Husbands not allowed at appointments—upset!!

[Anonymous]

I gave birth the week after the mayor of DC was encouraging and in-person at the BLM rally and the governor of VA was seen walking around taking photos with no mask on. Trust me, I understand the anger and if there’s a lawsuit available to you I would say GO FOR IT! Someone needs to do it, the hypocrisy is astounding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I gave birth the week after the mayor of DC was encouraging and in-person at the BLM rally and the governor of VA was seen walking around taking photos with no mask on. Trust me, I understand the anger and if there’s a lawsuit available to you I would say GO FOR IT! Someone needs to do it, the hypocrisy is astounding.

Is the mayor of DC and governor of VA mandating no partners at appointments or is it individual providers making the decision they are comfortable with? Hypocrisy would be the mayor encouraging protests AND banning partners. Not my OB discouraging me from leaving the house AND also banning partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why anxious people shouldn't reproduce.

Ouch!! Just curious, am I the only one disturbed by this ignorant comment?? As a forum are we ok with this type of post? Mental health issues are not something to joke about. Anxiety disorders are the most common mental health concern in the United States. You are the sad sad reason why people are ashamed to seek treatment for mental health disorders. Why would you say something so mean and ignorant? Would you like to apologize?

I am quite shocked by the number of harsh responses. As if "I ate shit before, now you have to suck it up and eat shit too". Why everyone is so bitter?

SO WHAT? that some of you heard the most distressing news about baby dying in your belly all by yourself? Wouldn't be nice to have your husband next to you holding your hand and sharing the pain?
Does it mean that you wish all other women to go through that experience??

SO WHAT that your husband couldn't (or wouldn't) come to appointments with you. Some are busy or not that involved, but I yet to meet a women who would honestly say she wouldn't love him to willingly be there. If you had to deal with all this all by yourself, again - doesn't mean others have to do so! It is so great that her husband is excited and wanting to be there - you need to encourage and congratulate them@

SO WHAT that OP is anxious. Isn't normal part of FTM process? Saying that she has no right for such feeling is a straight path to depression. It is so sad to read this..

***
I had many many traumatic events in my life. Some people wonder why I didn't kill myself hearing even a part of it. But none of that would make me wish another person to go through the same shit I went though and to "grow up". I wish no one had to grow up and be naive and happy as long as they can..

My husband wasn't with me on that appointment when I learned my baby passed away at 38w. I lived after as you can see but that it not the reason to say: "You will be fine, I had it so you suck it up too". It would be much much easier if he were there right away. And it was the 2nd appointment he missed during whole pregnancy. We both survived somehow.

And I understand desire to have a husband nearby during those appointments - not only because of anxiety but also because of early involvement raises great dad. YES. A dad is not born overnight (nor like a mother), we are slowly becoming them. The sooner the guy starts to be involved in the process the earlier and better father he will become. Women who think otherwise simply don't have that option for some reason (let's be kind and sympathetic to them) - they can't change their husbands and have to change their perception of reality by saying "You don't need him... all the women for centuries did it fine.. I did it fine and it is even better without him.."

OP - I wish you great healthy pregnancy! Covid sucks in many different forms for us all. Just need to pick your battles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the women questioning "why did you get pregnant during COVID," I encourage you to hear a different perspective.

I tried getting pregnant for 3 years. Finally did. Had a miscarriage. Tried for another year. No luck. Began infertility testing, then COVID started. Had to pause everything, but doctors suggested we keep trying. I thought that was cute ... but it finally worked and stuck.

Some of us aren't lucky enough to pick and choose when we get pregnant. Posts chastising OP for getting pregnant during COVID are cruel. You can express your disagreement with her complaint without being nasty about her (and others) fertility journey.

Completely agree. For some of us getting pregnant is such a hardship with time running out quickly. Others don't get it, they are lucky enough to decide when to get pregnant so they judge others for deciding to do it now as is it was irresponsible behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why anxious people shouldn't reproduce.

