Fiancé wants a "nicer" engagement ring?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For practical purposes, I agree with the earlier recommendation to go to pricescope for advice. She seems really unrealistic and is placing a lot of demands on the ring IMO. If the goal is to have a big rock, there are ways to do it within a budget.

My original engagement ring was almost a carat, it was an estate (lovingly used ) ring and was a good quality diamond solitaire for a great price. Vintage/estate/antique is a great way to go to save money. Ivy and Rose usually has some good sized rings less than 10K.

I bought myself a 2ct upgrade recently, I bought a lab diamond through rare carat. Gives the look I was going for but at a fraction of the cost of an ideal cut mined diamond. It's chemically identical to mined diamond with the same visual performance so that's good for me!

There's also the vendors with great upgrade policies like whiteflash.

NP here. I want to go the lab diamond route but larger carat sizes are hard to find and I don't see a huge difference in price if I go through the big lab diamond sellers. They seem to be controlling the market like the old companies. The prices for lab grown diamonds are higher than most people would expect. Right now I can get pre owned diamond stud earrings for a similar price to lab created. It's frustrating.

Op there are more important things to save for. Saving to buy a home should be your top priority - not a big ring, not a big wedding. Saving money period should be your top priority. Your girlfriend will he be wearing this every day so I agree she should be involved in the choice and contribute to the cost if she wants something bigger. I have a 1.5 carat ring and that was considered huge back in the 90s and now we have a poster here saying that is puny. It isn't. We glorify excess so much now because of the crap on tv that expectations about what wedding rings, dresses and events are completely out of reason. No one should go into debt to get married. You need to learn how to have these uncomfortable discussions with this woman. You are going to have quite a few of these in the future if you stay married.''

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well it is a ring she will theoretically wear for the rest of her life.

I don't blame her for wanting 1.5-2 carats, that's really the bare minimum for something you'd want to wear in your 30s and 40s.

I got engaged at 23 with a 1.5 carat solitaire ring. It's so puny, I'm embarrassed to wear it now and never do.

Can you get a loan from your parents or something? I'd try hard to get a 2 carat stone. You can go down on quality for size.

Abominable.

[Anonymous]

Don’t marry her. I have a 1.5ct ring because at the time I worked in an industry where all my female colleagues had flashy rings. I made 3/4 of our combined income at the time - so I paid for 3/4 of my ring. I still wear it and I still love it, but 10 years later I can acknowledge it was silly to care what anyone else thinks.
I got nice, but fake, diamond earrings for my 40th BD at my request. I thought it was silly to spend money on real ones. I have a super narrow, plain wedding band we thought we would upgrade, but I have come to love it and I would never change it now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For people saying she needs to contribute to the ring.

Most people combine finances after they get married. So one way or another she is contributing. If he spends 5k extra now on the ring, that is 5k that won't go to a house down payment or a vacation or whatever later on.

Not at all. Why? Because if they divorce the ring is NOT considered “marital property” - it is considered a gift and the property of the person it was given to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t marry her. I have a 1.5ct ring because at the time I worked in an industry where all my female colleagues had flashy rings. I made 3/4 of our combined income at the time - so I paid for 3/4 of my ring. I still wear it and I still love it, but 10 years later I can acknowledge it was silly to care what anyone else thinks.
I got nice, but fake, diamond earrings for my 40th BD at my request. I thought it was silly to spend money on real ones. I have a super narrow, plain wedding band we thought we would upgrade, but I have come to love it and I would never change it now.

Did you get cubic zirconium or another kind? I’m eyeing moissanite earrings.

[Anonymous]

I personally think your girlfriend is being quite inconsiderate to be this picky.

You may want to reconsider who you want as your future wife.

[Anonymous]

Communication is key to everything. Do NOT propose without discussing the budget and if her desires are more important than bothering to be engaged. Agree that costco rings prices didn't look bad.

[Anonymous]

Do NOT use brilliantearth. Read about them on pricescope.

Read what about them on pricescope? If you have something useful to offer, do so. No dog in this fight (and consensus is issue is OP's need to communicate with his partner rather than finding a deal on a ring) but their prices are similar to James Allen, Blue Nile, rare carat for loose stones, etc. GIA certified diamond prices are relatively fixed within online vendors; arguably consumers can adjust their price based on controlling aspects of the grade(s). Not shilling for Brilliant Earth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am planning on proposing to my girlfriend in January. We have previously discussed engagement rings so I could get a sense of what she liked/wanted. My price range is $5-$8k. She really is fixated on have a diamond ring that is at least 1.5 - 2 carats. With my price range, it's not doable.

