Husbands not allowed at appointments—upset!!

[Anonymous]

I understand the severity of this pandemic. I do. But I am absolutely crushed my husband can’t come with me to my first ultrasound appointment. I want and need him there for support (the thought of going alone makes me so anxious) and I find it so unfair that he’s not allowed to come, considering this baby is just as much his as it is mine. He is also super depressed about this “rule.”

Anyone else upset by this? Has anyone found a workaround that will allow husbands to at least attend the ultrasound portion of the appointment? I don’t see how him being there poses any more of a risk than ME being there (considering we live together...if he’s got it, I likely do too)!

What can we do?! Anything? Legally-does he have rights to have an active role in our baby’s prenatal care?

[Anonymous]

You can find a practice that doesn't have this rule. Otherwise, deal with it and be thankful that this is what you have to worry about right now. As for a broader legal right to attend appointments, no, not even close.

[Anonymous]

Legally he does not have the right to be there. And if I ran an OB practice and you started tossing that around, I'd invite you to leave the practice.

If the practice is enforcing the rule consistently, I'm not sure there's much you can do. The rule is probably about reducing the density of people in the practice and facilitating the ability of people to maintain distance in the waiting room, etc.

You can talk to your OB about your anxiety, but I doubt they want to make an exception for you, because pretty much every pregnant woman could claim anxiety. You could ask if he can watch and listen by video.

[Anonymous]

Start by thinking whether you want the exposure of all the other women in the clinic’s husbands. Their being there exponentially increases the potential to get the virus. Show him the print out or ask to FaceTime him in.

[Anonymous]

You can facetime him during it, maybe?

There's so much about this situation that's crummy. I really feel for the women who had to deliver without a partner present earlier in the pandemic.

[Anonymous]

Stop being a baby since you’re having one.

You don’t “need” him there. You “want” him there.

The pandemic is unfair and sucks. Taking precautions to protect YOU and YOUR BABY are not.

[Anonymous]

OMG, I did every appointment alone, except my amnio. And just my first amnio, for my second I went by myself. And there was no pandemic then.

I was even given bad news three times (three miscarriages).

[Anonymous]

Can he drive you there, and then either be on the phone with you on speaker during the appt while he waits in the car? And then drive you home? Is the practice OK with you facetiming during the appt with him in the car and you in the exam room?

Try to get creative with technology - the rules are in place for good reasons.

[Anonymous]

I think this is something you need to let go. I think everyone is trying to do their best to make sensible rules without much guidance. See if you can find a practice that will allow him to accompany you. Most practices are limiting in-office traffic, meaning no partners. You should be able to face time him. Also, it's not just as much his as yours at this point. It's in your body so you have to be there. He doesn't.

[Anonymous]

You do not "need" him there; you want him there, which is fine. He doesn't come to your general gynecology appointments, right? He doesn't "need" to be at your pap smear, yes?

It's totally understandable that you WANT him there, but get a grip. People are dying. Medical professionals are trying to keep us safe. Do your part and be grateful that you have access to good medical care.

"Legally"? Really? GTFO. You are not the first person to have a baby. Now is a good time to grow up and understand that.

People are DYING ALONE, people have had to delay CANCER TREATMENTS, surely you can handle this.

[Anonymous]

I've had friends facetime their significant other and have also had friends find practices who allow significant others in for appts. And pp has a good point about if they allow your significant other then they allow everyone's and that increases exposure risk.

And as it's been found, just because one person has it doesn't mean the people in their household have it. Ds and I both got it. DH did not even though he was taking care of us and very exposed.

[Anonymous]

You are the patient, OP. That’s why you’re allowed to be there. It has nothing to do with whose baby this is. Get over yourself. Quickly. Preferably before you become someone’s mom.

[Anonymous]

You're going to be a nightmare of a parent to deal with

[Anonymous]

All over the country today there are mothers in hospitals with their children who are ungoing medical treatment. Surgeries. Chemo. Serious injuries. You name it. Without their husbands, since only one family member can be there.

If they can do it, you can go to an ultrasound alone, OP. This is the first of many things you’ll have to be brave about when you’re a mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're going to be a nightmare of a parent to deal with

+1 It's fine to be disappointed, OP. It's batshit to ask about whether you can sue over this.