Ouch!! Just curious, am I the only one disturbed by this ignorant comment?? As a forum are we ok with this type of post? Mental health issues are not something to joke about. Anxiety disorders are the most common mental health concern in the United States. You are the sad sad reason why people are ashamed to seek treatment for mental health disorders. Why would you say something so mean and ignorant? Would you like to apologize?

I am quite shocked by the number of harsh responses. As if "I ate shit before, now you have to suck it up and eat shit too". Why everyone is so bitter?

SO WHAT? that some of you heard the most distressing news about baby dying in your belly all by yourself? Wouldn't be nice to have your husband next to you holding your hand and sharing the pain?
Does it mean that you wish all other women to go through that experience??

SO WHAT that your husband couldn't (or wouldn't) come to appointments with you. Some are busy or not that involved, but I yet to meet a women who would honestly say she wouldn't love him to willingly be there. If you had to deal with all this all by yourself, again - doesn't mean others have to do so! It is so great that her husband is excited and wanting to be there - you need to encourage and congratulate them@

SO WHAT that OP is anxious. Isn't normal part of FTM process? Saying that she has no right for such feeling is a straight path to depression. It is so sad to read this..

***
I had many many traumatic events in my life. Some people wonder why I didn't kill myself hearing even a part of it. But none of that would make me wish another person to go through the same shit I went though and to "grow up". I wish no one had to grow up and be naive and happy as long as they can..

My husband wasn't with me on that appointment when I learned my baby passed away at 38w. I lived after as you can see but that it not the reason to say: "You will be fine, I had it so you suck it up too". It would be much much easier if he were there right away. And it was the 2nd appointment he missed during whole pregnancy. We both survived somehow.

And I understand desire to have a husband nearby during those appointments - not only because of anxiety but also because of early involvement raises great dad. YES. A dad is not born overnight (nor like a mother), we are slowly becoming them. The sooner the guy starts to be involved in the process the earlier and better father he will become. Women who think otherwise simply don't have that option for some reason (let's be kind and sympathetic to them) - they can't change their husbands and have to change their perception of reality by saying "You don't need him... all the women for centuries did it fine.. I did it fine and it is even better without him.."

OP - I wish you great healthy pregnancy! Covid sucks in many different forms for us all. Just need to pick your battles.

Pretty sure most ppl are reacting to op thinking about legal action

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand the severity of this pandemic. I do. But I am absolutely crushed my husband can’t come with me to my first ultrasound appointment. I want and need him there for support (the thought of going alone makes me so anxious) and I find it so unfair that he’s not allowed to come, considering this baby is just as much his as it is mine. He is also super depressed about this “rule.”

Anyone else upset by this? Has anyone found a workaround that will allow husbands to at least attend the ultrasound portion of the appointment? I don’t see how him being there poses any more of a risk than ME being there (considering we live together...if he’s got it, I likely do too)!

What can we do?! Anything? Legally-does he have rights to have an active role in our baby’s prenatal care?

I spoke with the Midwives at Washington Hospital Center yesterday, 10/15/2020, and they are now allowing a support person to attend prenatal visits. They said it's a new change and if conditions change they will notify me the day before my appointment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand the severity of this pandemic. I do. But I am absolutely crushed my husband can’t come with me to my first ultrasound appointment. I want and need him there for support (the thought of going alone makes me so anxious) and I find it so unfair that he’s not allowed to come, considering this baby is just as much his as it is mine. He is also super depressed about this “rule.”

Anyone else upset by this? Has anyone found a workaround that will allow husbands to at least attend the ultrasound portion of the appointment? I don’t see how him being there poses any more of a risk than ME being there (considering we live together...if he’s got it, I likely do too)!

What can we do?! Anything? Legally-does he have rights to have an active role in our baby’s prenatal care?

I spoke with the Midwives at Washington Hospital Center yesterday, 10/15/2020, and they are now allowing a support person to attend prenatal visits. They said it's a new change and if conditions change * again so a support person is no longer allowed* they will notify me the day before my appointment.

