coping skills).

If one person is cheating they are either unhappy, unfulfilled, or have a personality disorder. Either way, cheating isn't the "only" thing that went wrong. It never is.

Personality disorders are a big part of cheating.

[Anonymous]

Why are the cheaters weighing in? The question is for those that were betrayed.