Fiancé wants a "nicer" engagement ring?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The last psychiatrist has a great post on this:

https://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2012/01/what_would_you_do_if_your_fian.html

Basically, he says that you are the kind of guy that the kind of girl who wants a bigger ring is attracted to. And you are both kind of shallow, self-involved, and trying to test the other person’s love be either demanding a bigger ring than the other can afford or showing up to the proposal with a smaller ring than the other person expects.

TLP! This is the last place I expected to see him linked. Nice.

[Anonymous]

Thank you, next. Do not marry her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Costco

https://www.costco.com/CatalogSearch?sortBy=PriceMin%7C0&refine=MIN_PRICE%253A%2528%257B5000%2B10000%257D%2B10000%2529%7C&keyword=diamond+ring&dept=All

Seriously - I have a costco ring and it was an amazing value - appraised for way more than we paid. I get complements all the time.

I do to, and I still love it 10 years later!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The last psychiatrist has a great post on this:

https://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2012/01/what_would_you_do_if_your_fian.html

Basically, he says that you are the kind of guy that the kind of girl who wants a bigger ring is attracted to. And you are both kind of shallow, self-involved, and trying to test the other person’s love be either demanding a bigger ring than the other can afford or showing up to the proposal with a smaller ring than the other person expects.

TLP! This is the last place I expected to see him linked. Nice.

Ha! I love him. I’m sad some of his posts have been taken down.

I found him through one of my other favorite internet writers, David Wong, of 2012 cracked.com fame:
https://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Costco

https://www.costco.com/CatalogSearch?sortBy=PriceMin%7C0&refine=MIN_PRICE%253A%2528%257B5000%2B10000%257D%2B10000%2529%7C&keyword=diamond+ring&dept=All

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad gave my fiancee my mom's ring. Why didn't her parents have better jewelry to give?

My mom gave my husband my great grandmothers with a huge flaw in it. I'm glad he didn't spend a fortune as I rarely wear rings. He'd buy me a new one now if I wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am planning on proposing to my girlfriend in January. We have previously discussed engagement rings so I could get a sense of what she liked/wanted. My price range is $5-$8k. She really is fixated on have a diamond ring that is at least 1.5 - 2 carats. With my price range, it's not doable.

She does not want a gemstone or a "fake" diamond, I also floated the idea of getting a ring she could upgrade down the line, she's not interested in that either.

I'm trying to figure out what to do, or a productive way to approach this conversation with her. My girlfriend isn't even that materialistic she just always envisioned a certain engagement ring that I can't afford right now.

Looking for advice,

You don't need a nicer ring, you need a nicer fiancee.

[Anonymous]

Find a new fiancé

[Anonymous]

There's a very good chance she has no idea what the ring she's asking for would actually cost. You can just tell her your budget and take her shopping. If she really throws some kind of fit and demands a $20k ring, she's a monster and you should not propose. But this board is completely schizophrenic on this point - full of women bragging about their giant rocks and men insisting their wives have the biggest rings on earth, until they catch a whiff of a woman *asking* for the rings they insist they already have, then it's ::burn the witch:: consensus.

I have no dog in this fight but I know plenty of women who had ideas about what kind of ring they wanted based on conversations with girlfriends and looking at pictures in ads, but didn't actually comprehend what price point gets you which ring. Your fiancee may be that person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad gave my fiancee my mom's ring. Why didn't her parents have better jewelry to give?

My mom gave my husband my great grandmothers with a huge flaw in it. I'm glad he didn't spend a fortune as I rarely wear rings. He'd buy me a new one now if I wanted.

My ring is being custom made because it uses old stones from my great grandmother, and I’m thrilled. I told my fiancé that he wasn’t allowed to buy me diamonds because of the diamond trade, and I just refuse to wear a new stone, so the old stones are perfect. He proposed with the brooch they used to be set in, and we worked with a jeweler to design my engagement ring and our wedding rings.

[Anonymous]

It is a bit of a warning flag. I have larger longer fingers and something small does look silly on my hand. So when it came time, he went with a semi-precious stone with diamonds surrounding it that was well within what he was comfortable with spending. I was happy with that -- I married the guy, not the ring. And yes, at various times in my life, when I want the jewelry, I went out and bought my own darn jewelry.

The only caveat is this -- I don't know why your budget is what it is. I think it's perfectly reasonable, but if let's say you're making $1m a year, it's a different warning flag -- are you so insecure about $$ that you're going to be miserly with everything going forward, then it's a discussion you need to have about money and expectations. I never want to spend more than I have, but as our incomes have increased over the year, we do buy nicer things than we did 20 years ago. If you're still pinching pennies because you've got some hangups about money that let's say are held over from a poor childhood, then you need to work those out.

If this really is who you think your life partner should be, you need to have serious talks about money. No one wants to, but marriages fail over money all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you know what size her fingers are? I have tiny fingers (size 3.75) and my 1-carat ring takes up a lot of finger real estate. Anything bigger would look too gaudy.

Maybe OP’s intended has man hands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a very good chance she has no idea what the ring she's asking for would actually cost. You can just tell her your budget and take her shopping. If she really throws some kind of fit and demands a $20k ring, she's a monster and you should not propose. But this board is completely schizophrenic on this point - full of women bragging about their giant rocks and men insisting their wives have the biggest rings on earth, until they catch a whiff of a woman *asking* for the rings they insist they already have, then it's ::burn the witch:: consensus.

I have no dog in this fight but I know plenty of women who had ideas about what kind of ring they wanted based on conversations with girlfriends and looking at pictures in ads, but didn't actually comprehend what price point gets you which ring. Your fiancee may be that person.

That is so true. I’ve been dissed so severely for “only” having a $4,000, relatively small engagement ring. I really just don’t care that much about jewelry, and relayed that to my then boyfriend. We’ve been married almost 15 years and I don’t even wear that ring very much. One of the things that has kept us together through a lot of hard times is our shared approach to finances. It’s just one thing we don’t fight about and never have. Right now you’re trying to buy an engagement ring. Wait until 15 years from now when you’re trying to agree on what mattress to buy or what car to buy or house to buy. Sh!t gets real!

[Anonymous]

She is not marrying you for love. I wouldn't go through with it.

[Anonymous]

If it’s a girlfriend, then it’s: Fiancée.