How to make peace with a mediocre husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think op is a troll.

Why do you think this a troll post?
I had a mediocre husband who is still carrying $100,000 of student loan debt, has NO retirement, & a savings account of $700.
He can’t seem to find a regular job (going on 8 years) so he does doc review. Meanwhile I’m slugging it out in a job I hate- because his pansy *ss can’t find the ‘right’ job.
I could deal with mediocre husband- if he’d just earn what I make/hold a job.
Medicine usually means can’t/won’t hold a job

PP-I think everyone might agree that your husband is mediocre. OP did not describe a spouse anywhere near what you've described. According to OP, her husband "makes good money." And "His positives are that he is a great listener, very handsome, loving and affectionate. He is also smart and funny."

None of those things make him "mediocre." Hence, the call that this is a troll post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you? Sounds like a mid-life crisis to me. You are blaming your unhappiness on your husband's imagined shortcomings, but it's actually just you.

Came here to post this. My guess is that you’re not happy with yourself and are looking to pin your unhappiness on him.

I am open to considering this, but I think my feelings have gotten stronger as I have become more successful at work. I am more tired due to more hours and feel solely responsible for making my dreams come true. I find myself wishing my DH was contributing more, both financially and in spirit. I am starting to think we don't share the same dreams and wondering how to reconcile that.

This is a big red flag and really points to you being the problem here. You are responsible for your dreams. No one else is every responsible for your dreams. It doesn’t sound like you share a vision/dreams with your spouse.

You need some serious therapy to decide why you are looking at your husband as the problem here. And let him go. He deserves better than you.

OP, you lost me here too. Do your dreams involve being taken care of or achieving a certain level of professional success yourself? Do you expect you spouse to help you achieve your professional goals? I'm confused trying to figure out what you want from him?

OP dreams of diving into a pile of money Scrooge McDuck style. But her DH is just a GS14 drone and she thought she was marrying a breadwinner b/c he was smart.

I did think I was marrying someone more ambitious, yes. I was attracted to his passion when we first met. I always, always wanted that quality in my spouse. I did think he would keep passionately pursuing big things. It hasn’t quite panned out that way. He has turned out to be very risk averse and he talks a lot about things that might happen someday. He doesn’t take action to make things happen, but I do. I feel like I am the only one actually driving us forward. I am resentful as hell about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you? Sounds like a mid-life crisis to me. You are blaming your unhappiness on your husband's imagined shortcomings, but it's actually just you.

Came here to post this. My guess is that you’re not happy with yourself and are looking to pin your unhappiness on him.

I am open to considering this, but I think my feelings have gotten stronger as I have become more successful at work. I am more tired due to more hours and feel solely responsible for making my dreams come true. I find myself wishing my DH was contributing more, both financially and in spirit. I am starting to think we don't share the same dreams and wondering how to reconcile that.

This is a big red flag and really points to you being the problem here. You are responsible for your dreams. No one else is every responsible for your dreams. It doesn’t sound like you share a vision/dreams with your spouse.

You need some serious therapy to decide why you are looking at your husband as the problem here. And let him go. He deserves better than you.

OP, you lost me here too. Do your dreams involve being taken care of or achieving a certain level of professional success yourself? Do you expect you spouse to help you achieve your professional goals? I'm confused trying to figure out what you want from him?

OP dreams of diving into a pile of money Scrooge McDuck style. But her DH is just a GS14 drone and she thought she was marrying a breadwinner b/c he was smart.

I did think I was marrying someone more ambitious, yes. I was attracted to his passion when we first met. I always, always wanted that quality in my spouse. I did think he would keep passionately pursuing big things. It hasn’t quite panned out that way. He has turned out to be very risk averse and he talks a lot about things that might happen someday. He doesn’t take action to make things happen, but I do. I feel like I am the only one actually driving us forward. I am resentful as hell about it.

So it’s money?

[Anonymous]

You want a big man on campus who will cheat, and you’ll regret it.

[Anonymous]

He’s handsome, loving, makes good money. What’s the issue again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s handsome, loving, makes good money. What’s the issue again?

She realized she was posting to DCUM and needed to find something to complain about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you? Sounds like a mid-life crisis to me. You are blaming your unhappiness on your husband's imagined shortcomings, but it's actually just you.

Came here to post this. My guess is that you’re not happy with yourself and are looking to pin your unhappiness on him.

I am open to considering this, but I think my feelings have gotten stronger as I have become more successful at work. I am more tired due to more hours and feel solely responsible for making my dreams come true. I find myself wishing my DH was contributing more, both financially and in spirit. I am starting to think we don't share the same dreams and wondering how to reconcile that.

