Best friend's husband is being ungrateful or are we wrong? WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the last time you help financially. Your DH absolutely owes mike an apology. He kicked the man when his pride was already down. Mike behaved immaturely and without gratitude but he’s understandably taken an ego hit. Let it go. Tell them the car is theirs and what’s done is done but you don’t want to hear another word about it and all 4 of you make a pact to never discuss finances ever again. When you get together from now on, be sensitive to their financial situation and choose ways to get together that are budget friendly.

Are you for real??

Mike sounds like a grade-A ungrateful a**hole, if a couple friend buys your wife *a new car* you don't tear into them the next time you see them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the last time you help financially. Your DH absolutely owes mike an apology. He kicked the man when his pride was already down. Mike behaved immaturely and without gratitude but he’s understandably taken an ego hit. Let it go. Tell them the car is theirs and what’s done is done but you don’t want to hear another word about it and all 4 of you make a pact to never discuss finances ever again. When you get together from now on, be sensitive to their financial situation and choose ways to get together that are budget friendly.

Are you for real??

Mike sounds like a grade-A ungrateful a**hole, if a couple friend buys your wife *a new car* you don't tear into them the next time you see them.

Uh, buying a car for a friend is insane. Mike wasn't well behaved but neither was OP.

[Anonymous]

boundaries, OP.

[Anonymous]

I'm realizing we are going to have to have a serious conversation. Probably all 4 of us so that we can be on the same page. But I guess now, I'm a bit hurt by what mike said and I don't really want to talk to them right now.

[Anonymous]

OP, if I was in your position, I would speak to my friend privately (as in, neither of your partners is present) and explain that you can’t give her large cash infusions anymore. It is clearly creating tension in both couples for you to do this and frankly, it is not the best solution to the problem. You need to stop buying fish and teach her to fish or at least verbalize that you support her learning to fish herself. Frankly if you are close enough to this person to buy her a car or pay her daycare bill, you’re close enough to have a conversation about financial literacy and budgeting with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm realizing we are going to have to have a serious conversation. Probably all 4 of us so that we can be on the same page. But I guess now, I'm a bit hurt by what mike said and I don't really want to talk to them right now.

Mike is not the problem in your foursome. Nor is your DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm realizing we are going to have to have a serious conversation. Probably all 4 of us so that we can be on the same page. But I guess now, I'm a bit hurt by what mike said and I don't really want to talk to them right now.

No, you don't. Don't make this bigger than it is. Call Anna back, assure her you're still friends, and then tell her you were looking over your finances and need to make a few changes and won't be able to lend her money going forward. Ignore that Mike said obnoxious things. That's the gracious thing to do. If he apologizes, say you accept.

[Anonymous]

A few months ago, we discussed their finances so I could help them plan things a bit better. Between the 2 of them, they make $55K. They really don't do any extras except for the occasional 7-11 coffee. Kids go to an in home daycare and until recently they had an apartment. Once the lease ended, they decided to just move in with relatives to save money. They both have about $15K in student loans each.

I would help out because of the friendship and then obviously because of the kids. I have been paying the daycare bill for the past 3 months to take some of the weight off but now they are covering it because they don't have the high rent anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if I was in your position, I would speak to my friend privately (as in, neither of your partners is present) and explain that you can’t give her large cash infusions anymore. It is clearly creating tension in both couples for you to do this and frankly, it is not the best solution to the problem. You need to stop buying fish and teach her to fish or at least verbalize that you support her learning to fish herself. Frankly if you are close enough to this person to buy her a car or pay her daycare bill, you’re close enough to have a conversation about financial literacy and budgeting with her. [/quote

I think speaking with all 4 present would be helpful to get everyone on the same page. Obviously Mike feels out of the loop (maybe willingly) but he can't claim that if all four sit down and lay out what's up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Why do you keep giving grown ass people money? Why do you give a grown ass wife money that her husband doesn't know about ??
I think everything you are doing is a recipe for disaster .
To be honest I think you are in the wrong ;you know they aren't financially capable but I think there's some little bit of of a pay off you get it from constantly bailing them out .
Hell yeah dude is embarrassed and if you can bail somebody out you don't throw it in their face .
I would throw all of y'all away .

+1.

Your friend's husband is embarrassed and (rightfully) angry at his wife for taking their problems outside their marriage WITHOUT HIS KNOWLEDGE or consent. He's turning it on you guys because he is embarrassed and wants you out of his business, and he's not going to air his dirty marital laundry (his anger at his wife) in front of you, unlike her who seems to think it's just fine to go begging to friends. It would be bad enough if you were her parents or siblings, but you're not even that.

