Is it a Thing For Men to Ask a Woman How Many Fathers Her Kids Have?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are some things you need to make a point of mentioning, OP, when you first start talking to a man. Not because they are shameful or bad, but because it affects the other person's decision-making in whether they want to date you. Having four children is one of those things. You have to be upfront. It doesn't mean you give a list of disclosures. It means if you are talking on the phone or texting, you find a way to say something like "Oh sorry, I got distracted, one of my kids was bugging me." That way he can reply, and ask..Oh, you have kids, how many? And you can politely and proudly remark "My ex and I have four beautiful kids" or words to that effect.

+1

[Anonymous]

I think you are all missing the point of the post.... its not about how many kids you have. That should absolutely be disclosed. Its about how many different fathers your kids have. Im not sure theres any real relevence in disclosing that.

[Anonymous]

I'm a divorced 43yo man with two children, I and I'm frequently asked on first dates if they have the same mother.

I don't mind the question at all. "They're twins" is my answer.

This question would only bother someone for whom the answer is that their are multiple co-parents and for some reason they're ashamed of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are all missing the point of the post.... its not about how many kids you have. That should absolutely be disclosed. Its about how many different fathers your kids have. Im not sure theres any real relevence in disclosing that.

The person asking is wondering how many baby mamas or daddys they will have to deal with. They can be more tactful but totally relevant if you want to be in a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a guy and am appalled that you get this question. You do not want to date a guy who brings it up out of the blue. At some point the topic may come up naturally later in the relationship.

Yes, but she is picking up strange guys in parking lots.

Not necessarily the cream of the crop.[/quote

For curiosity, where/how do cream of the crop men meet women? What makes you assume he’s a low life because he stopped her in a parking lot?

This! Aren't all people strange until they introduce themselves? I was at Balducci's the other day, and I'm not a hot mom by the way, and a guy tried to pick me up as I was returning my basket. As I was rolling my basket up (I parked far for the walk) he drove along side asking me all about my situation. He was driving a very nice GMC Denali. If I was single, I would have exchanged numbers. He was a white guy (I'm AA) and he seemed pretty nice looking and was definitely well spoken. If he was a black I would have taken his number to introduce him to a friend I know. My single friends say all opportunities to meet people must be utilized.

OP here, the guy I met was driving a really nice Benz, well dressed and attractive. Call me shallow, but that definitely weighed on my decision to give him my number. I'm not sure why the people of DCUM like to pretend like they aren't equally as human as the rest of us. I like when men approach me, even when I am not interested.

This is funny. I drive a really nice BMW and am a divorced 50yo man in good shape. I had no idea my ride would make a difference at this age. I got it for me. Good to know. I don’t really know why that would be attractive to the women in 40s I would like to date though. I live in DC though where fancy European cars or Teslas are ubiquitous. Maybe this impresses the ladies out in the exurbs?

For me it would, and frankly I would have preferred a divorced 50 yo man in good shape.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He probably just wanted to know how many fathers he would have to deal with. It is a little rude but men are more direct.

I can't believe how petty some people are being here. What is wrong with meeting in a parking lot? Is there something shady about parking lots? You probably use one every day. Good for you OP!

+1....all these naysayers, if the OP stated that this dude was driving a Tesla in a Whole Foods parking lot, everyone would be fine with it.

The Dude driving a Tesla to Whole Foods is looking for another dude. This situation wouldn’t apply.

OMG LMAO!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am amazed that you can find men who will date you with four kids.

The answer in this case was that OP did not disclose she had four kids until the date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am amazed that you can find men who will date you with four kids.

The answer in this case was that OP did not disclose she had four kids until the date.

**Cough** He's been texting me all day today, so the kids are clearly not a deterrent, try as you may.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am amazed that you can find men who will date you with four kids.

The answer in this case was that OP did not disclose she had four kids until the date.

**Cough** He's been texting me all day today, so the kids are clearly not a deterrent, try as you may.

Is this OP? IDK that's a big red flag, I'd move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am amazed that you can find men who will date you with four kids.

The answer in this case was that OP did not disclose she had four kids until the date.

**Cough** He's been texting me all day today, so the kids are clearly not a deterrent, try as you may.

He is a 37yrs old guy never married and single. Of course he is not going to see the 4 kids as a deterrent to getting laid.

[Anonymous]

As a guy I’d ask because if you have 4 kids with an ex, ok, the relationship ran it’s course. If you have 4 kids with 4 guys, I’m not looking to be number 5. Your irresponsibility is not becoming my headache.

[Anonymous]

Maybe since you are going out with men that pick you up in parking lots they think you are easy. I don’t think that’s a crazy question. Maybe they are worried that you will purposely get knocked up after they sleep with you that night. Bc they are def thinking you are a sure thing.

[Anonymous]

I'm a divorced dad with physical custody. I ask that and a whole slew of other questions, but more tactfully than that guy. I think it's best to ask those questions early on for both parties' sake, because you don't want to waste anyone's time or get interested in someone only to realize they aren't into the whole package that comes with you.

Finding out about the kids is the first thing I ask, and the usual follow-up (after the naturally flowing part about their ages and gender) is what happened between her and the dad. How long ago did they break up? Is he active in their lives? Dealing with an ex can be a nightmare. Dealing with multiple exes is worse. I don't think it's unreasonable to want to know what I could be getting myself into.

[Anonymous]

I'm a divorced dad with physical custody. I ask that and a whole slew of other questions, but more tactfully than that guy. I think it's best to ask those questions early on for both parties' sake, because you don't want to waste anyone's time or get interested in someone only to realize they aren't into the whole package that comes with you.

Finding out about the kids is the first thing I ask, and the usual follow-up (after the naturally flowing part about their ages and gender) is what happened between her and the dad. How long ago did they break up? Is he active in their lives? Dealing with an ex can be a nightmare. Dealing with multiple exes is worse. I don't think it's unreasonable to want to know what I could be getting myself into.

[Anonymous]

4 kids is a lot.