Judgmental parents — why can’t people just mind their own business?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just a vent.

I was chatting with a friend of 8 years the other day. She has a 5 year old; I have a 3.5 year old. Her kid is starting kindergarten in their local MCPS school this fall. We were talking about how big the kids are getting, etc.

My friend asked what we’re doing for kindergarten. I told her we’re going to be looking at private schools. She said, “why would you do that?!” I just said that it’s the right decision for us. She kept going. “MCPS is so good! I can’t imagine why *anyone* would do that, unless they had some special situation or something.”

We ended up moving on to other things, but it just really irked me. I don’t understand why people can’t just let everyone do what’s right for them.

Rant over.

A lot of people feel this way. It’s a valid feeling because you are not contributing to the public good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a vent.

I was chatting with a friend of 8 years the other day. She has a 5 year old; I have a 3.5 year old. Her kid is starting kindergarten in their local MCPS school this fall. We were talking about how big the kids are getting, etc.

My friend asked what we’re doing for kindergarten. I told her we’re going to be looking at private schools. She said, “why would you do that?!” I just said that it’s the right decision for us. She kept going. “MCPS is so good! I can’t imagine why *anyone* would do that, unless they had some special situation or something.”

We ended up moving on to other things, but it just really irked me. I don’t understand why people can’t just let everyone do what’s right for them.

Rant over.

She wishes she could send her kid to private. No other reason for a judgmental response like that. Your choice for your child has nothing to do with her insecure azz.

More likely she is regurgitating something a coworker or real estate agent said awhile back and she did zero due diligence (on DCUM or otherwise). She also prob doesn’t know how toxic the local MoCo Gov’t is either.

OP here. Yeah, she told me “oh well these schools are ranked so highly on Niche!” I wasn’t going to tell her all of the problems days before her kid starts kindergarten. It seemed cruel. She’ll either figure it out on her own and switch her kid, or decide it’s fine.

So, you believe you know everything wrong with public schools — with which you have no personal experience — and you resent that she is criticizing your private school choice with no personal experience of it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s an insecure bitch-can’t stand people like this

You sound very friendly yourself.

So you’re exactly the sort of person OP’s friend is. Stop being so insecure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a vent.

I was chatting with a friend of 8 years the other day. She has a 5 year old; I have a 3.5 year old. Her kid is starting kindergarten in their local MCPS school this fall. We were talking about how big the kids are getting, etc.

My friend asked what we’re doing for kindergarten. I told her we’re going to be looking at private schools. She said, “why would you do that?!” I just said that it’s the right decision for us. She kept going. “MCPS is so good! I can’t imagine why *anyone* would do that, unless they had some special situation or something.”

We ended up moving on to other things, but it just really irked me. I don’t understand why people can’t just let everyone do what’s right for them.

Rant over.

Its a sign of a weak ability to be a friend when someone starts a sentence with " why would you do that" about a personal decision you have thought a lot about

Imagine if you said, " I'm getting married " and they responded - " WHY... ?"

Or if you said, " I've decided to quit the law firm and open a restaurant and they respond , " WHY would anyone do that???"

Not a friend -and its not anything to do with private vs public

Your " friend" doesn't want you to have anything she is afraid she is not able to have or do . Period.

Move on, but not just in the conversation

This right here is the problem, and it’s an attitude that is far too prevalent among private school parents. Not everyone who chooses public does do because they cannot afford private. For many people, it’s a matter of values, about caring about your community beyond just your own household, and feeling it’s important to be part of what a pp referred to as the “common good.” Sure, Maine you’re friend is jealous like this poster assumes. But her response have stemmed from a disappointment in learning that you two don’t share the same values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a vent.

I was chatting with a friend of 8 years the other day. She has a 5 year old; I have a 3.5 year old. Her kid is starting kindergarten in their local MCPS school this fall. We were talking about how big the kids are getting, etc.

My friend asked what we’re doing for kindergarten. I told her we’re going to be looking at private schools. She said, “why would you do that?!” I just said that it’s the right decision for us. She kept going. “MCPS is so good! I can’t imagine why *anyone* would do that, unless they had some special situation or something.”

We ended up moving on to other things, but it just really irked me. I don’t understand why people can’t just let everyone do what’s right for them.

Rant over.

