What to do about my work spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you really serious when you say that you are not sure you could stop yourself if she made the first move?

How old are you? 2? Please...

This could be me but the other way around and I've never even thought of cheating on my husband after almost 20 years of marriage. Sucks to feel like this.

You don't feel like this. You CHOOSE this. You understand that, right? You don't just magically want to f*ck someone that you're working with. It's how you choose to view them. That guy is the same guy that works down the hall, the same guy you pass on the street every day. There is nothing special about him. It's about your, your choices, and your dissatisfaction at home.

I am the one who asked OP if he was 2 year old. I disagree that people choose to have feelings for others.

Sometimes when you see someone everyday, you can develop those feelings even if you do not want to. We are all human.

However, you 100% choose whether to act on them or not. The whole "I was too weak to resist" is bullshit.

I'm the one who wrote that this could be me and that's exactly it PP. I wasn't attracted to him at all at first...the more we get to know each other is where the attraction builds. I would never act on it. NEVER.

I think this idea that we are completely not in control of our emotions is pretty silly. We're not teenagers. Yes, you can enjoy a co-workers company and admire them, but if you go home and choose to fixate and fantasize about that person, that's all on you. You're an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All you've told us about her is that she's a needy, psycho, idiot, fu*king bitch who's willing to interfere in someone else's marriage. And you've told us that you're okay with that - even physically attracted to that.

No, I've not been cheated on. No, I'm not bitter.

Cut your dumb d*ck off before you ruin lives.

Get a little therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All you've told us about her is that she's a needy, psycho, idiot, fu*king bitch who's willing to interfere in someone else's marriage. And you've told us that you're okay with that - even physically attracted to that.

No, I've not been cheated on. No, I'm not bitter.

Cut your dumb d*ck off before you ruin lives.

This, this, this. She clearly has major issues. No sane woman I know acts like this at work. The ones that do are looked down upon and often their careers are hampered because of their issues. Why on earth are you attracted to that??

[Anonymous]

How did it feel typing that she's your work spouse? Gross. Stop it.

[Anonymous]

Dude, your whole professional life is on the line here. If she can prove you acted at all inappropriately, you're going to get #metoo'd. If you back off from her, she's going to go all fatal attraction on you. If you don't back off you're going to lose everything. The only thing left to do is act off putting, slowly, so it's convincing. Talk about your itchy dick. Tell her you're going in for hemorrhoid treatment. Fart in front of her as much as possible. Pick your nose. Slowly do things that will turn her off and watch how fast she finds someone else to leach onto. Do not delay.

[Anonymous]

The neediness is what is attracting you to her. You are getting off on this idea that she needs you... you are a big strong man who helps thisn little lady through her day. Affairs are all about how she makes you feel about yourself. Your wife is probably more independent and self sufficient, and you like this dynamic.

It's gross. Stop.

[Anonymous]

Woman here. I want to reach out to you because I sense from your posts that you are a decent human being, OP. I want to warn you like others warned you that your career, reputation, and livelihood are on line here. I want you to sober up before it's too late.

This woman, your coworker, is using you, either consciously or subconsciously. Instead of directing her needs and attention to someone outside of professional setting she picked you to do it with because that's what's convenient for her. She wants to conquer you emotionally by breaking down your emotional barriers step by step so that she can finally have you both emotionally and physically, which is the ultimate goal of emotional conquest. You are her modern day Mr. Darcy - strong, masculine, leading her, treating her like a queen, hardworking, someone she can lean on fully for work, knows you are there for her, and now using you emotionally. By using word like "office husband", blushing, giving you little side looks she knows she feeds into what every man wants from a woman. She wants to make you feel needed and protective towards her. That's how she disarms you emotionally. You are a man, a human being, you respond with natural male curiosity towards her cues. This has been done in nature and among humans since forever. There is nothing special in this. You can have this with every woman, including your wife. She knows this. She wants you to be "hers". She wants you to fall in love with her and sacrifice everything: your career, your marriage, your reputation. Why? Why would she do that purposely to you when she has so many other men outside of professional setting to do this age old dance of flirtation? Let me walk you through the next scene.
Once he "has" you emotionally and presumably you take the next step towards physical intimacy you better watch out for total change in her behavior. By submitting to her emotionally and physically you will no longer be viewed as a "challenge". There will be no more mystique. She will stop leaning on you emotionally and giving you that feeling of being needed and wanted. She will "cheat" on you with the next "office husband" who appears more masculine, harder to conquer, more emotionally distant but still decent enough human being to respond to her cues. She will need that flirtatious energy again and once she sapped it out of you she will find a next guy in the office to do it with. What will you be left with?
Emotional and financial wasteland. She might turn nasty on you and falsely accuse you of harassment and rape. You might lose your job simply based on her accusation. HR will not be interested in the fact that she sucked you into it, just into the final act. They will disregard all the good work you have done for the company. You will become a liability. You'll be disgraced. You will lose your current job, your future career prospects will be ruined, your earning potential greatly decreases. You might go through a costly divorce once your wife finds out. You will spend the rest of your life reeling from this affair while she will continue building her career and making other conquests.
Don't be this guy.
Run.
Cut it off now.
Take advice that all others offered you as to how to behave strictly professionally towards her or simply find another job. It's not worth it for you to put your life and future on line because of a woman that you don't truly know and who doesn't love you. Trust me. Just trust me. Get out now.

