Judgmental parents — why can’t people just mind their own business?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t have the money from private school and resents that you and others have the choice?

OP here. They make about $200K and have 2 kids. They could apply for FA. I don’t think finances are the issue.

I have no idea how much money my friends make. Even close ones. Its weird to me that so many people on this board know how much their friends make (because this isn't the first time I've seen this kind of post).


We're full pay, we both work full time, we never wanted to send our kid to public (we're both products of public, not private, no legacy). Our choice for our kid is our choice and I don't care what anyone else thinks. I know how crap the schools are where we live (nowhere near where most folks on this board post from).

Also, the whole "you aren't contributing to the public/common good" nonsense isn't a reason to send my kid to crappy public school with an overfull class, no PE, no music, no art and the school only being as good (or bad) as its current parent body in terms of their volunteer time and financial support of the school. No thanks. If I didnt have the money for private then yeah, I'd have no choice but to pull my local school up myself with any other invested and willing parents both with time and money but I'm thankful and fortunate that we can send DC to private.

[Anonymous]

So, people like the prior poster call public school crappy and claim it has no PE, no art, no music, and we’re wondering why public school parents are a little defensive in these conversations? There is this weird combination of superiority and total lack of knowledge in some of the perspectives here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, people like the prior poster call public school crappy and claim it has no PE, no art, no music, and we’re wondering why public school parents are a little defensive in these conversations? There is this weird combination of superiority and total lack of knowledge in some of the perspectives here.

We've done both public and private for elementary. Private was much better but child aged out of program.

However the middle school we are at we get more advanced math than a private would provide, PE, 2 music or art electives and a foreign language each semester. I very much would like to go back to private, child does not but few offer what our public does (we'll see how it goes and may end up back in private but to say they don't offer it when some do).

[Anonymous]

we’re going to be looking at private schools ...

Op, all this says is, "public schools aren't good enough for us". It would have been different if there was a particular school, a private school, you liked a lot, had reasons, and explained that. Saying you hoped your DC would get in. Done.

My guess is you both did each other a favor. You needed a quick litmus test re: the friendship, going forward. Now you know. You saves each other a lot of frustration. You know where each other stands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t have the money from private school and resents that you and others have the choice?

OP here. They make about $200K and have 2 kids. They could apply for FA. I don’t think finances are the issue.

I have no idea how much money my friends make. Even close ones. Its weird to me that so many people on this board know how much their friends make (because this isn't the first time I've seen this kind of post).


We're full pay, we both work full time, we never wanted to send our kid to public (we're both products of public, not private, no legacy). Our choice for our kid is our choice and I don't care what anyone else thinks. I know how crap the schools are where we live (nowhere near where most folks on this board post from).

Also, the whole "you aren't contributing to the public/common good" nonsense isn't a reason to send my kid to crappy public school with an overfull class, no PE, no music, no art and the school only being as good (or bad) as its current parent body in terms of their volunteer time and financial support of the school. No thanks. If I didnt have the money for private then yeah, I'd have no choice but to pull my local school up myself with any other invested and willing parents both with time and money but I'm thankful and fortunate that we can send DC to private.

OP here. The reason I know is because all 4 of us except for my husband work for the fed gov’t. Our GS-grades are common knowledge within our workplaces.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, people like the prior poster call public school crappy and claim it has no PE, no art, no music, and we’re wondering why public school parents are a little defensive in these conversations? There is this weird combination of superiority and total lack of knowledge in some of the perspectives here.

Maybe that person was just talking about their local school. Defensive much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t have the money from private school and resents that you and others have the choice?

OP here. They make about $200K and have 2 kids. They could apply for FA. I don’t think finances are the issue.

200k after taxes is in the 100-125 range? DC privates cost about that much for 2 kids. They would have no money to live on without almost total FA.

I think people underestimate the FA that’s out there, especially at the wealthier schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t have the money from private school and resents that you and others have the choice?

OP here. They make about $200K and have 2 kids. They could apply for FA. I don’t think finances are the issue.

200k after taxes is in the 100-125 range? DC privates cost about that much for 2 kids. They would have no money to live on without almost total FA.

I think people underestimate the FA that’s out there, especially at the wealthier schools.

Also, you’re way overestimating how much is taken out for taxes.

[Anonymous]

Nice White Parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nice White Parents

Yeah, that’s about public schools.

[Anonymous]

We have 4 kids, some in private and some in public. Typically families have chosen one path or another for all their kids, and it’s usually reflective of values or perception of values.

In all honesty, I think nearly all private schools parents believe the education is better at private schools — not just for their particularly child, but any child. I often encounter the judgement that if you have the means you would pay, and that if you have the means and don’t pay it’s because you don’t really value education. Each time I have switched a kid to private, I get comments along those lines from my friends. I take them kindly, meant to reinforce my decision to switch schools, but it’s also an implied criticism of why we didn’t put our kids in private in the first place.

I think that comes across in some of those conversations about school choice between families in public and private. I think it is a little naive for private school parents to not be sensitive to this. For example, when I switched one of my kids from our public to private and started paying $35K in tuition, the implication is that it is better — yes, for my kid, but unless I give a very specific reason, it implies for any kid, because parents are expected to provide the best for their kids.

Note that I don’t think private school parents need to justify their decisions to anyone. I certainly don’t - my close friends know and I don’t care what others think. But I am well aware of what other will think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, people like the prior poster call public school crappy and claim it has no PE, no art, no music, and we’re wondering why public school parents are a little defensive in these conversations? There is this weird combination of superiority and total lack of knowledge in some of the perspectives here.

Why are you here? We’re here to discuss the private schools we send/want to send our kids to. If you think we’re superior or lacking in knowledge, so be it. That’s your right. But why jump in on a conversation just to show your extreme smallness? Your opinion is extraordinarily irrelevant. And it makes your right, and your (public) cause, seem really flinty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, people like the prior poster call public school crappy and claim it has no PE, no art, no music, and we’re wondering why public school parents are a little defensive in these conversations? There is this weird combination of superiority and total lack of knowledge in some of the perspectives here.

Why are you here? We’re here to discuss the private schools we send/want to send our kids to. If you think we’re superior or lacking in knowledge, so be it. That’s your right. But why jump in on a conversation just to show your extreme smallness? Your opinion is extraordinarily irrelevant. And it makes your right, and your (public) cause, seem really flinty.

I am not the PP and my children have only attended private schools, and I agree with the perspective given by the first PP. It is extremely limited to think that only public school parents think this way, and that elitist attitude is not serving the private school community either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love the parents on here, acting like private school is such a selfish choice, when they probably spent too much money for a house districted to Whitman.

I

L.o.l.! Indeed - the holier than though public school parents who would be aghast if any kid could go to school wherever they wanted

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Because she felt judged that she wasn't as a good a parent as you.

We chose MCPS over privates for our child with special needs, so her argument is not valid anyway.

+1 Insecurity is what leads to judgment.