Is it a Thing For Men to Ask a Woman How Many Fathers Her Kids Have?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a guy and am appalled that you get this question. You do not want to date a guy who brings it up out of the blue. At some point the topic may come up naturally later in the relationship.

Yes, but she is picking up strange guys in parking lots.

Not necessarily the cream of the crop.[/quote

For curiosity, where/how do cream of the crop men meet women? What makes you assume he’s a low life because he stopped her in a parking lot?

This! Aren't all people strange until they introduce themselves? I was at Balducci's the other day, and I'm not a hot mom by the way, and a guy tried to pick me up as I was returning my basket. As I was rolling my basket up (I parked far for the walk) he drove along side asking me all about my situation. He was driving a very nice GMC Denali. If I was single, I would have exchanged numbers. He was a white guy (I'm AA) and he seemed pretty nice looking and was definitely well spoken. If he was a black I would have taken his number to introduce him to a friend I know. My single friends say all opportunities to meet people must be utilized.

[Anonymous]

DCUM frowns upon moms dating. If she would have said she met him online then people would have said “see, this is why you have to meet men in real life!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am amazed that you can find men who will date you with four kids.

I dated when I had four kids. And someone married me. Now I have six kids.

Ugh, you could have spared us all a few.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cut the date short if they ask that. Politely excuse yourself, pay your portion of the bill, and walk out. Use you night to go to the movies by yourself, go to the bookstore, take a walk to get coffee, washing your hair. Pretty much anything else other than wasting your time with someone who is so ill bread that they would ask something like that. It reflect on them not you.

Yep.


There are polite ways to find out. They can ask a series of questions leading up to that that will eventually get them the answer.

It is rude to just ask. If they are that blunt about it, it's highly probable that that many kids is a deal breaker to them so you don't have much to lose.

Cut the date short.

If they call you later and sincerely apologize with some silly excuse, give them a second chance. But do not let anyone think it is ok to be that rude to you. If they don't call back, then they do not even realize that it was rude, and you are better off without them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like a legit question IMHO.

One father = committed relationship that ultimately didn't work out; demonstrates love, loyalty, and responsibility. Hopefully means you have a decent coparenting relationship and minimal drama with your ex. Hopefully there aren't financial issues.

Multiple baby daddies = irresponsible; bad decision making; lack of commitment, responsibility; different morals/values; potential baby daddy drama. Likely financial issues. Already blended family issues.

By your logic, asking someone how much money they had in their savings/investments is ok. Or asking how much they earn is.

You find ways to ask this type of info without being blunt. otherwise it is rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a guy and am appalled that you get this question. You do not want to date a guy who brings it up out of the blue. At some point the topic may come up naturally later in the relationship.

Yes, but she is picking up strange guys in parking lots.

Not necessarily the cream of the crop.[/quote

For curiosity, where/how do cream of the crop men meet women? What makes you assume he’s a low life because he stopped her in a parking lot?

This! Aren't all people strange until they introduce themselves? I was at Balducci's the other day, and I'm not a hot mom by the way, and a guy tried to pick me up as I was returning my basket. As I was rolling my basket up (I parked far for the walk) he drove along side asking me all about my situation. He was driving a very nice GMC Denali. If I was single, I would have exchanged numbers. He was a white guy (I'm AA) and he seemed pretty nice looking and was definitely well spoken. If he was a black I would have taken his number to introduce him to a friend I know. My single friends say all opportunities to meet people must be utilized.

OP here, the guy I met was driving a really nice Benz, well dressed and attractive. Call me shallow, but that definitely weighed on my decision to give him my number. I'm not sure why the people of DCUM like to pretend like they aren't equally as human as the rest of us. I like when men approach me, even when I am not interested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I meant to mention this, but got completely blinded by the responses...fun fact: he has no children and has never been married. He is 37 and I am 40.