Its a sign of a weak ability to be a friend when someone starts a sentence with " why would you do that" about a personal decision you have thought a lot about

Imagine if you said, " I'm getting married " and they responded - " WHY... ?"

Or if you said, " I've decided to quit the law firm and open a restaurant and they respond , " WHY would anyone do that???"

Not a friend -and its not anything to do with private vs public

Your " friend" doesn't want you to have anything she is afraid she is not able to have or do . Period.

Move on, but not just in the conversation

This right here is the problem, and it’s an attitude that is far too prevalent among private school parents. Not everyone who chooses public does do because they cannot afford private. For many people, it’s a matter of values, about caring about your community beyond just your own household, and feeling it’s important to be part of what a pp referred to as the “common good.” Sure, Maine you’re friend is jealous like this poster assumes. But her response have stemmed from a disappointment in learning that you two don’t share the same values.

Correction, pp referred to it as the public good, not common good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a vent.

I was chatting with a friend of 8 years the other day. She has a 5 year old; I have a 3.5 year old. Her kid is starting kindergarten in their local MCPS school this fall. We were talking about how big the kids are getting, etc.

My friend asked what we’re doing for kindergarten. I told her we’re going to be looking at private schools. She said, “why would you do that?!” I just said that it’s the right decision for us. She kept going. “MCPS is so good! I can’t imagine why *anyone* would do that, unless they had some special situation or something.”

We ended up moving on to other things, but it just really irked me. I don’t understand why people can’t just let everyone do what’s right for them.

Rant over.

She wishes she could send her kid to private. No other reason for a judgmental response like that. Your choice for your child has nothing to do with her insecure azz.

More likely she is regurgitating something a coworker or real estate agent said awhile back and she did zero due diligence (on DCUM or otherwise). She also prob doesn’t know how toxic the local MoCo Gov’t is either.

OP here. Yeah, she told me “oh well these schools are ranked so highly on Niche!” I wasn’t going to tell her all of the problems days before her kid starts kindergarten. It seemed cruel. She’ll either figure it out on her own and switch her kid, or decide it’s fine.

So, you believe you know everything wrong with public schools — with which you have no personal experience — and you resent that she is criticizing your private school choice with no personal experience of it?

I don’t know everything, but I do know that the curriculum has enormous problems, there’s overcrowded classrooms, overuse of technology, not enough social studies and science in elementary years, etc. I don’t pretend to be an expert in the issues with public schools, but it’s clear they’re not the amazing places my friend makes them out to be.

We all have to make decisions for our kids at times without full information. No one really knows what a school is like until your kid starts there, so no one has full information going in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a vent.

I was chatting with a friend of 8 years the other day. She has a 5 year old; I have a 3.5 year old. Her kid is starting kindergarten in their local MCPS school this fall. We were talking about how big the kids are getting, etc.

My friend asked what we’re doing for kindergarten. I told her we’re going to be looking at private schools. She said, “why would you do that?!” I just said that it’s the right decision for us. She kept going. “MCPS is so good! I can’t imagine why *anyone* would do that, unless they had some special situation or something.”

We ended up moving on to other things, but it just really irked me. I don’t understand why people can’t just let everyone do what’s right for them.

Rant over.

Its a sign of a weak ability to be a friend when someone starts a sentence with " why would you do that" about a personal decision you have thought a lot about

Imagine if you said, " I'm getting married " and they responded - " WHY... ?"

Or if you said, " I've decided to quit the law firm and open a restaurant and they respond , " WHY would anyone do that???"

Not a friend -and its not anything to do with private vs public

Your " friend" doesn't want you to have anything she is afraid she is not able to have or do . Period.

Move on, but not just in the conversation

This right here is the problem, and it’s an attitude that is far too prevalent among private school parents. Not everyone who chooses public does do because they cannot afford private. For many people, it’s a matter of values, about caring about your community beyond just your own household, and feeling it’s important to be part of what a pp referred to as the “common good.” Sure, Maine you’re friend is jealous like this poster assumes. But her response have stemmed from a disappointment in learning that you two don’t share the same values.

OP here. Maybe, though I’m also just finding that she’s judgmental about a ton of things. It’s far more than public vs private school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a vent.

I was chatting with a friend of 8 years the other day. She has a 5 year old; I have a 3.5 year old. Her kid is starting kindergarten in their local MCPS school this fall. We were talking about how big the kids are getting, etc.