She does not want a gemstone or a "fake" diamond, I also floated the idea of getting a ring she could upgrade down the line, she's not interested in that either.

I'm trying to figure out what to do, or a productive way to approach this conversation with her. My girlfriend isn't even that materialistic she just always envisioned a certain engagement ring that I can't afford right now.

Looking for advice,

Oh boy. This will not likely end with the ring you know. Then it will be her wishing the house was a little higher quality, the car was a little nicer, the private school was a little better........

Decide if you’re okay with never quite being enough then proceed. If not, carefully weigh whether you are ready to marry this person, ever. I would be curious what she would say if you told her you’ll have to wait a long time to get engaged because you can’t afford what she wants.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You might not be able to get a decent 1.5 carat stone in a solitaire setting for 8k (although you can come close) but you can definitely do it for 9k through Ritani or some of the other online sources. Don't ever shop at a local jeweler, they'll just try to fool you by saying "doesn't this one look shiny!" The certificate is all that matters... is it VS1, VS2, etc., is it H color or D color? My advice is that the naked eye can't tell an H from a D unless they are side by side, and there is almost never a reason to get higher clarity than VS2. Obey these principles and you can make your fiance happy for 9k or less, guaranteed.

Cathedral setting with pave band: $890
https://www.brilliantearth.com/Sonora-Diamond-Ring-White-Gold-BE110-1152702/

Matching pave wedding band: $890:
https://www.brilliantearth.com/Ballad-Diamond-Ring-(1/6-ct.-tw.)-White-Gold-BE2D1823/

1.3c I color VS2 princess ideal cut diamond: $5550
https://www.brilliantearth.com/loose-diamonds/view_detail/9878048/

Total $7330

Or, skip the side stones and you can get to 1.5c. But PP is correct that you save money and lose no appearance in going just under the .5 and whole carat benchmarks.

BUT: This is where an honest conversation with your girlfriend is the answer. It isn't hard to game the diamond industry, it's kind of a scam anyway. And I'm a woman with a beautiful ring I love. But as someone approaching 50 with a man I also love, boy does stuff like this pale in comparison to our kids, our future goals, how we feel around each other. We talked one day and he said one of the things he loved best about me was my "financial restraint", lol. And I understand. Men feel enormous pressure and guilt by our dumb society to show their love with these trinkets. Show your love by showing up for her, literally and metaphorically, every day (or most days). If you both value that, you'll make it. The ring is just window dressing.

Do NOT use brilliantearth. Read about them on pricescope.

OP take time to read some of the posts on pricescope but be aware that most of the people who post there are diamond obsessed and anyone who goes in asking about modest jewelry will be bombarded with posts about jewelry in a much, much higher tcw and price range. A lot of diamond vendors have a strong presence there and you might think they are regular folk when they are not. I remember a single working woman who saved for a long time to purchase a diamond tennis bracelet was convinced not to like the 3 ctw diamond bracelet she bought through James Allen before she even received it. They convinced her to continue saving until she could afford a larger tcw. The same happens with diamond rings.

Yeah, Pricescope is full of Boomers who want giant tacky baubles. Combination Paula Deen and Real Housewives. But there is a small but vocal minority who appreciate the smaller yet high-quality stones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My now husband didn’t want to buy an engagement ring. I wanted some meaningful gesture and so I asked him to make me one. He took a beginner jewelry class and made me a beautiful silver turquoise ring. I know that’s not everyone’s style but there are ways to compromise if you can each figure out what is really important to you about this symbol.

This is so sweet. I love it.

[Anonymous]

What to do is get another fiancee because she is being unreasonable. Does she want a specific ring or a loving husband?

[Anonymous]

You need to run from this relationship! I’ve been in love with rich men and poor men and I’ve always thought about what type of engagement ring that would be suitable with their income. A big ass diamond with the rich guys and a gold band with the poor ones. I would never in a million years expect something more then they could afford. It would make them feel like crap. And I would’ve do that to someone I loved!.. NEVER..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to run from this relationship! I’ve been in love with rich men and poor men and I’ve always thought about what type of engagement ring that would be suitable with their income. A big ass diamond with the rich guys and a gold band with the poor ones. I would never in a million years expect something more then they could afford. It would make them feel like crap. And I would’ve do that to someone I loved!.. NEVER..

Wouldn’t **

[Anonymous]

I asked for a 9ct ring when I was got engaged. Why? Because he could afford it! My relationship before that I asked for a cigar band because that’s all he could afford. You deal with what you have.