This is a big red flag and really points to you being the problem here. You are responsible for your dreams. No one else is every responsible for your dreams. It doesn’t sound like you share a vision/dreams with your spouse.

You need some serious therapy to decide why you are looking at your husband as the problem here. And let him go. He deserves better than you.

OP, you lost me here too. Do your dreams involve being taken care of or achieving a certain level of professional success yourself? Do you expect you spouse to help you achieve your professional goals? I'm confused trying to figure out what you want from him?

OP dreams of diving into a pile of money Scrooge McDuck style. But her DH is just a GS14 drone and she thought she was marrying a breadwinner b/c he was smart.

I did think I was marrying someone more ambitious, yes. I was attracted to his passion when we first met. I always, always wanted that quality in my spouse. I did think he would keep passionately pursuing big things. It hasn’t quite panned out that way. He has turned out to be very risk averse and he talks a lot about things that might happen someday. He doesn’t take action to make things happen, but I do. I feel like I am the only one actually driving us forward. I am resentful as hell about it.

So it’s money?

For most of DCUM, it’s always money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here, I can relate to this. My wife has completely checked out sexually and it clouds everything else.

I try to take inventory of what we do have since you don't realize the non problems. Like, we agree on finances, kids are thriving, we love travel, we love going out.

I will take flack for this but I have given myself permission to have an affair if the right opportunity presents. It seems less overwhelming to think I can have a great sex life again, even if not with her.

Just divorce your wife. You’ll find someone great that you’ll match with sexually. Why worry about getting caught etc. Not sure why more men don’t consider this option.

[Anonymous]

My husband isn’t mediocre based on your standard. He is ambitious, takes initiative and leads.

But he’s a terrible listener, has very little to talk about and isn’t kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think op is a troll.

Why do you think this a troll post?
I had a mediocre husband who is still carrying $100,000 of student loan debt, has NO retirement, & a savings account of $700.
He can’t seem to find a regular job (going on 8 years) so he does doc review. Meanwhile I’m slugging it out in a job I hate- because his pansy *ss can’t find the ‘right’ job.
I could deal with mediocre husband- if he’d just earn what I make/hold a job.
Medicine usually means can’t/won’t hold a job

For every mediocre husband, there's a mediocre wife who can't do better than him.

[Anonymous]

This thread has taught me you can lot a lot about a poster simply based upon how they describe their spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here, I can relate to this. My wife has completely checked out sexually and it clouds everything else.

I try to take inventory of what we do have since you don't realize the non problems. Like, we agree on finances, kids are thriving, we love travel, we love going out.

I will take flack for this but I have given myself permission to have an affair if the right opportunity presents. It seems less overwhelming to think I can have a great sex life again, even if not with her.

Just divorce your wife. You’ll find someone great that you’ll match with sexually. Why worry about getting caught etc. Not sure why more men don’t consider this option.

Kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you? Sounds like a mid-life crisis to me. You are blaming your unhappiness on your husband's imagined shortcomings, but it's actually just you.

Came here to post this. My guess is that you’re not happy with yourself and are looking to pin your unhappiness on him.

I am open to considering this, but I think my feelings have gotten stronger as I have become more successful at work. I am more tired due to more hours and feel solely responsible for making my dreams come true. I find myself wishing my DH was contributing more, both financially and in spirit. I am starting to think we don't share the same dreams and wondering how to reconcile that.

This is a big red flag and really points to you being the problem here. You are responsible for your dreams. No one else is every responsible for your dreams. It doesn’t sound like you share a vision/dreams with your spouse.

You need some serious therapy to decide why you are looking at your husband as the problem here. And let him go. He deserves better than you.

OP, you lost me here too. Do your dreams involve being taken care of or achieving a certain level of professional success yourself? Do you expect you spouse to help you achieve your professional goals? I'm confused trying to figure out what you want from him?

OP dreams of diving into a pile of money Scrooge McDuck style. But her DH is just a GS14 drone and she thought she was marrying a breadwinner b/c he was smart.

I did think I was marrying someone more ambitious, yes. I was attracted to his passion when we first met. I always, always wanted that quality in my spouse. I did think he would keep passionately pursuing big things. It hasn’t quite panned out that way. He has turned out to be very risk averse and he talks a lot about things that might happen someday. He doesn’t take action to make things happen, but I do. I feel like I am the only one actually driving us forward. I am resentful as hell about it.

You are beating around the bush. Does "driving us forward" mean making more money? Be honest with yourself and your husband. If you are not personally ambitious and want to be with someone who will take care of you and make you feel like a woman you need to communicate that to your husband. Maybe you two can find a better balance.

[Anonymous]

What in the wide wide world of sports does “driving us forward” mean? It gives me a mental image of you driving a dogsled.

[Anonymous]

A song was written about OP