My friend asked what we’re doing for kindergarten. I told her we’re going to be looking at private schools. She said, “why would you do that?!” I just said that it’s the right decision for us. She kept going. “MCPS is so good! I can’t imagine why *anyone* would do that, unless they had some special situation or something.”

We ended up moving on to other things, but it just really irked me. I don’t understand why people can’t just let everyone do what’s right for them.

Rant over.

She wishes she could send her kid to private. No other reason for a judgmental response like that. Your choice for your child has nothing to do with her insecure azz.

More likely she is regurgitating something a coworker or real estate agent said awhile back and she did zero due diligence (on DCUM or otherwise). She also prob doesn’t know how toxic the local MoCo Gov’t is either.

OP here. Yeah, she told me “oh well these schools are ranked so highly on Niche!” I wasn’t going to tell her all of the problems days before her kid starts kindergarten. It seemed cruel. She’ll either figure it out on her own and switch her kid, or decide it’s fine.

LOL! For a minute, I forgot who was being judgmental, but of course it was not OP, since her strong views are based in deep experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a vent.

I was chatting with a friend of 8 years the other day. She has a 5 year old; I have a 3.5 year old. Her kid is starting kindergarten in their local MCPS school this fall. We were talking about how big the kids are getting, etc.

My friend asked what we’re doing for kindergarten. I told her we’re going to be looking at private schools. She said, “why would you do that?!” I just said that it’s the right decision for us. She kept going. “MCPS is so good! I can’t imagine why *anyone* would do that, unless they had some special situation or something.”

We ended up moving on to other things, but it just really irked me. I don’t understand why people can’t just let everyone do what’s right for them.

Rant over.

A lot of people feel this way. It’s a valid feeling because you are not contributing to the public good.

Dp So you should send your kid somewhere because it may benefit others but, not your own kid? I don't think so!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, it's not like there aren't valid critiques of private schooling, particularly in terms of the way private schools often perpetuate school segregation by income and race.

And public schools don’t? You’re naive.

Thank you! This happens at both!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a vent.

I was chatting with a friend of 8 years the other day. She has a 5 year old; I have a 3.5 year old. Her kid is starting kindergarten in their local MCPS school this fall. We were talking about how big the kids are getting, etc.

My friend asked what we’re doing for kindergarten. I told her we’re going to be looking at private schools. She said, “why would you do that?!” I just said that it’s the right decision for us. She kept going. “MCPS is so good! I can’t imagine why *anyone* would do that, unless they had some special situation or something.”

We ended up moving on to other things, but it just really irked me. I don’t understand why people can’t just let everyone do what’s right for them.

Rant over.

She wishes she could send her kid to private. No other reason for a judgmental response like that. Your choice for your child has nothing to do with her insecure azz.

More likely she is regurgitating something a coworker or real estate agent said awhile back and she did zero due diligence (on DCUM or otherwise). She also prob doesn’t know how toxic the local MoCo Gov’t is either.

OP here. Yeah, she told me “oh well these schools are ranked so highly on Niche!” I wasn’t going to tell her all of the problems days before her kid starts kindergarten. It seemed cruel. She’ll either figure it out on her own and switch her kid, or decide it’s fine.

LOL! For a minute, I forgot who was being judgmental, but of course it was not OP, since her strong views are based in deep experience.

Did you have direct experience when you made a decision about where to send your kid for kindergarten? No. No one does. All I said was I’m sending my kid to private school. I don’t judge those who choose differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a vent.

I was chatting with a friend of 8 years the other day. She has a 5 year old; I have a 3.5 year old. Her kid is starting kindergarten in their local MCPS school this fall. We were talking about how big the kids are getting, etc.

My friend asked what we’re doing for kindergarten. I told her we’re going to be looking at private schools. She said, “why would you do that?!” I just said that it’s the right decision for us. She kept going. “MCPS is so good! I can’t imagine why *anyone* would do that, unless they had some special situation or something.”

We ended up moving on to other things, but it just really irked me. I don’t understand why people can’t just let everyone do what’s right for them.

Rant over.

Its a sign of a weak ability to be a friend when someone starts a sentence with " why would you do that" about a personal decision you have thought a lot about

Imagine if you said, " I'm getting married " and they responded - " WHY... ?"

