What to do about my work spouse?

[Anonymous]

OP - snap out of it! She is using you! You will end up with false rape allegations and lose your job! Do you want to be financially ruined? Read about Mike Pence rule and apply it for the sake of protecting your carer and finances.

-Signed by a woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you really serious when you say that you are not sure you could stop yourself if she made the first move?

How old are you? 2? Please...

This could be me but the other way around and I've never even thought of cheating on my husband after almost 20 years of marriage. Sucks to feel like this.

You don't feel like this. You CHOOSE this. You understand that, right? You don't just magically want to f*ck someone that you're working with. It's how you choose to view them. That guy is the same guy that works down the hall, the same guy you pass on the street every day. There is nothing special about him. It's about your, your choices, and your dissatisfaction at home.

I am the one who asked OP if he was 2 year old. I disagree that people choose to have feelings for others.

Sometimes when you see someone everyday, you can develop those feelings even if you do not want to. We are all human.

However, you 100% choose whether to act on them or not. The whole "I was too weak to resist" is bullshit.

I'm the one who wrote that this could be me and that's exactly it PP. I wasn't attracted to him at all at first...the more we get to know each other is where the attraction builds. I would never act on it. NEVER.

[Anonymous]

You lost me at “work spouse.” Millennials came up with this assinine concept, didn’t they.

[Anonymous]

Think about what this could do to your kids!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here: I am married, but not unhappy. It’s just that I feel myself getting pulled strongly towards my coworker. I never thought of her in that way until her crush on me was obvious. Work has been a unique challenge this year, and we’re a united front against a lot of challenges. When things get hard, she comes down the hall to my office and we get each other through the day.

What are you two, 16 years old? You don't need each other's "emotional support" to get through the day. You are adults. Tell her to grow up and see a therapist if she has that much trouble coping with life.

Draw some boundaries, keep things professional, quit letting her come to your office. The challenges you face at work are not special or unique. Everybody faces work challenges, everybody understands what you are going through. Quit re-writing things to sound like some B.S. romance novel about your Great Love vs. the big, bad workplace and world. Fantasy never lives up to reality, and a relationship with her won't be all magical sparkles and glitter. It'll be exactly like every other marriage in the world, and you'll both end up seeking your thrills elsewhere.

If you care about your marriage, break things off entirely with this woman. No socializing at work. No emotional support B.S. No alone time. No happy hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Think about what this could do to your kids!!

He never said that he was married or that he had kids. He said that he and she were in ‘long term relationships’ which is presumably not marriage.
If you’re not married and you want to explore this relationship then you should.

[Anonymous]

Work spouse is a bullshit concept. You have one spouse. Viewing a coworker as a spouse is asking for trouble

[Anonymous]

Try to grow up and be an adult. This "work wife" BS is sickening though you find it cute. Back away from her slowly so she doesn't get mad and report you to HR for sexual harassment. Please don't tell us that you ever sent her a cutesy text or email that can be used against you. Don't be surprised if others in your office haven't noticed your lovey dovey relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You lost me at “work spouse.” Millennials came up with this assinine concept, didn’t they.

Nah. My 48 y.o. husband has a within wife. Actually, this is his second.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You lost me at “work spouse.” Millennials came up with this assinine concept, didn’t they.

No, I'm gen x and I used to have a work husband. Of course he and I didn't have a crush on each other and weren't contemplating an actual affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think about what this could do to your kids!!

He never said that he was married or that he had kids. He said that he and she were in ‘long term relationships’ which is presumably not marriage.
If you’re not married and you want to explore this relationship then you should.

He posted later and copped to being married.

[Anonymous]

Ignore the people that say that you want to leave your wife. I get what you're talking about. Been there. Told the work/ school wife what was up and moved forward.

At this point, you just have a lot in common with the work wife and there's going to be an attraction. Just control yourself. You might also need a vacation.

[Anonymous]

Everyone here has screamed don’t do it for the sake of your marriage.

You also don’t want to do it for the sake of your career. The perception that will result professionally from you having this dynamic with her can give others in your company pause with future work opportunities. It may already raise eyebrows. Do you want to be placed on low-visibility, low demand projects? Do you want to be blackballed organizationally? Viewed as a potential liability? Judged in character by how you handle a woman in the office throwing herself at you?

You can have a professional relationship with her and not compromise your work or your marriage. Begin drawing the line. Lessen the jokes. Redirect comments back to the focus of your assignments you’re paid to perform.

No one wants to welcome affairs, inappropriate intimacy and other forms unprofessionalism in the workplace. Considering a sexual relationship with her may sound tempting, but a huge risk will be the fallout at work and the impact on your professional career. It’s not worth that risk.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is such a cliche. Get a copy of "Not Just Friends." Read it. Your situation is not unique... it's as simple as 1+1 = 2. This happens all the time. There is nothing special about your coworker.

This is why Mike Pence won't meet with women alone without his wife present. Yes, he's a tool and it's an absurd overreaction and speaks more to his apparent inability to trust himself to behave like a decent human.

The reality is that you spend more waking hours with your coworkers than your wife. You have an entir life with these people that your wife isn't a part of... it may start with a few private inside jokes, and before you know it there's some fun flirting. And what married guy isn't flattered when someone flirts with him???

Your wife can't compete with the forbidden naughtiness of a work wife.

The coworker leaning on you for emotional support is inappropriate. Full stop. I'm sure it makes you feel strong and masculine and protective of her.... in a way your wife can't, when she tells you to pick up your damn socks for the hundredth time.

Phrases like "no one can understand the emotional strain we are under" indicates the two of you have built a private little world of emotional intimacy.

Do your wife a favor. If you ever loved her, even for a hot minute, confess that this is an issue. Confessing takes the fun out it. It also reduces the chances that you will escalate things.

And you need to take your work wife for a walk in public and tell her under no uncertain terms that the two of you have gotten too close, you aren't ok with it, and that you are going to take a step back and keep things strictly professional.

Act like an adult with some freaking control over your behavior and choices.

[Anonymous]

So what happens when this work association/project ends, and you inevitably do not work directly with each other...

I'm sure whatever void in her life causing her flirtation with you will not go away. There's nothing special about you to her, just the convenience of someone who makes her feel good. Once the project ends and you're assigned new tasks with new associates, you will be her work ex-husband. If you cross that line with her then you'll be her work sexual harasser.