Best friend's husband is being ungrateful or are we wrong? WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Funny, by page three I feel like the only two people behaving at all normally are the husband and the fiancé. OP and Anna are out of line and are going to destroy their relationships with their SOs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the last time you help financially. Your DH absolutely owes mike an apology. He kicked the man when his pride was already down. Mike behaved immaturely and without gratitude but he’s understandably taken an ego hit. Let it go. Tell them the car is theirs and what’s done is done but you don’t want to hear another word about it and all 4 of you make a pact to never discuss finances ever again. When you get together from now on, be sensitive to their financial situation and choose ways to get together that are budget friendly.

Are you for real??

Mike sounds like a grade-A ungrateful a**hole, if a couple friend buys your wife *a new car* you don't tear into them the next time you see them.

Uh, buying a car for a friend is insane. Mike wasn't well behaved but neither was OP.

There is no equivalency here between OP and Mike.

OP very generously bought the wife a car (I wouldn't do this myself but OP can spend her money on her friends as she pleases) and Mike is being an ungrateful whiner.

Disagree. Mike's behavior is understandable. OP's isn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Funny, by page three I feel like the only two people behaving at all normally are the husband and the fiancé. OP and Anna are out of line and are going to destroy their relationships with their SOs.

Honestly, it sounds like OP should break up with her guy and marry Anna.

Poor Mike.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Funny, by page three I feel like the only two people behaving at all normally are the husband and the fiancé. OP and Anna are out of line and are going to destroy their relationships with their SOs.

Honestly, it sounds like OP should break up with her guy and marry Anna.

Poor Mike.

For real!!

[Anonymous]

OP, I know you mean well, but you are enabling your "friend", or she is using you, or both. I know someone who lost everything, which is bad enough. That person hit up a friend of mine for a car, a job, and a place to stay (yes, one person for all of them = $$$$$). The friend has a family of their own to support! Not to mention, the friend helps out family members. This schmuck was in no way a family member.

The friend (a people pleaser, obviously - as this person was/is well aware) very, very very foolishly gave this person all three. This went on for years, until the friend's wife put her foot down (originally, this was done without the wife knowing, the wife knew the guy was a user and a blow hard, and was having none of it).

This person always had and still has the "look at all you have" attitude toward the "friend". The friend made every single thing they have on their own, entirely, and it took decades. Countless sacrifices were made by this friend to have what they do - but the guy (you guessed it) had/has NO IDEA what is involved in that type of thing. NONE. At the same time, this person always acted like an entitled pr*ck (one of the reasons his wife and family left him).

Long story short, you can either have money or friendship, never both. Whatever you do, don't borrow or give money under the guise of "friendship", because as soon as you do, that friendship is gone. Honestly, as soon as you start helping a certain kind (see above) of people out, they will always have their hand extended, waiting for more. That is how this type is. Maybe your friend is experiencing that. Just stop. You are not helping her.

[Anonymous]

Don’t you have your own future to save up for, OP? A wedding, a house, kids? Now that it’s a new year and you have a fiancé, it’s a good time to end the money flow.

You can stay friends with Anna, but the next time she starts in on how they don’t have the money, the only thing you need to offer is your sympathy and your confidence that she and Mike will figure it out. You don’t need to have a long conversation now or make a big announcement — just don’t offer money any more.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like a set up for a story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t you have your own future to save up for, OP? A wedding, a house, kids? Now that it’s a new year and you have a fiancé, it’s a good time to end the money flow.

You can stay friends with Anna, but the next time she starts in on how they don’t have the money, the only thing you need to offer is your sympathy and your confidence that she and Mike will figure it out. You don’t need to have a long conversation now or make a big announcement — just don’t offer money any more.

+1

OP, you people are adults. Time to worry about yourselves.

[Anonymous]

You embarrassed the guy. Then your fiancé made it worse. Ypur intentions were good, but now you need to stop. You can chose to give your friends money but you cannot chose how they accept it. You have no right to say the guy should be grateful. Maybe he is trying to get them to stand on thiervown two feet, but your friend keeps taking money from you. Stop giving her money and respect her as a friend.

[Anonymous]

Doubtful that the husband didn’t know about the other money

[Anonymous]

Mike knew about the car. He was okay with it but then got weird. I still haven’t called her back

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mike knew about the car. He was okay with it but then got weird. I still haven’t called her back

He got weird because he wants a new car too. You should give him one. That would be the right thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mike knew about the car. He was okay with it but then got weird. I still haven’t called her back

He got weird because he wants a new car too. You should give him one. That would be the right thing to do.

Everybody gets a car!

[Anonymous]

List of problems:

1. Your friend asking you for money on a regular basis.
2. You being OK with it.
3. Her husband being rude about it. He has a right to be angry/humiliated when his wife asks friends for money, but he does not have the right to be rude to his wife's benefactors.

Only person who's right:

Your fiance.

Solution:

Distance yourselves courteously and stop giving her money. This may not be the end of the friendship. Personally, we've survived some pretty bad situations with friends (in our case, both my husband and my friend's husband were to blame). Her rude husband might have done all of you a favor in disguise.

[Anonymous]

Normal people do not buy their friends cars, or pay their repair bills.