Husbands not allowed at appointments—upset!!

[Anonymous]

But you knew this .....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop being a baby since you’re having one.

You don’t “need” him there. You “want” him there.

The pandemic is unfair and sucks. Taking precautions to protect YOU and YOUR BABY are not.

This. Time to pull your big girl panties on.

Or find another practice.

[Anonymous]

OP, these responses have been harsh truths. I agree with you 100% and have felt similarly. (Sidenote: I was incredibly frustrated to find out that my practice allowed a partner (unmasked!) in the waiting room while his pregnant partner was in her appointment. In my mind, while this kept the practitioner safe, it was not safe to the patients who are trusting the practice with our safety. I shared this with the office manager, and she agreed.)

I experienced a pretty traumatic pregnancy loss and struggled to conceive again, so the thought of not having my husband with me was really, really hard to swallow. I understood that yes, it's COVID, so maybe not an ideal time to become pregnant, but being of a certain age with fertility issues, I didn't really see an option to wait this out. Similarly to high school seniors missing out on big, promised milestones, I felt like I was having to mourn the expectation of the excitement DH and I would share seeing and hearing our baby together for the first time. I also believe that I can simultaneously hold space for gratitude that I am not experiencing other hardships of COVID that many are while still feeling sadness for this; the two are not in competition with each other. I wonder if you might be feeling similarly?

Like other posters, what's helped me is having him drive me to appointments (I know he's in the car waiting, and if something really bad would happen, he could meet me in the building outside of the office door) and face-time while I'm there, so he's seeing and hearing the exact things I am. He might not have been holding my hand when we first saw the baby and heard his heartbeat, but we still did it together. We talked about doing a private ultrasound that he could attend, but he actually said that being on the facetimes has given him the sense of involvement that he was looking for; that made me feel happy for him that his emotional needs were being met, and you should know that option will exist for you and your husband as well.

I hope hearing my experience helps you feel a little less alone in your feelings and lets you know that the workarounds, while not the same, do help.

[Anonymous]

I agree with everyone above, and I think you will think back and remember this as first time mom craziness.

but I think a Work around would be finding one of those sneak peak ultrasound places if you want him to be there for something. You will still need your real OB appointment, but at least he’d be with you for something.

[Anonymous]

I thought I read on this board that Dr. De Souza is allowing partners? I would reach out to his practice to find out if this is critical to you.

[Anonymous]

Yikes Op. I have to have surgery next month and DH can’t even come into the hospital. I understand you’re disappointed but you need to get over it and stop acting like a spoiled brat.

[Anonymous]

Put on your big kid pants and face this trauma like the warrior you truly are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand the severity of this pandemic. I do. But I am absolutely crushed my husband can’t come with me to my first ultrasound appointment. I want and need him there for support (the thought of going alone makes me so anxious) and I find it so unfair that he’s not allowed to come, considering this baby is just as much his as it is mine. He is also super depressed about this “rule.”

Anyone else upset by this? Has anyone found a workaround that will allow husbands to at least attend the ultrasound portion of the appointment? I don’t see how him being there poses any more of a risk than ME being there (considering we live together...if he’s got it, I likely do too)!

What can we do?! Anything? Legally-does he have rights to have an active role in our baby’s prenatal care?

Viral load matters. People who are exposed more often at higher levels are more likely to get sick. The higher the viral load the sicker you get. You and your husband might be willing to take the risk of exposure, but you don't have the right to expose the doctor or the nurses or the medical assistants or the registrars or the ultrasound tech. If both of you are there, it's double the exposure. Quit being selfish, have a thought for the people taking care of you, and suck it up.

[Anonymous]

It's not like this is new stuff going on. These restrictions have been in place for months. You're an idiot for not doing some research before deciding to get pregnant in the middle of a pandemic

[Anonymous]

Please find a new practice. Spare the staff from having to deal with you for months on end, especially if the pandemic gets worse in the next couple of months

[Anonymous]

Why on earth did you decide to get pregnant now?!?

[Anonymous]

Talk to your doctor about treating your anxiety. I'm glad your husband is not allowed to go to appointments. Some women have said their waiting rooms are already crowded with other women, can't imagine adding partners to the mix and trying to socially distance while waiting.

[Anonymous]

Some people shouldn't have kids. Op is one of them. She doesn't sound mentally stable enough

[Anonymous]

I found out I was having a MC at my first appointment. I had to do that without my husband, plus two follow up appointments, a D&C, and multiple blood draws, all by myself. You’ll live.

[Anonymous]

I know people who have had surgery for cancer ALONE because of the pandemic. I also know a little girl who lost her father to COVID. And you are whining about this? I can’t even with you. How very entitled you are that this is your biggest problem. Just over the top selfish and entitled.