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General Parenting Discussion
Reply to "Why do people have to use the phrase “ we don’t do...” "
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It sounds so pretentious. “We don’t do juice.” “We don’t do malls.” “We don’t do tablets.” It’s always said by parents with kids 5 and under too. For example if someone asked me if my kids liked pop tarts I would just respond “oh they haven’t tried them yet.” Instead of saying “We don’t do pop tarts.” [/quote] It’s less pretentious than “I don’t give my kids juice” or “I don’t take my kids to malls.”[/quote No, it sounds much MORE pretentious. I don't give my kid's X means you made a choice not to give them X. We (almost like the royal "we") don't do X is a statement that not only means you don't give your child X, but it implies that X is distasteful and you don't agree with others giving X either. The height of pretension. Not only a statement, but a judgment of others who do. "We don't do tablets" means that not only do these parents not allow their children tablets but they disagree with screen time for children. It's a judgmental and boorish phrase.[/quote] I'm looking for alternative statements. Should I just say, "We are trying our best not to expose our child to games on phones or other devices"? Then, should I pick different friends if they don't put them away?[/quote] Make a statement that doesn't imply looking down your nose on other's who don't make the same choice as you. You can say "We're limiting screen time." or "We're holding off on electronics until she's older" or "No electronics, please" Or "No thank you"[/quote] I'm a NP and this is ridiculous. "We don't do tablets" means the family doesn't use tablets. It's literally a statement of fact-- you're just defensive. There is nothing a person could say that would have a 100% success rate of being understood AND not offending others, so please don't act like there is. If I say "She doesn't use tablets," people think she just hasn't YET, and it's okay to offer. If I say "we don't allow tablets," (in a context where one isn't being offered, but as a response to "what's her favorite iPad game?" or something), that's kind of inaccurate, because I don't so much "disallow" them as, yes, simply "not do" them. I'm not saying "No," it's just not something we "do." I could go on and on. Even saying, "No, thank you," to an offer tends to invite more questions. We're all doing the best we can when forced to make these (usually apologetic) declarations. The idea that you have the One True Correct Way to Say It is laughable. [/quote] English is not my native language, yet even I know the definition of "we don't do..."It is judgy and condescending and pointing out that you are above someone or some action. We don't allow tablets is much more accurate response to that question, than we don't do tablets. We don't do them is grammatically inaccurate, and hence grating on the ears.[/quote]
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