Is it a Thing For Men to Ask a Woman How Many Fathers Her Kids Have?

[Anonymous]

Nothing wrong with meeting in a parking lot. This is what it means to meet someone in real life. The question was rudely put but many people would want to know the answer (and nothing wrong if the answer were more than one dad!) so it is a good idea to put the info in your answer as previously suggested. If number of kids is dealbreaker for anyone, they should ask before meeting- no need to preemptively disclose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 4 children from 3 men. Not sure why it would be important to a conversation but if asked I would tell them the truth.

It would tell them how complicated your life is. Dealing with one ex can be straining, dealing with three is that mush more complicated.

[Anonymous]

I don’t see anything wrong with asking the question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Nothing wrong with meeting in a parking lot. This is what it means to meet someone in real life. The question was rudely put but many people would want to know the answer (and nothing wrong if the answer were more than one dad!) so it is a good idea to put the info in your answer as previously suggested. If number of kids is dealbreaker for anyone, they should ask before meeting- no need to preemptively disclose.

This. Exactly. Strange new world we live in where people think it's odd to actually meet people in real life and in real life scenarios. I feel like we have slipped into a tare in the universe sometimes, and we are all now living in Bizzaro world.

[Anonymous]

Seems like a legit question IMHO.

One father = committed relationship that ultimately didn't work out; demonstrates love, loyalty, and responsibility. Hopefully means you have a decent coparenting relationship and minimal drama with your ex. Hopefully there aren't financial issues.

Multiple baby daddies = irresponsible; bad decision making; lack of commitment, responsibility; different morals/values; potential baby daddy drama. Likely financial issues. Already blended family issues.

[Anonymous]

I'm a guy and am appalled that you get this question. You do not want to date a guy who brings it up out of the blue. At some point the topic may come up naturally later in the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like a legit question IMHO.

One father = committed relationship that ultimately didn't work out; demonstrates love, loyalty, and responsibility. Hopefully means you have a decent coparenting relationship and minimal drama with your ex. Hopefully there aren't financial issues.

Multiple baby daddies = irresponsible; bad decision making; lack of commitment, responsibility; different morals/values; potential baby daddy drama. Likely financial issues. Already blended family issues.

The first scenario could certainly happen with two different men. And just one father could still be a bad decision.

[Anonymous]

No way do I want to date someone with 4 kids. I have 2 and they are a handful. Bringing 6 kids into the mix is just way more than I can handle. I’m sure some people feel differently but I think a lot of folks underestimate the complications of a blended family. I just would not want to waste my time dating someone with 4 kids.

[Anonymous]

Men ask the question for the same reasons that you're offended by being asked the question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Nothing wrong with meeting in a parking lot. This is what it means to meet someone in real life. The question was rudely put but many people would want to know the answer (and nothing wrong if the answer were more than one dad!) so it is a good idea to put the info in your answer as previously suggested. If number of kids is dealbreaker for anyone, they should ask before meeting- no need to preemptively disclose.

This. Exactly. Strange new world we live in where people think it's odd to actually meet people in real life and in real life scenarios. I feel like we have slipped into a tare in the universe sometimes, and we are all now living in Bizzaro world.

+1. Y'all do know people still meet in real life right? Grocery stores, Macy's, church, bars and PARKING LOTS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a guy and am appalled that you get this question. You do not want to date a guy who brings it up out of the blue. At some point the topic may come up naturally later in the relationship.

Yes, but she is picking up strange guys in parking lots.

Not necessarily the cream of the crop.

[Anonymous]

I wonder who on dcum has the most baby daddies. i bet there are some here with 4 or 5.

[Anonymous]

I have a different take on this. It's not common these days to have four kids so some people may be assuming that the only way someone would end up with four kids is through multiple marriages. The question is awkward for sure, but the guy is basically trying to find out how many times you've been married.

I'm a married 40+ mom of three, and when I was pregnant with my last baby, I got a few questions whether my 8-year old and the pregnancy were by the same father. I guess people assumed that the only explanation for a 8-year age difference is a new marriage, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a guy and am appalled that you get this question. You do not want to date a guy who brings it up out of the blue. At some point the topic may come up naturally later in the relationship.

Yes, but she is picking up strange guys in parking lots.

Not necessarily the cream of the crop.[/quote

For curiosity, where/how do cream of the crop men meet women? What makes you assume he’s a low life because he stopped her in a parking lot?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree it's a bit forward; I also see why they want to know. But it seems like there are nicer / better ways to phrase it...(All from the same relationship? Do they all have the same father?)

Op
Can avoid all that by telling them how many kids she has before the first date. It is completely disingenuous to tell someone you have four kids on a first date. Waste of everyone’s time.

I am not meeting the men online, so they aren't reading a profile. I meet men the old fashioned way--in person. The guy from today pulled up on me in a parking lot on Tuesday and asked for my number. We went out to lunch today after several back and forth text messages.

Should I have told him in the parking lot that I have 4 kids? I don't view my kids as a detriment or a dirty secret so having them works its way into the conversation organically and within the first conversation. Geesh

Sorry, but not buying that. I understand that the women of DCUM are all gorgeous and desirable, but I am always in NYC and DC and never see this frenetic hitting on that supposedly happens. Pulled up in a parking lot? Most men with a brain would at least look for a wedding ring before doing anything.