Read about Billy Graham rule in order to protect yourself. And trust me when I tell you, you can create this world of seduction, flirtation, and emotional fulfillment with your wife too. You can get these needs met in your marriage. It works.

[Anonymous]

This woman is coming onto you. She cares nothing for your future as a husband, dad or professional. She probably sees you as a good marriage prospect. (Is she divorced with kids?)
Have a serious talk with her about the need to act professionally. If she persists, put it in writing.
Ask that you or she be reassigned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woman here. I want to reach out to you because I sense from your posts that you are a decent human being, OP. I want to warn you like others warned you that your career, reputation, and livelihood are on line here. I want you to sober up before it's too late.

This woman, your coworker, is using you, either consciously or subconsciously. Instead of directing her needs and attention to someone outside of professional setting she picked you to do it with because that's what's convenient for her. She wants to conquer you emotionally by breaking down your emotional barriers step by step so that she can finally have you both emotionally and physically, which is the ultimate goal of emotional conquest. You are her modern day Mr. Darcy - strong, masculine, leading her, treating her like a queen, hardworking, someone she can lean on fully for work, knows you are there for her, and now using you emotionally. By using word like "office husband", blushing, giving you little side looks she knows she feeds into what every man wants from a woman. She wants to make you feel needed and protective towards her. That's how she disarms you emotionally. You are a man, a human being, you respond with natural male curiosity towards her cues. This has been done in nature and among humans since forever. There is nothing special in this. You can have this with every woman, including your wife. She knows this. She wants you to be "hers". She wants you to fall in love with her and sacrifice everything: your career, your marriage, your reputation. Why? Why would she do that purposely to you when she has so many other men outside of professional setting to do this age old dance of flirtation? Let me walk you through the next scene.
Once he "has" you emotionally and presumably you take the next step towards physical intimacy you better watch out for total change in her behavior. By submitting to her emotionally and physically you will no longer be viewed as a "challenge". There will be no more mystique. She will stop leaning on you emotionally and giving you that feeling of being needed and wanted. She will "cheat" on you with the next "office husband" who appears more masculine, harder to conquer, more emotionally distant but still decent enough human being to respond to her cues. She will need that flirtatious energy again and once she sapped it out of you she will find a next guy in the office to do it with. What will you be left with?
Emotional and financial wasteland. She might turn nasty on you and falsely accuse you of harassment and rape. You might lose your job simply based on her accusation. HR will not be interested in the fact that she sucked you into it, just into the final act. They will disregard all the good work you have done for the company. You will become a liability. You'll be disgraced. You will lose your current job, your future career prospects will be ruined, your earning potential greatly decreases. You might go through a costly divorce once your wife finds out. You will spend the rest of your life reeling from this affair while she will continue building her career and making other conquests.
Don't be this guy.
Run.
Cut it off now.
Take advice that all others offered you as to how to behave strictly professionally towards her or simply find another job. It's not worth it for you to put your life and future on line because of a woman that you don't truly know and who doesn't love you. Trust me. Just trust me. Get out now.

Read about Billy Graham rule in order to protect yourself. And trust me when I tell you, you can create this world of seduction, flirtation, and emotional fulfillment with your wife too. You can get these needs met in your marriage. It works.

How does one do this?

[Anonymous]

Putting your marriage aside, you'd be a complete idiot to get involved with someone you work with in these days of #metoo. She may be the one coming on to you, but that's not how it's going to be perceived. You need to move to another project or another job and cut off all contact with this woman as soon as you can before you destroy both your personal and professional life.

[Anonymous]

OP, in your scenario I'm your wife. I was also told by DH that it "just happened" and "was a light switch" going off. Needless to say, it resulted in a full blown emotional affair, phone calls while not at work, and some limited physical. It was very difficult to 'cut off' once it started. Her husband knows, as do I, and it is DEVASTATING for all involved. The parties-that-be will find out.

You need to ask yourself, is this worth throwing away your marriage and career? Because honestly, both could happen. Maybe not, but you would be willing to take that risk.

I do not at believe, similar to PP's, that it just happens. Nothing like this just happens, it is a choice and decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dude, your whole professional life is on the line here. If she can prove you acted at all inappropriately, you're going to get #metoo'd. If you back off from her, she's going to go all fatal attraction on you. If you don't back off you're going to lose everything. The only thing left to do is act off putting, slowly, so it's convincing. Talk about your itchy dick. Tell her you're going in for hemorrhoid treatment. Fart in front of her as much as possible. Pick your nose. Slowly do things that will turn her off and watch how fast she finds someone else to leach onto. Do not delay.

This. You need to make yourself unattractive and quick OP, before you destroy your marriage AND your career. It sounds like your coworker is using you for support in a major way and manipulating you to get it.

[Anonymous]

You are risking everything by continuing with this flirtation/emotional affair. End it now. You can blow up your marriage, blow up your family, and destroy your career. You could lose everything.

Ask that she be reassigned so that you don't work together any more. Or find a new job yourself.

[Anonymous]

Ever heard of the expression don’t shit where you eat. Cheat all you want, but not at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here: I am married, but not unhappy. It’s just that I feel myself getting pulled strongly towards my coworker. I never thought of her in that way until her crush on me was obvious. Work has been a unique challenge this year, and we’re a united front against a lot of challenges. When things get hard, she comes down the hall to my office and we get each other through the day.

This is the issue you need to sort out. If you can understand what need her "crush" fulfilled, perhaps you can find another way to satisfy that need.