Judgmental parents — why can’t people just mind their own business?

[Anonymous]

I love the parents on here, acting like private school is such a selfish choice, when they probably spent too much money for a house districted to Whitman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love the parents on here, acting like private school is such a selfish choice, when they probably spent too much money for a house districted to Whitman.

+1. I don’t see why they need to judge other parents who decide to go private. You’re a grownup! You don’t need to validate your life choices by questioning or putting down others’!

[Anonymous]

I get it, op. It’s a viewpoint many parents have, that if someone makes a different choice, that it somehow reflects badly on their choice and they get defensive. It’s c-sections/vaginal birth, breastfeeding/formula, when to wean, when to forward-face the car seat, when to potty-train, and just when you think you’re done, it’s where they go to school.

I do think it stems from insecurity. I don’t care where other people send their kids to school. We’re at our local catholic school and very happy. It works for us. Just like I had a c-section, did both bf and formula, weaned late, potty-trained late and so on. It all worked for me and my family and finding out other people did things differently doesn’t bother me. But some people have a voice in their head that feels judged when someone is doing something in a different way, even though no one really cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it, op. It’s a viewpoint many parents have, that if someone makes a different choice, that it somehow reflects badly on their choice and they get defensive. It’s c-sections/vaginal birth, breastfeeding/formula, when to wean, when to forward-face the car seat, when to potty-train, and just when you think you’re done, it’s where they go to school.

I do think it stems from insecurity. I don’t care where other people send their kids to school. We’re at our local catholic school and very happy. It works for us. Just like I had a c-section, did both bf and formula, weaned late, potty-trained late and so on. It all worked for me and my family and finding out other people did things differently doesn’t bother me. But some people have a voice in their head that feels judged when someone is doing something in a different way, even though no one really cares.

OP here. Thanks! And this is a perfect example. You love your local Catholic school. We are Jewish and would never send our kid to a Catholic school. But you know what? That’s fine! I’m thrilled you found a place you love. We are looking at other options. Luckily we live in a place with a wide range of schools.

[Anonymous]

Whenever people asked me why I moved my child out of public, I tell them it is religious reasons. That shuts them up and they feel satisfied with the answer.

[Anonymous]

i completely understand. i didnt go announcing our choice to go private but i have been ghosted by another mom after she found out we weren't going to the same public anymore. i just dont get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i completely understand. i didnt go announcing our choice to go private but i have been ghosted by another mom after she found out we weren't going to the same public anymore. i just dont get it.

OP here. I’m sorry that happened to you.

I grew up in a suburb of NYC that had well-regarded public schools (still does). When my parents decided to pull my sister and me out of those schools and send us to private school, we were ghosted by every single one of our friends, except for one. It was insane.

The reason they did it was because my sister was exceptionally shy and was just getting lost in the large public school setting, and I was getting mercilessly bullied by idiotic kids in my middle school.

It was really hurtful to lose everyone. We ended up moving because there was just nothing left for us in that town.

[Anonymous]

NP here with a 1 year old. I went to private school but plan to send DD to MCPS, though I recognize that can change.

I think a lot of people who don't have school-age children feel strongly that sending their kids to public school is the socially responsible thing to do. Basically, they want to support public education and have their child be in a diverse environment.

But I've seen how some of my coworkers (none of us are super wealthy) ended up choosing private even though that wasn't what they were planning, it just ended up being what worked better for them. So I definitely don't judge. But I can see why people might - it's just a lack of real-world experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here with a 1 year old. I went to private school but plan to send DD to MCPS, though I recognize that can change.

I think a lot of people who don't have school-age children feel strongly that sending their kids to public school is the socially responsible thing to do. Basically, they want to support public education and have their child be in a diverse environment.

But I've seen how some of my coworkers (none of us are super wealthy) ended up choosing private even though that wasn't what they were planning, it just ended up being what worked better for them. So I definitely don't judge. But I can see why people might - it's just a lack of real-world experience.

Sure, I understand that. Of course, many MCPS schools are not particularly diverse, and public schools in general in this country are as segregated as they were before Brown v Board.

No one who sends their kids to a W school that has less than 5% FARMS kids can really say they value their kids being in a diverse environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here with a 1 year old. I went to private school but plan to send DD to MCPS, though I recognize that can change.

I think a lot of people who don't have school-age children feel strongly that sending their kids to public school is the socially responsible thing to do. Basically, they want to support public education and have their child be in a diverse environment.

But I've seen how some of my coworkers (none of us are super wealthy) ended up choosing private even though that wasn't what they were planning, it just ended up being what worked better for them. So I definitely don't judge. But I can see why people might - it's just a lack of real-world experience.

Sure, I understand that. Of course, many MCPS schools are not particularly diverse, and public schools in general in this country are as segregated as they were before Brown v Board.

No one who sends their kids to a W school that has less than 5% FARMS kids can really say they value their kids being in a diverse environment.

Of course!

It's just lip service. It's just not wanting to be politically incorrect. No one is going to say their against "diversity".

Great words of wisdom are "Watch what I do and not what I say".

Diversity is fine as long as it doesn't get in the way of the ten things I really care about that include a superior education for my kids, safety and home value.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just a vent.

I was chatting with a friend of 8 years the other day. She has a 5 year old; I have a 3.5 year old. Her kid is starting kindergarten in their local MCPS school this fall. We were talking about how big the kids are getting, etc.

My friend asked what we’re doing for kindergarten. I told her we’re going to be looking at private schools. She said, “why would you do that?!” I just said that it’s the right decision for us. She kept going. “MCPS is so good! I can’t imagine why *anyone* would do that, unless they had some special situation or something.”