PP - Editted

[Anonymous]

Yeah it's time for the nonsense restrictions like this to be eased. Maybe it's expressed as a preference for the husband not to join but no hard and fast rules other than masking, social distance, etc. Drs offices are about the safest places to be these days. This is the time to separate actual prevention from the COVID-theater that's been prevalent until now.

OP I'd suggest pushing back and stating that for your health you need a support person with you. They're not going to kick him out of the office.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why anxious people shouldn't reproduce.

Ouch!! Just curious, am I the only one disturbed by this ignorant comment?? As a forum are we ok with this type of post? Mental health issues are not something to joke about. Anxiety disorders are the most common mental health concern in the United States. You are the sad sad reason why people are ashamed to seek treatment for mental health disorders. Why would you say something so mean and ignorant? Would you like to apologize?

I am quite shocked by the number of harsh responses. As if "I ate shit before, now you have to suck it up and eat shit too". Why everyone is so bitter?

SO WHAT? that some of you heard the most distressing news about baby dying in your belly all by yourself? Wouldn't be nice to have your husband next to you holding your hand and sharing the pain?
Does it mean that you wish all other women to go through that experience??

SO WHAT that your husband couldn't (or wouldn't) come to appointments with you. Some are busy or not that involved, but I yet to meet a women who would honestly say she wouldn't love him to willingly be there. If you had to deal with all this all by yourself, again - doesn't mean others have to do so! It is so great that her husband is excited and wanting to be there - you need to encourage and congratulate them@

SO WHAT that OP is anxious. Isn't normal part of FTM process? Saying that she has no right for such feeling is a straight path to depression. It is so sad to read this..

***
I had many many traumatic events in my life. Some people wonder why I didn't kill myself hearing even a part of it. But none of that would make me wish another person to go through the same shit I went though and to "grow up". I wish no one had to grow up and be naive and happy as long as they can..

My husband wasn't with me on that appointment when I learned my baby passed away at 38w. I lived after as you can see but that it not the reason to say: "You will be fine, I had it so you suck it up too". It would be much much easier if he were there right away. And it was the 2nd appointment he missed during whole pregnancy. We both survived somehow.

And I understand desire to have a husband nearby during those appointments - not only because of anxiety but also because of early involvement raises great dad. YES. A dad is not born overnight (nor like a mother), we are slowly becoming them. The sooner the guy starts to be involved in the process the earlier and better father he will become. Women who think otherwise simply don't have that option for some reason (let's be kind and sympathetic to them) - they can't change their husbands and have to change their perception of reality by saying "You don't need him... all the women for centuries did it fine.. I did it fine and it is even better without him.."

OP - I wish you great healthy pregnancy! Covid sucks in many different forms for us all. Just need to pick your battles.

Pretty sure most ppl are reacting to op thinking about legal action

I didn’t read this as her considering legal action. I thought she was genuinely asking if a father has rights to his unborn child. Fair question I think...as a society, we shame our men for not being involved, not taking on an active role in parenting, not doing “as much as mom.” Here’s a father who WANTS to take an active role from the very beginning with HIS child-and I think he should have SOME legal right to do so. Not saying anyone should sue the doctors office-and I don’t think OP was saying that either. But at minimum, mothers should be allowed to sign shared rights over to the father if they choose to.

[Anonymous]

Poor little hot house orchid. My friend's daughter died alone and no funeral. Count your blessings and stop the damn whining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Poor little hot house orchid. My friend's daughter died alone and no funeral. Count your blessings and stop the damn whining.

+1. The number of people who are simply unable to tolerate anything that doesn’t go there way is astounding.

[Anonymous]

I would find a practice that lets me have my boyfriend on Facetime at least.

[Anonymous]

The doctors did not encourage no mask wearing and rallies. They are interested in public health and the safety of the community.

There should be zero reason why you could not face time.
Good luck.

I think a suit against a doctor’s office which is trying/fighting to keep us all healthy is asinine. You do you.

[Anonymous]

I am sick of hot house pregnant women. Good lord, if you need your DH to go with you to a doctor's appt. then you shouldn't be having a baby!