I get that you meant well, but come on!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the last time you help financially. Your DH absolutely owes mike an apology. He kicked the man when his pride was already down. Mike behaved immaturely and without gratitude but he’s understandably taken an ego hit. Let it go. Tell them the car is theirs and what’s done is done but you don’t want to hear another word about it and all 4 of you make a pact to never discuss finances ever again. When you get together from now on, be sensitive to their financial situation and choose ways to get together that are budget friendly.

Are you for real??

Mike sounds like a grade-A ungrateful a**hole, if a couple friend buys your wife *a new car* you don't tear into them the next time you see them.

Uh, buying a car for a friend is insane. Mike wasn't well behaved but neither was OP.

There is no equivalency here between OP and Mike.

OP very generously bought the wife a car (I wouldn't do this myself but OP can spend her money on her friends as she pleases) and Mike is being an ungrateful whiner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A few months ago, we discussed their finances so I could help them plan things a bit better. Between the 2 of them, they make $55K. They really don't do any extras except for the occasional 7-11 coffee. Kids go to an in home daycare and until recently they had an apartment. Once the lease ended, they decided to just move in with relatives to save money. They both have about $15K in student loans each.

I would help out because of the friendship and then obviously because of the kids. I have been paying the daycare bill for the past 3 months to take some of the weight off but now they are covering it because they don't have the high rent anymore.

OK at this point I'm calling troll !
You are so deep in their finances you are lending them money, buying them cars , so who are you a combination of Suzie Orman and Will and Jada?
You got it like that on the knowledge front and the deep pockets that you raining down cars and advice ?
You need to get a life and some boundaries because if this is for real you are really team way way too much

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A few months ago, we discussed their finances so I could help them plan things a bit better. Between the 2 of them, they make $55K. They really don't do any extras except for the occasional 7-11 coffee. Kids go to an in home daycare and until recently they had an apartment. Once the lease ended, they decided to just move in with relatives to save money. They both have about $15K in student loans each.

I would help out because of the friendship and then obviously because of the kids. I have been paying the daycare bill for the past 3 months to take some of the weight off but now they are covering it because they don't have the high rent anymore.

HOLY SHIT, WOMAN! Stop the insanity! Stop paying for things for them. Stop buying them things. Get some freaking self respect. They are able-bodied people of average intelligence - let them work out their finances. GET OUT OF THEIR BUSINESS. Are you a CPA? No? Then you should NOT be discussing their finances with them. YOU are your own worst enemy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the last time you help financially. Your DH absolutely owes mike an apology. He kicked the man when his pride was already down. Mike behaved immaturely and without gratitude but he’s understandably taken an ego hit. Let it go. Tell them the car is theirs and what’s done is done but you don’t want to hear another word about it and all 4 of you make a pact to never discuss finances ever again. When you get together from now on, be sensitive to their financial situation and choose ways to get together that are budget friendly.

Are you for real??

Mike sounds like a grade-A ungrateful a**hole, if a couple friend buys your wife *a new car* you don't tear into them the next time you see them.

Uh, buying a car for a friend is insane. Mike wasn't well behaved but neither was OP.

There is no equivalency here between OP and Mike.

OP very generously bought the wife a car (I wouldn't do this myself but OP can spend her money on her friends as she pleases) and Mike is being an ungrateful whiner.

You are full of it and I think OP is to at this point I really don't believe her and if it is true you are no one has any business buying some half of a couple of vehicle without the other partner no way unless she helping her to get to the underground railroad for domestic abuse survivors she was dead ass wrong.
And she's been doing this come on really ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A few months ago, we discussed their finances so I could help them plan things a bit better. Between the 2 of them, they make $55K. They really don't do any extras except for the occasional 7-11 coffee. Kids go to an in home daycare and until recently they had an apartment. Once the lease ended, they decided to just move in with relatives to save money. They both have about $15K in student loans each.

I would help out because of the friendship and then obviously because of the kids. I have been paying the daycare bill for the past 3 months to take some of the weight off but now they are covering it because they don't have the high rent anymore.

HOLY SHIT, WOMAN! Stop the insanity! Stop paying for things for them. Stop buying them things. Get some freaking self respect. They are able-bodied people of average intelligence - let them work out their finances. GET OUT OF THEIR BUSINESS. Are you a CPA? No? Then you should NOT be discussing their finances with them. YOU are your own worst enemy.

She sounds like she's a couples worst enemy to she will have them in divorce court, counseling and on judge Judy!