I typically prefer dating men who are older than me, but 3 years is no biggie. However, not having kids and never being married is a deal breaker for me. Deal breaker pendulum swings both ways.

I feel like a man with no kids and who has never been married can't relate to me.

I have no regrets about going out with him though and I am open to friendship. One can never have too many friends!

You shouldn't be open to friendships with people who are rude to you on a first meet.

Who needs these kiinds of friends? At 40, you probably already have enough of these kinds of friends. You need to add only quality frienships now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder who on dcum has the most baby daddies. i bet there are some here with 4 or 5.

My cousin has 4. She's in the area. Never married, either. She's absolutely garbage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a guy and am appalled that you get this question. You do not want to date a guy who brings it up out of the blue. At some point the topic may come up naturally later in the relationship.

Yes, but she is picking up strange guys in parking lots.

Not necessarily the cream of the crop.[/quote

For curiosity, where/how do cream of the crop men meet women? What makes you assume he’s a low life because he stopped her in a parking lot?

This! Aren't all people strange until they introduce themselves? I was at Balducci's the other day, and I'm not a hot mom by the way, and a guy tried to pick me up as I was returning my basket. As I was rolling my basket up (I parked far for the walk) he drove along side asking me all about my situation. He was driving a very nice GMC Denali. If I was single, I would have exchanged numbers. He was a white guy (I'm AA) and he seemed pretty nice looking and was definitely well spoken. If he was a black I would have taken his number to introduce him to a friend I know. My single friends say all opportunities to meet people must be utilized.

OP here, the guy I met was driving a really nice Benz, well dressed and attractive. Call me shallow, but that definitely weighed on my decision to give him my number. I'm not sure why the people of DCUM like to pretend like they aren't equally as human as the rest of us. I like when men approach me, even when I am not interested.

This is funny. I drive a really nice BMW and am a divorced 50yo man in good shape. I had no idea my ride would make a difference at this age. I got it for me. Good to know. I don’t really know why that would be attractive to the women in 40s I would like to date though. I live in DC though where fancy European cars or Teslas are ubiquitous. Maybe this impresses the ladies out in the exurbs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No way do I want to date someone with 4 kids. I have 2 and they are a handful. Bringing 6 kids into the mix is just way more than I can handle. I’m sure some people feel differently but I think a lot of folks underestimate the complications of a blended family. I just would not want to waste my time dating someone with 4 kids.

This relates to the OP how?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a guy and am appalled that you get this question. You do not want to date a guy who brings it up out of the blue. At some point the topic may come up naturally later in the relationship.

Yes, but she is picking up strange guys in parking lots.

Not necessarily the cream of the crop.[/quote

For curiosity, where/how do cream of the crop men meet women? What makes you assume he’s a low life because he stopped her in a parking lot?

This! Aren't all people strange until they introduce themselves? I was at Balducci's the other day, and I'm not a hot mom by the way, and a guy tried to pick me up as I was returning my basket. As I was rolling my basket up (I parked far for the walk) he drove along side asking me all about my situation. He was driving a very nice GMC Denali. If I was single, I would have exchanged numbers. He was a white guy (I'm AA) and he seemed pretty nice looking and was definitely well spoken. If he was a black I would have taken his number to introduce him to a friend I know. My single friends say all opportunities to meet people must be utilized.

OP here, the guy I met was driving a really nice Benz, well dressed and attractive. Call me shallow, but that definitely weighed on my decision to give him my number. I'm not sure why the people of DCUM like to pretend like they aren't equally as human as the rest of us. I like when men approach me, even when I am not interested.

I get you OP. I love when men approached me even though I'm married (it reminds me to always look my best when out, you never know who you might run into). I have a nice resting face so I get hit on a lot.

