Fiancé wants a "nicer" engagement ring?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I don’t see why he gets to be the one to decide the budget and size. She has to wear it for the next 50 years.

Well, 50% chance she will only wear it for ten years or less, so he’d be a damn fool to spend too much money on it.

Also, his money, so he decides the budget.

No. Once they marry money is joint. So if he wastes his money on a tiny ring, that’s his fault

[Anonymous]

Shop for the ring together, talk.about the budget available for the ring, and compare various options: new, lab created diamond, vintage, etc... See what is affordable in the various purchasing options.

Being "surprised" with the "perfect" ring to wear the rest of your life only happens in fairy tales or for couples with unlimited funds. So, not many people.

Love the pp whose dh made her a ring. That is so lovely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For people saying she needs to contribute to the ring.

Most people combine finances after they get married. So one way or another she is contributing. If he spends 5k extra now on the ring, that is 5k that won't go to a house down payment or a vacation or whatever later on.

Eh, slow down here. I get what you're saying, but claiming your soon-to-be spouse's money as yours before it's even spent is a little over the top. And if he spends an extra 5k now under pressure, he's more likely to be pressured into an extra 50K for home downpayment, etc. This is why they need to talk about it and be on the same financial page. Also if this is such a shared expense she can throw in for the cost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For people saying she needs to contribute to the ring.

Most people combine finances after they get married. So one way or another she is contributing. If he spends 5k extra now on the ring, that is 5k that won't go to a house down payment or a vacation or whatever later on.

Following that logic she can buy it.

[Anonymous]

Drop her ASAP!

Today is a ring...

Tomorrow not happy with her house, car, vacations, the relationship, etc. take it a a sign from God trying to help you.

[Anonymous]

This reminds me of my SIL, who is in many ways a wonderful woman, but she is very materialistic.

She refused to get engaged until her boyfriend bought a ring of her desired size. Now, 10 years later, she getting divorced - in part because she was never able to reconcile her wants to their budget. She ran up her credit cards again and again, and her husband finally got tired of paying them off (this was not the only issue, but a big one).

Your fiancee may not have the same relationship to things/money, but you should think carefully about whether this is a one-off issue where a little compromise on both sides would settle things (you come up a little on budget if possible, she comes down a little on size) or a symptom of larger problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I don’t see why he gets to be the one to decide the budget and size. She has to wear it for the next 50 years.

Well, 50% chance she will only wear it for ten years or less, so he’d be a damn fool to spend too much money on it.

Also, his money, so he decides the budget.

No. Once they marry money is joint. So if he wastes his money on a tiny ring, that’s his fault

No. They aren’t married yet. He can spend his money how he wants.

And apparently the “joint money” only gets to be spent how she wants, or it is “wasted”. 🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For people saying she needs to contribute to the ring.

Most people combine finances after they get married. So one way or another she is contributing. If he spends 5k extra now on the ring, that is 5k that won't go to a house down payment or a vacation or whatever later on.

LOL after you get married, “combined” finances means, as far as women are concerned, “my money is my money, and your money is our money”. If he spends too much on the ring now, she will still expect him to cough up for the house and vacations. He is about to fall into the bottomless pit of her greed.

[Anonymous]

Are you kidding? R-U-N.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I don’t see why he gets to be the one to decide the budget and size. She has to wear it for the next 50 years.

Well, 50% chance she will only wear it for ten years or less, so he’d be a damn fool to spend too much money on it.

Also, his money, so he decides the budget.

No. Once they marry money is joint. So if he wastes his money on a tiny ring, that’s his fault

$5-8k on a diamond ring is "tiny"??

[Anonymous]

It can be done. Here you go. Pick a $700 band.

https://www.bluenile.com/build-your-own-ring/diamond-details/LD14488379?refTab=DIAMONDS&track=viewDiamondDetails&catalogView=true

However. Agree with other posters on the quality of this gal’s character. I know you’re in love with her and so it’s nearly impossible to walk away based on her desire for a larger than life ring. But this greed will manifest itself in uglier ways down the road. Just know that going in.

[Anonymous]

One thing I've learned from this site is that most American women idealise everything European.

In the EU country where I live, engagement rings aren't a thing at all. You wear a plain band with no stones on it on your left ring finger, and after the wedding you switch it to the right hand. And that's all. Tell your wife you want to do the European thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not just save up more or take out a loan? If it’s that important to her.

I told my SO the ring I wanted cost $14000, because it did. He figured it out. I make a good salary and can afford more than that and he knows that, is meeting me where I’m at.
Nothing wrong with that and I like what I like.

Taking out a loan for an engagement ring? Of all the crap ever posted. I am constantly amazed at how stupid people can be wrt $.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I don’t see why he gets to be the one to decide the budget and size. She has to wear it for the next 50 years.

Well, 50% chance she will only wear it for ten years or less, so he’d be a damn fool to spend too much money on it.

Also, his money, so he decides the budget.

No. Once they marry money is joint. So if he wastes his money on a tiny ring, that’s his fault

$5-8k on a diamond ring is "tiny"??

DP. I bought my wife a $5k ring on a $20k per year doctoral student stipend. Adjusted for inflation probably more like $7k today. So yeah, I consider that expenditure to be quite small.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You might not be able to get a decent 1.5 carat stone in a solitaire setting for 8k (although you can come close) but you can definitely do it for 9k through Ritani or some of the other online sources. Don't ever shop at a local jeweler, they'll just try to fool you by saying "doesn't this one look shiny!" The certificate is all that matters... is it VS1, VS2, etc., is it H color or D color? My advice is that the naked eye can't tell an H from a D unless they are side by side, and there is almost never a reason to get higher clarity than VS2. Obey these principles and you can make your fiance happy for 9k or less, guaranteed.

Cathedral setting with pave band: $890
https://www.brilliantearth.com/Sonora-Diamond-Ring-White-Gold-BE110-1152702/

Matching pave wedding band: $890:
https://www.brilliantearth.com/Ballad-Diamond-Ring-(1/6-ct.-tw.)-White-Gold-BE2D1823/

1.3c I color VS2 princess ideal cut diamond: $5550
https://www.brilliantearth.com/loose-diamonds/view_detail/9878048/

Total $7330

Or, skip the side stones and you can get to 1.5c. But PP is correct that you save money and lose no appearance in going just under the .5 and whole carat benchmarks.

BUT: This is where an honest conversation with your girlfriend is the answer. It isn't hard to game the diamond industry, it's kind of a scam anyway. And I'm a woman with a beautiful ring I love. But as someone approaching 50 with a man I also love, boy does stuff like this pale in comparison to our kids, our future goals, how we feel around each other. We talked one day and he said one of the things he loved best about me was my "financial restraint", lol. And I understand. Men feel enormous pressure and guilt by our dumb society to show their love with these trinkets. Show your love by showing up for her, literally and metaphorically, every day (or most days). If you both value that, you'll make it. The ring is just window dressing.

Do NOT use brilliantearth. Read about them on pricescope.

OP take time to read some of the posts on pricescope but be aware that most of the people who post there are diamond obsessed and anyone who goes in asking about modest jewelry will be bombarded with posts about jewelry in a much, much higher tcw and price range. A lot of diamond vendors have a strong presence there and you might think they are regular folk when they are not. I remember a single working woman who saved for a long time to purchase a diamond tennis bracelet was convinced not to like the 3 ctw diamond bracelet she bought through James Allen before she even received it. They convinced her to continue saving until she could afford a larger tcw. The same happens with diamond rings.