Is it a Thing For Men to Ask a Woman How Many Fathers Her Kids Have?

[Anonymous]

He probably just wanted to know how many fathers he would have to deal with. It is a little rude but men are more direct.

I can't believe how petty some people are being here. What is wrong with meeting in a parking lot? Is there something shady about parking lots? You probably use one every day. Good for you OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I agree it's a bit forward; I also see why they want to know. But it seems like there are nicer / better ways to phrase it...(All from the same relationship? Do they all have the same father?)

Op
Can avoid all that by telling them how many kids she has before the first date. It is completely disingenuous to tell someone you have four kids on a first date. Waste of everyone’s time.

I am not meeting the men online, so they aren't reading a profile. I meet men the old fashioned way--in person. The guy from today pulled up on me in a parking lot on Tuesday and asked for my number. We went out to lunch today after several back and forth text messages.

Should I have told him in the parking lot that I have 4 kids? I don't view my kids as a detriment or a dirty secret so having them works its way into the conversation organically and within the first conversation. Geesh

Why on earth would you give your number to a stranger you met in a parking lot? This strikes me as dangerous and thirsty.

If interested equals thirsty.... I guess I am thirsty. Shrugs shoulders. Blowing men off who show interest in you, when you are interested as well is silly. I caught his eye and he caught mine too. It was broad daylight and I was not in harms way.

I know online dating seems normal to the youngins, but how do you think people were meeting prior to its existence?

I’m not a “youngin”, and I think it’s weird, I didn’t give my number to someone for whom I had no context.

[Anonymous]

He was being very direct; he could have been more tactful but there are plenty of women out there who has children by more than just one man. Example: Bristol Palin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cut the date short if they ask that. Politely excuse yourself, pay your portion of the bill, and walk out. Use you night to go to the movies by yourself, go to the bookstore, take a walk to get coffee, washing your hair. Pretty much anything else other than wasting your time with someone who is so ill bread that they would ask something like that. It reflect on them not you.

Ppl here. lol. I meant breed. It was an awesome autocorrect though.

ill-bred?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He probably just wanted to know how many fathers he would have to deal with. It is a little rude but men are more direct.

I can't believe how petty some people are being here. What is wrong with meeting in a parking lot? Is there something shady about parking lots? You probably use one every day. Good for you OP!

+1....all these naysayers, if the OP stated that this dude was driving a Tesla in a Whole Foods parking lot, everyone would be fine with it.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you should have come right out in the parking lot & told him you had four kids.
Like you stated OP, it’s not like your four kids are some deep, dark revelation.

However during texting or the first phone call, I think it is best to disclose this fact since there are some men who just do not want to date a woman w/kids.
Especially four.

And it is VERY rude to ask someone if all of her children come from the same Father.
I would find it really offensive, but notice many people will ask this question w/our blinking an eye.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree it's a bit forward; I also see why they want to know. But it seems like there are nicer / better ways to phrase it...(All from the same relationship? Do they all have the same father?)

Op
Can avoid all that by telling them how many kids she has before the first date. It is completely disingenuous to tell someone you have four kids on a first date. Waste of everyone’s time.

I am not meeting the men online, so they aren't reading a profile. I meet men the old fashioned way--in person. The guy from today pulled up on me in a parking lot on Tuesday and asked for my number. We went out to lunch today after several back and forth text messages.

Should I have told him in the parking lot that I have 4 kids? I don't view my kids as a detriment or a dirty secret so having them works its way into the conversation organically and within the first conversation. Geesh

No, not in the lot, but in one of those several texts, unless you are just looking for a fling, in which case do not let the question bother u so much.

[Anonymous]

There are some things you need to make a point of mentioning, OP, when you first start talking to a man. Not because they are shameful or bad, but because it affects the other person's decision-making in whether they want to date you. Having four children is one of those things. You have to be upfront. It doesn't mean you give a list of disclosures. It means if you are talking on the phone or texting, you find a way to say something like "Oh sorry, I got distracted, one of my kids was bugging me." That way he can reply, and ask..Oh, you have kids, how many? And you can politely and proudly remark "My ex and I have four beautiful kids" or words to that effect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say 8 dads.

Yes, give a stupid answer to a stupid question or say "why would you ask that?" then watch him struggle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He was being very direct; he could have been more tactful but there are plenty of women out there who has children by more than just one man. Example: Bristol Palin.

Yea and she's classy. Nothing wrong with her choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree it's a bit forward; I also see why they want to know. But it seems like there are nicer / better ways to phrase it...(All from the same relationship? Do they all have the same father?)

Op
Can avoid all that by telling them how many kids she has before the first date. It is completely disingenuous to tell someone you have four kids on a first date. Waste of everyone’s time.

I am not meeting the men online, so they aren't reading a profile. I meet men the old fashioned way--in person. The guy from today pulled up on me in a parking lot on Tuesday and asked for my number. We went out to lunch today after several back and forth text messages.

Should I have told him in the parking lot that I have 4 kids? I don't view my kids as a detriment or a dirty secret so having them works its way into the conversation organically and within the first conversation. Geesh

No, you probably should not have gone out with a stranger who pulled up and propositioned you in a parking lot.



Don't you remember Silence of the Lambs?

Sheesh.

Meeting someone online isnt dangerous?

Well, a middle aged mom of 4 picking up strange guys in parking lots kind of lends itself to a certain type of "catch."

Are you male or female? I ask because having guys hit on you wherever is pretty much the norm. Would it have been any different if he had done it in the produce section of the grocery store or at the bar?? Funny how what used to be normal is now viewed as abnormal, and what used to seem weird (online dating) is now the norm.

Doesn’t mean you have to date them. I get hit on all the time at gas stations. PITA. You don’t have to give them your number just because they ask.

I know this and I rarely do, but I wanted to this time. I don't see anything wrong with exchanging numbers with someone if they catch your attention. Him being in his car in the parking lot is irrelevant

Yes but springing four kids on a first date is rude. I don’t date men with kids or married men so I would be pretty pissed if some guy did not bother to tell me this kind of info prior to the date.

Yes but I bet you wouldn't ask if how many baby momma he had. Four kids is enough of a deal breaker for most people if they are looking for more than a hit and run.

[Anonymous]

OP here, I meant to mention this, but got completely blinded by the responses...fun fact: he has no children and has never been married. He is 37 and I am 40.

I typically prefer dating men who are older than me, but 3 years is no biggie. However, not having kids and never being married is a deal breaker for me. Deal breaker pendulum swings both ways.

I feel like a man with no kids and who has never been married can't relate to me.

I have no regrets about going out with him though and I am open to friendship. One can never have too many friends!

[Anonymous]

I am going to go against the grain and say, in this day and age, it is a question that isn't surprising. It is based on curiosity. The answer would be telling them how complicated your life is.

[Anonymous]

My honest answer would be that three are from my ex husband and one is from my ex AP. I don’t have much success in the dating world.

[Anonymous]

I have 4 children from 3 men. Not sure why it would be important to a conversation but if asked I would tell them the truth.