We ended up moving on to other things, but it just really irked me. I don’t understand why people can’t just let everyone do what’s right for them.

Rant over.

Welcome to my life. It's even more uncomfortable when it's your own extended family around holidays and summer gatherings. What makes it worse, 99% of the public boosters have never stepped foot in a private school, let alone studied the profiles and data and talked to current families. They're totally ignorant, it's just emotions and insecurities and stereotypes -- it's impossible to have an intelligent conversation with people like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here with a 1 year old. I went to private school but plan to send DD to MCPS, though I recognize that can change.

I think a lot of people who don't have school-age children feel strongly that sending their kids to public school is the socially responsible thing to do. Basically, they want to support public education and have their child be in a diverse environment.

But I've seen how some of my coworkers (none of us are super wealthy) ended up choosing private even though that wasn't what they were planning, it just ended up being what worked better for them. So I definitely don't judge. But I can see why people might - it's just a lack of real-world experience.

I think you're giving far too much credit to the people like OP's friend. It's not that deep -- it's generally ignorance and trigger's jealousy.

Find me someone like OP's friend who has studied the local privates vis a vis publics and I'll eat my hat. Matter of fact, ask them one simple question: What's the SAT or ACT average and what's the college readiness rate of 12th graders coming out of [local public high school]. I guarantee they have no idea. The people who spew this negativity are generally ignorant as heck. Informed people are balanced and cordial and can see pros and cons of both sides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a vent.

I was chatting with a friend of 8 years the other day. She has a 5 year old; I have a 3.5 year old. Her kid is starting kindergarten in their local MCPS school this fall. We were talking about how big the kids are getting, etc.

My friend asked what we’re doing for kindergarten. I told her we’re going to be looking at private schools. She said, “why would you do that?!” I just said that it’s the right decision for us. She kept going. “MCPS is so good! I can’t imagine why *anyone* would do that, unless they had some special situation or something.”

We ended up moving on to other things, but it just really irked me. I don’t understand why people can’t just let everyone do what’s right for them.

Rant over.

Welcome to my life. It's even more uncomfortable when it's your own extended family around holidays and summer gatherings. What makes it worse, 99% of the public boosters have never stepped foot in a private school, let alone studied the profiles and data and talked to current families. They're totally ignorant, it's just emotions and insecurities and stereotypes -- it's impossible to have an intelligent conversation with people like that.

OP here. Yep. I went to a NE boarding school for high school. Most people who criticize those places as bastions of elite douchebag kids have zero exposure to those schools outside of watching Dead Poets Society. They have no concept of the fact that 50% of the kids are on financial aid, with the average grant covering 80% of tuition.

My extended family tut tutted about my parents letting me go there and then dismissed every single thing I did afterwards by saying “oh it’s just because she got connections from Andover.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a vent.

I was chatting with a friend of 8 years the other day. She has a 5 year old; I have a 3.5 year old. Her kid is starting kindergarten in their local MCPS school this fall. We were talking about how big the kids are getting, etc.

My friend asked what we’re doing for kindergarten. I told her we’re going to be looking at private schools. She said, “why would you do that?!” I just said that it’s the right decision for us. She kept going. “MCPS is so good! I can’t imagine why *anyone* would do that, unless they had some special situation or something.”

We ended up moving on to other things, but it just really irked me. I don’t understand why people can’t just let everyone do what’s right for them.

Rant over.

Welcome to my life. It's even more uncomfortable when it's your own extended family around holidays and summer gatherings. What makes it worse, 99% of the public boosters have never stepped foot in a private school, let alone studied the profiles and data and talked to current families. They're totally ignorant, it's just emotions and insecurities and stereotypes -- it's impossible to have an intelligent conversation with people like that.

OP here. Yep. I went to a NE boarding school for high school. Most people who criticize those places as bastions of elite douchebag kids have zero exposure to those schools outside of watching Dead Poets Society. They have no concept of the fact that 50% of the kids are on financial aid, with the average grant covering 80% of tuition.

My extended family tut tutted about my parents letting me go there and then dismissed every single thing I did afterwards by saying “oh it’s just because she got connections from Andover.”

Were you on aid OP? And please you can't say your connections have not helped and what your relatives say is wrong. That is a very typical response when in fact going to Andover likely gave you a leg up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here with a 1 year old. I went to private school but plan to send DD to MCPS, though I recognize that can change.

I think a lot of people who don't have school-age children feel strongly that sending their kids to public school is the socially responsible thing to do. Basically, they want to support public education and have their child be in a diverse environment.

But I've seen how some of my coworkers (none of us are super wealthy) ended up choosing private even though that wasn't what they were planning, it just ended up being what worked better for them. So I definitely don't judge. But I can see why people might - it's just a lack of real-world experience.

I think you're giving far too much credit to the people like OP's friend. It's not that deep -- it's generally ignorance and trigger's jealousy.

Find me someone like OP's friend who has studied the local privates vis a vis publics and I'll eat my hat. Matter of fact, ask them one simple question: What's the SAT or ACT average and what's the college readiness rate of 12th graders coming out of [local public high school]. I guarantee they have no idea. The people who spew this negativity are generally ignorant as heck. Informed people are balanced and cordial and can see pros and cons of both sides.

PP here. Look, I went to a private school. I also went to public school later on. I've seen both environments. I definitely understand the benefits of private. But they are very individual. Test scores really have nothing to do with IMO. All that tells you is about demographics of who attends each school. You take the same students in the private school, go back in time and put them in a public school and in all likelihood most of their test scores will be exactly the same.