Denali guy said he saw me in store but didn't have the nerve to approach in the middle of the store. He said he actually waited for me to leave the store because my smile was nice as I walked around the store and he would have felt bad if he didn't "shoot his shot", his come on was hilarious. But I will admit OP, he asked me about my kid situation right off the bat. I replied, "I'm married with kids". He replied "Being married is not a problem for me, is it for you?" I smiled and replied "What about my kids?" He said "How many?" I said "If you don't care if I'm married, what difference does it make?" and then surprisingly he said, "I don't mind wrecking your husband's life, but I don't wreck the lives of kids, I lived that, but if you only I have one, I might make an exception FOR YOU". I was like WTF? These young guys talk so much $hit. We actually talked for about 12-15 minutes more before I finally sent him on his way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He probably just wanted to know how many fathers he would have to deal with. It is a little rude but men are more direct.

I can't believe how petty some people are being here. What is wrong with meeting in a parking lot? Is there something shady about parking lots? You probably use one every day. Good for you OP!

+1....all these naysayers, if the OP stated that this dude was driving a Tesla in a Whole Foods parking lot, everyone would be fine with it.

The Dude driving a Tesla to Whole Foods is looking for another dude. This situation wouldn’t apply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a guy and am appalled that you get this question. You do not want to date a guy who brings it up out of the blue. At some point the topic may come up naturally later in the relationship.

Yes, but she is picking up strange guys in parking lots.

Not necessarily the cream of the crop.[/quote

For curiosity, where/how do cream of the crop men meet women? What makes you assume he’s a low life because he stopped her in a parking lot?

This! Aren't all people strange until they introduce themselves? I was at Balducci's the other day, and I'm not a hot mom by the way, and a guy tried to pick me up as I was returning my basket. As I was rolling my basket up (I parked far for the walk) he drove along side asking me all about my situation. He was driving a very nice GMC Denali. If I was single, I would have exchanged numbers. He was a white guy (I'm AA) and he seemed pretty nice looking and was definitely well spoken. If he was a black I would have taken his number to introduce him to a friend I know. My single friends say all opportunities to meet people must be utilized.

OP here, the guy I met was driving a really nice Benz, well dressed and attractive. Call me shallow, but that definitely weighed on my decision to give him my number. I'm not sure why the people of DCUM like to pretend like they aren't equally as human as the rest of us. I like when men approach me, even when I am not interested.

I get you OP. I love when men approached me even though I'm married (it reminds me to always look my best when out, you never know who you might run into). I have a nice resting face so I get hit on a lot.

Denali guy said he saw me in store but didn't have the nerve to approach in the middle of the store. He said he actually waited for me to leave the store because my smile was nice as I walked around the store and he would have felt bad if he didn't "shoot his shot", his come on was hilarious. But I will admit OP, he asked me about my kid situation right off the bat. I replied, "I'm married with kids". He replied "Being married is not a problem for me, is it for you?" I smiled and replied "What about my kids?" He said "How many?" I said "If you don't care if I'm married, what difference does it make?" and then surprisingly he said, "I don't mind wrecking your husband's life, but I don't wreck the lives of kids, I lived that, but if you only I have one, I might make an exception FOR YOU". I was like WTF? These young guys talk so much $hit. We actually talked for about 12-15 minutes more before I finally sent him on his way.

Exactly. Marital status and any kids should be talked about prior to a date. Why waste everyone’s time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He probably just wanted to know how many fathers he would have to deal with. It is a little rude but men are more direct.

I can't believe how petty some people are being here. What is wrong with meeting in a parking lot? Is there something shady about parking lots? You probably use one every day. Good for you OP!

+1....all these naysayers, if the OP stated that this dude was driving a Tesla in a Whole Foods parking lot, everyone would be fine with it.

The Dude driving a Tesla to Whole Foods is looking for another dude. This situation wouldn’t apply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a guy and am appalled that you get this question. You do not want to date a guy who brings it up out of the blue. At some point the topic may come up naturally later in the relationship.

Why waste time? I don’t have months to be d*cking around with someone I wouldn’t want to be with when I could find out by asking a simple question. Oh, and I’m a woman.