Husbands not allowed at appointments—upset!!

[Anonymous]

The real kick in the teeth is that they won’t let you FaceTime him in (at least that was true at WHC). Something about a rule about recordings.

My DH waited in the parking lot. It was in case something was very wrong, he would be there and I wouldn’t have to drive home alone. So that’s something you could consider.

I do agree with everyone that you just have to deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The real kick in the teeth is that they won’t let you FaceTime him in (at least that was true at WHC). Something about a rule about recordings.

My DH waited in the parking lot. It was in case something was very wrong, he would be there and I wouldn’t have to drive home alone. So that’s something you could consider.

I do agree with everyone that you just have to deal with it.

That's strange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand the severity of this pandemic. I do. But I am absolutely crushed my husband can’t come with me to my first ultrasound appointment. I want and need him there for support (the thought of going alone makes me so anxious) and I find it so unfair that he’s not allowed to come, considering this baby is just as much his as it is mine. He is also super depressed about this “rule.”

Anyone else upset by this? Has anyone found a workaround that will allow husbands to at least attend the ultrasound portion of the appointment? I don’t see how him being there poses any more of a risk than ME being there (considering we live together...if he’s got it, I likely do too)!

What can we do?! Anything? Legally-does he have rights to have an active role in our baby’s prenatal care?

For support?

All you have to do is lie there.

Get him on the phone and he can be there virtually.

And grow up.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP, I agree with everyone else. It's time to be the grown up and do the scary things. There will be many times when your child needs you to do something scary or unpleasant alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The real kick in the teeth is that they won’t let you FaceTime him in (at least that was true at WHC). Something about a rule about recordings.

My DH waited in the parking lot. It was in case something was very wrong, he would be there and I wouldn’t have to drive home alone. So that’s something you could consider.

I do agree with everyone that you just have to deal with it.

That's strange.

It opens up a lot of liability. That doesn't mean providers are doing anything wrong, but all it takes is one family upset with an outcome -- even if nothing was missed, even if nothing could have prevented it -- to bring a lawsuit in. And lawsuits are expensive, even if not actually justified by the evidence, so often hospitals or providers will settle, because it is cheaper than drawing it out, even if you win.

Then that becomes a part of public record, and it is something the provider has to cite and defend every time they renew a license, or transfer jobs, or what have you.

Often the rules can be bent when there is specific need and good reason, but they aren't going to bend it for a typical case, because then everyone will want it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I found out I was having a MC at my first appointment. I had to do that without my husband, plus two follow up appointments, a D&C, and multiple blood draws, all by myself. You’ll live.

+1.

To this poster: I am so sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The real kick in the teeth is that they won’t let you FaceTime him in (at least that was true at WHC). Something about a rule about recordings.

My DH waited in the parking lot. It was in case something was very wrong, he would be there and I wouldn’t have to drive home alone. So that’s something you could consider.

I do agree with everyone that you just have to deal with it.

That's strange.

It opens up a lot of liability. That doesn't mean providers are doing anything wrong, but all it takes is one family upset with an outcome -- even if nothing was missed, even if nothing could have prevented it -- to bring a lawsuit in. And lawsuits are expensive, even if not actually justified by the evidence, so often hospitals or providers will settle, because it is cheaper than drawing it out, even if you win.

Then that becomes a part of public record, and it is something the provider has to cite and defend every time they renew a license, or transfer jobs, or what have you.

Often the rules can be bent when there is specific need and good reason, but they aren't going to bend it for a typical case, because then everyone will want it.

This all makes sense.

And also, here's what. For millennia, women didn't have technology to find out information and updates before birth. For millennia, men weren't part of the process at all. Not saying that it's not wonderful that we do have technology and medicine and the involvement of fathers now...I'm just saying get over it, this is fine. Your husband does not have to be in the room for all of this to be special. He can wait for you outside if there is anything difficult or concerning. Just get through this. Understand that this is about far more than YOU. The health and safety of other patients and their families and of the medical staff and their families far outweighs your "need" for attention and reassurance for, let's face it, pretty darn routine medical care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought I read on this board that Dr. De Souza is allowing partners? I would reach out to his practice to find out if this is critical to you.

He did when I was there a few weeks ago. But OP needs to suck it up. Agree with everyone else posting. I have a significant trauma history and had to do almost all my prenatals, MFMs, non stress tests, and ultrasounds alone so DH could watch our older kid. We FaceTimed when possible and I just sucked it up when it wasn’t. This is such a small sacrifice in the scheme of life, and as a parent, and if this is the worst OP has to deal with she should count her damn blessings. Grow up, OP. Parenthood will demand a lot more maturity and sacrifices than this small one—best to start getting used to that idea now.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you are being ridiculous, and hopefully 4 pages of threads have convinced you of it.

I also want to offer some perspective: at this point in time, it feels like pregnancy and childbirth are the main event, but I promise you, it is just a blip in your life compared to the task of raising a child to adulthood. You and your husband get to share that fully.

[Anonymous]

Lol. You first timers are so dramatic. Jfc.

[Anonymous]

And for once, all of DCUM agrees on a single post!

I'm sorry OP but this comes with the territory of being pregnant during a pandemic. Time to put on your big girl panties and start gaining some self-sufficient parenting skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not like this is new stuff going on. These restrictions have been in place for months. You're an idiot for not doing some research before deciding to get pregnant in the middle of a pandemic

Yes seriously. OP really needs to grow up.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP. It sucks but you have to get over it. I'm 32 weeks and my husband hasn't been able to come to any appointments. I had several losses prior to this pregnancy. I was terrified at every scan that I'd get bad news alone (and still am). It sucks, but it is what it is. This pandemic is horrible.

[Anonymous]

I get this sucks but you need to prepare yourself because this is only the beginning until this is all over. I just gave birth in May and had to deal with the real possibility of delivering alone. And even now only one parent is allowed at our child’s doctor visits so we have to rotate who gets to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I found out I was having a MC at my first appointment. I had to do that without my husband, plus two follow up appointments, a D&C, and multiple blood draws, all by myself. You’ll live.

I suspect that is exactly what OP is anxious about. I imagine you’d have preferred your husband be there, no?