Or if you said, " I've decided to quit the law firm and open a restaurant and they respond , " WHY would anyone do that???"

Not a friend -and its not anything to do with private vs public

Your " friend" doesn't want you to have anything she is afraid she is not able to have or do . Period.

Move on, but not just in the conversation

This right here is the problem, and it’s an attitude that is far too prevalent among private school parents. Not everyone who chooses public does do because they cannot afford private. For many people, it’s a matter of values, about caring about your community beyond just your own household, and feeling it’s important to be part of what a pp referred to as the “common good.” Sure, Maine you’re friend is jealous like this poster assumes. But her response have stemmed from a disappointment in learning that you two don’t share the same values.

OP here. Maybe, though I’m also just finding that she’s judgmental about a ton of things. It’s far more than public vs private school.

Or maybe the differences in your values run deeper than just public vs private. Look, you are fully within your rights to choose private school, but it is an inherently selfish choice. There’s no way around that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a vent.

I was chatting with a friend of 8 years the other day. She has a 5 year old; I have a 3.5 year old. Her kid is starting kindergarten in their local MCPS school this fall. We were talking about how big the kids are getting, etc.

My friend asked what we’re doing for kindergarten. I told her we’re going to be looking at private schools. She said, “why would you do that?!” I just said that it’s the right decision for us. She kept going. “MCPS is so good! I can’t imagine why *anyone* would do that, unless they had some special situation or something.”

We ended up moving on to other things, but it just really irked me. I don’t understand why people can’t just let everyone do what’s right for them.

Rant over.

Its a sign of a weak ability to be a friend when someone starts a sentence with " why would you do that" about a personal decision you have thought a lot about

Imagine if you said, " I'm getting married " and they responded - " WHY... ?"

Or if you said, " I've decided to quit the law firm and open a restaurant and they respond , " WHY would anyone do that???"

Not a friend -and its not anything to do with private vs public

Your " friend" doesn't want you to have anything she is afraid she is not able to have or do . Period.

Move on, but not just in the conversation

This right here is the problem, and it’s an attitude that is far too prevalent among private school parents. Not everyone who chooses public does do because they cannot afford private. For many people, it’s a matter of values, about caring about your community beyond just your own household, and feeling it’s important to be part of what a pp referred to as the “common good.” Sure, Maine you’re friend is jealous like this poster assumes. But her response have stemmed from a disappointment in learning that you two don’t share the same values.

OP here. Maybe, though I’m also just finding that she’s judgmental about a ton of things. It’s far more than public vs private school.

Or maybe the differences in your values run deeper than just public vs private. Look, you are fully within your rights to choose private school, but it is an inherently selfish choice. There’s no way around that.

Why? Is it more selfish than moving to North Potomac to send your kid to a school in a W cluster, like my friend did?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a vent.

I was chatting with a friend of 8 years the other day. She has a 5 year old; I have a 3.5 year old. Her kid is starting kindergarten in their local MCPS school this fall. We were talking about how big the kids are getting, etc.

My friend asked what we’re doing for kindergarten. I told her we’re going to be looking at private schools. She said, “why would you do that?!” I just said that it’s the right decision for us. She kept going. “MCPS is so good! I can’t imagine why *anyone* would do that, unless they had some special situation or something.”

We ended up moving on to other things, but it just really irked me. I don’t understand why people can’t just let everyone do what’s right for them.

Rant over.

She wishes she could send her kid to private. No other reason for a judgmental response like that. Your choice for your child has nothing to do with her insecure azz.

More likely she is regurgitating something a coworker or real estate agent said awhile back and she did zero due diligence (on DCUM or otherwise). She also prob doesn’t know how toxic the local MoCo Gov’t is either.

OP here. Yeah, she told me “oh well these schools are ranked so highly on Niche!” I wasn’t going to tell her all of the problems days before her kid starts kindergarten. It seemed cruel. She’ll either figure it out on her own and switch her kid, or decide it’s fine.

LOL! For a minute, I forgot who was being judgmental, but of course it was not OP, since her strong views are based in deep experience.

DP It doesn't have to be based on anything! The whole point is not to judge other people's decisions. Op could want a religious education or just like the name of the school. It does not matter! Their kid, their money, their choice!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you were so bothered about her comments is more about you than her.

+100